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You may feel a premarital group class is a way to go for premarital counseling, and there are many reasons to think that. For some, it is financial practicality, others desire to interact with other couples especially if newly relocated, and still others prefer an interactive environment where learning can be enhanced. “Not every class is created equal.” Unfortunately, this appears to be true in premarital counseling as well. Having worked with many couples over the years, many seemed shocked and surprised by the problems they've encountered after marriage. Couples later recognize that they did not thoroughly discuss, explore or have awareness of the potential for these problems. Some couples I’ve worked with participated in a premarital course, but were still unprepared for some fundamental issues. Reasons for not benefiting from a premarital class are: - not fully engaging in their pre-marriage counseling classes due to a lack of relevance, style of presentation , or facilitators use a top down approach leaving couples feeling uncomfortable in discussing concerns. Many also see their premarital course experience as judgmental or cursory. One couple I worked with who were previously engaged, took a premarital course elsewhere. They still felt so unprepared they considered postponing their marriage. The couple shared that they felt shut down in their previous course after asking a question and being told “this is the way it is.” After participating in my 4 hour premarital course, they expressed the class was significantly more relevant. They appreciated the ability to participate in a way that was guided, while providing information and coaching on practical and useful skills. They left the course feeling prepared and more confident. Realizing that many couples were not being prepared adequately, I set out to present and provide an enhanced experience for clients utilizing Prepare-Enrich, a nationally recognized premarital assessment and couple strengthening program. An excellent premarital group course should provide the following: COMPREHENSIVE COUPLE ASSESSMENT 1. A comprehensive pre-assessment tool helps couples see in black/white how they view, value, and understand significant aspects of their relationship. It allows couples objectivity in considering each other’s perspectives with neutral language, sparking less emotional reactivity in areas that may be hot button topics for the couple. Benefit: I find in many cases when couples have a personalized report to consider, they are more likely to focus on the report, and collaborate effectively to address challenging areas of their relationship vs. pointing fingers at each other. It almost becomes a project that they can work on and explore and engage in together. SAFE SPACE TO EXPRESS 2. A safe space for couples to interact with other couples facilitates learning from each other. For example, before presenting a topic such as Sex and Intimacy, I ask couples to share briefly the most romantic date they've had together. The stories shared are often poignant, touching and empowering for the individuals and the group as a whole. Benefit: The power of a small group provides support but allows them to share their commonality of experiences, and ways of handling challenges while sharing in each other’s successes and solutions. STRONG FOCUS ON COMMUNICATION 3. An intentional focus on communication skills including active listening and assertiveness skills are vitally important. Couples should be able to practice between themselves while witnessing other couples doing the same. Since good communication is a foundation for a healthy relationship, it is important that couples learn and feel comfortable with this skill. I like to say that with good to great communication, couples can help a navigate issues and solution-build around challenges and life issues quicker and more effectively. Benefit: Practicing and observing others enhancing or tweaking their communication skills helps couples to learn and reinforce that skill more effectively than doing it on their own. This will make changes more long lasting and support the health of the couple relationship. UNCOVER POTENTIAL PROBLEM AREAS 4. I recall in one class a partner of a couple shared that even though she and her fiancé had been living together for over three years, she had no idea he felt the way he did about a particular area of their relationship. For the couple this was not only eye-opening but was instrumental for them to begin a healthy dialogue regarding their differences while learning how to honor each others perspective. A therapist or facilitator's level of experience can help the couple with uncovering and exploring potential problems while creating a space for open communication. Couples should participate between themselves which not only promotes engagement, it allows the couple to recognize previous areas that may cause challenges later. The couple can practice and reinforce effective communication, assertiveness and resolution skills to discuss or solution build around those potential challenges. Benefit: An environment that promotes safety can help a couple to uncover a previously unrecognized area that may need the couple’s attention before marriage. WELL STRUCTURED 5. A helpful premarital course should provide a clear, structured well-timed format allowing couples to adequately explore key areas such as communication, conflict resolution, finances, marriage expectations, roles, couple goals, sex, intimacy, and parenting expectations. Benefit: Balance and structure help couples to not only learn or enhance skills but also to review their issues objectively, have open discussions, and gain guidance from the facilitator or therapist. DIVERSE FORMAT 6. Appreciating that there are different learning styles is vital when presenting new information. That holds true for a premarital class. Therefore, it is valuable to couples to have a variety of modalities of learning, such as video, questions and discussion, worksheets, relevant examples, quick in-house surveys, private time, and sharing times. Benefit: Addressing different learning styles keeps each participate engaged and helps to increase each person's comfort level in a group setting, thus gaining the most benefit possible from the class. PROVIDE GUIDANCE AND REASSURANCE 7. While every married couple's journey will be different, an experienced therapist or facilitator can help the couple prepare for typical issues that couples tend to encounter. For example, it is advantageous for couples to understand how life stressors or the addition of children can significantly challenge or change their relationship dynamics. Guidance by the facilitator can also help the couple increase awareness proactively prepare so that they don't fall into the trap of feeling helpless and hopeless when challenges arise. Benefit: Experienced guidance can help couples more clearly understand and explore some of the challenges they may face, and provide reassurance to the couple while imparting relevant skills, tools, and resources to promote their success. Simone Finnis, LMFT is a solution-focused systems therapist providing positive therapeutic solutions for individuals, couples, and families. Simone tailors her therapeutic approach to the unique needs of each of her clients. To find out more about Simonecall today 954-391-5305.

Relationships can be hard. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have a lot of couples who come in and out of my office every week, and every week I am reminded that a happy, healthy relationship takes commitment, connection, and hard work. Relationships are filled with strengths, successes, struggles, and mistakes. They have “ups and downs”. However, if mistakes and bad habits are not being identified as wrong and perceived as “normal”, your relationship could be in big trouble. This leaves us unaware of the damage we may be causing to the relationship, or in other words, we are unintentionally sabotaging our relationship. Couples therapy can help to identify these “bad habits” and teach you the necessary antidotes to use in their place. For those who can’t make the commitment to couples counseling, let’s educate you the old fashioned way. Below, I have included some of the most common “bad habits” that are sabotaging your relationship (not to mention your personal well-being). 1 - Competition: Relationships don’t need a scorecard. There isn’t a winner or a loser. You and your partner should be a TEAM. Finances, house work, parenting styles, and more are common areas in which competition can arise. For example, “I worked 60 hours this week! I am trying to provide for the family!” “But I do everything around the house AND take care of the kids all day”. This attempt to prove to your partner that your efforts are significant can actually be building a culture of competition and enabling the “keeping score” mindset. While the intention may not always be to belittle your partner’s efforts and accomplishments, trying to compete can come across very critical and invalidating. Antidote: Implementing compromise, complimenting and validating each other’s successes (no matter how big or small), and most importantly, eliminate comparing each other's efforts, strengths, struggles, and mistakes. 2 - Fishing for Compliments: Speaking of validation, this one is tricky because compliments are usually a good thing. Validating your partner is an essential part of a healthy relationship. However, when we begin acting a certain way, saying certain things, or doing things just to be noticed, it can turn insincere. For example, saying things like “I don’t look good in this outfit” with the intent to be complimented or making accusations like “you don’t love me anymore” just to be reaffirmed that you are loved. These are not genuine conversations. Being genuine is key in relationships because it strengthens connection and builds trust and support. Genuine validation and compliments also foster healthy levels of self-esteem in our partners. Fishing for compliments can lead to frustration and resentment in the long run. If you truly are having concerns or doubts that you “don’t look good” or “don’t feel loved”, those are conversations that need to be discussed and explored to find out the root of the problem. Keep in mind, we all have different love languages (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, and Physical Touch). Gary Chapman’s book on The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts discusses a concept that we all have a specific way we prefer to receive love. Some individuals fall under the category of “words of affirmation”. If this is the case, it is important to have this conversation with your partner so they know that validation and affirmations are important to you. Antidote: Communicate your wants and needs to your partner. Your loved one is not a mind reader. If you respond positively to words of affirmations, compliments, and validation, let your partner know. If these important conversations are had, it helps your partner take a genuine effort to fulfill this need, rather than leaving you fishing for compliments. 3 - Threatening to Leave: Have you ever felt so frustrated with your partner that you react and say “I’m not doing this anymore” or storm out of the house after a fight, even if you have no intention to end the relationship. This bad habit forces your partner to go on the defensive, which may result in additional fighting, deterioration of trust, build resentment, or even taking your words at face value and proceeding with a break-up. Regardless of the outcome, threatening to leave is a slippery slope. A relationship cannot continue to thrive and grow if you're constantly taking steps backwards. Antidote: Try some new conflict resolution skills. Small steps towards eliminating this “bad habit” such as taking 20-30 mins to “cool down” before trying to discuss the conflict matter again, practicing assertive communication skills to fully get your concerns across, and being willing to reflectively listen and understand your partner can help to manage conflict appropriately and prevent you from threatening to leave. In the clip below, actress, Kristen Bell discusses her unhealthy fighting technique with actor, Dax Shepard in their early stages of their relationship. I absolutely LOVE this clip because it sheds light on the desire behind threatening to leave or “the dramatic exit” and the progression of overcoming this bad habit through healthy communication and hard work. 4 - Nit Picking: “Why did you take 95 and not the Turnpike?” “You always forget your keys!” Do you ever find yourself picking apart every little thing your loved one does? Have you ever heard your partner say “I can’t do anything right!”. These may be signs you are nit picking your partner! Starting conflict over things that do not have a major impact on the integrity of the relationship or threaten your personal boundaries can cause resentment, frustration, and leave your partner feeling criticized. “Walking on eggshells” in your relationship is the feeling of not being comfortable, leaving them afraid to act or say something without the fear of a critical response. This will sabotage your relationship in the long run. Antidote: Pick your battles! Taking the time to reflect on “why” this particular thing is frustrating you is essential. A little self-reflection can prevent an unnecessary fight. Most of the time you will be able to determine that your partner “shuffling their feet” or “leaving the water running while they brush their teeth” is not jeopardizing your relationship or well-being, preventing a critical and impulsive statement. Picking your battles can actually help save your relationship! 5 - Listening To Outsider's Opinions: Everyone has an opinion. As much as we don’t want to admit it, we also make uninformed judgements. Listening to the opinions of others on your relationship is common, we all need someone to talk to from time to time. It is important to remember that you and your partner are the only ones who actually know the details, strengths, and efforts being made in your relationship. Your best friend may tell you that your spouse is not treating you right, however, they can be uninformed of the major positive transformation he/she has made for you. If you are making decisions about your relationship based off the opinions of others alone, you may be sabotaging the relationship and the potential for growth. Antidote: Filter outsider’s opinions. It is important to have a support system who you can talk to, vent to, and rely on when needed. However, remember to take the opinions and judgements of others with a grain of salt. YOU are the one that is most informed about your relationship. Filter, or process, the information you may be receiving from others and identify what may be applicable and important to you. You are the expert in your own love story! If you and your partner are struggling with bad habits or relationship problems, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Jamie Ratowski, of Bayview Therapy offers couples counseling with a coaching approach to help you overcome your challenges. If you are located in Fort Lauderdale, FL, or surrounding areas and are looking to enhance your relationship, call 954-391-5305 today.

Our bodies respond to trauma, or any negative experience that impacts us, in several ways. These responses are our bodies best attempt to help us recover from the trauma and prevent us from enduring any future difficulties. The problem, though, is that these responses can also cause us considerable pain. In this blog, we will look closely at the way trauma affects our bodies and what we can do about it. After trauma, our bodies become very guarded, fearful, and tight. From a biological perspective, our bodies are armoring us so that we are no longer impacted by future threats to our well-being. After a notably painful experience, our muscles get very tense and tend to stay tense. Research tells us that when our muscles remain tight, over time this causes them to become exhausted and ineffective. Such consistent tension can also cause us to experience aches and pains, sometimes chronic ones. We also tend to have higher blood pressure and elevated resting heart rate. Additionally, it becomes much easier for even the seemingly smallest thing to startle us and cause us subsequent anger, anxiety, and discomfort. Nightmares and insomnia are also common, which further compound our fatigue, exhaustion, and unpleasant emotions. Due to these unpleasant symptoms, chronic health conditions and poor health are also common. Here are just some steps we can take to reduce the negative impact of trauma on our bodies: Seek the right kind of support and help. You want to talk to a therapist, or someone else you can trust, to really appreciate and empathize with the experience(s) you’ve been through. Seek opportunities to participate in activities that soothe your body and help you feel better about yourself, such as massage and yoga. Try to be patient with yourself as you recover from the impact of trauma, as it can take time to fully shed its influence. Work with a therapist to improve your awareness of your body’s responses to various experiences. The more connected you become to your body, the more you can help to help it. Practice 5-10 minutes of mindful meditation, where you do your best to sit quietly and notice, but not dwell on, your thoughts, emotions, and bodily experiences. If you have any questions about trauma or how to recover after a traumatic experience, I'd be happy to speak with you. If you would like to schedule your first session, call me at 954-391-5305 for or for more information about my services, read my bio here

As a woman, and as a therapist that specializes in women’s health, I thought I knew what to expect in pregnancy and the postpartum period. I thought I was adequately prepared with my knowledge as a mental health professional and felt like I was doing enough by going to my own therapist early on in my pregnancy to prepare for the transition to come. But I had no idea. I had no idea about the emotional rollercoaster I was about to embark on in pregnancy, about how much my relationship would be tested postpartum, or about the overwhelming grief and nostalgia I would feel about my life pre-baby. No person or textbook could prepare me for the crippling shame I would experience for having these feelings, or the intense guilt that would surface when I would hear myself complain. How could I feel this way? I had a healthy pregnancy, I had a healthy baby, I had plenty of resources, I wasn’t experiencing Postpartum Depression…. And yet, it was hard, it is hard, and I was not prepared. There are so many things I wish I knew before starting the journey of having a baby. Not because It would have changed my mind to become pregnant, but because I believe being prepared and having adequate expectations can save us a lot of emotional turmoil in life. The common narrative around pregnancy and postpartum have not held true for my life, and I get the feeling that many women out there feel the same way. Here are some things I didn’t expect that in retrospect I wish I had: I felt a sense of loss: This was probably my hardest challenge. It started in pregnancy where overnight I found myself having to give up most things that made me, me. Working out was suddenly different, my social life changed, the hormonal changes were awful and I felt out of sorts with my feelings... and then a deep nostalgia settled in postpartum when I brought my baby home. I felt profound grief about my old life and the freedom I once had. And then, worse than these feelings was the intense shame that set in for having these feelings in the first place. This was a tough one to work through, but I did. Morning sickness was not my biggest challenge: I had this false belief that if I didn’t get morning sickness pregnancy would be a breeze. HA! Not so much. Morning sickness is really tough, and I feel for women that deal with this. Luckily, I never had morning sickness but found myself still dealing with other physical problems that I didn’t know were possible. For example, I had femoral nerve pain that was excruciating and lasted my entire pregnancy. I had no idea this was a possibility, and it very much impacted what I was able to do while pregnant. I didn’t glow: OK, a little humor, but really, I never glowed. I kept waiting for the moment I would wake up to a radiant complexion…. it didn’t happen. Pregnancy was still beautiful in other ways. Instead of waiting for the glow, I wish I had the same anticipation for the way my heart would explode when I felt her first kick, or saw her for the first time in the ultrasound. These were the real moments to look forward to. I had moments of panic that made me wonder why I did this: Okay, so another hard one. I plan to write about this extensively in upcoming blogs. But in short, In the really tough moments postpartum, I wondered why we even did this. Life was good before… and then shame reared its ugly head (again) for even having these feelings. (Spoiler: I have not renewed my subscription to the shame channel. I will share the way I wrestled shame and won, in my upcoming blogs). Only share your vulnerability with people who understand: To use Brene Brown’s words, vulnerability is earned, not given. I found myself being way too honest with people who would casually ask me how I was doing (during both pregnancy and postpartum) and most of them couldn’t handle my answer. Most people just want to hear that you are doing great and that you are happy and it’s the best time of your life, etc. Only share your real feelings with people who can accept your truth, and can truly assist you if you are struggling. If you feel like you don’t have that person(s) this is a great time to seek therapeutic support. My relationship would be challenged, but in ways I didn’t anticipate: My husband and I went to therapy early on in my pregnancy to prepare for the transition of having a baby. While this was helpful, there was no way for me to anticipate how taxing having a newborn would be on our relationship. (Stay tuned for blogs on this, and how we came together to support each other!) Despite the struggle I will be head over heels in love with my baby (But it may not happen right away!): The moment the nurse placed my baby on my chest, was probably one of the most overwhelming & amazing moments of my life. But the same way I waited for the glow, (that never came) I waited for that “feeling” that you hear of that you are “supposed” to experience when your baby is born. Luckily, unlike the glow, the feeling came, just not right away. It took some time for me to feel really connected to my baby girl, and again, I wish I had a different set of expectations for that. For some women, it takes a little while for that connection to happen, and that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with you and you are and will be an amazing mom. I share this here because I am committed to challenging the narrative around pregnancy and postpartum. You may not glow in pregnancy and you may not love the newborn stage, and there is no shame in that. An alternative narrative is necessary and is freeing for women experiencing similar feelings. An alternative narrative is a shield against shame. This blog series will be a vehicle to make that happen. Through sharing my own experiences and offering professional guidance and support, I hope that you feel more connected and less alone. No woman should have to silently struggle, and no woman should ever be met with minimizing statements or criticism when they are vulnerable and share how they truly feel about pregnancy or the postpartum period. It is really hard. And everybody’s experience is beautifully unique. If you are reading this and are feeling like you or someone you know could benefit from some extra support, please do not hesitate to call me. I am dedicated to providing you with high quality therapeutic services and would be honored to be on your journey with you. Click here to schedule a free phone consult today!

Parents often ask how to improve the relationship with their children, and one of the greatest ways to create closeness is to spend one on one time with your child. This is one of the surest methods to develop a relationship where your child can feel appreciated. Giving a child undivided attention sends a very important message. It lets your child know they are important and that you are interested to be with them. Here are some of the reasons to consider creating one on one time with your child: It boosts your child’s self-esteem. When children feel important and valued it helps them feel more worthwhile. It strengthens the connection with your child. Just as when you give undivided attention to your partner or best friend, one on one time with your child allows you to really get to know them, their interests, their passions, and create memories. It communicates respect to your children. They know you are busy, and for you to devote time just to be with them, your actions let them know that you respect them. And the best way to teach respect is to show respect. It helps your child to feel they are worthy of love. When you provide undivided attention to your child separate from the others in your family, they feel needed and wanted. It may curb negative attention-seeking behavior. Children often act out to get attention, and behaviors that are attended to are often repeated. Thus, when children act out negatively and continue to do so, this is because it works! It gets the attention of their parents. However, if you carve out a time where you can attend to your children and they receive positive attention, this may reduce the likelihood of unwanted behaviors. While some parents initially feel overwhelmed trying to think about how to create this special time, it does not need to be that complicated. Ideally, this time is best spent when you allow your child to pick an activity of their choice and you simply participate with them. Here are some recommendations to make one on one time a success: It is best to follow their lead and make observations. (e.g., “Wow you drew such a colorful flower,” “Look at how you stack those blocks”) Avoid questions, criticism, or giving direction. Remember, let them lead! Avoid distractions. Put away your cellphone, turn off the television, and separate yourself from the other children or people in your family. Avoid multitasking during this time. The goal is to give your child undivided attention and be fully present. Thank them for spending the time with you. Let them know that you cannot wait for their next time together. Schedule a time with your child so they know when the next one on one time will happen. For those parents who think finding this time may be impossible here a few creative ways to still spend one on one time with your child. Studies show that it is the quality not quantity of this time that matters most. Some ideas to incorporate include: Have one child per night help you cook dinner. When possible, run errands with one child at a time. Take walks around your neighborhood. Join them alone for one of their interests (sports, fishing, Lego, etc.). Do your individual chores together. Read books together. Do home projects together. Make crafts and art projects together. Play their favorite game. Life always seems to move at a fast pace, and it can be easy to prioritize things like work, chores, and other responsibilities. However, taking a moment to slow down and devote time to give your child the attention they need and desire is an investment that will give you big returns. To learn more about parenting interventions or to schedule an evaluation for your child to better understand their behaviors or challenges, call Dr. Heather Kuhl at 954-391-5305 for a free consultation.

What if I told you that there were things you could do to bolster your mental health postpartum? Oftentimes I hear women speak about Postpartum Depression as something that is unavoidable like it’s something they “hope” won’t happen to them. And yes, the truth is that some women are more at risk of developing a postpartum mental health disorder like Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, or OCD (yes there is more than just PPD that women struggle with!) if they have struggled with mental health disorder in the past, but it is not a certainty. What I do know for sure, is that our expectations, our self-talk, and whether or not we ask for help, play a big role in our emotional functioning postpartum. I myself struggled with the baby blues, and had thoughts that at times really scared me. I felt inadequate as a mother, as a wife, and felt so far away from myself that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t connect with my baby girl right away and my relationship with my husband became its own challenge on top of everything else. I reached a low that I had never experienced before. My saving grace was reaching out to my own therapist, and having a network of new moms that I could speak my truth to. My baby blues subsided when I felt heard, when my feelings were normalized, and when I felt less alone. My emotional state definitely may have worsened if I kept all of those feelings to myself, and trust me, I was tempted to because I felt ashamed. But I decided that I would not let shame keep me silent, and I spoke up. The decision to own my experience, no matter how shameful I perceived it to be, changed everything. You can do the same. To help avoid the baby blues or a postpartum mental health condition, women can be proactive and take charge of their emotional health. Regardless of what is done proactively, some women may end up struggling with a postpartum disorder, and there is still great help available if this occurs. The important thing is to seek it! However, I am strong believer in preventative mental health and I believe that the rates of postpartum disorders would lessen if women felt more validated, less isolated and were able to share their truth. Here are some tips I have compiled for the new mom and mom-to-be: Have realistic expectations: Don’t buy into societal myths that portray pregnancy and postpartum through rose-colored glasses. I cannot emphasize this enough. Part of what happens to women is that they buy into the narrative about pregnancy and postpartum which idealizes what it is to have a baby. Having unrealistic expectations about having a baby can bring you to a pretty low when reality sets in. You need to know that in the first weeks postpartum you will probably cry more than you laugh and that this time will most likely be the hardest of your life. It gets so much better, but know what to expect. (As much as you can) Ask for help: As frequently as you need to!!! There is nothing wrong with this. You are not superhuman you are not supposed to function perfectly on little to no sleep, raging hormones and a body that has been through physical trauma. Ask for help, and take it when it is offered. Even if it’s a five-minute break to shower, eat a meal, or rest. You may not think five minutes can make a difference, but it does. Talk to people who get it: Lean on the people who understand and can handle your truth. Other moms are a great resource, especially those who you can be truly vulnerable with. Being able to share your absolute truth to someone that can receive it, is one of the best things you can do for your emotional health. Texting or calling them when you are having a rough moment is a way to relieve yourself of stress. It can be especially challenging if you don’t have this person, and you are stepping into motherhood while your friends are still in other phases of life. If this is the case for you, there are so many resources out there. Locally, there are breastfeeding support groups and groups for new moms. Usually the local hospital puts these on. If you are not feeling like you have anyone you can be 100% honest with, please seek therapeutic support. Do not let it get to the point that you are not functioning to get help. Make time for just you: If you are a type A personality like myself, it is hard to step away from the baby even when you have help. Please do it. Even if it is just to leave and get coffee, please make time for just you. You need to recharge any chance you get. As hard as it is to be away from your baby, you have to remind yourself that your baby deserves a healthy recharged you; not an angry, tired, frustrated you. This may be unavoidable sometimes, so please take the help when it is offered! Reconnect with things that gave you purpose before motherhood: Whether it’s a show, a book, working out, getting together with friends….make time for this. Prioritize this any way that you can and do the things that bring you joy, peace and solace. You are not a bad mother for prioritizing yourself. You need to continue doing the things that make you, you. Continuing to nurture yourself is imperative for your emotional wellness and the healthier you are, the more your baby benefits. Seek therapy: Therapy can be utilized as a great preventative resource. If you are a mom-to-be, it can be a great time to start couples or individual counseling to prepare for the big transition ahead. There are many tools you can gain in therapy that will help safeguard your relationship and help you transition from couple to first time parents. If you are past this point and you are a new mom, chances are, the struggle is real. The postpartum period is particularly tough, and there are very real moments of overwhelming emotion and strife. Postpartum is also a great time to seek therapy. Wherever you are in your parenting journey, it is never a bad idea to seek therapeutic support. I hope you found these tips useful! If you are a mom or mom-to-be looking to bolster or restore her emotional health, click here to schedule an appointment. My passion is working with and empowering women, and I would love to assist you wherever you are on your journey to motherhood!

Clean Eating. Health-Conscious. Sustainable. Vegan/Vegetarian. Organic. Paleo. Keto. The list goes on and on to describe different focuses or categories of what our culture has determined to be healthy eating patterns. The attention to different factors of food is ever-changing and highly marketed by different organizations and industries that seek to profit heavily from the obsession with health, which is often misunderstood to also be a pursuit of thinness. While anyone would argue that being informed about nutrition and understanding food sourcing is important, it is possible to become obsessed and controlled by this obsession. This is called Orthorexia. Orthorexia is problematic, dangerous, and obsessive relationship with proper or “healthful” eating. The obsession with food can look different depending on the focus or factors of food considered most important to the individual. The obsessions are based on the irrational belief that food labeled as being “healthy” is the only acceptable food they will allow themselves to eat. The presentation of orthorexia varies from person to person. One person with orthorexia may only eat a few foods deemed clean or pure including sweet potato and quinoa, whereas another person who is also obsessed with clean or pure foods may only consume organic cauliflower and chicken due to their organic label and lower sugar content. Others may follow the Keto diet rigidly and believes that they cannot falter from this regimen. So, what is the difference between utilizing a diet and orthorexia? Orthorexia is an eating disorder and the level of distress, obsession, and rigidity are far greater than that of just your average dieter or “health-conscious” person. Also, a person with orthorexia is usually under immense distress if acceptable foods are not available and may engage in bizarre behaviors to be able to follow their strict rules. NEDA highlighted several characteristics to consider when identifying if a person may be struggling with orthorexia. Compulsive checking of ingredient lists and nutritional labels An increase in concern about the health of ingredients Cutting out an increasing number of food groups (all sugar, all carbs, all dairy, all meat, all animal products) An inability to eat anything but a narrow group of foods that are deemed ‘healthy’ or ‘pure’ Unusual interest in the health of what others are eating Spending hours per day thinking about what food might be served at upcoming events Showing high levels of distress when ‘safe’ or ‘healthy’ foods aren’t available Obsessive following of food and ‘healthy lifestyle’ blogs on Twitter and Instagram Body image concerns may or may not be present Though this disorder is based on the idea of health, it is extremely unhealthy and can result in devastating medical consequences, such as severe vitamin or nutrient deficiencies, anxiety, depression, seizures, bone loss, muscle loss, cardiovascular problems, etc. Much like anorexia, the intensity of restriction and obsession with food becomes greater and greater until it controls the person’s life. One of the most difficult parts of identifying and treating this disorder is that it is highly positively reinforced in our culture. People suffering and struggling with orthorexia often receive immense positive feedback for being healthy, “good,” disciplined, smart eaters, clean eaters, etc. If the orthorexia also results in weight loss, this too can be positively reinforced in our very weight-obsessed and thin-ideal culture. It is often very difficult to convince someone with orthorexia that what they are doing is hurting them. Sadly, many doctors, therapists, or nutritionists may not even catch on to what is going on due to the immense influence of the diet and health food industries. However, treatment is possible. Working with a skilled team consisting of an eating disorder specialized therapist, dietitian a medical professional can help those struggling with orthorexia to recover and develop a better and truly healthy relationship with food. It may seem strange to be encouraged to eat foods labeled by most as unhealthy, but the rigidity of never allowing oneself to have them is far worse on the body and the mind. For more information on orthorexia and treatment options, please see the below resources. Local South Florida Resources: www.bayviewtherapy.com National Resources: www.findedhelp.com www.nationaleatingdisorders.org For information on how to book an appointment with me please visit my website here.

Hi I’m Dr. Wynette. Today, I would like to discuss with you “How to Keep the Spark Alive”. Today’s message is for all couples. The topic is centered around maintaining and sustaining a healthy, happy relationship. I would like to provide you with 5 powerful tips on how to keep your relationship exciting! Watch my video below or continue reading this blog. Tip #1 –Set Aside Time Once a Week for “Date Night.” Date night is an allocated time for you and your partner to be together. It is a minimum of 30 minutes set aside where the cell phones are off or put separately away. It can be at home having a lovely dinner for two, at the beach enjoying the view and time together, or a lavish night out at your favorite concert or show. The choice is up to the two of you. I highly recommend that date night is planned weekly. Tip #2 –Communicate Most Effectively. An example of how to communicate effectively includes creating "advance timeouts". An advance password or code is used by either partner when discussions or disagreements are becoming intense, emotionally charged, and volatile. It should be an agreed upon word or statement that in a non-argumentative conversation would have a calming, harmonious effect on each partner. For example, the name of the restaurant where you and your partner had your first date; or the name of your first pet together who always makes you both smile. Another example of effective communication is to match your partner’s communication style. If you are a more concise, straight to the point communicator, it is very important for you and your partner to be aware of this fact. Your partner will then know you like to receive information short, concise, and to the point. Lastly, an overall key communication style to remember is to respond, not react. Reacting results in increased arguing and no resolution. Responding creates an environment for an intelligent, mature conversation. Tip #3 – Prioritize Self Care. Self-care is creating an environment daily where each of you individually take care of your overall, emotional well-being. For example, it may be to get into the present moment and calm down your thoughts daily. It may be yoga for some people. Or, daily meditation for others. Self-care can be a self-improvement class, an exercise class, or whatever your flavor is as far as a personal area you would like to individually see as a growth opportunity. The self-care plan should be uniquely tailored and developed separately for each of you. Tip #4 – Become Aware of the 5 love languages. They are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, physical touch, and spending quality time together. There is a lot of research available on each. However, to sum it up, your partner has a primary love language when communicated is received as “I love you” and when you receive your primary love language it communicates back to you “I love you too.” Tip #5 – Permission to Experience Heightened Intimacy. Intimacy being referred to here can also be described as “In To Me You See.” It is a higher level of vulnerability you and your partner give each other permission to experience. The results of intimacy are an increased connection that is strong and capable of withstanding life experiences together. It assures that each of you is committed and determined to stay together. It allows you both to look into each other’s eyes, the windows of your souls, and connect at a heightened, unbreakable level. For more information or to schedule a couples therapy session with me, please contact me at 954-391-5305. To read more about my approach to therapy and find out what services I offer, click here to visit my website.

Therapists use the mind-body connection to work closely with other health care providers to assess the lifestyles, attitudes, and family support of their patients. They also help patients understand how to create and implement a plan that will improve psychological well-being. Psychologists and therapists can work with you so that you are able to take an active role in taking care of your mental and physical health. Awareness of the mind-body connection may be helpful in: · Building resilience · Strengthening distress tolerance · Speeding recovery from illness · Lessening pain and discomfort · Enabling patients and families to better cope with stressors · Increasing mental alertness and activity Here are 5 ways you can take an active role in strengthening your mind-body connection: 1. Be intentional about taking active breaks from work or thinking about a concern to give your brain a chance to regroup and refuel Physically walking away from a stressor or problem for a few minutes will give you more clarity and better equip you to manage it. 2. Your body’s posture and expressions can also influence your mood. Try standing tall to help give yourself a boost of confidence and be mindful of your facial expressions. Your brain interprets your expressions as cues to feel and process emotions. 3. Cultivate loving relationships. Research shows that a solid social support network has numerous physical and mental health benefits. It can prevent you from feeling lonely, isolated or inadequate. When you feel good about yourself, you are better prepared to deal with stress. Friends and loved ones can be a valuable source of advice and can provide new ways of approaching problems. But they can also be a pleasant distraction from what's bothering you. You can also consider volunteering, joining an outdoor activities group, or an online meet-up group to make new connections. 4. Write it out. Journaling can help you cope with the stress of a deadline or your worries in daily life. Physically downloading problems and worries from your mind (by putting pen to paper) can help reduce the stress you are feeling and ultimately improve your health. 5. Spend time outdoors and make time to meditate or practice mindfulness. New science shows that walking outside rejuvenates our minds and enhances our ability focus. Engaging in mindfulness for a few minutes a day can also help decrease anxiety and symptoms of depression. Taking an active role in strengthening your mind-body connection can help you shift from imbalance to balance. And when you’re in an optimal state of balance, you will naturally tend to listen to your body with love and compassion and make choices that support health, happiness, and wellbeing. For more information or to schedule a therapy session with me, please contact me at 954-391-5305. To read more about my approach to therapy and find out what services I offer, click here or visit my website.

As children, we depend on adults (particularly our caregivers) to consistently support, nurture, and protect us. When they do, we’re more likely to develop a healthy view of ourselves, others, and the world. For instance, we’re then inclined to believe: We are lovable. People are trustworthy and dependable. The world is a safe place. Meanwhile, when we experience our caregivers as inconsistent, inattentive, and/or abusive, we’re more likely to foster an unhealthy picture of reality. In this scenario, we’re likely to believe: We’re incapable and unworthy of receiving love. People can’t be trusted. The world is scary and unsafe. I’m sure you can begin to imagine just how much the latter situation can negatively impact a person. In this blog, we will look at the specific ways difficult upbringing negatively impacts future relationships. We will also explore helpful solutions to improve the relationships and lives of people enduring these problems. As an adult who has endured some form of unhealthy parenting, you may have the following thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and experiences in your relationships: “I can’t trust anyone, not even my partner.” “I’m not good enough and I don’t deserve love.” "I feel angry often.” “My emotions get intense very quickly and it’s so hard for me to control them. “My intense emotions make it so hard for me to just have a normal conversation with my partner.” “Nobody can actually understand what I’ve been through.” “It’s a burden for me to talk to my partner about what I’ve been through, so I can’t do it.” “It feels good to be alone, so I isolate and withdraw from others.” “My partner always says I feel distant.” “Physical intimacy is really difficult.” The great news is that you don’t have to keep feeling this way. You can experience the following profound improvements in your life: Respond to difficult experiences in calmer and more rational, productive ways. Experience hope. Reduce isolation. Embrace and trust your partner. Learn to value yourself. Here are some realistic steps to help you achieve the life you want: Seek out a trauma-informed therapist. This person can help you comfortably (and at your own pace) share difficult experiences from your past. This can help you to see how you experienced abuse or neglect, as well as how it still impacts you and your relationship. This kind of insight is critical in moving forward. You also want to work with a therapist to discover healthier ways to experience and express your thoughts and emotions. Along these lines, you’ll learn to separate past issues from present ones. Ensure you engage in basic forms of self-care, like consistently eating healthy meals and partaking in healthy activities you enjoy, like going to the movies or walking along the beach. Learn to develop compassion and patience for yourself. While this isn’t always easy, it’s crucial to eliminate the impact of past pain on your life and establish the path you deserve. Develop and nurture a great support system for both you and your relationship. Ensure you spend consistent quality time with family and friends who are positive about you and your relationship. Use self-observation and insight to recognize when your feelings are escalating. Use this as an opportunity to slow down, breathe, and respond in healthier ways. If you have any questions about past trauma or how to recover after a traumatic experience, I’d be happy to speak with you and help you get the relief you deserve. If you would like to schedule your first session, call me at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary consultation, or for more information about my services, read my bio here. Recovery from past traumatic experiences is possible, let me help!

Very early on in my experiences as a new mother, I realized that so much about the REAL-ness of motherhood stayed secret. Women don’t share their real experiences. Most new moms answer the “How are you doing?” question with statements about how much they love their new babies and how well they are doing, when in fact, they may not feel connected to their babies, and may truly not be okay emotionally. So why is this the case? Well, for starters, it is not culturally acceptable to answer that question with honesty. Most askers of the question wouldn’t know how to handle the real answer, and are expecting the socially appropriate answer, and new moms know that. So it perpetuates this needs for moms to conceal their truth. And it’s not OK. For some new moms, the transition may be easier, and you may truly feel connected to your babies and feel emotionally okay. Everyone experiences the motherhood transition differently. But for those of you struggling and concealing your real truth, I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and that It doesn’t have to be this way. Here are just a few things that new moms need to talk about and probably want to talk about when they are asked how they are doing: the grief that accompanies the motherhood transition the profound and all-consuming identify shift that happens during pregnancy and postpartum the physical and emotional scarring the way your mood shifts so easily the self-doubt that bubbles up during hard moments the times where you wonder if you made the right choice the sometimes not so great impact on your relationship the deep sadness that you feel when you look at your postpartum body…. the shame and fear that swirls around it all That is real. We have to talk about our real experiences (with a safe audience), because that is the only way to challenge the current narrative about motherhood. The current narrative around motherhood teaches women that they must: have it all together feel connected to their babies immediately love motherhood immediately lose all their baby weight immediately still continue to be great wives or partners immediately function on little to no sleep (with a smile) keep their emotions in check return to work immediately and it all better be done seamlessly Like, WHAT the %&@#? It’s ridiculous when you lay it out. Many women feel that if they choose to prioritize themselves, their emotional/physical health, their relationships, or their careers… then they are bad moms. I’m here to tell you ladies, that you can take care of yourself and still be a good mom. In fact, a healthy mother (emotionally, spiritually, physically) will serve your child much more than a woman who feels like she has to put herself totally aside because it’s what you’re “supposed to do” as a mom. Getting real about your experiences with motherhood doesn’t make you a bad mother and it doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. In fact, being honest with yourself and freeing yourself of that shame that you carry is one of the best things you can do for your little one. Don’t carry that around with you. Find a safe audience, join a moms group, find a therapist who gets it, and give yourself the room to share your truth. We owe it to ourselves, our babies, and to the next generation of women who deserve to step into motherhood from an empowered place. Let’s work to educate and support new moms, rather than perpetuate the culture that asks women to stop caring for themselves in the pursuit of motherhood. It starts with us. Dr. Alex is a passionate women’s health advocate and loves working with women on their journey to motherhood. If you are interested in learning more about her practice, or you are interested in setting up an appointment, click here to reach Dr. Alex today!

Negative thoughts come from our brain’s instinct to survive. Our brains are always trying to make sense of the world and processing things around us. Our brains are not wired for us to be happy, but to SURVIVE in a world that has many threats. Hundreds of thousands of years ago, our ancestors lived in very stressful environments where one had to be hypervigilant and on the lookout for danger whether it be from a wild animal, tribes of people, natural disasters or famine. This meant anticipating that something bad was going to happen. If our remote ancestors remained overly positive, they probably would have been mauled by an animal, crushed by unsafe landscape, pillaged by other humans trying to survive or would have starved to death. It was unrealistic for those living in this dangerous time to be optimistic because there was always a chance that one wouldn’t make it through the day. Therefore, the negative mindset was born! Being pessimistic led to a higher chance of survival. If you need an example, think of the Pixar movie, The Croods! This wonderfully hilarious film follows the adventures of a family trying to survive in what seems like the paleolithic era where danger lurks everywhere and getting food to survive is a team-based task that took the efforts of everyone in the family. The father in this movie keeps his family alive the longest out of all the neighbors, because he advocates “always being afraid and not doing anything new.” For those of you who have seen the movie, you realize that this is a very comical depiction of thinking negatively to survive, however it still rings true. Of course, these days we no longer require this sort of vigilance to survive as those same threats no longer exist. However, that doesn’t change the way our brains are wired. We are more likely to tune into the negative versus the positive due to our brains conditioning to protect us from perceived dangers. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Negative thinking can keep us safe. When we get into our cars and put on our seatbelts, that’s an example of us expecting a possible negative event such as a car accident to which we are now prepared. When we look both ways before crossing an intersection, that’s us anticipating being hit by a car, which by looking for danger (cars coming toward us) we avoid being critically or fatally injured by oncoming traffic. When we practice safe sex, that’s an example of us anticipating unsafe pathogens or infections entering are bodies to which we are protecting ourselves from. So, one can conclude that there is value in negative thinking in the sense that it helps to keep us safe from things that can lead to physical harm. With that said, this doesn’t mean that we are doomed to feel bad for the rest of our lives. This just offers more of an explanation for why it’s easy for many of us (not all of us) to think and feel negatively rather than positively. The good news is that we are complex and sophisticated beings who can redirect negative thinking. There are things we can do to challenge our negative thoughts for the purpose of feeling better if negative thinking becomes problematic and interferes with overall functioning. If we’re stuck in unbalanced negative thinking, this can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, depression and negative self-talk, all of which can keep us from living our best lives and limits positive experiences when we have them. When we feel anxious and depressed our negative self-talk is likely to become extreme and we will focus on the negative aspects of a situation and miss out on the positive. There are several things we can do to better cope with negative thoughts such as reality testing, looking for alternative explanations, putting things into perspective, and using goal directed thinking. For reality testing, asking ourselves questions such as “what is the evidence that supports my thinking? Are my thoughts based on fact or my interpretation? How can I find out if my thoughts are true? Looking for alternative explanations means asking what else could this mean? Is there any other way I could look at this situation? Putting things in perspective is critically important as well. This means asking, are things as bad as I’m making them out to be? What is the worst that can happen and how likely is it? What is likely to happen, If the worst happens, what does that look like and would that really be as bad as I make it out to be? Goal directed thinking asks one’s self, what can I do to solve this problem? Is there something I can learn from this situation? By utilizing this form of self-talk, we could redirect of negative thoughts to more realistic and positive thoughts. While dangers still exist in our new world, we no longer need to anticipate the negative as our remote ancestors did. We are not prisoners to our primal conditioning and with these grounding questions we can feel better and tune more into our positive experiences as easily as we do the negative. For more information on this subject stay tuned and if negative thinking and negative self talk is something that you struggle with, contact me here for your complimentary consultation to discuss how I can be helpful!