• Alexa von Oertzen, LMFT

How Can You Deepen Your Bond With Your Teen?



Have you ever felt like you wanted to have a meaningful conversation with your teen but the words never came out the way you planned? You try different things to spark a conversation but they seem to brush it off or get irritated? 


Many parents report that they lack the words or the confidence to approach their teens and start a judgement free caring conversation. They anticipate being rejected by their teen or being greeted with sarcasm or even seen as not being in touch with the new times and interests of their teens. Who never heard “oh that’s not what you say mom” or, “gee dad, don’t tell me you don’t know how to use that? I’ve been through it too and can tell you the worse thing I’ve heard from my teen is “mom you can’t be my friend, you’re my mom! It’s weird!


So after researching further, I decided to compile a few practical questions that would offer a way to engage teens during these current times. I coded them for different scenarios that will help you open the channels of communication in the direction that you want to take. These questions can then be followed by further in-depth questions, words of affirmation, or just empathy and validation.


Opening Questions

  • How was it to meet everyone online?

  • What was your favorite class today?

  • Who is your favorite teacher? What is cool about her?

  • Did you learn any fun facts today that I might not know?

  • How was the vibe at school?

Mood Assessing Questions

  • Did anyone get on your nerves today?

  • Did anything make you feel worried?

  • With all the new procedures for school, was there anything that was particularly hard for you today?

  • What was different about today?

  • On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is awesome and 1 is crappy, where would you rate today? 

Fostering Positivity Questions

  • Which class was the one you most enjoyed?

  • What is a benefit you can gain from taking your classes online?

  • Did something funny happen today?

  • Who made you smile?

  • Was anyone nice to you today?

Building on Strength Questions

  • What is one thing you would change about online classes? How would that be better?

  • What are your classmate’s opinions of this new online school? Do you agree?

  • Were you able to be creative in some way today?

  • Were there some lessons that you felt you already knew?

  • Who was happy to see you today?

Cultivating Closeness Questions

  • Who were you grateful for today?

  • Can I make you something special for a snack?

  • What would you like to do after your homework today?

  • How can I help you prepare for tomorrow?

  • Did you know I love you?

Should you want more information on how to best utilize these questions and how to pair them with other techniques to get better results, please contact me at 786-565-2465 or email me at alexa@safehavenfamilycounseling.com.


I love working with teens and families as I believe they are the foundation for healthy generations to come.


#anxiety #teencounseling #familycounseling

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