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Have you ever felt like you wanted to have a meaningful conversation with your teen but the words never came out the way you planned? You try different things to spark a conversation but they seem to brush it off or get irritated? Many parents report that they lack the words or the confidence to approach their teens and start a judgement free caring conversation. They anticipate being rejected by their teen or being greeted with sarcasm or even seen as not being in touch with the new times and interests of their teens. Who never heard “oh that’s not what you say mom” or, “gee dad, don’t tell me you don’t know how to use that? I’ve been through it too and can tell you the worse thing I’ve heard from my teen is “mom you can’t be my friend, you’re my mom! It’s weird! So after researching further, I decided to compile a few practical questions that would offer a way to engage teens during these current times. I coded them for different scenarios that will help you open the channels of communication in the direction that you want to take. These questions can then be followed by further in-depth questions, words of affirmation, or just empathy and validation. Opening Questions How was it to meet everyone online? What was your favorite class today? Who is your favorite teacher? What is cool about her? Did you learn any fun facts today that I might not know? How was the vibe at school? Mood Assessing Questions Did anyone get on your nerves today? Did anything make you feel worried? With all the new procedures for school, was there anything that was particularly hard for you today? What was different about today? On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is awesome and 1 is crappy, where would you rate today? Fostering Positivity Questions Which class was the one you most enjoyed? What is a benefit you can gain from taking your classes online? Did something funny happen today? Who made you smile? Was anyone nice to you today? Building on Strength Questions What is one thing you would change about online classes? How would that be better? What are your classmate’s opinions of this new online school? Do you agree? Were you able to be creative in some way today? Were there some lessons that you felt you already knew? Who was happy to see you today? Cultivating Closeness Questions Who were you grateful for today? Can I make you something special for a snack? What would you like to do after your homework today? How can I help you prepare for tomorrow? Did you know I love you? Should you want more information on how to best utilize these questions and how to pair them with other techniques to get better results, please contact me at 954-391-5305. I love working with teens and families as I believe they are the foundation for healthy generations to come. #anxiety #teencounseling #familycounseling

If the aftermath of a fight between you and your partner feels like a city after it’s hit by a terrible hurricane, then this blog is for you. The devastated city takes days to weeks to reconnect its electricity and resume its daily sense of normalcy, peace, and success. If only there were better ways to recover from such profound destruction. Armed with the right set of skills, you and your loved one should expect a speedy recovery. Here’s the trick to quickly moving forward from a fight with your partner: talk about the fight without going back into battle again; in their renowned Gottman Method, which has transformed the lives of thousands of couples, Dr. John and Julie Gottman state, “it needs to be a conversation  as if you were both sitting in the balcony of a theater looking down on a stage where the action had occurred.” Key Ways to Accomplish This: 1. Ensure You’re Both Calm If you try to resolve the fight without you both first being calm, you’re likely to do battle once again.  So, ensure both you and your partner are feeling relaxed.  Reading, journaling, or taking a walk are some examples of ways to help you and your loved one calm down.  When you’re both noticeably calmer, you can then approach the important topic. 2. Concentrate on the Goal of Improved Understanding Now that you’re both calm, I know it’s tempting to want to be right and convey what you believe to be the facts in a situation.  These goals, however, will not help you in quickly resolving conflicts and they will only worsen the outcomes.  Focus, instead, on how you felt and your overall perception of the event. 3. Take Turns Sharing Your Perspectives and Feelings Now, share your feelings and perception of the experience with your partner.  Once you’re done, encourage your partner to summarize what you said.  If s/he gets any of your views wrong, do your best to gently correct him/her. Once your partner accurately captures your experience, reality, and feelings as they pertain to the fight, it’s time to switch. Now, give your partner the opportunity to share his/her own reality of the experience, including his/her feelings about it.  Once done, you’ll then go through that same process of summarizing what you heard until your partner confirms that you got it right. 4. Agree on Improvements At the end of this process, ensure that each of you shares one thing both you and your partner can do in the future to help prevent this kind of fight.  It’s critical that you both concentrate on being as agreeable as possible with the plans you both suggest to one another. I can help you and your partner bounce back from fights much more quickly so you can much more readily be that loving, supportive, calm, and caring couple again. I provide telehealth couples counseling within a secure HIPAA compliant video or phone session.  Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help.  Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305. #couplestherapy #gottman

Uma das áreas em que as famílias estão sofrendo os efeitos da pandemia do coronavírus é no relacionamento com os filhos adolescentes. Muitas famílias estão tendo dificuldades financeiras, tentando pagar as contas do mês, buscando garantir a segurança dos familiares quando têm que sair de casa e tentando manter o bom relacionamento com todos no ambiente familiar. Além disso, os pais têm tido dificuldade de encontrar o equilíbrio na relação com os filhos adolescentes, que estão entediados, irritados e isolados em seus quartos. Você se identifica com o cenário descrito acima? São tempos difíceis, não somente porque você está preocupado por seus filhos estarem ansiosos e desmotivados, mas também por se sentir sobrecarregado e estressado sobre o que o futuro reserva para a sua família. Como é dito pelos comissários de bordo, “em caso de emergência durante o voo, coloque a máscara de oxigênio no seu rosto primeiro e depois coloque no seu filho”. Isso significa simplesmente que, a fim de preparar o futuro para seus filhos, é importante que você também pratique ações e comportamentos que o ajudarão a suportar a transição desses tempos. Como uma especialista em comportamento humano, mãe de adolescente e esposa, vou te dar sete dicas fundamentais para a sua família seguir em frente e fortalecer o laço familiar. A ideia é ajudar a superar toda a energia negativa deste tempo em que estamos vivendo, para sermos capazes de encontrar um significado em nossas vidas. Eleve a autoestima de seus filhos Embora os adolescentes se espelhem em colegas para a própria aceitação e autoestima, muitos de seus valores e ideais vêm de vocês, pai e mãe. Durante esse período de pouco contato físico com amigos e colegas, você pode usar o tempo com seu filho para buscar formas de elevar a sua autoestima. Você sabe melhor que ninguém o que eles gostam de fazer, e se você não sabe, é hora de perguntar. Eles têm talentos e interesses que podem ser incentivados por atitudes simples, como comprar materiais de arte, um microfone, ou até mesmo créditos para jogos educacionais no computador. Minha filha me mostrou um incrível parque de diversões que ela construiu no ROBLOX (é uma plataforma de criação virtual que permite aos usuários desenvolverem seus próprios jogos e projetos). Eu fiquei tão impressionada por sua criatividade e habilidade, que sempre pergunto como o seu empreendimento está se desenvolvendo. Eu procuro incentivá-la e digo que sua habilidade poderá ser usada quando ela ingressar em uma carreira profissional. Converse abertamente com seu filho Adolescentes precisam interagir com pessoas do “mundo exterior” para o seu desenvolvimento normal, mas agora eles estão limitados ao FaceTime, telefone, mensagens de texto e mídias sociais. É importante que eles mantenham contato com os melhores amigos e colegas para minimizar os efeitos negativos que as mídias sociais podem ter. Nós como pais temos que encontrar o equilíbrio entre ler tudo o que o filho faz no telefone ou não encostar no telefone do filho de forma alguma. Todo adolescente é diferente, mas todos eles precisam de limites. Seja aberto sobre quais são os limites. Quando eles perceberem que eles não são “pessoas do mal”, mas sim que você se preocupa e quer que eles sejam felizes, eles vão aceitar esses limites. Estabeleça uma rotina semanal Dê a seu filho uma lista semanal de coisas para que ele fique responsável por elas. Isso é importante para que eles tenham um sentimento de realização e uma oportunidade de receber elogios. Se você tiver mais de um filho, você pode dar ao mais novo uma tarefa menor e ainda assim fazer com que ele se sinta responsável por parte do funcionamento da casa. Os pais podem ser criativos e usar a habilidade de negociar quem faz o que em casa. Dê a eles escolhas para que estejam no controle. Talvez o adolescente não quer arrumar a cama e limpar o quarto, então, peça para ele limpar o banheiro. Minha filha decidiu que prefere limpar o quarto em vez do banheiro. Estabeleça horários para dormir e acordar e faça com que eles tenham pelo menos uma refeição com toda a família todos os dias. Isso vai ser bom para regular o sono, criar hábitos saudáveis e diminuir a irritabilidade. Prepare a si mesmo e seu filho para que se sintam seguros Muitos pais não percebem que seus próprios medos e ansiedade associados à essa pandemia estão sendo repassados aos seus filhos. Adolescentes em particular se preocupam com seus pais, mesmo que eles não demostrem. Essa preocupação pode criar um senso de instabilidade em suas vidas e levar a fobias e medos. Para piorar as coisas, adolescentes não costumam dividir seus medos e ansiedades com os pais porque eles não querem ser mais um problema para eles ou por sentirem que não serão ouvidos. É importante que os pais sejam honestos ao conversar com os filhos, tendo em mente que os adolescentes não se sentem no controle de suas vidas como os seus pais. Ações claras e com medidas preventivas estabelecidas são úteis para tranquilizar seu filho adolescente, para que ele se sinta protegido e seguro nesse período. Incentive a prática de exercícios físicos Embora muitos esportes em grupo foram cancelados por causa da pandemia, é importante que seu filho adolescente pratique exercícios físicos e faça atividades ao ar livre. Movimentar o corpo libera endorfinas e ajuda a combater o tédio, pensamentos negativos e a ansiedade. Pode ser andar de bicicleta, levar o cachorro para passear, correr e jogar tênis são maneiras de distrair a mente dos problemas atuais. Tempo para si mesmo Assim como nós adultos, que precisamos de um tempo para nós mesmos em meio às atividades diárias, os adolescentes também precisam. O problema é que eles não sabem como fazer isso. Eles ficam no quarto seguindo padrões de comportamento, que levam para a negatividade de pensamentos, à ansiedade, tristeza e medo. Nós temos que encorajar nossos filhos a parar um pouco e encontrar um passatempo que eles gostem para ocupar o dia. Alguns gostam de escrever, outros de desenhar ou cantar, outros gostam de testar novas maquiagens ou fazer as unhas. O que o seu filho adolescente gosta de fazer? Nossa casa, por exemplo, é cheia de telas de todos os tamanhos e minha filha faz experiências com todos os tipos de tinta. Ela até me convenceu a tentar fazer isso com ela e disse: “não existe certo e errado, mãe”. Reserve um tempo para jogos e atividades em família Passar um tempo de qualidade com os nossos filhos é o que podemos fazer de mais importante para eles. Sabemos que as vezes eles não vão admitir isso, que eles querem passar tempo com os pais, mas encontre um tempo para um jogo em família, para uma viagem de carro, ou apenas assista a um filme que ele queira assistir. O importante é mostrar que eles não estão sozinhos e que são amados e aceitos. Pode ser muito difícil interagir com as mudanças de humor dos adolescentes, mas faça um convite para uma atividade familiar inesperada. Você vai ver que eles vão reagir de uma forma totalmente diferente. À medida que observo como as famílias se adaptam à essa pandemia, é cada vez mais interessante mergulhar mais fundo no tópico de como os pais podem se conectar melhor com os filhos. Se você quer saber mais sobre construir relações saudáveis com seu filho nesses tempos difíceis, entre em contato comigo (Alexa von Oertzen) hoje pelo telefone: 954-391-5305. Vamos encontrar a melhor forma de fortalecer seu relacionamento com seus adolescentes e ajudá-los a ter mais segurança e confiança para enfrentar o futuro. Visite agora a nossa página em português.

When you come home to your partner, you feel scared.  You don’t know which version you’re going to encounter: the calm, sweet, and thoughtful person with whom you chose to be with or the chaotic, mean, and unpredictable individual with whom you’ve seen develop an increasingly closer bond to drugs, alcohol, or both. We all deserve to feel safe, trust, and stability in our intimate relationships.  When a third party (whether its drugs or alcohol, for example) enter into our once incredible relationship, we feel angry, worried, fearful, and resentful.  It’s very challenging to know what to do with all of these intense feelings, as well as how to cope with our partner, attempt to help him/her, and try to resurrect our relationship.  I’m here to begin showing you the path to that deserved future for both you and your loved one. The Most Important Fact to First Recognize: You Cannot Get Your Partner Sober.  Your Role is Very Different and Critical. For someone to curb and eliminate addiction, s/he must be personally motivated to do so. As much as you want your partner to recognize s/he is addicted and then immediately change, your partner can only do this if s/he is in the right frame of mind to acknowledge the addiction, agree with the devastation it has caused him/her and you both, and then take the steps to change. Your role, then, is: Not to push s/he into sobriety, but rather, to encourage him/her to want to achieve sobriety on his/her own. Learn about addiction, as this will help you to much better understand and empathize with how your partner got to this place and how s/he can work to get out of it. Share with your partner, in a clear, compassionate, and gentle way your feelings about his/her addiction.  For instance, you could say, “When you drink, I feel worried.”  It’s crucial that you avoid blaming, criticism, and put-downs when you communicate with your afflicted partner, as this will only lead to s/he becoming defensive, shutting down, and/or becoming angry.  The goal is for you to feel heard and to increase the likelihood that your partner responds in a respectful and kind way; the more you communicate in this kind of manner, the more likely you are to get your goal met. Engage in therapy and support with your partner.  There is a lot of great research on addiction that demonstrates that when therapy focuses on working with both members of the couple, there is a much higher success rate for the afflicted partner achieving and maintaining long-term sobriety. I can help you effectively cope with your partner with whom struggles with addiction and reclaim that loving, close, and passionate relationship you both want and deserve. I provide options for telehealth sessions through a secure, HIPAA compliant video or phone session.  Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help.  Jordan Zipkin, LMFT at 954-391-5305.

Postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA) have been hot topics for quite some time, but it often isn’t given the necessary attention it deserves. Mental health, in general, is not respected in the way that it should be unless something tragic happens. When it comes to maternal mental health like PPD and PPA, people don’t realize how common it is and how it affects parents, children, families, etc. I am hoping that through this blog, anyone who is looking for information for themselves or for their loved ones can understand the importance of seeking support and resources for those who need it. Before I even get started, I do want to stress that if you or a loved one is needing support to contact a licensed mental health professional and/or medical professional immediately to schedule an appointment. If you are, or if your loved one is in crisis, contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. What are Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety? Postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA) are maternal mental health diagnoses that are given to a parent, at any time during or after pregnancy (including loss), who experience symptoms that impact their daily lives. These symptoms include (but are not limited to): Increased anger Lack of sleep (outside of the “norm” of the newborn stage) Lack of eating Overly cautious or watchful Intrusive thoughts** - Make sure to read the misconceptions section!! Baby blues lasting longer than 3 weeks postpartum Increase feelings of sadness, overwhelm, and anxiety There are differences between postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA), but it is very common for a parent to have both PPD and PPA. The easiest way to differentiate PPD and PPA (and please be mindful that this is a generalized difference and can be different per parent) are that parents who experience PPD feel disconnected from their child and their experience, while parents with PPA work to become overly connected to their child and experience. What Risk Factors that Increase your Likelihood of PPD or PPA? There are several risk factors that increase a parent’s likelihood of developing postpartum depression and/or postpartum anxiety. These risk factors include (but are not limited to): Previous experience with depression and/or anxiety Previous PPD or PPA with a previous pregnancy Family members with a history of depression or anxiety Lack of emotional support Complications during birth Premature delivery Difficult life transitions If this was an unplanned pregnancy What are the Effects of Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety? Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety can have intense effects that impact more than just the parents. Babies and children of parents with PPD or PPA (that are untreated) are more likely to develop mental health issues and sometimes developmental delays (Glover, 2013). This can be especially true for mothers who develop PPD and PPA during pregnancy. This is why it is often recommended for moms to continue taking their medication throughout their pregnancy while being observed by their OBGYN. Relationships around the parent suffering from PPD and/or PPA are also impacted. Those suffering may isolate themselves further from their support system. They also may lash out emotionally without realizing it. After some time, people may tend to stray away because of it. Which would only intensify the parent’s feelings of being alone. So, the cycle continues. Not only are relationships impacted, but PPD and PPA cause parents to feel overwhelmed, stressed and tend to lose focus. This can also impact them at work. Therefore, PPD and PPA are not just issues that occur within the home, so it is important to provide parents with the necessary support, regardless if they are suffering from a maternal mental health issue. Do Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety Go Away? Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety are treatable with therapy and/or medication. It is also important to build tools to help manage your PPD and PPA symptoms. With talk therapy, you will speak with a licensed professional about anything you’re struggling with and what you want to change. Change can be for yourself, your baby, and your future. With a licensed professional, you can build coping mechanisms, a better structure for self-care, tools to improve your relationships, and more. It is especially important to find a licensed provider who has specialized training in maternal mental health issues. You can find a directory of trained professionals through Postpartum Support International. When it comes to medication, it is a personal decision, however, it is highly recommended to help reduce your symptoms of PPD and/or PPA. There is a wide range of medication that is safe to use while pregnant and breastfeeding. To discuss your options, consult with a medical professional. To summarize, the best way to reduce your symptoms is to seek help... the sooner, the better. What are Some Misconceptions about Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety? Breaking down the misconceptions about postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety starts with breaking down stigmas with mental health. Taking care of your mental well-being is JUST as important as taking care of your physical health. Especially because your body and mind are connected in ways that most people can’t imagine. Another stigma about receiving counseling services is that it makes you “weak” or in the case of parents who have postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety is that it makes them a bad parent. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Taking care of your mental well-being and ensuring that you receive treatment for PPD and PPA, means that you are doing your best for yourself and your child. As mentioned before, untreated PPD and PPA can have drastic effects on everyone involved. Therefore seeking solutions means you are a GREAT parent. One big misconception about parents with PPD and PPA is that they will harm their children. THAT IS NOT THE CASE AT ALL. In news stories, they talk about moms who unfortunately do something tragic, but they are talking about moms who have postpartum psychosis. Postpartum psychosis is only diagnosed in 2% of births and less than 5% of those diagnosed do something tragic (Postpartum Support International (PSI), n.d.). For moms who believe they are experiencing postpartum psychosis, it is important to seek treatment immediately. We don’t hear a lot about postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, but it is important to know that PPD and PPA are highly prevalent. Even if you think you may just be sad, still talk to your pediatrician and/or OBGYN about your concerns and questions. What Are Some Resources for Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety? There are plenty of resources for parents who feel that they have PPD or PPA. One of my favorite resources is Postpartum Support International. They have a wide range of services to help parents, like a helpline, directory of professionals who have received specialized training in maternal mental health services, peer mentorship programs, and a chat of expert moms. The Blue Dot Project is a group that provides information for moms who are having trouble during pregnancy and parenthood. On their website, they have a wide range of books, infographics, support groups, and apps that they recommend. There is a lot more information I can provide to you because I want to express how important it is to not place judgment on who you are as a parent, just because you have postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. You are a GREAT parent. You ARE capable. You will get through this! You ARE enough! Lastly, I want you to know that it is ok to ask for support. It is ok to ask for help. If you or your family member needs support or help, there are people with open arms ready to greet you. Give us a call at 954-391-5305 today for your complimentary consultation to find out how counseling for moms can be useful for you. ***Please also remember if there is an emergency to contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. SOURCES CITED Glover, V. (2013, August 6). Effects of Prenatal Stress can Affect Children into Adulthood. Retrieved from This Conversation. Postpartum Support International (PSI). (n.d.). Postpartum Psychosis. Retrieved from Postpartum Support International,

Everyone experiences feelings of sadness at some point in their lives. Normally these feelings pass within a few days, but a person who is depressed may have difficulty with daily functioning for weeks at a time. Most adults have the ability and the experience to understand their feelings of depression, cope with them, and recover. However, many teens do not have those resources and are especially vulnerable to depression which can have long-lasting effects. Depression amongst this age group is common and real, but can be easily confused with normal teen mood swings and behaviors. Oftentimes teens do not seek help, because they and their parents think depression symptoms are just part of the typical stressors of adolescence. As if being a teenager in today’s world of social media insecurities and body shaming is not stressful enough, add to it COVID-19 and the dangers of a global pandemic! Teens need stability and depend on normalcy, but are now dealing with sudden changes to their social lives and daily routines. Some teens do not have access to education, have food insecurities, and some may even experience unsafe emotional and physical home environments. For some, their social identity and interactions have been disrupted. For others, school was their safe haven and that is gone. These challenges can bring forth feelings of anger, anxiety, depression, despair, and sadness. Parents are wondering how they can support their teen during this unprecedented time. Here are a few recommended tips: ●      Create a positive home environment: It is important that your child feels that their home is their safe haven where they are accepted for who they are at all times. A quality relationship with your child is key to them feeling safe and secure. One way to do this is to have regular family meals where you take time with each other. This can create a foundation for growth and can foster a quality family relationship. This is true pre-pandemic, but is even more important now during these uncertain times. Doing this will give parents the opportunity to not only check in with their teen, but reinforce the feeling of having a safe environment where they feel loved, cared for, and nurtured. This is essential and will have a long term positive effect on family dynamics. ●      Learn your teen’s world: When possible try to simply watch movies or listen to music with your teen. Sometimes just being present and taking an interest in their activities will cause them to lower their guard and open up. Parents have to balance that with also respecting their need for privacy and alone time as they are used to spending the majority of their time with friends of their own age. It’s important for parents not to be “too pushy” but to offer help and listen. ●     Be aware of depressive symptoms: According to Mental Health America, the warning signs of depression that parents should be aware of are: ○     suicidal threats or obsession with death ○     giving away belongings decreased interest in friends ○     dramatic change in personality or appearance ○     irrational or bizarre behavior ○     overwhelming sense of guilt/shame ○     changes in eating or sleeping patterns, changes in school performance, and irritability ○     Sometimes a teen’s feelings of depression may be expressed by experimenting with substances such as drugs and alcohol, being sexually promiscuous, or by engaging in risk-taking behavior. ●      Seek professional help: While it is completely normal for teens to experience a wide range of emotions on a regular basis and perhaps even more during uncertain times, it is NOT normal for them to have severe or prolonged feelings of depression or sadness. It would be beneficial for your teen to seek professional help from a mental health provider who specializes in teen depression. Although parents always want to be helpful, reality is sometimes the best help is professional help. Research indicates during times of crisis a teen’s emotional and mental behavior can have long term lasting effects on them. However with the right support and professional guidance, teens can learn solutions, coping skills and tools to recognize and manage stress. This in turn will help them better deal with the thoughts and behaviors that stress can cause and will give them the ability to rebound from a challenge or set back with a healthy mental attitude. If your teen is experiencing intense sadness or worry about current or future life situations and this is causing the inability for your teen to cope with everyday life, there is support available. Please reach out to me at 954-391-5305 and let me help you, your family but most importantly, your teen. Schedule a time to meet for a free telehealth consultation. Other helpful resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline    800-273-TALK Covenant House Nine Line                  800-999-9999 Child-Help USA National Abuse Hotline   800-422-4453 #teencounseling #telehealth

A break-up is a certain type of pain. Heartbreak is hard to define as it’s not always the same for everyone. But it’s real, and it’s heavy. A break-up can even be classified as a trauma in some cases. It’s an extremely complex and difficult time whether you are the one choosing to leave the relationship, the decision was made together, or you are struggling with the separation you didn't want. Relationships are a wonderful, special part of our life as they are often rooted in love, intimacy, support, and respect. These powerful things are what humans innately crave as we thrive off connection and all that comes from it. As relationships grow, these qualities of love and support grow and we begin to depend on them. We depend on our partners to feel full and complete. Break-ups often remove these qualities from being present in our life, leaving us feeling lost. When recovering from a break-up, it is important to prioritize yourself and amplify self-care. Break-up self-care can be different, as you may want to direct your attention on the break-up itself vs. just everyday things that make us feel good. Our tendencies can shift to negative thinking patterns, focused on “what ifs”, “if onlys” and additional toxic habits. Practicing skills like gratitude journaling, mindfulness, or similar self-care habits can be beneficial during this process. I provide ​break-up recovery therapy​ in my practice specifically to support and aid those who are dealing with this difficult process and struggling with the many emotions that may arise during this time such as stress, grief, anger, and confusion. This type of support is essential to the healing process in addition to learning and developing skills to implement in the moments that seem the hardest. Below I provide some of the tips I find to be especially useful in coping with a break-up: - Acceptance: In order to take the necessary steps toward coping and eventually moving on, we need to accept the break-up. We also need to give ourselves permission to feel our feelings, accept the emotions that come along with this separation, and ALLOW yourself to feel them. Be present and patient, accept where you are and move forward at your own pace. - Journaling: This is one of the best skills to help us process our emotions. More so, it can help give you a productive purpose to focus on rather than the negatives of the break-up. Try giving yourself specific topics to channel your energy into such as listing your strengths, identifying your positive attributes, listing all the benefits to being single, or what you have learned from the relationship. Your journal is YOURS, use it how you like. - Creating Closure: We can be our own worst enemies when it comes to moving on. Holding on too closely to certain sentimental belongings, items, or various memoranda that keeps us in an unhealthy limbo state preventing us from moving on. Creating a way to find closure by releasing some of these memories can be helpful to cut certain ties that have been holding us back and close the door on the relationship that has ended. Great examples of this closure can be deleting old messages, removing pictures, unfollowing him/her on social media, writing a letter with final words, or whatever similar ritual you think may help you create closure. - Read: Find yourself a useful book, article, or any resource that helps you feel validated, heard, and gives useful information on how to cope with this process. You may not relate to every single thing in a self-help book, but if you take one thing away from any resource you read, it was worth it! Plus, reading is good for the soul. Audiobooks and podcasts are also a great option for those who don't like reading. - Last, but certainly not least, ​THERAPY: ​Therapy is an essential skill in processing a break-up. Talking to friends or your support system to process your feelings is a healthy part of this process, but they are sometimes too close to provide the support you need. Therapy could be more effective in this scenario as a good therapist should remain more unbiased and nonjudgemental in proving useful support and feedback. Talking is therapeutic in itself, so pairing that with the useful take-aways therapy can provide this is a fantastic way to help you recover from your breakup. If you find yourself struggling to cope with a recent break-up, please reach out via telephone at 954-391-5305 for more information on how therapy can help you recover​. I offer both teletherapy and in person sessions at this time, if appropriate, with the COVID-19 pandemic and restrictions. I look forward to speaking with you soon!

As a couple's therapist, I constantly hear about men and women not getting what they want, need or desire in their relationships. I hear people say things like “I wish we were playful like we used to be "or “I miss the sexual/ passionate relationship that we used to have''. It’s very easy to get lost in one’s daily rituals and routines where we focus on careers, kids, bills, and various activities of daily living where we lose the parts of ourselves that promoted love and sexual attraction. When we stop doing the things that promote love and attraction, we may come to believe that these parts of the relationship are lost. The following is a formula that seems to plague many relationships:  Absence of a behavior (being playful and initiating sex) + lack of vulnerability + time = loss of connection/loss of hope. I think this confuses people into believing their partner has changed for the worst when in fact, their partner is likely missing those very same things that are missing. So, what is a couple to do!? Well, the first step to take is to think about what is missing in your relationship; take an inventory of what you want or need by making a list. Identify which of those wants/needs you prioritize over others; this will inform you of your core needs versus more flexible needs. Our core needs are likely things that we need met because they are a part of our deeper self and connected to our value and belief system. Once you become aware of your prioritized needs, be sure to tell your partner. Remember to be clear and specific in stating your needs and don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. When your partner is aware of what you want and need you have a higher likelihood of getting your needs met. In addition to stating your needs, it’s just as important TO BE WHAT YOU NEED. For example, if being playful and silly is something that you identified as a core need, then this is likely an inherent part of your personality. If so, go ahead and be that part of yourself! Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable to put yourself out there regardless of what you partner may or may not say. Now of course you want to stay within reason regarding your timing but go on and be authentic to this part of yourself and model what you need; set the standard and BE WHAT YOU NEED. Not only are you honoring yourself by emulating what's important to you but you are also setting your partner up for success because you are demonstrating a behavior that your partner likely values and misses as well. Sometimes we need to see our partner be what’s missing in the relationship to gain a sense of permission to access that part of ourselves as well.  The conclusion is to recognize what you need, state your needs and to be what you need so that connection can be restored or improved. For more help with your relationship visit my page at Jackie Schwartz, LMFT. If you're ready to invest in your relationship, contact me at 954-391-5305. I offer sessions at our beautiful offices in east Fort Lauderdale location as well as phone and video sessions through a secure platform HIPAA compliant platform. #couplestherapy #bayviewtherapy #relationships

Overbooked schedules, stressful routines, never-ending demands to maintain a “dynamic” life amid a World Pandemic, you feel like you have no choice, but to be busy all the time. We are often taught that in order to be successful, we must work harder, and that staying busy will lead to more productivity, prosperity, and hopefully–happiness. But living in a state of busyness is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. And it often leads to a state of emotional disconnect, inner void, loneliness, and dissatisfaction. It causes a state of unhappiness that is often hard to spot with a naked eye. “Why am I feeling so lonely and unhappy? I’m always surrounded by people, doing fun stuff, and yet at the end of the day, when I lay in bed by myself, I feel like I don’t even know who I am”. The question came last week from one of my clients. It bothered him that after spending his days with the people he likes and doing the things he knows he enjoys, he couldn’t brush off the feeling that he wasn’t sure whether he really liked all these activities. And most importantly, whether he really knows himself and what makes him happy. Staying busy all the time robs us of the opportunity to be with ourselves, checking in with the emotional side of us. There’s no time left for an honest, genuine dialogue during which we ask ourselves how we’re “being” while we’re so busy “doing”. Not spending time in solitude robs us of the mental silence needed for reflection, for revisiting our latest attitudes and behaviors, our connections with others, our future goals, and dreams. The intensity of a life built around a to-do list, and the loudness of other people’s busy schedules – can make us lose touch with ourselves. And lose sight of the things dear to our soul. We often start pursuing other people’s dreams, because we didn’t have time to reflect on our own. But those dreams are not ours, they don’t align with who we are and what we truly want in life. We start feeling lost and confused. Benefits of Sitting with Oneself.  In Silence. Many highly accomplished people intentionally create an absence of busyness and noise, with the purpose of reassessing their course in life, and giving themselves the opportunity to realign themselves with their purpose, reconnect with what’s truly important to them, and also generate new ideas. Silence unleashes contemplation, connection, and creativity. Creating space and time to be with self, allows you to take ownership of who you are.  To accept what it is and to change what is not yet. You have no choice but getting to know yourself better. In silence, we hear ourselves loud enough to notice our shortcomings and are propelled to work through some uncomfortable realities.  This process draws us closer to our own selves, and it creates a space for growth. Stillness brings with itself the gift of rediscovering ourselves and this expands our sense of inner possibilities. Occasionally, Give Yourself the Gift of Silence, Stillness, and Solitude Deliberately creating a space in your life for stillness, silence, and solitude can also help you physically. By adopting this practice, you can significantly reduce the risk of burnout so there’s a calmer, refreshed, emotionally richer self to engage with others when you’re ready to do so. On an emotional level, this can help you define, revise, and enrich your sense of identity by sorting through personal values and reflecting on whether your current actions match the ideals of the person you aspire to be. Stillness can bring more order to your existence when you take the time to examine your priorities and set boundaries to protect the life you envision for yourself and your loved ones. Being with Oneself Creates a Space of Reflection and Rediscovery. A space for Growth. In psychotherapy, clients are often taught how to sit with themselves, nurturing a space of stillness and inner growth. A space where they learn to listen to their own needs and use the power of this internal dialogue to create a stronger connection with self. I hear you... it can be difficult to create a space of stillness while the whole world feels upside down. But I’m here to tell you that it’s possible. In therapy sessions, clients learn to quiet the rest of the world and turn inwards. They also learn to develop different routines to make time for reflection, and a safe space within their minds that they can find refuge in whenever they need to. If you’re ready to deepen the conversation with yourself and learn how to grow emotionally, you can connect with me Sabrina Simmons, Licensed Mental Health Counselor - via phone at 954-391-5305. I specialize in helping people improve their relationship with themselves, and will be happy to help you do the same. I offer both telehealth and face to face sessions at our beautiful and serene Fort Lauderdale offices. I look forward to connecting with you!

The holidays are meant to be a source of connection, peace, and joy. They also tend to drag along with them noteworthy stress, anxiety, sadness, and overwhelm. Now, add COVID-19 to the mix. You see where this is going. I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to unfold this way. Set and Maintain Realistic Expectations: The truth is that the holidays will not look the same for everyone as they did last year. For instance, due to the pandemic, perhaps you decided that you and your elderly parents will not physically see each other. While you won’t be able to celebrate the holidays physically with one another, you have other options. For instance, your parents could participate in the activities through Skype. Additionally, there are a handful of online games in which you and your parents could play to enjoy the experience as much as possible. Regardless of which creative path(s) you and your family take, deciding upon and engaging in these reasonable adaptations to an unreasonable event can make the holidays as good as possible. Establish and Complete Several Short-Term SMART Goals: The holidays, with or without the addition of the pandemic, are often filled with plenty of to-do lists and activities, all of which can foster anxiety and overwhelm. The best way to approach and complete these various endeavors is to create several short-term SMART goals around them. SMART stands for specific, measurable, adjustable, realistic, and time-based. An example of one such SMART goal is “I will spend 1-2 hours for 1-2 days/wk during this next week reading about 2-3 possible Thanksgiving turkey recipes.” The idea here is to take the multitude of tasks, which at first glance feel quite challenging, and break them up into much smaller, more achievable tasks and goals. Additionally, as you complete each of them, give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it. Take Consistent Meaningful Breaks: Since we’re on the topic of celebrations, imagine yourself blowing up a balloon. You relentlessly push oxygen into the balloon until it’s as big as possible. Do you stop there and tie the knot? Do you let some air out so the balloon is less likely to pop? Or, do you keep on pushing air into it? I think we know what happens if we take option 3. Similarly, we know what happens if we don’t take the right kind of breaks. Notice when you’re getting close to your “emotional capacity.”: Discipline yourself to capitalize on those moments by completely separating from the things that are causing you distress. In these moments, solely fill your mind with images, thoughts, and experiences that bring you joy, peace, and fulfillment. Here are some ideas: Allocate 5-10 minutes to a soothing visualization endeavor: Close your eyes, and imagine you’re in a place or experience that has or could bring you considerable happiness and quiet. Use all of your senses as possible to make this scene as vivid as possible. Devote at least 10-20 minutes to moderately intense exercise: This action releases critical chemicals in our body that fosters instant peace and joy. This last one may sound strange, but I encourage you to hear me out: When any of us are in extreme distress, if we drastically change our body temperature, we immediately calm ourselves down. On a physiological level, when you do this, your heart slows down and your blood flow to non-essential organs is reduced. Your blood flow is sent to your brain and heart, which regulates your emotions. This is why when you jump into a very cold body of water, you instantly feel refreshed. So, you could hold an ice pack up to your head for 30 to 45 seconds at most. It has the same impact of making us feel rejuvenated. I can assist you in much better navigating the stress and anxiety related to the holidays through a telehealth session through a HIPAA compliant video or phone session. Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help. Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305.

First things first, what is Neuro Emotional Technique (NET)? Maybe you’ve heard of it and want to learn more or maybe this is your first time hearing about it. NET is a very unique and special technique with fast and phenomenal results. If you enjoy holistic approaches that incorporate your mind and body, this might be for you. NET is great at minimizing the “charge” or negative effect that stress and trauma have on you. Stress and trauma are things which have long standing effects on your mind and body. We can look at trauma and stress through a continuum, meaning it looks differently for each person and each person will define it differently. Trauma could range from experiences of physical, emotional or sexual abuse, physical or emotional neglect, moving many times in childhood, history of addiction, unresolved grief, being involved in a car accident, phobias, a diagnosis such as cancer, chronic pain or illness and many more. These are just a few examples of the huge umbrella of trauma. How was NET created? NET was founded by two chiropractors. They were providing chiropractic treatment and adjustments. The patients were returning to their chiropractor’s offices for the same adjustments and experiencing the same aches and pains EVEN though they were already treated for them! The founders knew there was something more, something deeper, happening within the body and decided to investigate. These chiropractors decided to incorporate perspectives from Chinese Acupuncture as well as Mental Health Treatment. This collaboration allowed them to combine thousands of years of research to create a formula which is most effective. Let me break down some of the science of NET. Part of what makes NET so unique is that it uses muscle testing/monitoring to communicate directly with the body and assess a person's response to any given stimulus. You might be thinking, what is muscle testing? Simply stated, the body has within it and surrounding it, an electrical network. If anything impacts your electrical system that is not helpful to your health and body's balance, your muscles, when having physical pressure applied, are unable to hold their strength. (Muscle power = balance). In other words, if pressure is applied to an individual's extended arm while the body is being adversely affected (by something like stress or trauma) the muscles will weaken and the arm will not be able to resist the pressure. When pressure is applied once becoming more neutral (less impacted by the stress or trauma), the muscles remain strong and will easily resist the physical pressure that is applied when using the therapy. NET also uses acupressure, where I will help guide you to provide a light or deep touch on your own pressure points as part of the healing process. We can think of this as similar to the "knee jerk reflex" we have. You may be familiar with this test- it is where the doctor hits your knee at a spot just below your knee cap and your leg kicks out! NET is really unique in that you are able to use your own body as a mechanism to support and help guide your treatment. It can be very transformational to be able to see the tangible change in muscle strength (congruence with feeling better) as you go. If you are anything like me, you like to see results in real time. Sometimes we’re not sure if we feel better and sometimes it does take time to start feeling better, even when we are working hard in therapy. With this technique, your body is the evidence and your mind will support this evidence as you continue your therapy sessions and move into your life, where you will begin to feel things become easier and/or less painful for you. What will MY results look like? I can’t say what each person’s results will look like, because each person and what they would like to work on is so unique and individualized. What I can share with you is the research conducted by the founders of NET, this will give you an idea of what this process may look like. NET researchers studied 23 cancer patients who had distressing cancer-related experiences that caused traumatic stress symptoms that persisted for at least six months. Some study participants received NET and others were waitlisted to a control. The treatment group received a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) while listening to the story of their distressing cancer memory before and after NET. After NET, reactivity in a number of brain structures associated with the perception of emotional traumas was reduced. For example, the parahippocampus is known to be important for other types of traumatic stress, such as post-traumatic stress disorder in war veterans and victims of sexual assault. When reading the fMRI’s examined in the study, the parahippocampus is no longer activated after treatment- with the average treatment time being between 3-5 sessions. When doing NET with me you can expect to reduce the effects trauma and stress have on your life. You can expect to be empowered to take charge of your treatment and to continue living the life that you want to live. If you are living in South Florida and feel that NET may be the right treatment for you, please call me at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary 15- minute consultation and we can discuss if you are a good fit, as well as how to get started! For more information on me and the services I provide, you can click to see my bio here. #NeuroEmotionalTechnique #stress #trauma

It is the holiday season, which for many new parents can be a good and a bad thing. However, in 2020, things are A LOT different than what they used to be. Which is especially hard for new parents who lost out on a lot of pregnancy/new baby milestones. Unfortunately, since things haven’t necessarily changed for the better, the holiday can feel like yet another milestone that COVID has stolen from them. Long story, short… it sucks. Things didn’t turn out the way they expected and for many new parents they aren’t getting the empathy that they deserve because everyone is suffering. So, it feels even more isolating. It is a lot to handle. What I can say is, that while things may look bleak, there is an upside to having a more “intimate” holiday season as new parents. Let me break it down. The holiday season can be something that many of us look forward to, but it also comes with a lot of stress and pressure, especially for new parents. There are expectations that we are going to lug our new bundle of joy around town. Hop on planes to fly cross-county. Pack up our entire homes into one small baby bag. The list goes on and on. If that sounds exhausting, believe me it is. Everyone crowding around you to touch the baby (with their unwashed hands), asking a million of uncomfortable questions, and even having the AUDACITY to ask when the next one is coming. (Relax Auntie, lets at least give this one a few months of solitude first. Plus, momma needs some time to recover). It can get overwhelming, take it from a momma with experience. But I get it. It would be nice to have a choice in the matter, but COVID has taken all of our control this year but they don’t have to take away our joy. There are ways to make the most out of this holiday season as new parents, while also creating memories for years to come. Now, before I get into the tips, I think it is important to take a minute to think and reflect on the positive things that you experienced this year. This may be harder than usual, especially since it feels that we are hanging on to a thread but look back and think about the good things that have happened. The first and biggest being your new baby. While it is hard to be a parent, I am sure there is nothing that can compare to the joy that it brings. That is always going to be a plus! Now, also think about how you may have given the opportunity to be home more with the baby. You have had the chance to see them grow. Something that a lot of parents didn’t have the chance to do. Take this all in. Think about all that you have gained this year. Ok… reflecting on the positive… now let’s move onto the tips! 1. Capture These Moments - One of the tips that I got before becoming a parent is to make sure to take pictures and videos as much as you can. I know that we tend to do that anyways but make sure to keep a few photos just for yourself. It is nice to be able to keep things to yourself and reflect back on that time and memory, especially when your kid gets older and no longer snuggles with you (sigh LOL). Just remember to also be in the photo as well. We often tend to take pictures of just the baby because that's all we care about, but it is important to be in the photo. Remember these are memories not only for you, but for your baby in the future. They might be curious about what you looked like when they were a baby or would want to take a photo of the two of you when they go off to college. Whatever the case may be, make sure to be in the photo as well. 2. Create Your Own Traditions - Now that we are having a more “intimate” holiday, this is our chance to create our own traditions. We can do things that WE want to do versus what everyone else wants. You can do family pjs, make a gingerbread house, or create your own dreidels, whatever the case may be, this your chance to do it and hopefully this will be something that you can do for years to come. Be unique. Be creative. Have FUN! 3. Advocate for Yourself - Unfortunately when we become new parents other people tend to think this is a great opportunity to make comments or impose their own wishes. It can get very stressful and daunting because all you want is what’s best for your baby without all the guilt trips. Which is easier said than done. So, it is ESSENTIAL to think about what makes YOU comfortable this holiday season and to stick to that boundary. It isn’t going to be easy and some people may try to push those boundaries but remember this is about YOU and YOUR baby. Especially now that there is a safety concern with getting sick. So if you decide to not go visit people, maybe limit the number of visitors or potentially require a negative COVID test prior, that is ok. Your safety and the safety of your baby is what is most important. The drama and comments can take a back seat. 4. Use Your Go-To’s - This tip is something you should utilize ALL YEAR ROUND because it is important for your mental health, your well-being and the well-being of your child. Because a happy and healthy parent equals a happy and healthy baby. However, your go-to's should NOT involve your baby. This is time for you and only you. It isn’t selfish to do something for yourself, in fact it is super healthy to do so. So, what are your go-to’s? a. Have a Go-To Outlet - This should be either a hobby or activity that you use when you are stressed. I think it is important to have a mix of productive (exercise, cleaning, etc.) and unproductive (video games, art, socializing) activities at your disposal that you can use in high anxiety times. And the holidays are definitely one of those times, especially in 2020. Now, I understand that your go-to outlet may not be readily available or safe to partake in just yet but be open to exploring new things. This is the perfect time to do so. Whether it is taking up a baking class or knitting a sweater, try it out to see if you like it. If you don’t, well, at least you learned something about yourself. b. Have a Go-To Treat - Make sure you treat yourself every once in a while. You DESERVE it. It is hard being a parent. So, if you want to buy yourself a Starbucks coffee or a trip to the hair salon, that’s ok. Acknowledge yourself. Appreciate yourself! Plus make sure to do it regularly. At least once a month. c. Have a Go-To Time Out - Sometimes we need to take a break. Again, that’s ok. Make a plan for how long these breaks will be and have a designated area to do so. Take that time to watch a Netflix show, read a book, or maybe finally shower. Whatever the case may be, give yourself a mental time-out so that you can come back ready to be the best parent you know you are! Listen, I get it, 2020 has not been ideal and unfortunately that may linger a bit into 2021. Don’t let COVID take away the joy that the holidays can bring. Also don’t let it take away from the bundle of joy you created. Enjoy your time. Enjoy your baby. Celebrate yourself. You made it through 2020. You made it/making it through the newborn stage. You GOT THIS! Visit Jessica Jefferson, LMFT who specializes in maternal mental health issues and giving new/expecting moms the confidence they need to rock yoga pants and a mom-bun or give me a call for your free 15 minute consultation at 954-391-5305. #Parenting #covid