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In general, yoga has been found to improve physical fitness, flexibility, balance, strength, sleep, attention, and cognitive functioning. Yoga in a therapeutic setting is different from mainstream yoga in that it moves away from the goal of physical fitness, exercise, core strength, and physical flexibility, and focuses on our emotional well-being. Therapeutic yoga for emotional healing is used as a supplemental treatment to traditional psychotherapy. It’s a process that includes a mindful, “here-and-now” approach to enhance your concentration and energy while nurturing hope, acceptance, and self-forgiveness. Using yoga in a therapeutic setting teaches you how to become comfortable with the uncomfortable when dealing with typical daily stress to a major crisis. Research has shown that yoga can reduce cortisol levels (a stress hormone) in our bodies, which subsequently strengthens our immune system. It helps us learn how to create rhythms in our bodies, increase our sense of empowerment, provide us with the ability to choose and listen to our bodies instead of the chatter in our heads, react to conflict or challenges with stability and purpose instead of impulsivity, and broaden our window of tolerance when dealing with emotional discomfort or pain. Therapeutic yoga gives us the ability to see a broader picture of ourselves instead of getting caught up in the ruminations of the past and the anticipations of the future that tend to heighten our anxieties, fears, depression, anger, and resentments. There are no expectations for how you should feel, what you should be experiencing, or how you should be changing. Whatever you are experiencing in the moment is what you nurture since this process is all about honoring your body and it’s needs. Therapeutic yoga can help with a variety of mental health issues, whether you have a diagnosis or not. If you are struggling with the stress of everyday life, or have chronic mental illness, yoga for emotional healing can help. YOGA FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION Therapeutic yoga for emotional healing teaches you to love your body exactly where it’s at to improve self-esteem, self-forgiveness, and self-love. Therapeutic yoga teaches you to read your body and trust your inner wisdom, so you can gain back a sense of control and be able to better regulate your emotions. You’ll work through feelings of shame and self-doubt that might feed into depression. Although it’s not wrong or bad to feel sadness, grief, or depression, it’s important we don’t let these emotions control our behavior and thoughts. We can still feel a full range of emotions while staying mindful and present. Using yoga postures and breathwork in a therapeutic setting can assist you with grounding – meaning achieving a sense of emotional balance or stability. It encourages you to connect with yourself, and find a broader way to channel out internal chatter or negative thoughts that can be difficult to tune out. That dark cloud over your mind will be lifted, and you’ll get you back in touch with yourself and your surroundings in the present rather than reliving the regrets of the past. You’ll stop living in the past and start being present, bringing back your awareness to now, not what was. YOGA FOR REDUCING ANXIETY Therapeutic yoga for emotional healing helps you bring awareness inwards to your body, so you can become more in tune with what your body is telling you. When you are experiencing anxiety, therapeutic yoga for emotional healing can help you remove the angst and edge, and let go of what you’re holding on to – whether it’s worrying about the future or trying to be in control. You learn how to move on more quickly from anxious moments or prevent panic attacks through increasing self-awareness. You’ll be able to let go of the anxious moment by learning how to tell when an anxiety attack is coming on, acknowledging your feelings (because feeling anxious at times can be acceptable and valid), and then allowing these feelings to pass without judgment or further angst. You’ll understand that anxiety attacks are temporary, and once they’re gone, they’re gone. Through yoga, you’ll begin to understand that the present moment is what is real – not the past or the future. With this understanding, you’ll be able to find a sense of peace, clarity, and interpret situations rationally, rather than feeling doomed and worrying about the “what ifs.” Therapeutic yoga postures and breathwork allow you to redirect your focus to your body and the present. You’ll move your attention away from the mental chatter and ruminative thoughts by shifting the energy level down so you can find peace and tranquility. Yoga for emotional healing trains you to be more forgiving and kind to yourself, and empowers you to strengthen the positive parts of your life. YOGA FOR RECOVERING FROM ADDICTION If you are struggling with a drug or alcohol addiction, therapeutic yoga can help you live a sober and productive life. The primary goal for using yoga in substance abuse treatment is to teach you how to tolerate minor emotional discomfort without becoming easily triggered or overwhelmed. By building distress tolerance, you’ll be able to eliminate harmful or addictive behaviors, choose healthier options, set more attainable expectations, and increase access to self-care. A therapeutic yoga practice for emotional healing always incorporates grounding to assist you with finding a steady mind-body connection and building self-trust through yoga postures and breathwork. It immediately connects you with the present moment and help you regain your mental focus. However, grounding can be challenging and often an uncomfortable experience, especially for those struggling with addiction, because many people who struggle with addiction are trying to escape the present moment and their current feelings or discomfort. Therapeutic yoga requires that you stay in the present moment by sitting with yourself and your thoughts without external distractions. When grounded, you give yourself the opportunity to listen to the needs of your body and learn to rely on your own inner wisdom to promote self-trust. If you are more attuned to your body without judgment and become more self-aware then you learn to stop fearing your feelings, start understanding what your feelings mean, and stop avoiding or seeking escape in your life. As a result, you can learn to intervene early using learned coping skills to prevent panic attacks, anger outbursts, or even relapses by relying on your own self rather than on external factors. This is a skill with which many people struggle, but it is also a skill that is crucial in emotional healing and treating addiction. LEARN TO LOVE AND TRUST YOURSELF WITH THERAPEUTIC YOGA Overall, therapeutic yoga promotes self-care and self-worth, and teaches you to start doing things for yourself that create positive outcomes. It enhances your own sense of self-empowerment as you begin to trust your own inner wisdom and knowledge, rather than relying on external validation or substances or even patterns of avoidance. Yoga promotes new ways of thinking about yourself, the environment, and the relationship between the two. The ultimate goal is to help you become more grounded and emotionally stable not only during sessions, but in your own personal life off the mat, which is shown through making healthy life choices that nurture your mind, body, and soul. herapy can provide you with the coping tools you need to effectively manage your life. If you need one-on-one support and would like to inquire or learn more about therapeutic yoga and how it can be incorporated in your mental health treatment, contact Dr. Heather Violante, Psy.D. today at 954.391.5305 or at her website to find out how she can help you improve your emotional wellness and guide you on your pathway to new beginnings. Dr. Heather Violante is a licensed psychologist and founder of Serenity Lane Psychological Services. She is a certified vinyasa yoga instructor and additionally certified in using therapeutic yoga techniques for emotional healing. She specializes in helping adults struggling with drug and alcohol addiction, stress, anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder.

Everybody knows about Postpartum Depression (PPD), and it’s a good thing that its being spoken about, as it affects approximately 1 in 7 moms. Less often you hear about Postpartum Anxiety and other mood disorders that also impact millions of women every year. In fact, 15-20% of women experience more significant symptoms of depression or anxiety after a baby is born. PPD is definitely the most recognized and spoken about, and I find that there is fear and helplessness surrounding Postpartum Depression for many women. Many expecting moms express to me that they are fearful that developing PPD is something they can’t avoid. Like it’s something they will either “get” or they won’t. But this simply isn’t true. There are steps that you can take during pregnancy and early on in postpartum that can safeguard your emotional health. These tips are just a small percentage of what women can do early on to protect their emotional well-being. But these are the big ones, so take a look below: 1) Check your expectations: I cannot stress this enough. The expectations we have about motherhood completely alter our experience. If we think of motherhood and a new baby as what it appears to be on social media and the movies, AKA pure bliss and joy sprinkled with a little bit of perfection, then we are digging ourselves a hole. Motherhood is messy and the newborn stage and subsequent stages are HARD. It is so important to have real expectations for what is to come. That does not mean to be fearful and afraid, but it means to be real with yourself about the road ahead. Talk to your mom friends and get the real tea. 2) Talk to your partner BEFORE the baby comes: Conversations pre-baby are key. It is so important to communicate about your expectations about parenting before the baby comes. Who will carry what responsibility? How will household tasks be divided? What do you expect from your partner that maybe you aren’t voicing? Unspoken expectations that aren’t met become barriers. Don’t let this happen. Talk to your partner about what you see their role being, what you expect from them as a parent, (and partner) and what your game plan is for those sleepless nights. You’ll want to be on the same page! 3) Ask for help: If you are type A like me, this can be hard. Trust me, you need to for your sanity. Ask for help, and take it. Even if it's five minutes to go for a walk, or ten minutes to shower, please ask for it and use it. You need these moments to refill your glass, because you will constantly be giving from it. 4) Have a go-to person that you can speak your truth to: This is HUGE. I can’t tell you how many times this saved me. Knowing that I could call or text my go-to person and say anything and everything was huge. Every new mom needs that person that can receive whatever it is that they are going through and validate it. Find a friend who gets it. Text them when you are in moments of struggle. AND also share the small victories. Those happy moments are important to highlight too. Validation and support is essential to a new moms emotional well-being. When we keep this stuff to ourselves, especially the hard stuff, we allow shame to take over. Instead, speak your truth to someone who gets it, it will relieve so much stress and anxiety. As stated previously, these tips are not all-encompassing, but they are a good summary of where to start. If you are needing some more help navigating pregnancy or postpartum, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I love helping expectant and new moms confidently navigate the ebbs and flows of motherhood. Click here to schedule an appointment today. #wellness #anxiety #parenting #motherhood #newparents

Children with ADHD often have difficulty with these tasks as well as other important areas of functioning such as working memory, emotional regulation, starting tasks, planning projects, and focusing on one thing at a time. Further, these difficulties can lead to problems for children at home, school, and with friends. A child with ADHD may experience symptoms from one or more of the following categories: inattention, hyperactivity, or impulsivity. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), The ADHD child test shows three subtypes of ADHD based upon these symptoms including: Primarily Inattentive Type (previously known as ADD) Primarily Hyperactive-Impulsive type Primarily Combined Type (symptoms of inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive type) To qualify for a diagnosis of ADHD, there must be evidence of 6 of the 9 symptoms of inattentiveness or hyperactivity-impulsivity (or 12 for combined type). Symptoms for ADHD – Primarily Inattentive Type from the DSM-5 include: Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or during other activities (e.g., overlooks or misses details, work is inaccurate). Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly (e.g., mind seems elsewhere, even in the absence of any obvious distraction). Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (e.g., starts tasks but quickly loses focus and is easily sidetracked). Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities (e.g., difficulty managing sequential tasks; difficulty keeping materials and belongings in order; messy, disorganized work; has poor time management; fails to meet deadlines). Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (e.g., schoolwork or homework; for older adolescents and adults, preparing reports, completing forms, reviewing lengthy papers). Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g., school materials, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, mobile telephones). Is often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli (for older adolescents and adults, may include unrelated thoughts). Is often forgetful in daily activities (e.g., doing chores, running errands; for older adolescents and adults, returning calls, paying bills, keeping appointments). The symptoms of ADHD – Primarily Hyperactive-Impulsive Type include the following: a Often fidgets with or taps hands or feet or squirms in seat. Often leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected (e.g., leaves his or her place in the classroom, in the office or other workplace, or in other situations that require remaining in place). Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is inappropriate. (Note: In adolescents or adults, may be limited to feeling restless.) Often unable to play or engage in leisure activities quietly. Is often “on the go,” acting as if “driven by a motor” (e.g., is unable to be or uncomfortable being still for extended time, as in restaurants, meetings; may be experienced by others as being restless or difficult to keep up with). Often talks excessively. Often talks excessively before a question has been completed (e.g., completes people’s sentences; cannot wait for turn in conversation). Often blurts out answers before a question has been completed (e.g., completes people’s sentences; cannot wait for turn in conversation). Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations, games, or activities; may start using other people’s things without asking or receiving permission; for adolescents and adults may intrude into or take over what others are doing). Another important aspect of ADHD is symptoms must be present in at least two settings such as home and school. Further, there must be clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with or reduce the quality of social, academic, or occupational functioning. This is important because most children at some point in their lives have difficulties with sitting still, paying attention, focusing on one thing at a time, and following through with instructions. What may be normal for many children becomes problematic when it consistently gets in the way of ones functioning and success at home or school. However, before jumping to the conclusion that your child may have ADHD, consider that many other medical or mental health issues can mimic ADHD. In addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recently published new guidelines for ADHD suggesting that many children with ADHD often have other co-occurring medical or mental health conditions (e.g., anxiety, depression, sleep apnea, substance abuse, autism spectrum disorder) . Therefore, proper diagnosis is crucial. A psychological evaluation is one of the most effective approaches to properly assess for and diagnose ADHD. By incorporating historical information (medical, family, academic, developmental, and psychiatric history) and measures of cognitive, academic, emotional, and behavioral functioning along with feedback from parents and teachers, a psychologist can accurately assess if these symptoms are due to ADHD or more likely the result of other conditions such as anxiety, learning disorders, autism spectrum disorder, or an auditory processing disorder. Aside from diagnosis, the most important component of a psychological evaluation is to generate recommendations and suggestions to implement at home and/or school to create better opportunities for success. A diagnosis can also be used to advocate for an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or 504 Plan at school to ensure appropriate accommodations are provided to support the student. Lastly, psychological evaluations identify areas of weaknesses but also provide insights into one’s strengths which are crucial to understand and build upon when working to create a roadmap for success. Find the Best Child ADHD Testing Near Me Dr. Heather Kuhl specializes in psychological evaluations with children and adolescents and is waiting to answer questions you may have about how testing could help your child.  Call Dr. Kuhl today at (954) 391-5305. #testing #evaluations #teens #parenting

Specific childhood experiences, paired with genetic predisposition, set the stage for addiction. An expert on addiction, Patrick Carnes, defines addiction as a failure to bond. When we’re born, we rely on our caregivers to help us form a “secure attachment.” Here’s what a secure attachment looks like: · We feel comfortable and confident. · We believe we can typically trust others. When our parents consistently attend to our needs, as well as help us feel supported, validated, and calm, we’re much more likely to develop this secure attachment. When the opposite occurs, we tend to develop an “insecure attachment,” which leads to the opposite experience. For this type of child, the experience is characterized by: · Difficulty trusting and liking oneself, as well as others · Consistent fear and stress If this sounds like your early childhood experiences, then I’m sure you can also relate to what happened next; you desperately wanted to feel better. You may have realized that food, shopping, sex, gambling, and/or any number of substances offered you relief from pain. All of the above lead to the release of dopamine in the brain, a neurotransmitter that makes us feel happy. When it comes to any of these activities and dopamine, we’re more likely to develop an addiction when: · The dopamine is released quickly · The dopamine is released intensely · We can consistently rely on the release of the dopamine When you decide you’re tired of being a slave to your addiction and you’re ready for a new, healthier start, here are some ways to make it happen: · Find and regularly participate in some healthy activities which also release dopamine (and therefore make you feel good). · Know that your emotions and problems are often short-lived, even when they feel as though they will last forever. · Recognize and cultivate the belief that pain and discomfort are natural parts of life. If you’d like to schedule your first session, call me, at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary consultation or for more information about my services, read my bio here. You can live a life free of addiction. Let me help you do it! #addiction #wellness #depression #trauma #stress #anxiety

Some people dread the end of the year because they focus on all of the things they didn’t accomplish - they see not meeting their New Year’s resolutions as failures and either get depressed about them or ignore their feelings. Others bypass the recap and jump into creating new goals for the year ahead. This is usually done with gusto in January but fades quickly when there is no specific support or plan on how exactly you are going to achieve your epic goals. The time of solo projects, solo travel, solo goal crushing is fading away and a new and not so new trend of meaningful connection is emerging. Everyone needs help and support on the road to their dream destination. Instead of going it alone, put yourself at the top of your list and get a therapist!!! Human beings need social connections.  The relationship you have with yourself sets the stage for the relationships you have with others and can either move you towards your goals or put them out of reach. One step you can make right now is to decide to get the support you need to accomplish your goals. Get out of your own way - Don’t make it about time. Don’t make it about the money. There are many options and ways to get help today. Along with private practice, there are online sites such as Talkspace and Betterhelp that are less expensive as well as clinics in every single major city to meet your budget needs. Here are 5 ways going to therapy can help you crush your goals this year: 1. Discover programmed patterns of relating inhibiting your growth. The first seven years of your life you were a sponge taking in information. This early childhood programming is filled with messages, habits, and beliefs which form the fabric of your identity. Inner child work done with expert guidance can help you begin to see how early childhood experiences may be interfering with your ability to be a full-grown adult. Learning to connect with and speak to your inner child can bridge the gap from who you were to who you are and who you choose to be. 2. Get unstuck from repetitive emotional cycles. How you manage your emotions can either make for a great day or the worst day ever. Emotions color our daily experiences and lead to how we view the world. Therapy teaches you to create new emotional experiences by allowing repressed emotions to surface and process. If you have ignored your feelings for a long time and pretend you are ok then you would benefit from learning to face them and move through them. 3. Learn to trust. Trust is a foundational element of a healthy relationship. When trust is damaged relationships begin to break apart and insecurities will rise to the surface. In therapy, you can experience what it means to have someone listen to you and not tell your secrets to anyone. Being in a safe relationship you can share your secrets and face shame and guilt hidden within. Therapy can heal the moments you broke your own trust so you can trust yourself again. 4. Develop the skills to manage stress and overwhelm. The moment a person enters into a state of overwhelm the mind and the body are in fight or flight mode and NOTHING gets done. Therapy can teach you coping skills and effective techniques to manage stress. Having the ability to move from overwhelm to calm will improve your decision-making, communication, and your health. 5. Improve your self-talk. There is nothing worse than trying to complete a project and hearing that voice in your head, “This is stupid. No one is going to want this.”  The inner critic is not going to get you to your goal. This voice can be transformed in therapy. Through self-examination and reflection you will figure out when this negative voice first appeared and explore how this inner critic has benefited you in the past. Together you can find new ways to communicate with this aspect of yourself so it can inform your choices rather than hinder your progress. Connecting with who you are can give you the skills and self-knowledge you need to overcome procrastination and feelings of not being enough. Imagine what it would feel like to be at peace with yourself internally, speak kindly to yourself, manage the negative thoughts and love yourself. I suspect you may find yourself being a little kinder and gentler with you while crushing your goals feels pretty damn good. For more information about Natalie Kusturic, M.A, LMFT and her services, visit her bio or call at 954-391-5305. #wellness #stress #selfesteem #authentic

The holidays have become synonymous with happiness. During this time, we are overwhelmed with images of cheerful music, smiling faces, and desirable values (such as being giving, caring, selfless, and appreciative). The problem is that this atmosphere is highly idealized, perfect, and oftentimes, unattainable. Additionally, these images are problematic because they do not speak to the considerable stress that often comes with the holidays. If you struggle to fit in with this picture, the holidays can be quite challenging.  You may find yourself burdened with the following common feelings: loneliness overwhelm stress anxious regret sadness exhaustion I want you to know that this holiday season can, and deserves, to be different. Here are some practical ways to reduce your stress, as well as increase your tranquility and happiness: Recognize and successfully plan for problems Consider your negative experiences from previous holidays.  You may remember, for instance, how you’ve repeatedly endured stress and anxiety around certain family members.  Once you develop a list of several common and repeated obstacles to your sanity, you can then develop ways to better navigate them. Be realistic We are continually misled to believe that the holidays must be a time of constant happiness and warmth.  It’s impossible to always be happy, so you want to have realistic expectations of yourself and your family members. Maintain your routine Developing and sustaining a routine provides us with a sense of stability and peace.  The holidays can threaten your routine with such tasks as shopping for gifts and getting together with family for dinners.  You will want to combat this by maintaining your routine to the best of your ability. Devote time to those who appreciate you When we have the support and love from those who value us, it makes the difficult times that much easier to overcome.  These loved ones can help ground and calm you, which are so crucial during the holidays. Set and maintain reasonable boundaries Routinely check in with yourself regarding the endeavors in which you can realistically partake.  It’s perfectly fine to say no when you’re asked to take on too much. Go ahead and give yourself permission to say no at the appropriate times. I am here to help you learn more about how to use these, and other, helpful skills to improve your holiday experience. If you would like to schedule your first session, call Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305. I look forward to speaking with you and helping you along your journey toward health and happiness!

You may know you need to change some aspect of your life, have at least some idea how to foster it, and yet, you ultimately resist it.  Let’s take a closer look at why this happens and what we can do about it. Some of the most common reasons you struggle to change: As much as you want and deserve to stop suffering, you’re used to it.  The more we get accustomed to anything, the harder it is to alter it. You’re ambivalent, which means a part of you wants change, while another part of you doesn’t (this can be because of fear, feeling overwhelmed, and other intense and unpleasant emotions). You’ve tried to change, but it seems like nothing you do ever works. These are all very common barriers to attaining the big changes, and therefore having the life you deserve. Here are some practical steps to overcoming these obstacles: 1. Try to See the Problem from a New Angle: Oftentimes, when we try to grow, we have trouble seeing the difficulties that are getting in our way. In these instances, therapy can be particularly useful, as your therapist can help you see things you may not have previously noticed: the potential missing pieces to your transformation. 2. Write Out Possible Solutions: In order to change, we need to see problematic patterns in our lives, as well as healthier patterns. It’s significantly easier for our brains to notice such patterns when we visually see them in front of us. 3. Reframe Failures: Loss and setbacks, if you’re open to it, are opportunities for feedback. You will encounter difficulties on your path to improvement, so it’s crucial you try to embrace this process and change the way you view these instances as information on what/where/how to grow. 4. Increase Your Focus on Positivity: You can’t get rid of all negative thoughts, but you can certainly increase your positive thoughts, as well as how they impact and help you. One great way to accomplish this is through using a gratitude journal. Each day, you’ll write down at least one thing in which you are thankful. 5. Set Short-and-Long-Term-SMART Goals Specific Measurable Adjustable Realistic Time-Based In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dr. Carol Dweck writes: “Change isn’t like surgery. Even when you change, the old beliefs aren’t just removed like a worn-out hip or knee and replaced with better ones. Instead, the new beliefs take their place alongside the old ones, and as they become stronger, they give you a different way to think, feel, and act.” If you would like get started on these small steps to big change, call Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305 to schedule your first session. I look forward to speaking with you and helping you along your journey toward health and happiness. #trauma #authentic #wellness #anxiety

Skater Dan Jansen seeded first in the world for several years between 1984 and 1994, failed to win it in 3 consecutive years.  His coach suggested he focus on “being technically correct, aggressive, fluid, and to have fun.  With little pressure to win, he skated like a champion, stayed focused on the process, and won the gold medal in record time in 1994.  He exemplified the notion of letting go of the need to win in order to be victorious” (Lynch, 2001, p. 198). In anything we do, we possess only a limited amount of control over the outcome.  Jansen’s coach knew this and now I want to help you know it too (as well as how to use this knowledge to help you tremendously in your daily life). Here are some examples: Athletes have partial control over winning.  They can exert notable control over their skills, strategies, attitudes, and thoughts.  So, they can put themselves in the best position to win, but can’t control whether that results in a victory. When you’re on a date, you have partial control over its success.   You can control the outfit you wear, the confidence you exude, and the things you say.  So, you can put yourself in the best position to have a great date, but you can’t control whether that results in a successful date. How to do it: Decide what you want and need to focus on controllable. Make a contract with yourself to diligently and consistently concentrate on things you can control while letting go of those things you can’t control.  When you continually remind yourself of anything, you’re much more likely to strive in the direction of that thing. Praise and reward yourself when you predominantly attend to the controllable. When you reward yourself for anything, you’re reinforcing it, and are, therefore, much more likely to continue to engage in it again.  Find ways that you like to praise yourself (such as having a relaxing afternoon at the beach or going out for some drinks).  When you succeed in focusing on controllable (such as effort, motivation, and a hopeful perspective), reward/congratulate yourself. Reframe failures as guides to improvement. Loss can be viewed as a chance for feedback.  There are always reasons for failure, so as long you’re open to viewing loss in this way, you can learn from it.  When you shift your perspective in this way, it’s much easier to let setbacks go, and concentrate more on the controllable factors (the things that put you in the best position for success). If you’d like to get started on better recognizing and letting go of uncontrollable, as well as better focusing on controllable, call Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305 to schedule your first session. I look forward to speaking with you and helping you along your journey toward health and happiness.

Grief and loss is a complex and challenging process that many of us face at one time or another in our lives. Within one year, I lost two close family members. And as such, my empathy has only deepened for others due to these experiences. In my practice, I work with many cases of grief and loss. I am especially helped by my previous experience in pastoral care when I worked in ministry several years ago. Indeed, grief and loss can result from a variety of events in our lives. The death of a loved one tends to be the most impactful for many. However, loss of career, a significant change in finances, loss of good health, a divorce, a change of living or academic environment, loss of a friendship, loss of a pregnancy, and even the loss of innocence and trust due to a past traumatic experience, can all contribute to a sense of deep sorrow. Here, I will focus on the loss of a loved one as I work with this quite often in my practice. The loss of someone close to us is, without a doubt, one of the most agonizing events each person faces at some point in their life. And finding oneself without the presence of that individual can cause a shockwave of disbelief and distress. Here are some things to know around the impact of grief and loss on our lives and our relationships: Differences in mourning can cause added stress: The process of mourning is unique to everyone. Each person's coping style, beliefs about the end of life, the circumstances that brought about the passing, and the presence or absence of a support system all affect how we grieve. You might find yourself not wanting to be alone and instead feel the need to connect more intentionally with others. On the other hand, you may want to withdraw, or you may find that you try to distract yourself with over-involvement in work, or other activities or even use substances as an escape. Because we all handle grief differently, you may have an expectation of how loved ones or close friends should react, either expecting them to be there for you or possibly share the same feelings as you about the loss. However, since this is a distinctive process for each person and the fact that your friends or loves ones may not have had the same relationship as you did with the individual who passed, you may find your expectations unmet. Some clients I've worked with have often found that close family members do not provide the solace or compassion that they want and need. Ultimately this compounds the devastation that you may feel. I have helped clients whose spouse's or family members have asked such questions as "when will you get past this?" or "don't you think it's time you got on with your life?", or remark "you're not doing enough to help yourself move past this." Both men and women are equally saddened and stunned as they contend with these types of reactions from close friends and family who are critical about or have difficulty with how they are mourning. Sometimes those closest to you may briefly pull away emotionally or physically as they try to comprehend what you are going through. Grief changes the nature of relationships: It is essential to realize that your relationship with your friends, family, partner, or spouse will be affected and thus change. Some changes may lead to a positive experience as these individuals may rally around you. Many times, it is not as positive. These changes, whether positive or negative, have a lot to do with the personal stressors that each individual experiences as they navigate the feelings that are common to the grief and loss process. You might expect that sadness may be the most prevalent feeling that one would have, but there is a roller coaster of emotions such as guilt, anger, disbelief, denial, and more that are part of the grief and loss experience. The impact of these feelings can challenge the previous dynamics of your relationship, sometimes exacerbating already present issues. Even though it is upsetting and distressing to experience this shift in your relationships, recognize those closest to you are going through their process of mourning. This may include their perception of losing what they have come to expect in your relationship with them. Realize that as you try to cope with the loss, and find new ways to move on, your clarity and prior ways of thinking and being will be affected.  You may also find that the role you may have previously played in your relationships, such as being the "fixer," the problem-solver, or the one others relied on is now changed. As a result, close friends and family may feel equally challenged by adjusting to your new role and needs. This adjustment can place yet more strain on the dynamics of your relationships. Remember, any change, significant or minor, can create a sense of loss. And when your relationship changes or you change in the relationship, this places unintended stressors on your interpersonal dynamics and can result in the other party feeling disoriented and oft times uncertain how to respond. Honor your healing: Do not allow yourself to be discouraged by what may appear as the unsupportive actions of others. First and foremost, try not to take their reactions personally. You will only increase your own pain if you do. This isn't very easy, I know, however, like you, they are doing the best they can with what they know. Instead, continue to focus on your own healing while being as clear as you can about what you are feeling and going through, expressing what your needs are without attachment to how they should respond. Additionally, although it may seem counterintuitive, it may be beneficial to seek out additional sources of support versus relying exclusively on close family members or friends. In the long run, it will be healthier for you and those closest to you and lessen the stress on your relationships. Resources such as bereavement groups like Grief Share or online support groups may be helpful. Similarly, you might find help and comfort in a faith-based group to which you belong. Working with these resources may not only promote your own healing but also help with forgiving those were not able to be there for you as you grieved.  Seeking help from a mental health professional can also provide guidance and understanding. As you adjust to your new normal - know that healing is possible. Remember, no set time can be ascribed to your grieving and subsequent healing process. Your process is yours alone. Honoring that can be a guide to others and set the foundation as you move forward. If you have or are experiencing a grief and loss event, or having challenges with relationships as a result, and would like help and support, please feel free to reach out to me today. Simone Finnis, LMFT works with individuals, couples, and families promoting growth, transformation and renewal through positive therapeutic solutions. You can reach Simone directly at 954-391-5305.

Ahhhh Valentines Day. A day where love is in the air and chocolates are ridiculously expensive. A day where we get all fancy for our partners, get nice cute gifts with hearts and kisses on them, and prepare for a romantic evening out. More importantly a day where all those little butterflies in your stomach come back and that rush of passion for a night of “fun” (wink, wink) get you all excited. The problem is... you got a three-year-old ruining the mood by throwing a tantrum on the floor because Target ran out of Paw Patrol valentines (If it hasn’t happened to you, consider yourself lucky). Instead of wishing for a box of chocolates, you simply ask for a quick 30-minute nap. And instead of flowers you just want to be able to eat/shower/pee in peace. All of those loving feelings for your spouse is replaced by last-minute store runs to get valentines for your kids, plus the time to fill up the boxes, write their classmate's names on it, assemble the “mailbox” for your kid AND get a snack for the party (schools need to tone it down a bit with their Valentines demands). Through all that chaos and glitter glue, you completely forget to get something for your partner. Not because you are a bad spouse, but because holidays take on a whole new meaning with kids. As a mom of two, I get it (homegirl is tired!!). We all have kids, work, home, etc. to manage, and trying to squeeze in a day of love gets hard. So, unfortunately, I am guilty of occasionally slipping up on the gift front. Fortunately, I know my spouse isn’t one for gifts but prefers quality time (definitely should check up on your partner's love language). But even then... that can be hard with kids. You have to find a babysitter who is single/lonely on Valentine's Day, who is available, and/or who doesn’t cost a fortune (especially since you are already spending money by going out). Your options are limited. You may have a niece or neighborhood kids available, but with little ones, they are definitely not an option. So what’s left? Are you to quit on Valentine’s Day until your kids leave for college? Granted you may save money, but you don’t want your relationship to suffer. Well... let me not say “suffer.” The core of your relationship isn’t going to break because of Valentine’s Day. BUT!!! Valentine’s Day is the time for you and your partner to reconnect. It’s a chance and opportunity for you to drop the excuses. No more excuses that you can’t do something together. No more excuses that a date night is impossible with kids. It’s Valentine's Day! It’s a day of love. You know a day to get back to that loving feeling (and potentially back to what created those kids in the first place LOL). So let me help you make the impossible, possible! There are several different scenarios we can run through and you choose which one works the BEST for you and your partner. 1.) Take the day off from work. So this plan works well for those who have paid days off, their kids are in school, and for a day where Valentine’s Day falls on a weekday. Take a day off to reconnect with your spouse without having to worry about a babysitter because your kids are in school!! Plus doing stuff during the day, on a weekday, is AWESOME!! Places aren’t crowded, it’s daylight out, things are cheaper (think of all the lunch specials!!) and you can take your time. Kids are in school for like 6 hours! You can do so many things!!! Plus a little afternoon delight never hurt anyone. 2.) Do Valentine's Day, not on Valentine's Day. So plan B is good for parents who have a babysitter option but who aren’t available on the 14th. No problem! Go out on a different night that week. You can still get the heart-shaped chocolate boxes from the store and most places will most likely have Valentine’s Day decorations up within that same week timespan. Plus a lot of places have specials a few days before and after Valentine’s Day because they know that not everyone can go out on the 14th. 3.) Plan a date at home after the kids go to bed. Plan C is honestly my favorite and a favorite of those “homebody” couples. Let’s face it, everything is at our fingertips! When I said no more excuses, you literally have no reason NOT to do a date night with your partner. There are companies that ship a date night in a box to you! No lies! You can even go on a monthly plan (*cough which is a good investment for your relationship *cough). Maybe you like to cook?? Have a box of food shipped to your house that you guys can cook together! Not into actually doing stuff? NO PROBLEM! Cuddle on your couch and watch Netflix together. Ok granted, you might already do that last one with your partner. Switch it up and watch a Valentine’s Day movie. Spending time with your partner on Valentine’s can incorporate whatever you want. Now I know, some of you may be thinking “well why not offer an option to go out WITH the kids?” While that is a viable option, it’s healthier for your relationship AND your kids, for you guys to do things without them. Obviously, if your kids aren’t around, you and your partner can focus on each other. You don’t have to worry if little Timmy is sticking his finger way too far up his nose or if Susie is screaming her head off during the whole meal. You have each other’s undivided attention to focus on other things beside being a parent. A hard concept to believe, but one you must accept. So now you are probably wondering “ok I get it being healthy for my relationship, but how is it healthy for my kids?” Great question! Wow, you are on point! Your kids are seeing their parents taking care of themselves. They see that it is important to have “grown-up” time and that life without them exists. A hard concept to believe, but one THEY must accept. It also shows them that you guys are bonded together. It teaches them how to appreciate their future partners and how important it is to spend quality time with the ones they love. Ahhhh Valentine’s Day... such a teaching day of the year. Regardless of which option you choose or if you choose none of my options (don’t worry my feelings won’t get hurt), the important takeaway from all of this is to find and plan something to do, to honor your partner this holiday. It can be something big or something small (I personally am a sucker for a box of Bunch O’Crunch) to show your partner that you care... well and also show your kids that you care about your partner. Well, scratch that. The important takeaway from all of this is... DATING YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T END WHEN YOU BECOME A PARENT!! Sorry to literally yell at you, but this point needs to be emphasized. In order to survive the chaos, stress, and exhaustion of having kids, you need time outside of them with your partner. Time to reconnect. Time to get back to the fun (that doesn’t include dancing the Hot Dog dance from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse). Time to get back to the romantic love that started your parenthood journey. And finally, time to show your partner that you wouldn’t go on that parenthood journey with anyone else...because you LOVE them! If you are looking for more suggestions on how to balance parenthood, work, life, relationships, I am here to help. You don’t have to manage all the balls in the air by yourself! Let me help you learn what is most important to you and how to keep your sanity at the same time LOL. I hope you found my blog entertaining and informative. To learn more about me, Jessica Jefferson, check out my website or give me a call for your free 15 minute consultation at 954-391-5305. #relationships #couplestherapy #marriagetherapy

Society teaches us that to like ourselves, we must have such things as power, money, and attractiveness.  Even when we achieve supposed greatness in these areas, however, we still tend to feel unfulfilled. The healthy alternative is to foster acceptance, appreciation, and even love for ourselves based on more controllable and healthier internal qualities. Here are some realistic ways to begin this process of loving yourself: Notice and Highlight Things You Do Well: Consistently acknowledge 1–2 things you did/thought that you liked or even loved.  You could do this every few days, and, as you become habituated to this process, engage in it on daily basis. One way to go about this is to list 1-2 things you value about yourself right as you start your day, as this can help you develop healthy momentum for that day. You should know that developing a healthier, more loving self-view is a consistent process, one that takes a lifetime to repeatedly nurture. Develop More Reasonable Expectations: First, take a close and honest look at the expectations you hold for yourself. Second, realize that if any of these expectations are too unrealistic, you may fail at completing them.  If that then happens, you can expect to feel poorly about yourself. So, here’s step three: Set more appropriate, attainable expectations.  You’re then much more likely to accomplish your goals, and therefore, feel better about yourself. Focus More on the Present Moment: Oftentimes, you’ll feel poorly about yourself because you’re concentrated on past and/or anticipated future losses and setbacks. Try to take note every time you attend to the past and future, and each time, in its place, concentrate on something positive and current. For instance, you could listen to a song that brings you a feeling of joy.  Or, you could imagine a great and rewarding social interaction you had with a friend today. Be More Deliberate and Smart with Your Choices: You may not even notice you’re participating in activities and/or spending time with people who are making you feel worse about yourself or your life. Now is the time to better notice these unhealthy habits.  Then, you can set firmer boundaries to only keep the healthiest endeavors and people in your life. Practice Forgiveness: Setbacks and mistakes are feedback if you’re open to viewing them this way.  Essentially, these areas, which tend to be sources of pain, can be novel chances to grow and improve. Find Your Ideal Therapist: You deserve to like, embrace, and even love yourself.  Consistent therapy can help you do this in the quickest way. A good therapist helps you to get in a new habit of viewing yourself in kinder and more valuable ways, as well as holds you accountable for this new and productive way of looking at yourself. If you’re ready to feel better about yourself quickly, call Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305 to schedule your first session. I look forward to speaking with you and assisting you in your journey toward health and joyfulness.

Couples therapy is one of my favorite parts of my job, particularly because every relationship is unique. No couple is the same. It’s thrilling! However, even though every relationship may be distinct, I also see a lot of patterns. Healthy and unhealthy ones. And there is one that particularly stands out. Non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication is just as important, if not more important than verbal communication. Common examples of this type of communication are body language, tone of voice, and eye-contact. This type of communication has a MAJOR impact on the overall mood and quality of the relationship. Let me put this into perspective. Let’s say you are having dinner with your boyfriend and he is visibly ignoring you, staring at his phone. Or your wife rolls her eyes every time you say “I love you”. That wouldn't feel good and I bet that eye roll seems like it is portraying A LOT more than just an eye-roll. That's the thing about non-verbal communication, just because you aren't actually saying something with your words, it doesn't mean you're not still sending a message. My goal is to help couples grow healthier and stronger and to eliminate bad patterns. Psycho-education is a big part of my therapeutic approach, I believe knowledge is power. Increasing one’s understanding of these unhealthy non-verbal communication patterns and identifying what they may look like can help in minimizing their use and ultimately decrease conflict. This is the goal, so I want to reflect deeper on the three most common non-verbal communication patterns I see so often in my work: 1. Tone of Voice: Have you or your partner ever heard “it’s not WHAT you said, it’s HOW you said it!” If so, you’re not alone. Your tone includes more than just the volume of your voice, it also includes your pitch, your pronunciation, and the exclamation. Your tone of voice can make a small request into an accentuated complaint, something simple to sound like an annoyance. Our tone of voice conveys a lot. Our words say what we want, but our tone conveys the MEANING. A good tip I often give is to THINK about what you want to say first before speaking. We can often catch ourselves from using an unhealthy tone if we just take a minute to stop and think about what we want to say, and how we can best convey the meaning behind it. A lot of work is put in on making the communication better in your relationship, but don’t neglect work on your tone of voice. 2. Body Language - I see something in therapy on a weekly basis, and I’ve started to point it out every time because the response is almost always the same. “I didn’t even know I was doing that.” It’s a simple shake of the head when their partner is talking. What does a head shake say to you? It says “no” right? Or “you're wrong”? Your body can be saying something totally different than your mouth. A head shake, a shoulder shrug, a large distance between you on the couch, pulling your hand away when you are being reached for. It all says something, and that something is not positive. Dr. John and Julie Gottman have researched the importance of turning towards your partner’s bids for connection and found a huge connection between healthy, long-lasting couples and those who turn towards their partners vs. away. This can start with body language. Face your body towards your partner, sit closer, reach out your hand. These small gestures have a huge impact. They show the desire to connect and grow closer rather than push your partner away. Remember, our bodies tell a story. What are you telling your partner with yours? 3. Eye Contact: This one seems simple right? All you have to do is just look at your partner when they are talking to you. This is easier said than done, actually. It’s easy to get distracted in the hustle and bustle of life and as I like to call it, be stuck in auto-pilot. When we aren’t being present we aren’t being attentive to our partner either. Your intention may be to talk and connect with your partner but your head is still at the office or stewing over your report due next week. That’s life, we are busy. Talk to each other about your days and what’s on your mind, but make sure you are focused on connecting through eye contact while you do it. The words mean less here than eye contact because the eyes will convey a deeper message that says “I am here, I am present”. Neglecting connection through eye contact opens the door to negative feelings sneaking in. Insecurity, neglect, resentment can all arise if we feel our partners are avoiding us, distracted, or simply checked out. Eye contact is easier to correct than overcoming resentment, so start now! Look at each other, connect through eye contact. It’s more powerful than you may realize. Eyes on the prize, people! Do you recognize any of these patterns in your relationship? If so, it’s not the end of the world. Patterns are learned behavior, but you can also unlearn behavior. You can begin to identify, re-direct, and essentially eliminate unhealthy patterns, even the non-verbal ones. If you and/or your partner are looking to work on your conflict resolution and communication skills, call me today to schedule a couples therapy session at 954-391-5305.  To read more about my approach to therapy and find out what other services I offer, visit my page.