Is Your Self Worth Damaging Your Relationship?
Do you stick around in a relationship even when you know you deserve better?
Are you afraid of being alone?
Do you worry you don’t deserve better?
Do you tend to lower your standards and expectations in relationships?
Do you tend to self-sabotage when someone does treat you right?
If any of these questions sound like you, it may be time for some self-reflection about how you’re valuing yourself and what you think you deserve. Low self-worth is a breeding ground for toxic and unfulfilling relationships. Often, the work of healing needs to center around improving self-love.
What is Self-Worth?
Self-worth is correlated to self-esteem, one’s opinion of themselves, confidence, perceived personal success and self-respect. Self-worth is a critical aspect and influence on mental health.
Negative self-worth can look like dissatisfaction with oneself, being overly critical and negative of one’s self, and fear of failure and rejection, all of which are risk factors for anxiety and depression.
Positive self-worth looks like taking pride in oneself and accomplishments, having a good attitude more often than not, being able to identify one’s positive skills and attributes and feeling capable in comparison to one’s peers.
There are many factors that influence someone’s sense of self-worth. It can stem from early childhood trauma, an anxious attachment style, a history of rejection, poor academic performance, family dynamics and continuous comparison to others, to list a few.
Self-worth goes beyond someone’s opinion of themselves, but it is also influenced by events in the social sphere: our environment, interactions and experiences. Therefore, low self-worth can cause dissatisfaction, low standards, conflict and compromising on key values in relationships.
Self-Worth & Relationships
What’s more, self-worth functions on a cyclical feedback loop. Low self-worth negatively affects relationships, which further validates and reaffirms low self-worth, which creates a spiral of toxic relationships and low self-esteem.
Toxic relationships are often characterized by lack of support, lack of validation of feelings, lack of communication, manipulation and can exhibit physical/emotional abuse. However, many people who stay in toxic relationships do so because they have low-self-worth and want to keep any relationship, even if they know it’s not good for them. This is mainly because they don’t think they have the positive characteristics to bring into and support a healthy, loving relationship.
Another significant way low self-worth presents itself in romantic relationships is through an anxious attachment style. In a romantic relationship, an anxious attachment style is characterized by desiring affection and intimacy with your partner, but being fearful these feelings and actions will not be reciprocated. This can be a very self-deprecating situation that contributes to low self-esteem and self-worth and thus continues the toxic relationship cycle.
So, How Can You be Happier With Yourself and With Your Relationship?
On the bright side, self-worth and esteem can be changed and influenced. Often this can be done with the assistance of a therapist using a few different approaches. A therapist can help you identify cognitive distortions, realize your thoughts are not fact, and reframe your thoughts to be more realistic and based on evidence, not the lies spun by your anxiety.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help improve communication, conflict resolution and identification plus communication of emotions. This can help you accept, improve, or change certain aspects of your relationships to make both individuals happier and more fulfilled in the relationship.