Tips on How to Strengthen Your Relationship with Yourself
Questions I receive frequently are often “how do I build a better relationship with my partner,” “how do I stand up for myself to others (significant other, family, etc.),” “how can I communicate better with my co-workers and boss,” “how do I care less about what other people think?”
Typically, my initial response is to ask: how is your relationship with yourself?
Oftentimes when attending counseling, it is the first time you have dedicated time to yourself all day, all week or longer then you can remember or care to admit. We are creatures who aim to please. When asked, “when was the last time you did something for someone else?” the answer is almost always within the same day. However, when asked, “when was the last time you did something for YOU?” the answer oftentimes is, “I don’t even really know.”
A few great questions to ask yourself are:
Do I have a relationship with myself?
What is my relationship with myself like?
Do I like the way I treat and talk to myself?
Do I understand what my needs and wants are?
Do I take the time out of my schedule to meet my own wants and needs?
Can I comfort/soothe myself when I’m upset or do I look to others?
Do I trust my intuition and opinions, or do I find myself struggling to make decisions?
Do I know what I do and don’t like?
Do I know what sets me off? (what triggers me?)
Can I be okay, even if others do not approve or are not happy with me?
And lastly: do I betray my own needs?
By this I mean: I set goals and intentions for myself and despite wanting to change, find that the mental resistance is just too strong. I find myself making every excuse in the book, and just put it off for another time. When we do this, we begin to wire our brains that we are not reliable.
Despite our amazing abilities to show up for others and validate their needs, we are teaching ourselves that we are not to be trusted. When I have a need, it is unlikely to be fulfilled. I have trained myself I will not be able to and so “why try?”
It’s not that we aren’t reliable- sometimes we’re very reliable people. I know exactly how to soothe my partner and how to make my friends laugh. But at the end of the day when I am alone, I’m unsure what to do and unsure how to soothe myself or make myself laugh.
Why is it that we lose touch with ourselves and struggle so deeply to spark the relationship with self? Our relationship with self is the foundation, the basis for every relationship we ever have. Our relationship with ourselves is the longest relationship we will ever have.
When I have a secure and positive relationship with myself, I allow myself to be free of the pressures of my relationships with others. When I enter into environments and am able to be fully present, grounded, secure and aware, I find that I can make decisions with ease and clarity, trusting that I am making the right choice or that I will be “okay” even if the outcome isn’t what I had hoped for. I no longer have to seek outside validation or ask for advice, but rather, I trust that the correct answers are within me- and always have been.
TIP 1: Acknowledgement and Forgiveness
To begin to form a better relationship with yourself, it is important to acknowledge the relationship you had with yourself. Forgiveness is key in moving forward with anythin