How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Resting: An Overachiever’s Guide to Doing Less

Does resting ever feel strangely uncomfortable to you? Have you ever craved a day off and then the moment you slow down, an inner alarm goes off: You should be doing more. You’re being lazy. You’re falling behind?

This guilt isn’t a sign you should do more, it’s a sign you should do the opposite. As a trauma therapist who works with high-performers, I see this pattern often. For some of my client’s, they grew up in a family system where worth was tied to performance, self-sacrifice, or meeting other people’s expectations. Now, rest feels like a betrayal of those expectations or a set up for failure. For others, their guilt is the result of criticism, disapproval, rejection from peers or society.

These clients report having a “part” of themselves that can’t slow down. This part has all sorts of unhelpful beliefs about what rest will bring them and will not let them do it. Now, most of these clients intellectually know that rest won’t ACTUALLY hurt them, it just feels bad.

Often, this battle between wanting rest and being unable to take it leaves these clients, who normally see themselves as very competent, feeling confused and frustrated. The following tips are where I task each client to start in the journey towards resting without guilt:

1. Approach Rest Like a Skill to Build 

Rest isn’t just lying on the couch. It’s the ability to downshift your nervous system, allow stillness in your mind and body, and tolerate the absence of stimulation.

For many people, that’s a skill. A learned capacity. One that is contrary to many of the skills they were taught growing up. 

If you’ve never been taught how to power down then of course rest feels foreign! Instead of judging yourself for struggling, try approaching rest like you would learning a new language or training for a race.

Start small, build slowly, and expect discomfort. You’re not “bad at resting”, you’re just a novice at a new skill!

2. Put Rest on Your Calendar - Then Track What Actually Happens

One of the most helpful strategies for high-achieving clients is to schedule rest. Put it in your calendar just like a meeting. Treat it like any other commitment and then observe what happens.

What most people discover is that planned downtime doesn’t meaningfully reduce their overall productivity. In many cases, it improves it. You come back sharper, clearer, and less resentful about the tasks ahead.

So if your fear is “I’ll fall behind,” the evidence will likely show the opposite.

When rest doesn’t derail your goals, you can begin to believe: if resting doesn’t actually reduce my output, it’s OK to take it

3. Find a Rest-Supportive Compromise That Actually Works for You

Your nervous system may need a transition plan to go from “always on” to “intentionally slow”. You can experiment with compromises such as:

• Completing three key tasks before starting your rest day

• Working in 30-minute bursts and resting the rest of the day

• Doing only morning tasks on a designated rest day, and letting the afternoon be restorative

Making a big change in your behavior may create a corresponding strong wave of guilt. If that guilt overwhelms you it may make you less likely to try again. So do yourself a favor- start small and go slow. 

4. Stop Assigning Meaning to Rest - It Says Nothing About Your Worth

Rest is morally neutral. It does not mean you’re lazy. It does not mean you’re falling behind. It does not mean you’re weak, unmotivated, or “not enough.”

When guilt surfaces, notice what meaning your mind is attaching to rest. Then gently challenge it:

• Is this coming from my adult self or a younger part of me who had to hustle to be safe?

• Is rest actually unsafe right now, or does it just feel unfamiliar?

Rest becomes easier when you stop treating it as a verdict on your character and start treating it as a basic human need no different than sleep, nutrition, or breath.

If you read these tips and noticed that you couldn’t imagine them working for you or have tried some of these on your own and haven’t been successful, therapy can help.

This guilt is an emotional imprint of the past and a fear of the future leading to unpleasantness in the present. That is not an easy dynamic to work out on your own! 

Therapy can help you look at where these beliefs and behaviors began so you can resolve the guilt where it started. It can help you implement the tips in a way that is tailored to you. With the support to work through the guilt as it arises rather than just trying to “hustle” through it you can give yourself the opportunity to make these changes a new reality.

Want to Feel Less Guilty For Doing Less? Therapy Can Help! 

If you’re ready to give yourself the rest you deserve Contact Claire Clarkin today at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary phone consultation, and let’s discuss how counseling and EMDR therapy can help you thrive authentically.

Claire provides counseling for adults at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale counseling office as well as online therapy via our secure telehealth platform.

For more information about her approach to therapy or EMDR therapy, click here