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Breathe… in and out… repeat as necessary. Now… that’s better. Stress and anxiety can make life a real struggle. Are you a worrier? Your partner has just said, “We need to talk”. You need to make a change in a relationship or situation. Or you get called into your boss’s office, again. You can’t get to sleep at night or... You’re awake at 4:00 am, and your thoughts are running in a loop. This 4:00 am wake-up happens to so many of us that there is a multitude of songs written about 4:00 am. And when you do sleep, your dreams are intense, maybe scary, and definitely bothersome. It seems like you are in a cycle of intrusive, racing thoughts as you are waking up. You think about all the “what if’s”: all the things that might happen, all the things that have happened, all of your regrets. All those thoughts just keep churning away like a runaway train. While anxiety was helpful a long time ago to alert us to physical dangers, life-threatening dangers such as being chased by a tiger, the chances of this happening these days are slim. These days we have other types of anxiety-producing situations - traffic, coworkers, family stressors, COVID, isolation due to COVID. Medical illness or physical injury is unexpected and can cause ongoing anxiety. This overwhelming anxiety, this inappropriate reaction to daily living can cause anxiety about the possible anxiety attack and can find you breathless, unable to think, and can make daily living a walk on eggshells. Are you experiencing anxiety or general dissatisfaction with your life? It wasn’t supposed to be like this! Life was supposed to be different and you were supposed to be happier and more at peace. Then some life challenges came in and you did not know how to handle all of the changes. So much was going on that required your constant attention and decision-making. Grief, the loss of a loved one, can also cause anxiety and uncertainty of the unknown. The deep pain of grief might be unlike anything you ever experienced before and can overtake you at any moment and cause anxiety and desperation to ease the pain. Past trauma causes anxiety, and you could use some help with resolving those old issues. Hypnosis combined with counseling is an amazingly effective therapy that has helped numerous people for decades with trauma and anxiety. Either you were born with this anxiety or you learned it somewhere along the way. It is your first, natural reaction to events or circumstances now. What used to work for you isn’t working anymore, and you are looking for some professional help, someone who listens and hears you, offers support and helps you to see other ways of looking at issues so that you can create workable options, options that are suitable for you and those you care about. What have you tried so far to deal with the anxiety? You have googled it, read the books, ate for comfort, gone to the spa for massages, went on a vacation out of town to get away, maybe you have even been to therapy before, and tried meditation with the app. And you are still struggling, you are still not where you want to be with this issue, feeling like it has been resolved and at peace with yourself and your life as it is now. Here are some simple ways to create instant relief from stress and anxiety: Closing your eyes for a few moments Taking a few deep, conscious breaths Stretching Daydreaming or looking at the sky for a few moments What if the life stressors just didn’t bother you like they used to? What if you had the tools to remain calm and collected in a number of various stress-producing situations? What if you could connect with these tools and resources as you needed them; without picking up a book, booking a vacation, or eating something as a way to calm and soothe yourself? Imagine yourself relaxing, easing the overwhelming anxiety, getting some relief, once and for all. You can be calm and steady in any circumstance. Hypnotherapy is a Way to Calm, Soothe, and Heal What is hypnosis or hypnotherapy? Hypnosis is a relaxed focus on your desired goals and future, a tool to experience relaxation. It is a way to relax and reprogram your mind so that you are not so bothered by things. Will I squawk like a chicken? No, that is stage or entertainment hypnosis. In therapeutic hypnosis, you will know what is going on all the time. It is sort of like a relaxing sleep or a deep daydream. Have you ever been so involved with a hobby such as gardening, or arrived at your exit on the highway and realized you were not focused on much else? Hypnosis can be sort of like this, you are in a dream-like state while functioning at other levels. Will we be doing other sorts of therapy besides hypnosis? Yes. Hypnosis compliments other forms of counseling such as Solution-Focused Therapy and Strength-based Therapy to produce a complete treatment process that is customized just for you. We will use the mode of therapy that works best for you at the time. After hypnotherapy, clients report being at peace, having a clear mind, knowing how to take care of themselves, and acting on that knowledge. These things help people to get some good, restful sleep at night, all night. Chances are there will be other life stressors as you move ahead. Approaching these in a better, calmer way will benefit you immeasurably. Let’s do the work now, so you can experience your own great results soon! We will work together until your goals are met! I have been practicing meditation and contemplation for over 30 years. Call me at 954-391-5305 to schedule a telehealth session on a HIPAA-compliant video or phone call. Let’s talk about what you need and how I can help you. I’m here for you, #anxiety #stress

You have probably tried before to quit smoking before. You picked the date, threw the cigarettes in the trash or out the window. And you have bravely resisted the cigarette from time to time. But maybe you weren’t really ready. And you probably know of someone who has quit smoking cigarettes, and they still have to resist the urge to light up. Once in a while, they want a cigarette after a meal or with a drink. This denying yourself and being controlled by a habit is not a great way to live. Remember when you didn’t smoke? Remember running or swimming or being active in some other way, and breathing deeply and cleanly? Remember when you didn’t even think about smoking? We all know that smoking is a bad habit. We all know that it is the money going up in smoke, literally. Either you quit smoking or smoking quits you at some point. So, what is your motivation to quit smoking? Your partner told you that you had to quit? Your doctor told you that you had to quit? Maybe now you are ready to quit and move forward in your life without the hassle of the addiction. Living your life where smoking is no longer a thought in your mind is doable. You now have the resources to be a non-smoker, and to live a rich, full life without the constraints of a smoker’s lifestyle - freely and dynamically. The approach that I use helps you to become a non-smoker. And to true non-smokers, smoking is something they would not even think of doing. How can Hypnosis help me to stop smoking? My approach to hypnotherapy reprograms the unconscious mind towards being a non-smoker. Hypnotherapy makes you a true non-smoker! Can I be Hypnotized? In a way, you have already been hypnotized to smoke and have been hypnotized all these years, so chances are pretty good that you can be hypnotized to stop. Call me at 954-391-5305, and we’ll talk about how you can accomplish this and how I can help. In-person and online counseling via a HIPAA-compliant platform is always available. I’m here for you!

Deciding to begin therapy is a process, and for some people, it can be more difficult than it might seem. Most people that are in search of a therapist are not waking up to rainbows and sunshine every day. Getting up, in general, maybe a huge task for you, let alone the many other things that make it hard to accept that therapy could benefit you. Historically, there has been a stigma that going to therapy means you’re “crazy” or “weak.” There are familial or cultural beliefs that may minimize the effectiveness of therapy. There’s your own internal dialogue that may be convincing you that you’re not “as bad” as someone else or that you “should” be able to handle life on your own. All of that can build a thick wall between you and the opportunities for growth and healing that therapy can provide. If you can overcome the barriers to seeking counseling and commit to the healing process, the next big hurdle is to find the right therapist for your unique needs and goals. In fact, this is the step that feels overwhelming for a lot of people and can deter them from the whole process. Some people may have even had a bad experience with a previous therapist. Instead of continuing their search to find the right fit, they throw in the towel until years later they’re at their wit's end and have no choice but to try again. It doesn’t have to be like this for you. We’re lucky that we have options in this day in age and we of course have the internet! It’s a beautiful thing when used properly. You have access to tons of information to help you narrow down what you’re looking for in an online therapist AND now you can even meet with your therapist online via telehealth. It might take a little getting used to, but there are a couple of key benefits to online therapy. INCREASED ACCESS - One, you have access to way more options for therapists than those just down the road from your house. You can be more selective about the qualities and criteria you think will best fit your needs. You also may find that therapists offering online therapy have more flexibility in their schedules to support you at hours that typically wouldn’t be available in the office. CONVENIENCE - The second significant benefit is getting to do therapy from ANYWHERE. You can sit comfortably at home for your session or even meet during your lunch break at work. It removes the challenge of getting to an office appointment when you have a busy schedule, and to be honest, some people feel more comfortable diving into deeper topics from the coziness of their own couch. Let’s get into the nitty-gritty of what to consider when picking out who you’d like to work with for online counseling. The first reality you have to accept is that NOT EVERY THERAPIST IS GOING TO BE FOR YOU. Here are some points to consider when searching for your online therapist via telehealth. Types of Licensure It’s probably not a shock that you should always consider a licensed professional that has legitimate training to support you and your mental health. But what do all of those letters at the end of a name mean? There are several different credentials and sometimes you’ll see variations from state to state, but here are a few of the most common in Florida. Psychiatrists (MD): These are practitioners that have completed medical school. You’ll most likely see “Dr.” at the beginning of their name. They typically prescribe and manage medication and work with other practitioners that provide the therapy component of treatment. Psychologists (PsyD; Ph.D.): These practitioners have completed doctoral-level psychology programs. As with many therapists in private practice, they may have expertise in a specific area or with specific conditions. They cannot prescribe medication but may work with a psychiatrist that can. They can diagnose, provide counseling and psychological testing. Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW): These practitioners have completed a master’s level clinical social work program, which includes the study of both psychology and sociology. Those with an “LCSW” have completed all of the licensure requirements and can provide services independently. Those with a “Registered Clinical Social Worker Intern” status are still in the process of completing the licensure requirements and are overseen by a clinical supervisor. Social workers are found in many different settings within human services. They cannot prescribe medication but may work with a psychiatrist that can. They can diagnose and provide counseling. Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC): These practitioners have completed a master’s level psychology or counseling program. Those with an “LMHC” have completed all of the licensure requirements and can provide services independently. Those with a “Registered Mental Health Counseling Intern” status are still in the process of completing the licensure requirements and are overseen by a clinical supervisor. They cannot prescribe medication but may work with a psychiatrist that can. They can diagnose and provide counseling. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT): These practitioners have completed a master’s level marriage and family therapy program. Those with an “LMFT” have completed all of the licensure requirements and can provide services independently. Those with a “Registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern” status are still in the process of completing the licensure requirements and are overseen by a clinical supervisor. They cannot prescribe medication but may work with a psychiatrist that can. They can diagnose and provide counseling. Know what you want to work on! This is probably the most important factor to have figured out when you begin searching for a therapist. Identify the top two or three areas that you’d like to focus on in therapy and have them ready when you make the call to talk to someone. You might even want to do a bit of research about what types of therapy are most effective for the issues you’re going through so that you can find someone with experience and training to best support you. If you’re struggling with depression you might want someone that utilizes cognitive behavioral therapy or interpersonal therapy in their practice. If you’re struggling with anxiety, you may want someone that uses dialectical behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, or exposure therapy. Or maybe you’d like a more specialized approach with something like EMDR therapy for trauma, art therapy for depression or anxiety, or an alternative method like the emotional freedom technique for physical pain and emotional distress. ALWAYS ask a new therapist what methods they are most familiar with and how they use them to help people like yourself. This will give you information about whether they are a good fit for you. Insurance vs Self Pay: Of course, you’ll want to consider how you are paying for the service. Just like going to the doctor, you’ll want to know what your out-of-pocket expense is going to be before you make your decision to move forward with a therapist. Some therapists work with insurance companies, so if you have benefits look into what providers are available. This option is a little more limited depending on your insurance plan, so your other option is to consider self-pay. There are several reasons why a therapist would choose to only work with self-paying clients, but the most prominent is to avoid the limitations that insurance companies can impose on your therapy. If you choose a self-pay-only provider, talk with them about utilizing your out-of-network benefits for reimbursement or sliding scale options if finances are strained for you. Other Preferences To Consider Now that you have honed in on the professional training, areas of concern, and the services available for your budget, you need to think about the human qualities that are going to be the best fit. This can be what makes or breaks the therapeutic relationship. You don’t have to be identical twins with your therapist or even know every little thing about them to work with them, BUT if you don’t vibe right with the person, it’s going to create a major barrier in the success of your therapy. Ask yourself a few questions…Is there a specific gender that you feel safer with? Are you concerned about the experience level that the person has? Are you looking for someone within your ethnic or cultural background? Would you benefit from working with a person that shares your sexual orientation? How did it feel talking with the person on the phone during your initial consultation? Check out their website. Do you like what you see? It’s okay to talk with a few different therapists before making your decision. It’s also okay to have an initial session to explore any ambivalence that you have to see if it can be overcome. Therapy is deeply personal. It can feel scary to approach. As therapists, we know this. Our primary goal is to be the support that you need to work through whatever brings you into therapy. You aren’t alone; we’re waiting for your call! If you have questions about whether online counseling is right for you, give us a call at 954-391-5305. We provide online therapy throughout the state of Florida and in-person, face-to-face counseling in our Coral Springs and Fort Lauderdale offices. *This article was written by Nicole Ambrose, LCSW. For more information about her services in Coral Springs or online counseling options, click here.

Faz tempo que você gostaria de se sentar com a família e conversar sobre muitas coisas que nunca foram expressadas. Consequentemente a tensão está se agravando e sua dor também. Talvez o problema está com os seus irmãos, ou talvez há uma separação emocional com seus pais. Na época talvez você pensou que seria melhor deixar pra lá, e seguir em frente ate você ter sua própria vida, mas a falta de comunicação deixou vocês se sentindo ofendidos, defensíveis e hostis. Certos limites, comportamentos, e escolhas em lidar com a sua família de origem não foram das mais saudáveis. Agora você nota que está usando estes mesmos comportamentos com os seus novos relacionamentos. Você tenta agir melhor com o seu parceiro, mas as vezes você se sente acionado por uma situação que te leva ao passado quando você tinha 15 anos e não conseguia se fazer ouvir. Você pensa para si mesmo, “Como eu começo esta comunicação? Quem é o culpado? Em quem da minha família posso me apoiar, para expressar este interesse em trazer todos para a terapia e resolver problemas que desejávamos resolver a anos atrás? Como dizem os especialistas em relacionamentos, a questão não é a culpa, a questão é estar preso dentro de um padrão negativo de comunicação e comportamentos criado por uma família. Abaixo estão boas razoes para que você resolva seus relacionamentos familiares: Um dos membros principais de sua família se fechou e se distanciou. Você não confia em alguns membros de sua família Você se sente como que pisando em cascas de ovos quando ao redor de certos membros de sua família. Um de seus familiares estão apresentando comportamentos arriscados ou estão se viciando. Um evento traumatizante afetou a família inteira. Seus filhos adultos ainda moram em casa e não apresentam sinais de autonomia. Seus pais, quando divorciaram, te usaram para machucar uns aos outros. Pais e filhos já adultos não entendem uns aos outros ou tem visões completamente diferentes. Certas alianças prejudiciais ou preferencias foram dolorosas para sua família. Não há muito amor, empatia, ou apoio emocional evidenciado em sua família. Vamos supor que você saiba que se qualifique em um destes cenários. Neste caso, é essencial pensar na família por inteira, como ela opera, quais são os papeis de cada membro, e quem seriam os melhores aliados para te ajudar em levantar interesse em uma terapia engajada em respeito e mediação. Como conseguir juntar seus membros familiares? Você pode começar contatando seus familiares mais próximos e realçar as possibilidades positivas para cada pessoa, assim como as coisas poderiam ser diferentes, como cada pessoa poderia recuperar relacionamentos, apoio emocional, e mais felicidade. Outra maneira de alistar seus parentes a participar de terapia é poder alinhar as metas da família. Se existe uma meta em que todos podem concordam, então é por aí que você pode começar. Exemplos seriam aprimorando a comunicação, concertando problemas de comportamentos, melhorando a empatia aos outros, ajustando limites pessoais, ou reduzindo conflitos, são ótimos motivos para uma família se juntar para o bem maior. Se nenhum destes métodos funcionarem, convide seus familiares a te apoiar como historiadores adicionais, para que vocês tenham um entendimento correto do passado na terapia. Desta maneira você poderá ter menos desentendimentos e juntos atingirem a melhor resolução que procuram. Adicionalmente, os demasiados familiares presentes, poderão oferecer outros pontos de vista, oferecer apoio, e também melhorar problemas que eles mesmos carregavam. Qual são os resultados positivos da terapia familiar? O que eu percebo nas minhas sessões de terapia é que quando uma família participa junta, cada membro beneficia em escutar como ele é valorizado em sua família. Ele escuta comentários positivos que nunca escutariam sem o incentivo de um profissional. Ele também tem a oportunidade de expressar sua opinião e compartir suas emoções sem medo de retaliação. O terapeuta pode assegurar que cada membro tenha sua própria voz, e tenha seu ponto de vista retratado de uma maneira em que a família inteira entenda. Uma outra mudança cognitiva importante para a família e aprender que não há “culpados” em relacionamentos, ou membros “problemáticos.” A família percebe que o comportamento da pessoa teve seu motivo, baseado no entendimento que ela tinha do relacionamento. Membros da família aprendem a usar “declarações eu” para comunicar os seus problemas, remover a culpa, estimular o compartilhamento de sentimentos, e focar em soluções. Se você gostaria de receber os benefícios de criar uma família mais saudável, considere tirar um tempo para investir em uma terapia familiar. Um terapeuta familiar também pode te ajudar individualmente a reconhecer seu valor, se relacionar melhor com a sua família de origem, também aperfeiçoar seus novos relacionamentos. Você só tem uma família- faça valer. Tome seu primeiro passo e ligue hoje para obter sua consulta grátis de 15 minutos pelo telefone 954.391.5305.

Do you have a loved one who identifies within the LGBTQIA+ community? Or has someone recently come out to you? Maybe you don’t know what to say or do. Sometimes we are so focused on saying the “right thing” that we miss the true essence regarding the vulnerability and humanity within the conversation. It is normal to feel a little awkward, so try to approach your own feelings with compassion too. If someone is coming out to you for the first time, I invite you to think of it in this way: “they are telling me because I am important to them, they value me, and they want to be honest with me.” Remind yourself that as a friend or family member, this person has chosen to come out to you and acknowledge the role you play in making them feel safe, supported, and validated. They want to share their life with you. Wow, what an honor! Coming out can be a very scary experience, therefore, support is incredibly important. There are many different ways you can be supportive. These will apply to those who are just coming out and to those who have already shared their identity with you. Below I will list tips on how to be a good support/ally to the LGBTQIA+ community. Be Open to Learn and Listen Coming out doesn’t just mean that you are entering into a space of acceptance and well-being. Sometimes, coming out is worse than holding that information in. “Coming out” is the common term we use; however, I want to shift your thinking to the perspective of being “invited in.” By using these words, we are recognizing the role language plays in giving the impression that people who do not identify as cis-gendered (a person whose personal identity and gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth) are hiding something. It is so important to acknowledge the role that (both internalized and externalized) homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia have in making a very unwelcoming and fearful environment. If we think of this as others “inviting” us in, we can also see this as someone extending an invitation to learn more about their identity. Part of being supportive to your LGBTQIA+ friends and family means developing an understanding of what life is like for them. How the world views and treats them. Asking individuals about their personal experiences and listening. As simple as this may sound, it is so meaningful. Having Conversations How do I start a conversation? What if I say the wrong thing? Be honest. Tell them you feel a bit uncomfortable if you do. Tell them that you are completely new to this and want to learn more about their experience. Golden rule: be as open and supportive as you would like for them to be for you. It is important to ask for a little time to process the information before speaking further about it if you need to. It likely took this person a very long time to be okay sharing this with you. Allow yourself some grace as you adjust and process the news. It’s okay to ask questions. This shows you’re interested and that you are taking them seriously. Do your best to stay curious without trying to change or pressure them. Privilege Check When exploring privilege, we can think of race, class, education, being able-bodied, or being cis-gendered. Being privileged doesn’t mean that you haven’t had your own fair share of difficulties and judgment in your own life - it just means that there are some things you won’t ever have to think or worry about because of the way you were born. Understanding the ways in which you are different and how that impacts how you see the world, how the world sees you, and the treatment you receive from others helps one to recognize and have empathy and compassion for oppressed persons. Here are a few examples of cis-privilege: I can walk in public and hold my partner's hand, hug, and even kiss my partner in front of others without disapproval, comments, laughter, harassment, or the threat of potential violence. My sexual orientation is not used to exclude me from any profession or organization (medical care, employment opportunities, the military, etc.) I can easily find a religious community that will welcome me and my partner. I can be sure that my sexual orientation will be represented often and accurately in movies, TV shows, and music. Being an Ally The role of being an ally is more than just its term. An ally will typically do things such as: defend against discrimination, bullying, harmful jokes, and advocate and/or protest for LGBTQIA+ rights. Being a good ally often entails advocating for LGBTQIA+ rights and defending individuals even when they are not around. Being a good ally also means being open to the idea of being wrong and still having the willingness to work on it. It takes the effort of many to create an environment of acceptance and change - to continue pushing towards it, even when it is uncomfortable. To be consistent in being an ally is to create a safer future for those in the community and for all to come. Check Your Assumptions Don’t assume someone is cis-gendered. Be careful in assuming someone’s gender or pronouns. By not making assumptions we are actually holding and creating a safe space for individuals to be their authentic selves. LGBTQIA+ individuals don’t speak or look a certain way. A few examples of harmful things to say are: “No way you can be a (insert sexuality) and look (insert characteristic of appearance),” “have you ever even tried to be with (insert someone of the opposite sex)?” or “you are too pretty to be gay.” It is important to be intentional about what we say and what we mean by it. We are surrounded by members of the LGBTQIA+ community all of the time and are bound to know at least one person who identifies as a member of the community. This is why it is so important to practice these things not only indirect interactions but in your daily life. In fact, approximately one in every four families in this country has a family member who is LGBTQIA+. You may be interacting with individuals who have not come out yet, don’t feel safe to come out, or individuals with loved ones who identify within the community. There is no perfect way to be a friend or family member to someone who identifies as LGBTQIA+. If you accidentally assume, misgender someone or use the wrong pronouns - it happens. Be compassionate to yourself while you are learning. You can apologize and even share with that person “I want to be good support and I am learning; I am still working on it. If I say something wrong, know that I didn't mean it from a place of harm. Please correct me if I do this again.” To have someone express a desire to want to learn how to provide support and safety is so meaningful. Even if mistakes are made, it is the intention that means so much. Each person is different, but honesty and effort don’t go unnoticed. If you took the time to read this blog today, you are in the right place. If any of this resonates with you, if you are wanting to learn more, or begin your own journey to being supported, please reach out to me (Alex Steiner, LCSW) today. I offer complimentary consultations so we can ensure we are a good match for each other so call me today to schedule at 954-391-5305. I look forward to hearing from you and supporting you along your journey!

I’ve been a licensed marriage and family therapist for 12 years and I have been lucky enough to work with a variety of clients from all walks of life. For the past 7 years, however, I have dedicated myself to specializing in couples counseling using the Gottman method. For those who are unaware, the Gottman method is a model of couple’s therapy that is based on over 40 years of longitudinal research where more than 3000 couples have been studied. This method has been proven to repair damaged and distressed couples and enrich relationships with practical tools, which I will be discussing in this blog! Read below or my 5 Tips to Enhance Your Marriage (from a Gottman Couples Therapist): Tip #1- Don’t store things up It’s perfectly natural to feel agitated at your partner! From time to time it’s going to happen; don’t try to avoid it. When we feel upset, agitated, or angry at our partner it’s so important to speak up about it in a respectful, kind, and polite way. This doesn’t mean being a fake or inauthentic version of yourself, it means communicating our thoughts and feelings in a gentle way that yields more positive outcomes and improves the likelihood that our needs will be met. It’s also important to note that when we avoid communicating our thoughts, they ESCALATE in our mind and we are more likely to erupt in an unexpected way. So speak up, but do it in a useful way. Tip #2- Turn towards bids for connection A “bid” is an attempt to interact in a positive or neutral way. A bid is a way to verbally or nonverbally seek out attention, affection, affirmation, or humor. When this happens we can either turn towards our partner by responding positively to their bid or we can turn away or against the bid which in the long run can be very damaging to relationships. According to a study newlyweds who responded positively to bids 86% of the time went on to build a lasting love. But the newlyweds who went on to divorce within a few years responded to each other’s bids only 33% of the time. I refer to these small positive interactions as the heartbeat of the relationship that keeps things moving in the right direction. So as you can see, turning towards bids is essential to creating lasting love. Tip #3- Build and update love maps Love maps refer to how well you know one another. This is the most basic premise of a couple’s friendship. Love maps mean knowing one another’s inner world which includes thoughts, values, belief systems, aspirations, fears, goals, etc. This means understanding your partner’s background such as embarrassing childhood experiences and notable moments in time that stand out for your partner. Additionally, it means staying up to date with your partner. We grow and evolve all the time and it’s so important to stay curious about our partners so that we don’t lose sight of who they are and who they’re becoming. This involves staying curious about our partner- not assuming we know all there is to know just because we’ve been together a long time, asking open-ended questions, and remembering the answers. Tip #4- Make repair attempts during the conflict Conflict is inevitable and you will experience some form of negativity from time to time in your relationship. People are surprised to learn that negativity is not necessarily problematic or destructive to relationships. It’s the escalation of negativity that is problematic and can be destructive. A repair attempt is a means of soothing your partner during a conflict that has escalated into negativity. A repair is an effective way to diffuse a tense situation and prevents conflict from spiraling into negativity. An example of a repair attempt is “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it that way” or “I hear your side and I understand” or “I’m sorry”. Another productive way to make a repair attempt is to use affection and humor; for example, making a funny face or just saying “I love you” can soothe your partner during the conflict. According to John Gottman, a couple’s ability to repair attempts during conflict is what will lead them to flourish or flounder. Tip #5- Form rituals of connection A ritual of connection is any consistent way of spending time with your partner that is reliably positive. This can be drinking coffee together in the mornings, spending a few minutes each night talking before bed, Saturday date night plans, and how you celebrate birthdays and holidays. Having rituals of connection is a way of continuing to have fun together as a couple and prioritizing connection. Couples who consistently use these tools or variations of these tools have been called “masters of relationships”, and have been noted as having thriving relationships. While couples who neglect these areas have more challenges and are more likely to separate and divorce. If you are struggling to get to a brighter and more positive place in your marriage or relationship, then fear not! There are many of us who are here and waiting to help you make the changes that lead to positive outcomes. For more information about my approach to Gottman Method Couples Therapy, visit my page on our website. If you’re ready to improve your relationship, give me a call for a complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I look forward to speaking with you!

If you happen to be struggling with whether you should end your relationship or if this question seems to come across your thoughts, it may be the right time to think about where you are and ultimately where you’re going. Think of this blog not as a checklist, but maybe as an opportunity to pause… look in the mirror… and have an honest pulse check that can certainly hurt, but may in fact be the bravest and most necessary thing you have done in a long time. In questioning if and when should you end your relationship there are certain things to consider that will not make your decision any easier, but may make it more relevant and inevitable. It’s time to let go if and when you feel: Sad, more often than not Unappreciated, more often than not Angry and betrayed, more often than not Unsafe emotionally, physically, or sexually Relationships do take work, but at their core, they can be the most beautiful and rewarding gift. Your partnership should not be a dark cloud to the start of your day. If you find yourself feeling and experiencing the above states, ask yourself how and why you and your partner are at this point? Are there things you can do to heal from this? Can you both grow and even deepen your connection if the two of you mutually work towards betterment? All valid and concentrated efforts can heal past hurts. But what if you are past those efforts? What if your relationship is now causing scars rather than healing? That is when it is time to let go. On a more severe note, it may be time to let go if you’re experiencing “gaslighting”, a form of psychological abuse in which one partner is manipulated into doubting their own memory, perception, and sanity. Accepting the fact that you’re in an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult, but a vital step toward getting out of the relationship safely to begin the healing process. These decisions are seemingly such difficult realizations to come to. And yet, where there once was a great love there now seems to be a deep animosity and resentment. It’s not that you don’t love your partner, it’s that you now have to love yourself more. Enduring intense fights; feelings of fear, sadness, or betrayal; and despair or hopelessness does not equate to love. If you feel it is time to let go of your relationship do so with respect and appreciation for the time shared and lessons learned. You are not giving up or waving a white flag, you are merely recognizing that you can no longer make attempts at healing past hurts and are choosing to love yourself more by realizing that you deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship. If you need additional support in the process of deciding whether you’re ready to let go or need help with how to let go or tips for how to get over a breakup, contact Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT at 954.391.5305 or Info@BayviewTherapy.com. Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

One of the most asked questions I get in my practice is “How can I reduce my anxiety?” Anxiety is often overwhelming for individuals and can impact all aspects of daily life. I’m not talking about the nerves one might feel before a big presentation at work or before having a difficult conversation with a loved one. I’m talking about anxiety so prevalent in a person’s life that it prevents him or her from really going after goals and desires, anxiety that makes it hard to sleep at night or stay asleep or lose concentration on an important task. If you’ve ever felt the regret of staying awake all night worrying about something the next day, you can empathize with how an anxious individual might feel. What can be done about all these feelings of anxiety? For starters, recognition is the first step, as it is with many parts of our lives. Perhaps you know you’ve always been an anxious person, but that hasn’t really stopped you from quitting your nail-biting habit. Perhaps fear of writing that perfect cover letter for a job you’d really like to have stopped you from applying and now you’re unhappy. Anxiety can pop up in all aspects of our life and how we handle that anxiety greatly impacts our success. In some instances, anxiety is caused by our biology and a consultation with your general practitioner may be the best course of action. For most, anxiety can be lessened by using some of the following techniques: Grounding: This simple technique involves focusing your awareness on your physical body as it is in space. By thinking “Feet on the ground, back against the chair” or a similar phrase, your attention is focused on the present moment and not running wild. The work involved in using grounding is that you’ll need to be aware of your thoughts as they’re coming and going and have the mental fortitude to recognized, “This isn’t a helpful thought”. This takes time and practice, so while you practice grounding yourself in the present, you might also want to… Meditation: The best way mediation was described to me was “Imagining your thoughts as clouds, drifting in and out, neither holding on to nor pushing out”. Meditation is not about stopping the thoughts from coming into your mind; it’s about not holding on to the thoughts and running away with them. When we let go of our thoughts we have control, not the other way around. It’s important to remember that while meditating we’re letting our thoughts come and go, we’re also being... Mindful: Similar to mediation and grounding, mindfulness allows us to be in the present moment, with our thoughts, without subscribing judgment to the present situation. Instead of thinking, “I hate the cold weather so much!” a thought like, “It’s cold outside right now” removes the value of judgment and emotion from the previous thought and allows you to get through the cold weather. “Right now” is such a powerful term because it really highlights the fleeting nature of our emotions and lets us recognize that fact. Nothing lasts forever, including... Breathing: Our breath is a constant in and out of oxygen and carbon dioxide from our lungs and our body. An immediate way to get greater control on feelings of anxiety is through a deep breathing exercise, taking a long breath into your diaphragm for a count of four, holding it for a count of four, exhaling for a count of four, and holding for a count of four before your next inhale. Is sound impossible? Start small. Perhaps you might only hold for two counts before exhaling. What’s most important is that you breathe into the deepest part of your lungs, the diaphragm and that you slow your breathing down. DO NOT HYPERVENTILATE. This slow-controlled breathing will immediately slow down your nervous system, lessening those feelings of jitters you might have after... Caffeine: Wait, caffeine to reduce anxiety? That’s right; it’s wrong. Our diet plays a huge part in our mental health and overall well-being and if you find yourself down one, two, five cups of coffee before lunch, you might be suffering from caffeine side effects that are impacting your anxiety. A switch to green tea will still provide you with the caffeine punch, without the following jitters. If you find yourself needing additional support or anxiety reduction tools, I’m just a phone call (954.391.5305) or click away. Give Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT a call to discuss your options and how to get you the life you desire. Dr. Kate provides anxiety therapy, anxiety treatment, and stress counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida for adults and their loved ones.

“Parenting is as crazy as circumnavigating the globe without a map. . . but, oh what a journey!” ~Emily@isthisReallymylife.com As a parent do you sometimes feel like this? You absolutely love being a parent, adore your child and all the things you experience together. Yet there are times when you feel you are about to pull your hair out with frustration. Some of those times usually involve behavioral issues. Times when your child is acting out, not the following instruction, or they have acted inappropriately in a given situation. Instances such as disrespect, not telling the truth, using physical force to solve a conflict, not doing their homework, or required chores may be some of the things you repeatedly encounter. Here are 4 tips for improving your child's behavior that can help you and your school-aged child get on track and back to enjoying your time together. Tip #1: Your child is always watching so watch what you do. Make sure you are modeling mutual respect. Being aware of the ways you may or may not be demonstrating respect is important. How is your tone with your child, or how do they see you resolve conflict? When addressing problem behaviors, children need to feel respected as much as they need to see respect demonstrated. For example, if you make demeaning or critical comments to your child, calling them names like lazy or referring to their actions as dumb, you are not setting an example of what respect looks like. Gone are the days of “do what I say not what I do.” Credibility with your child will be lost and likewise the ability to positively influence your child’s behaviors. Tip#2: To feel heard is to feel understood. To feel understood is to feel cared for. Children want to know you care no matter their problem behavior. Try to understand the circumstances that may be contributing to your child's acting out behaviors. Are there internal or external stressors that need to be taken into consideration? Internal stressors could be related to age/stage development including hormonal changes, or are their changes in diet or medications. There can be psychological stressors, such as anxiety or mood issues. External stressors could include your child being bullied, or experiencing trouble adjusting to a new environment like school, grade level, or neighborhood, a different teaching style, or more challenging schoolwork. Other external stressors could exist in your homes like competition between siblings, insecurities due to parental problems, or financial concerns. Because any range of things could be affecting your child, to understand clearly, you need to ask. The most effective way to ask is to use open-ended and curious questions. Most parents ask ‘why’ questions that are closed-ended and often seem judgmental. Why questions, generally lead to “I don't know” responses or defensive responses e.g. “Why did you hit your sister?” She hit me first” or “I don’t know… she’s annoying me." Sound familiar. Moreover, avoid pejorative questions. “What’s wrong with you, why are you acting this way?" Questions like this will not foster cooperation and problem-solving, but, rather promote defiance. Preferably, ask how what, and when questions. For example, "How come you hit your sister when you feel upset with her or think she’s annoying?" Asking questions in this way, slows down your child's auto-response, allowing you to gain more information, helping them to process while leading to lowered defenses and opening the door to problem-solving. The more you are able to inquire in a non-demanding or interrogating manner the easier it is to address the behaviors with your child. Tip #3: Without validating you can’t gain the cooperation of your child in changing problem behaviors. No matter what your child's response to your open-ended questions, it's important for you to acknowledge their position. If your child says, “I roll my eyes at you because I think you never understand me." Follow with calmly restating their position. "So you believe I don't understand you?" Validating will lead to a yes response and increased potential for dialogue as your child now feels heard. This does not mean you agree. You can ask further open-ended questions as to the reason your child may believe this. I have encountered children who feel their parents don’t understand them because they think their parents are "old and out of touch." Maybe you’re chuckling because you can relate. Tip #4: Seek to problem solve and praise instead of punishing. After understanding and validating, express your willingness, within reason and in alignment with your value system, to come up with a solution together. Your child may request, you listen more instead of interrupting or making judgmental comments as they are talking - reasonable. Your child may ask you not to speak with them - unreasonable. If you are not able to solve together, it is your responsibility as the parent to implement a solution. Then set expectations and guidelines for the future. In the case above you can let your child know that you’ve heard and understood their upset. However, you expect them to express those feelings verbally, respectfully, and not by rolling their eyes at you. If your child breaks the guidelines, then consequences are in order. Consequences are not punishments. Therefore, they are proactively established, fair involves input and acknowledgment from your child, and match the given behavior. Giving a consequence that your child was not expecting or is overly harsh can lead to rebellion. Realize that many problem behaviors occur because your child was not clear about the expectations for a particular situation. Just as important as consequences, is noticing effort and improvement. This is where praise and incentives come in. Incentives are different from rewards. Rewards are not connected to the behavior of built-in sequences in a child's life. For example, giving candy for being nice and not hitting your sister or for doing a good job at school is a reward. Rather, ten extra minutes of playtime with a sibling or more playtime on a favorite electronic for putting in a good effort at school is more applicable. If you give rewards, your child will expect an ever-increasing reward for good behavior and other things. Praise any improvements no matter how small. Your child will feel encouraged to continue positive behaviors. Simone Finnis, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist providing ‘Positive Therapeutic Solutions’ for Individuals, Couples, Families, Teens, and Children. She is pleased to collaborate with the Bayview Therapeutic Services Team. If you try these tips and still need help with your child’s behaviors give her a call at 954-391-5305. Visit her website www.simpletherapynow.com for more information. Simone provides parenting help with individual counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Why is it that vulnerability has a seemingly negative connotation in today’s society? The concept of vulnerability can instantly evoke emotions such as shame and fear. But why is that? Brene Brown is a world-renowned researcher and storyteller who took a journey in deconstructing the relationship between vulnerability and shame. And while it may have taken her six years and thousands of pages of qualitative data, we can learn valuable insights from her results enabling us to start much sooner toward a path to joy and fulfillment aka whole-hearted living. Brene’s research proved that vulnerability allows us to live life more fully and experience a deeper connection with ourselves and others. If you haven’t already seen one of her TED Talks, watch The Power of Vulnerability. Here’s why vulnerability is the key to living wholeheartedly. Although it can be uncomfortable, letting our guard down creates space for transformative experiences both individually and relationally. Instead of seeing it as an anxiety-provoking or excruciating process, view it as a brave and courageous one. Connecting with vulnerability is freeing because it enables us to live more authentically with ourselves and others creating greater fulfillment in life. It takes courage to accept yourself as you are while embracing your imperfections. It takes compassion to love oneself and others wholeheartedly. It takes courage to say I love you first and bravery to do something meaningful where there are no guarantees of positive return. Brene’s findings also release us from the burden of perfectionism. The courage to accept oneself is a powerful experience. Acceptance doesn’t mean that things have to stay the same whether we like it or not. It means that we acknowledge and accept who we are in this moment, not who we are supposed to be deemed by others. When we release the burden of perfectionism, we begin to demonstrate a sense of compassion and worthiness, because we believe we belong, just as we are and where we are in life. Brene’s findings encourage us to shed any misconceptions we may attempt to live up to. Brene challenges us to live life fully, accept ourselves as we are, and love deep within our relationships. Take time this week to check in with yourself and gauge whether you are living wholeheartedly. By living with a whole-hearted approach, you will experience new perspectives, deeper connections, greater peace, and overall fulfillment. If you desire to live wholeheartedly but need support in becoming comfortable with vulnerability, contact us at Info@BayviewTherapy.com or 954.391.5305.

You may be asking yourself, is a blog about communication relevant to me? And the answer is yes! Communication is important in every single relationship, and in my experience is hands down the biggest presenting problem clients bring to therapy. Whether in romantic relationships, parent-child relationships, friendships, or professional relationships; frustration regarding lack of communication is pervasive across the board. There are many reasons that people struggle with good communication. It would be impossible here to discuss all the factors that make communication challenging, as relationships are each different and very complex. However, I have noticed that regardless of the type of relationship, when people are mindful of how they are approaching conversations and are able to enter them clear about their intentions, relationships tend to be strengthened. When I talk about intention here, I am describing a two-way process. The intention is to be aware of the aim or purpose behind our words, and also the impact of those words on our relationships. Our intention is important to talk about because it has organizing power. It dictates how we communicate and how we communicate impacts our relationships. Not many of us enter conversations truly aware of how our communication will impact our relationships. Communicating with intention is being aware of the purpose and implication of what you are about to say. A lot of times we enter conversations focused on our own personal goals, or we approach conversations from a place of thinking we are “right” which keeps us defensive and thus not in line with our intention. Entering conversations in this way can damage our relationships, and limits our potential for growth. It’s easy to fall into this way of communicating when we are frustrated, disappointed, tired, or pressed for time. However, taking the time to communicate intentionally will save you time and energy in the future. When we are able to enter conversations clear about our purpose it allows for connection rather than disconnection. When we come into conversations unaware of our aim, and unaware of how we will impact the relationship, we do and say things that can create dissension. Think about it. Would you feel connected to someone if they approached you with defensiveness? In the same way, would you feel more connected if someone approached you respectfully, calmly, and in a way that made sense to you? The 6 tips presented here will help you cultivate connection and help you have more fulfilling and satisfying conversations with your loved ones, colleagues, and friends. Tip 1: Use emotions as a signal to think things over Often times communication goes south when we come from a place of heightened emotion. When we feel the emotion we tend to react and start to defend ourselves. This is a surefire way to lose our intention. Instead, when someone says something to you that you find insensitive or insulting, don’t react at the moment. Instead, take a deep breath and take a break from the conversation. In this break, you are able to realign with your intention and are able to return to the conversation from a position of respect and clarity, rather than anger and defensiveness. Can you see how this is already a more honoring experience? Tip 2: Get clear on your intention In the space away from the conversation, you are able to ask yourself some very valuable questions. What is the purpose of what you are wanting to say? What is the need or value that is important to communicate? Is there a more honoring way of saying it? What is the impact of what I want to say on the relationship? These are just a few questions we can ask ourselves to realign with our intention and get clear about what is important for you to communicate. It’s important to ask ourselves these questions once the emotion has subsided. Tip 3: Know your audience Different people communicate in different ways. If we want others to hear us and validate what is important to us, we have to communicate with them in a way that makes sense for them. I had a boss once who preferred to communicate via email. While this was not my preferred means of communication, I found that she was a lot more receptive to my ideas and suggestions when they were emailed to her, rather than when they were presented to her face to face. While I preferred face-to-face conversations, emailing her was a way for me to get my opinions heard, while also respecting how she preferred to receive information. If I continued doing what was best for me, (aka face-to-face conversations) it would have left both of us feeling frustrated, as my opinions would not be heard and she would feel disrespected. When I figured out what worked for both of us, it ultimately strengthened our relationship. Tip 4: Always come from a place of respect and empathy Respect and empathy are the most important aspects of communication. When we remind ourselves to be respectful and think about the other person's perspective rather than just our own, we allow ourselves to connect with people in a different way. When we are respectful and empathic we send a very clear message that we are considering the other person’s view rather than just our own. This typically causes the person we are communicating with to be more receptive to what we have to say. Tip 5: Listen openly Good communication is a two-way process. It involves sharing your thoughts and opinions in a meaningful way, but it also means listening openly as well. When we enter a conversation only interested in getting our point across, we are missing opportunities for understanding and connection. When we really listen, rather than just focusing on what we are going to say next, we allow ourselves to be in the moment and keeps us flexible. Perhaps our intention may change as we listen to the other, and that’s perfectly okay! I can’t emphasize enough that this is a two-way process. Tip 6: Be detached from the outcome Communicating with intention is a way to respect yourself and your relationship, but it doesn’t automatically mean that the other person will agree with your perspective. Being detached from the outcome means being confident that you entered the conversation in a way that was honoring, regardless of the other person’s position. Not being invested in the outcome allows you to stay connected to your intention and also allows you to be flexible and open to suggestions. It’s not about being right, it's about creating connection. More likely than not, if you are able to practice these tips you will be able to connect with the people around you in a more meaningful way. In the words of Dan Oswald, “Communication must be HOT. That’s Honest, Open and Two-way ”, try it out, the results may astound you. For communication support in individual therapy or couples therapy, call Dr. Kate Campbell at 954-391-5305. Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Your phone rings. It’s your partner telling you they have to work late, again. You hang up completely frustrated about their demanding job and impossibly hectic schedule. Over the past six months, you’ve felt more and more disconnected. Disappointed with your situation at home, you started spending more time with friends from work. A few months ago, your “single” work friend began texting you outside office hours. At first, you didn’t think anything of the “innocent” banter, but then you started texting more frequently and even sent a few flirtatious texts. You find yourself texting when bored, lonely, or need to vent about your partner. In your mind, you justify the texts. “It’s okay… we aren’t doing anything wrong so there’s no harm in our clandestine contact.” Yet, you sneak around sending messages and delete text threads so your partner doesn’t find them. If it really were okay, surely you’d share it with them, right? In today’s modern age, technology is integral to our daily lives and text is a preferred mode of communication. With the ease of interacting online comes an increased risk of people engaging in emotional or technological affairs. A recent trend is known as “ chexting ” refers to cheating via text message. People who engage in chexting often find themselves seduced into the “ ” continuum. It might start innocently but can easily shift into flirtatious or saucy content aka “sexting”, which is unbearably close to a full-blown sexual affair. Because texts are documented, both parties can re-read the thread, reliving the arousal and revisiting the thrill. Regardless of where you fall on the continuum, chexting is dangerous even if you aren’t caught. When you share intimate feelings with someone else, you’re turning away from your partner and shutting them out. This perpetuates the underlying disconnect and prevents conflict from being resolved, which can make your text partner look even more attractive. Rather than pouring energy into false fantasies or discussing your relationship problems with someone else, you’d be better off focusing on what needs to be different in your relationship. It’s best to talk about the boundaries of what’s acceptable and what’s not in your relationship before it becomes an issue. If you want to know whether something is crossing the line, ask your partner. A basic rule of thumb is, if you’re engaging in behaviors that you don’t want your partner to know about, you probably should be thinking twice about what you’re doing. Before sending questionable content to someone else, think about how your partner would react if they read it. Listen to Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT discuss chexting and preventative strategies with Jimmy Cefalo on the WIOD 610 am radio show . Whether you’ve been cheated on, heard tragic stories from friends, or simply fear it happening to you; infidelity is the ultimate betrayal! Although infidelity of any kind is devastating and really challenging to overcome, it’s not impossible. Therapy is a valuable resource for healing and repairing relationships in the wake of an affair. If you find yourself nearing the affair territory, individual or couples therapy can help you find the solutions to rebuild a positive connection with your partner and reignite the spark in your relationship. Ultimately, no relationship is completely immune to infidelity and it’s important to proactively attend to your needs and your partner’s needs. According to Dr. Gottman’s research , the healthiest, most satisfying long-term relationships are those that have a strong foundation of friendship and emotional intimacy. These couples turn toward one another to talk about day-to-day stuff and share their innermost hopes, fears, and desires. Essentially, if you want to affair-proof your relationship , make sure your partner is your best friend and have fun keeping the passion alive! For tips on how to rebuild T.R.U.S.T watch Dr. Kate's interview on The Couples Corner . If you want help with affair recovery or prevention as an individual or couple, contact Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT , and the team at Bayview Therapeutic Services at 954-391-5305 . Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.