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Writer's pictureCarla Barrow, LMFT

Unveiling the Impact of Trauma on Relationships



Life is filled with unexpected twists and turns, and the shadow of adverse childhood events (ACE) can linger longer than we realize. The Centers for Disease Control reveals a staggering 63.9% of U.S. adults have encountered at least one ACE, with 17.3% grappling with four or more. The reverberations of childhood trauma often seep into our relationships, making it crucial to explore how these experiences shape our connections.


Understanding the Intricate Dance of Trauma in Relationships


Think of trauma as an uninvited guest in your relationship, sometimes making a grand entrance (like discovering a long-lasting affair), and other times lurking in the background, subtly influencing behaviors. Delving into each partner's early development history unveils the framework through which they perceive and respond to present-day events.


Unraveling the Threads of Past Trauma in Your Relationship


Identifying the impact of past trauma on your relationship is vital. Here are signs to consider:


  1. Overreactions to seemingly minor events.

  2. Communication struggles, with difficulty listening and validating each other.

  3. Rejection and dismissiveness of partner's needs.

  4. Intense fights or increased avoidance.

  5. Lower tolerance for each other's independence.

  6. Exclusive focus on the negative aspects of the relationship.

  7. Growing suspicions and attributions of ill motives.

  8. Deterioration of friendship, intimacy, and bonding rituals.

  9. Attack/defend strategies or emotional withdrawal.

  10. Signs of abuse, substance use, or infidelity.


Spotting these signs early on can be a game-changer for your relationship's well-being.


How Couples Therapy Transforms Trauma's Impact


Embarking on the journey of couples therapy can be transformative, helping to untangle the threads of trauma in the following ways:


  1. Reversing Negative Cycles: Identifying and reframing conditioned negative responses from the past.

  2. Re-engaging with Vulnerability: Encouraging authentic, vulnerable communication and reducing destructive behaviors.

  3. Prioritizing Safety & Security: Creating a safe space for open communication and emotional regulation.

  4. Normalizing & Educating: Providing empathy, understanding, and psychoeducation about trauma's impact on mind and body.

  5. Communication from a New Frame: Practicing effective communication and emotion regulation skills to rebuild trust.


A Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy Approach to Healing Relationships


A trauma-informed therapist is like a guide helping partners carry the weight of their shared trauma bucket. By learning to navigate this together, spillage onto the relationship can be minimized.

If you recognize signs of trauma affecting your relationship, don't hesitate to reach out for assistance. I offer a complimentary phone consultation and am here to help you rebuild trust and connection. Give me a call at 954.391.5305 to discuss how I can help! Let's navigate the path to healing together.


I provide counseling for adults and couples in our beautiful Fort Lauderdale and Plantation counseling offices. I also provide online therapy via our secure telehealth platform for those who reside in the state of Florida.


Click here to learn more about my trauma-informed approach to couples therapy.


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