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Ah, the holidays, or should I say AHHH!!! The holidays. We all wait for them, love them, and then when they arrive, we dread them. Why do you ask? The spending, the indulging, and yes, even the family dynamics can cause stress. Here are six tips to manage holiday stress. 1) Set a spending budget: Review your finances, and start planning ahead. Come up with a realistic spending budget. Buying gifts should never affect your ability to pay bills. 2) Get plenty of exercises: Exercise can alleviate stress. Strive for at least 30 minutes three days a week. You can walk, run, swim or dance. Just get out there and get moving! 3) Keep it simple: You don’t have to go to every party or cook every dinner. Ask for help, know your limitations. Say yes when you want to and no when you need to. 4) Take time for yourself: Setting aside time for yourself is a great way to cope with stress. Get your hair done, go for a walk outside, read a book or binge on your favorite Netflix show. Even 15 minutes of alone time can make a world of difference. 5) Pick your battles: Now is NOT the time to tell Uncle Charlie how much you don’t like his new wife. Being with the family in close quarters for a long period of time can be stressful. Try to stay calm and stay on neutral topics. If you feel something brewing, take a quick break. Politely excuse yourself from the situation. Take a bathroom break or get a breath of fresh air outside. 6) Plan ahead: Set specific times for visiting friends, shopping, baking, or other activities. Planning ahead will help prevent last-minute overwhelm. The holidays are a blessing and it’s important to focus on what we’re grateful for. If you find yourself stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious about the holidays, therapy can help! Give Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT, and the team at Bayview Therapeutic Services a call at (954)391-5305 or visit BayviewTherapy.com to see how we can help you stress less this season! Dr. Kate provides anxiety treatment, stress management therapy, and anxiety counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida for individuals and their loved ones.

When children struggle with moderate to severe anxiety, even the calmest and positive parent can become stressed out and impatient. If you are one of those parents, you know how it feels to be held hostage. Children who worry too much and need constant reassurance tend to do anything to avoid situations that they consider frightening. Some of those fears seem absurd to parents and they have a hard time understanding why their child feels that way. Avoidance sometimes also comes with behaviors that are difficult to manage such as lying, isolating, and feeling sick, crying, and throwing a fit. This can make parents feel overwhelmed, powerless, and confused as they struggle with knowing how to support and encourage their children. This dynamic can create a negative cycle that exacerbates both, the parent's and child’s stress and anxiety. To parent an anxious child it’s important to accept that the goal is not to eliminate anxiety but to support your child in the process of learning how to manage it. Although seeing your child struggle feels really upsetting, you need to allow the child to work through the anxiety so she learns how to cope with it. By learning how to tolerate their anxiety, the child will learn that she can do things even when they are scared and anxious. So, don’t avoid difficult and anxiety-provoking situations to save your child from the struggle or avoid your child’s anxiety. Avoidance might alleviate anxiety in the moment but tends to reinforce it and make it worse. It also teaches the child that “she can’t do hard things” which can become by itself as the default mechanism to use when anxious, a pattern that can be difficult to discontinue later in life. Instead of removing the stressor or avoid anxiety-provoking situations, encourage your child to use self-talk to decrease anxiety and encourage her to receive help. You can’t promise your child she won’t be anxious but you can promise her that you will help her go through it and that she will be ok. Anxiety is very uncomfortable but is not really harmful. Tell her you’re proud of her once she faces her challenge or stays with the feeling for a period of time. You can say “I know if was hard for you to meet new people and you came along anyway! I’m proud of you for that”. Validating her anxiety and encouraging her to “face her fear” will increase her sense of confidence and make your bond stronger. Validation doesn’t mean you’re agreeing with her, it means you’re acknowledging the feeling without minimizing or amplifying it. It means that you understand her experience and know it’s hard and uncomfortable for her and that you’ll be there to face it with her. Knowing that she is not alone will make her feel more empowered to take risks around feared experiences. Therapy can be really helpful. It can help your child deal with her anxiety and it can teach you ways to support her and help her contain it. Here are some tips you can use as a parent to support your child: Keep your own anxiety in check and model healthy ways to cope with it Identify what triggers your child’s anxiety and what helps her to be calm Help your child to identify “the worse that could happen” Help your child use logic against worries and how to talk back to them Teach your child to problem solve If you have concerns about your child’s anxiety, her ability to manage her emotions, behavior or relationships, please contact Carolina Gaviria, LMHC, NCC to set up an appointment at 954-391-5305 Carolina provides child counseling, teen therapy, and family therapy in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. She offers Bilingual counseling in English and Spanish.

Hi there, I’m Dr. Kate Campbell with Bayview Therapy, a Fort Lauderdale group private practice. I specialize in working with individuals and couples to help them with their relationships. One of the aspects I’m really passionate about is helping couples to transition from a party of two into the wonderful journey of parenthood. Bringing a bundle of joy home for the first time is very exciting and quite challenging too. Let’s face it, there is a huge learning curve with becoming new parents right? Believe me, I’ve been there! My son just turned three a few months ago and when my husband and I went through it, it definitely was a big adjustment, especially since we’re both entrepreneurs. It’s an exciting time and very overwhelming with a lot of new things to figure out during long days and sleepless nights. A lot of the new parents I work with struggle with “how to keep their relationship a priority”. Here are a few tips and strategies that I recommend for couples transitioning into the wonderful world of parenthood. 1: Dialogue daily: Make sure you keep the communication lines open. Don’t just talk about what’s happening with the baby or the logistics like you’re busy schedules and day-to-day responsibilities. Take time to connect with your partner through communication, ask them questions, share your experiences, and continue to nurture your relationship. Even though you might be exhausted or want to catch up with household chores, nap time is a great time to connect with your partner. The laundry and dishes can wait, trust me… Here are a few suggestions for open-ended questions you can ask your partner open to better understand their world. Ask what they’re struggling with and how you can help. Ask how things are going at work or with their family. Ask how they are coping with becoming a new mom or dad and how they are doing with the added responsibilities. Ask what they’re longing for, what they are grateful for, and what they are excited to see happen. 2: Keep the romance alive in your relationship. After having a baby, there’s a period of time where you’re in survival mode and the LAST thing you’re thinking about is “how do we keep the romance alive”. However, once you get past that initial survival mode phase, it’s vital that you safeguard your time together as a couple. Life gets really busy and overwhelming, especially while navigating the new roles and responsibilities of parenthood. Many couples make the mistake of solely focusing on the kids and time together as a family, putting their couple's relationship on the back burner. This is a slippery slope and can be dangerous. If you stop working on your relationship, your relationship will eventually stop working. It’s healthy for your kids to see that you and your partner have a strong, healthy connection. For my husband and I, we go on a date night once a week. At first, it was hard leaving my son when he was younger, but over time it got easier and now when we are going out he’s excited and says, “Bye-bye! Mommy and daddy are going on a date”. We want to instill a value in him that it’s important to keep a strong connection with your partner and that dating never stops in relationships. Sometimes in the beginning, when the baby is really young or if you have multiple kids, it can be really tricky and you have to be creative. Consider taking the baby with you to a restaurant or doing something special while the baby is napping. Take advantage during the time your baby is sleeping at home and do something thoughtful for your partner. Bring the monitor outside and have a picnic, have a candlelit meal, sit by the fire with a glass of wine, or watch your wedding video together. You get the point… 3: Keep the friendship alive. Not only do you want to keep the romance and the spark alive, you want to keep the friendship alive. Go out and have fun together. Create new memories by going on adventures. It’s important to have something to look forward to as a couple. When the baby gets old enough, schedule a daytime adventure where you go out and do something fun, just for the two of you. Go to the movies, eat at a nice restaurant, take a walk on the beach, go paddleboarding, or go to a museum for a few hours. You’ll be surprised how much that quality time spent together having fun makes a difference in your connection together. When you feel comfortable leaving the baby overnight with someone you trust, plan a “staycation” or travel to a new place you’ve always wanted to go. Most importantly, keep having fun together! So those are the three tips. Keep the communication open by dialoguing daily, continue to date your partner, and keep the friendship alive. I encourage you guys to have fun with this. Keep it in the forefront of your mind and set your intention to keep your relationship a priority. Of course, therapy is super helpful for the transition from becoming a couple to new parents. That journey is a wild one and a beautiful one. There are a lot of great therapists out there to support you along that journey. If there’s anything I can do to help, visit Bayviewtherapy.com or contact me directly at 954-391-5305.

I have heard it said many times that it is easy to have faith when things are going well, but much more difficult to call upon when life brings us to our knees. We have all been there, gotten that dreaded phone call, been crippled by loss, been betrayed by someone we loved; the list goes on and on. In these circumstances, faith is much more difficult to lean on. First, let me start by explaining what I mean by faith. I don’t use the word faith here to mean only in the religious sense, although that could certainly be applied. But when I say faith, I mean a surrender, confidence and belief that despite what’s happening around us, that we are exactly where we need to be. When we find ourselves in times of struggle, it is so easy to retreat to fear; and to begin blaming ourselves or others, or to begin asking questions like “Why?” or “What if?” What I have learned in my work with clients, and more candidly, in my own life experiences, is that questions like these keep us connected to fear and never lead us to growth. Fear keeps us stuck in a cycle that is pretty difficult to break free from. I’ve learned that calling upon faith, even in the most trying times, has allowed me to shift my awareness to something greater. I will share more about this below. The credentials behind my name don’t prevent me from experiencing the wide gamut of human emotion, in fact, I think I experiencing them more often and at a significant level. (Tough work being an empath :)) I am learning over time how to embrace the wide range of emotions I experience daily, rather than to trying to disconnect from them. Recently, I found myself in a very fearful place, a place of shame and anxiety, where I was bombarded with thoughts that oriented me to fear. Fear of failure, fear of scrutiny, fear of not being enough. All this did was perpetuate more shame, more anxiety, and more hurt. I realized almost immediately that I had a choice. I had a choice to continue to question my circumstance or I had the choice to be faithful. It was really that simple. At first, I needed the time to be hurt, to be upset, and to connect with fear. However, after a few days, I knew that I needed to approach the whole thing differently. When I made that choice and chose to connect to faith, I was liberated. Almost instantly, I was able to experience a deep sense of gratitude. Gratitude for what this circumstance brought forth, gratitude for the wisdom I had obtained, gratitude for the lessons it brought into focus. A small shift in perspective can help us to step out of the vicious cycle we all find ourselves in sometimes. Next time you find yourself in times of struggle, remember that you always have the choice to choose faith over fear. Here are 5 pointers on how you can do just that: Invite the emotion in: Simply acknowledging that we are experiencing uncomfortable emotions can be very freeing. Sometimes without realizing it, we automatically attempt to disconnect from the uncomfortable feeling, and we only end up connecting to it more. I always speak with my clients about inviting their emotions in and listening to what they are trying to tell you. This is a great way to begin to respond to our emotions differently. Start each day with an act that orients you to faith: I have found that the beginning of the day sets the tone for the rest of the day. It is essential, especially in times of pain and sadness to begin your day with an act that orients you to faith. This can be done through meditation, prayer, journaling, exercise, just to name a few. Starting your day this way, even for just five minutes, helps you to refocus on what is important and helps you connect with the notion that you are exactly where you need to be. Recognize the emotion/experience as necessary: It is absolutely transformative when we can look at a painful experience as necessary. However, you also need the time to be angry, sad, outraged, terrified… whatever the emotion is. But, we cannot stay there permanently. When you are ready, perhaps with the help of a therapist, you can begin to look at yourself and the situation you are in from a different vantage point. One way of doing this is viewing what has happened as necessary. When we are able to make this shift, we are able to experience our emotions in a different way and we are able to move from a painful experience to one that promoted growth. Turn to someone faith-affirming: Having someone to turn to in times of struggle is essential. This can be a therapist, friend, clergy, family member, partner; anyone who reminds you that it’s okay to be where you are and that you are not alone. If there is nobody that readily comes to mind, that’s okay. There are resources everywhere. This may be a great time to start therapy ☺. Find your mantra: It may seem like a small thing, but having a mantra that speaks to your soul is vital! Repeating them multiple times daily has many benefits such as helping to lower anxiety. A mantra can be a quote that speaks to you, or you can create your own faith-affirming saying. Just as an example, this is the mantra I have been repeating to myself lately: “I trust in the universe and know that all is divine order”. Repeating this to myself at the beginning of the day, and throughout my day, keeps me grounded, helps me to stay focused, and reminds me that I am exactly where I need to be. Nobody looks forward to going through tough times, and I want you to know that you are not alone. With experience, I am more convinced that the old adage is true, “That the only way out is through”. It takes courage to live this way and to face our deepest emotions in times of adversity. However, I have seen countless of my client’s lives transformed when they are able to embrace their circumstances this way. I hope you found this blog helpful, and if you are ready to have these courageous conversations please don’t hesitate to call me at 954-391-5305, I’d be honored to be on that journey with you. I provide individual counseling, couples counseling, and family therapy in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. For more info about my services, click here.

Ever wonder how your relationship became so routine and habitual? Do you find yourself going through the motions with your partner and yet you desire to feel more connected? When you’re on a vacation, it’s easy to connect with your partner and focus on that special bond between you two. Incorporating these five ways to create a better connection with your partner will help you during the other 51 weeks of the year while you’re not on a dreamy beach or snow top mountain! 1.) Connect and check in with yourself first. It’s going to be a lot harder to sustain a meaningful conversation with your loved one if you’re feeling insecure, irritable, or exhausted. Connection with your partner will be more genuine and intimate if and when you are centered with yourself and what’s going on internally. Take some time to invest in yourself. Challenge yourself, learn to love yourself, and show compassion towards yourself. Having a solid connection with yourself sets you up to have a stronger relationship with your partner. 2.) Be present and open to learning new things about your partner. Maybe you’ve been together five months or fifteen years, you can and will always learn something new about your loved one! Be open to learning these things along the way and express your intent and hopes with them! Don’t judge or criticize each other throughout this process. You two are each other’s biggest fans, be curious and kind. Ask obscure questions that may lead into light-hearted conversations, like “who was your favorite superhero growing up” or “if you could eat anything for breakfast Saturday morning what would it be?” Put your phones away and turn off the notifications on your Apple Watch. It’s tough to feel like someone is listening to them when they’re constantly refreshing their notification page. Eye contact goes a long way… 3.) Look at the good and not the bad. Sometimes connections fade because we live in a constantly negative atmosphere where we dwell and nag on our partner’s shortcomings or our perceived negative thoughts of them. Let those go – focus on what you love about him or her. Changing your perspective for these times in reconnection will have an immediate effect on your intimacy and happiness. Focus on enjoying and cherishing each other. Remember why you fell in love in the first place and share those stories to reminisce with your partner. 4.) Plan a “fun-tivity” together! Block out a calendar date and plan a fun day of activities aka “festivities” you and your partner can agree upon! Compromising can work here, but really incorporate things you two like to do together and think outside your normal routine! Go mini-golfing or canoeing or paddleboarding! Through this shared experience, you’ll create memories and build on good times. On a particularly blah Tuesday, you two can remind each other of what fun you had during that time and you’ll deepen your connection! 5.) Show your appreciation. Actions most definitely speak louder than words, but in working towards deepening your connection and bond, express how you feel. Being vulnerable is of course frightening, but plenty of qualitative and quantified data out there suggests that being vulnerable, open, and honest with your partner will absolutely deepen your bond. Express gratitude for the sacrifices and acknowledge all that you two do for each other. These are just a few tips you can begin implementing in your relationship to keep your connection strong. If you and your partner are struggling with your relationship, Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT is just a phone call 954-391-5305 or click away. Dr. Kate offers marriage counseling and couples therapy in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

You know that couple. Everyone does. You long for their type of relationship. They just seem so… happy. It's keeping up with the Joneses, not for their house, car, or clothing, but their relationship. What do happy couples do differently and how can you and your partner become a happy couple? Before we go over the four secrets of a happy couple, it's important to remember that happiness looks different for every couple. One couple may relish a weekly date night to the latest new restaurant in town, while another couple might enjoy ordering in and watching a movie. No one approach to happiness is better than the other; in fact, because happy couples have found what works for them and their relationship, they experience greater happiness than if they were trying to force it. 4 Secrets to Happy Couples: 1. Communication The old adage is true: communication is key. Why do so many couples struggle with communication? Communication wasn't always a struggle, but at some point, communication took a backseat. The secret here is happy couples are communicating in more meaningful ways. This happens over time, especially for couples who've been together for longer periods of time because the novelty of the other person has worn off. You might think you know almost everything there is to know about your partner, but the fact is… there is always more to learn. Daily communication between couples can get relegated to “Hey, how was your day?” “Fine. Yours?” “Good”, especially when there are so many other things to do, like housework, child care, etc. This makes it important to really think about how we communicate with our partner, taking an active interest in his or her work, hobbies, and activities. 2. Quality Time Quality time is another key to being a happy couple that can get lost by the wayside as time passes. The secret here is happy couples are couples who are making time to spend quality time together. Couples who've been together longer may find their time together follows the same routine as their communication style: Friday night going out to dinner, Saturday yard work, Sunday household chores, work on Monday, repeat. This stagnation can lead to restlessness and boredom in the relationship. It's good to have a routine of waking up together, having coffee together, etc. yet a routine where you as a couple aren't actively connecting can push you apart instead of bringing you closer together. 3. Shared Goals I'd guess that one of the initial attractions to your partner was all of the dreams and you both shared for your future. Don't forget about these shared goals! They are absolutely necessary to happiness. Couples with shared goals find happiness in working towards achieving these goals. The secret here is happy couples are working towards their shared goals together. Goals give couples a sense of purpose and drive, a meaningful way to spend quality time together. It creates unity between the two individuals, rather than distance. Imagine how connected you feel to the passenger next to you on an airplane. Sure, you're physically headed in the same direction and bond over the time together on your flight, but your reason for heading in the same direction is completely different; maybe you're going on vacation while the passenger next to you is traveling for work. Now, imagine, or remember, how it feels to be on a flight or trip with your spouse. Not only are you two headed in the same direction, you are also headed there for the same reason. There's a greater feeling of connection between you two because you know when the flight ends, you'll get off together and continue together towards the same end. 4. Fair Fighting Happy couples fight. It's true! No matter how happy a couple is, they fight. The secret is, happy couples fight fair. Happiness in a relationship is not the absence of conflict, but managing conflict in a way that is constructive versus destructive. Just like there are rules in boxing about what's not okay in a fight, there are rules for when couples fight. Couples who fight fairly follow the “Don’ts” of: Don't name call or use derogatory language toward your partner Don’t respond with sarcasm or contempt Don't blame your partner And they use the “Dos” of: Do use “I feel” statements; “I feel upset when dishes aren’t done” Do work to understand your partner’s perspective and work toward compromises Do take responsibility for your part in the dynamic Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. When you fight, you can resolve your issues and concerns in a constructive manner and both of you walk away feeling closer to one another. There you have it, my 4 secrets for happy couples. Not so secret anymore! For any couple (or individual who is in a relationship) reading this and thinking, “I need help applying these secrets”, don’t hesitate! I offer marriage counseling and couples therapy in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I’m just a phone call at 954-391-5305 or click away from helping you achieve your goals.

Happy June aka wedding month! That's right, 2.3 million couples wed every year to the tune of 72 billion dollars. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I can tell you that premarital counseling is the smartest investment a couple can make before tying the knot. Every year, I counsel couples who are married, dealing with issues that could have been prevented by addressing them during courtship or even during the engagement. What topics are discussed in premarital counseling? Here are a few examples: we explore expectations of yourself and your partner; roles and responsibilities for each partner; differences within generational patterns; what commitment means to each of you; strengths already present in your relationship; and areas that need to be strengthened. You may be in wedding prep-bliss at the moment and might not see any “potential” issues in your relationship, but trust me, you will run into conflict. No relationship is immune. Or you may be stressed attempting to navigate your mother’s and soon-to-be mother-in-law’s expectations while trying to stay true to what you and your partner envision for your upcoming wedding. Regardless of what your experience is, premarital counseling is the best investment you can make for a long-lasting healthy, and happy relationship. Here are 5 questions you should ask your partner before getting married: Do you want to have kids someday and if so, how many? This is an important question. For some people, not having kids is a deal-breaker. For some people, having kids is a deal-breaker. Both are valid and need to be discussed before the flowers are paid for. How do you want to handle disagreements? Every partner has a different communication and conflict style. If you’re a door slammer and he’s a leave the house to cool down guy, your communication skills, or lack thereof are not going to cut it. Conflict is inevitable and it’s how you manage it that makes the difference. You need to know how you’re going to respectfully handle disagreements. How will you discuss big household decisions? Who decides what tv or car you’re going to buy, and for that matter, who decides what school the kids are going to? Where will you be spending the holidays or going on vacation? It’s best to keep the lines of communication open to make big decisions together. How will you manage the finances? Will you have a joint account, separate accounts, or both? I see so many couples that argue over money and their different financial perspectives. He’s a big spender and she’s a big saver or vice versa. There are ways to work through financial differences by finding a balance. Premarital counseling can help you learn to appreciate the differences and make necessary compromises. Would you be willing to go to counseling if we have marital problems? One of the reasons I became a licensed marriage and family therapist is that I truly believe marriage counseling works. I have seen couples on the brink of disaster mend hurt feelings and find renewed love and respect. So there you have it, my 5 questions to ask before you get married. If you need help navigating these conversations before tying the knot, call us at (954) 391-5305 to schedule a session. For more information, about our Fort Lauderdale Premarital Counseling Services, visit our website.

It is no secret that we live in a time where depression and suicide rates are at an all-time high. Since 2007, teen suicide rates have risen steadily. In fact, the suicide rates for teen girls ages 15 to 19 doubled between 2007 and 2015, reaching the highest point in 40 years according to the CDC. Teen depression rates are also on the rise, and yet the stigma or fear of asking for help often leaves teens silent, and extremely vulnerable. We have had numerous high-profile suicides over the last several years, including Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain most recently. While these deaths have enticed some conversation about the importance of mental health treatment, I would like to highlight the importance of prevention. I would also like to talk to your parents because it is imperative to know what the warning signs are. Whether your teen is a high achieving, sociable and well-adjusted; or they’re struggling academically and having peer issues, this blog is relevant to you. Depression does not discriminate, and it sometimes hides in the most pristine packaging. A few years ago I worked with a teen client who was a straight-A student, captain of his football team, homecoming king, and ivy league bound. You name it, he was doing it and being the best at it. He hid his depression from everyone: family, teachers, friends. He thought if he ignored it, and achieved more, it would go away. He was wrong. The shame he felt about his depression was unbearable. The intense pressure to keep up being the best at everything he did, only exacerbated his feelings of loneliness, disconnection, and anxiety. Luckily, he got into counseling at a pivotal time, and together with his family we created a treatment plan to help him heal. I don’t know where he would be now if he hadn’t had the bravery to ask for help. Not all teens will ask, in fact, most won’t, and parents are often the last to know their child is depressed. So why am I talking to you, parents? Because YOU are your child’s biggest advocate. You can be the conduit that connects your child to the services they may need. Sometimes, symptoms of depression are not obvious. They are insidious and can be disguised as something else. For example, stomach aches, headaches, rashes; can all be physical manifestations of depression, and it’s easy to assume that these symptoms are completely unrelated to our emotions. There are the more obvious signs of teen depression-like social isolation, academic underachievement, peer issues, changes in mood and irritability, changes in sleep, loss of interest in activities, talk about suicide, and/or fascination with death, just to name a few. However, depression is expressed differently in every person. So it is important to talk to your kids, regardless if the things on this list apply to them. Let me make it clear too, that depression does not cause suicide. Depression, however, undoubtedly contributes to the agony and despair that one feels when one chooses to die by suicide. It is my firm belief that if we get our teens into therapy sooner, they can learn to manage their depression before it takes control of them. So what can you do as a parent? Check out my tips below. Trust your gut: Listen to your gut instinct. Your child may not appear to be struggling, and they may be telling you nothing is wrong. TRUST yourself. I have heard it before- “I don’t want to come across as a helicopter parent”, “I don’t want to pry or be overbearing.” Let me repeat. You are your child’s biggest advocate. Listen to your gut and trust yourself if you feel something is not right. Normalize going to therapy: Your child learns about the world from you. If you regard therapy as something unnecessary or pointless, most likely your child will too. Help your child break the stigma. Teach your children that therapy is healthy, and not for people who are “crazy” and “have issued”. Teach your children that going to therapy is brave and that it is a great way to prevent struggles down the road. Normalize your child’s experience: It is not always easy to sit and talk with your teens about concerns you may have, especially if you are concerned about their mental health. My biggest advice to parents gearing up to have some of these tough conversations is to normalize what your teen is going through. Let them know that millions of people are fighting depression and mental health issues every day. Share with them how brave it is to reach out and ask for help. If you have struggled with depression in your life, share this with your teen. Let them know it’s okay, that there are solutions, and they are not alone in their struggle. Let your child teach you, don’t make assumptions: When approaching a conversation like this with your teen, come from a place of curiosity. Have them educate you about what they are going through, don’t assume you know what they are going through. Let them explain what they are feeling. Even if you think you already know or have an understanding, let them be the expert on themselves. You approaching them from this one-down position helps you to be more relatable to your child. You are the expert in everything else, give this one to them. Cultivate meaningful relationships with your children’s friends: This is probably my favorite tip that I am sharing with you today. Parents are often the last to know their kid is depressed. But guess who is usually the first to know? Yep, you got it- their friends. Make an effort to get to know and have relationships with your teen’s friends. If they suspect that something is happening with your child, and they are concerned for their safety, they will want to come and tell you, but only if they feel that they can. I hope you found these tips useful. If you need help navigating these conversations with your teen, or you want to get your teen connected with a therapist, call me (Alex Gard, LMFT) today at 954.391.5305 to schedule a session. If you or anyone you know is currently struggling with suicidal thoughts or behaviors, please call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also text HELLO to 741-741 for free, 24-hour support from the Crisis Text Line.

Anxiety! It’s a word that evokes a picture of a person shaking, wringing their hands, or fearfully peeking around a corner. In reality, anxiety can look like all or none of these. Many people don’t realize that anxiety manifests itself in different ways for different individuals. Anxiety typically shows up in at least one of three ways: Mentally- Anxiety can manifest itself through our thoughts. It’s like a video on loop, replaying negative thoughts. Or it may be picturing a disastrous scenario, anticipating a negative outcome. Physically- Anxiety can show up as stomach problems, tight muscles, fatigue, sleep problems, chest pains, shortness of breath, nausea, and even dizziness. Emotionally- Anxiety is often associated with emotions like worry and fear, but anxiety can also show up as anger, frustration, irritability, and insecurity. It’s not uncommon for a person to move through their life experiencing persistent anxiety without it being obvious to those around them. Before we move on, it’s important to clarify that all anxiety is not bad anxiety. Anxiety is what gets us up in the morning so we get to work on time or cautions us to check the stove to make sure it’s off before leaving the house. Anxiety becomes a problem when we aren’t able to control it. Instead, it starts to control us. For example, we wake several hours earlier than necessary because we aren’t able to sleep for fear of arriving to work late or checking the stove multiple times, unable to leave the house in a timely manner. If you think you may be struggling to manage your anxiety there are several ways you can cope. My first recommendation is to always speak with a mental health professional. A professional can help you determine if it’s anxiety and what may be causing it. Sometimes we don’t realize the impact that certain stressors or situations in our lives have on us until we have a chance to talk about them. In addition to speaking with a therapist, there are other coping techniques you can use. Let’s explore the different ways anxiety shows up and what to do about it: Mentally Become aware of your negative thinking patterns or negative self-talk. Learn to stop or replace your negative thoughts with thoughts that serve you better. For example, you might be thinking “My partner doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to understand me.” whereas a thought that might be more realistic and serve you better is “My partner is struggling to understand me and might be frustrated because of the struggle.” Learn to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk. “I’m so stupid why did I do that?” can become “I made a mistake. I’m allowed to make mistakes and I can handle it.” Make it a point to listen to or read positive messages. Limit your exposure to negative media or other negative messages. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness doesn’t necessarily have to be meditation. It’s simply choosing to be totally aware and engaged in the present moment. This can be done while preparing dinner, walking, eating, or just sitting and tuning into the sounds around you. The only requirement is that you be here now. Physically Give that anxious energy something to do! Engage in a physical activity that interests you. This can be running, dancing, lifting weights, yoga, swimming, singing, playing with your kids, or having sex with your partner. Practice deep breathing techniques. Here is an example to get you started. Engross yourself in a hobby or pastime that you love. Emotionally Talk with a loved one or a trusted therapist to help you process your feelings. Write about your emotions in a journal or on a random piece of paper. Don’t pay attention to grammar or other writing rules, the only requirement is that you put down how you’re feeling. Feel free to throw it away if that makes you feel better. Engage in a spiritual practice that is meaningful for you. Pay attention to how your thoughts influence how you feel. Is there a thought that needs to be modified or replaced? You can apply techniques in all three areas at once or just choose to focus on one. It can be helpful for those who may struggle with emotional or mental coping skills to start with the physical first. When you are able to calm your body, your mind and emotions often follow. If you’d like more information about anxiety and how to manage it instead of it managing you, please contact me at 954-391-5305.

Having a baby is one of the most exciting, rewarding, and most challenging life transitions. Let’s face it, it’s both a happy and stressful time. Immediately after giving birth, you dive right into feeding every 2-3 hours around the clock, sleep-deprived nights, and major hormonal changes. Needless to say, it’s a HUGE adjustment. With all of these changes, couples can find themselves being more emotional, irritable, and zombie-tired, which can set them up for arguing more than usual. Research shows that marital dissatisfaction actually decreases significantly after having a baby. It’s vital that you take care of your relationship while navigating the uncharted waters as a first-time parent. The best gift you can give yourselves and your baby is a strong, happy, and healthy relationship. Here are my 4 tips on “How to Navigate the Transition from Couple to First Time Parents” Expectations - Have realistic expectations of yourself and your partner during the adjustment phase. Discuss roles and responsibilities. Don’t assume you’re on the same page about who will do what. Talk about your expectations as a new mom or dad and about your partner too. If you’re a new mom or about to be, here’s another article I wrote years ago that you might find helpful: 7 Realizations About Being a New Mom. Communication - Keep an open dialogue with each other. Make sure to check in with each other for at least 20 minutes a day to see how things are going, what each other needs, what challenges you and your partner are facing, and how you can support each other. Give each other feedback to ensure you’re both working as a team. Be Compassionate - Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Show compassion, understanding, and appreciation for yourself and your partner. Recognize your limitations, be flexible, and don’t try to do everything. It’s not humanly possible! Realize there’s a lot to adjust to as you find your new rhythm as new parents and a new level in your relationship as partners. Safeguard Your Relationship - Once you’re through the initial “survival mode” phase during the first few months, it’s important to realign your relationship and prioritize time to connect with your partner (just the two of you). Whether you have a family member or nanny come over to watch the baby or while the baby is sleeping, take time to nurture your connection with your partner. When you feel comfortable leaving the baby with someone else, take that opportunity to sneak away for a quick date and do something fun that reminds you of your life pre-baby. For more tips from Dr. Kate Campbell on How to Prioritize Your Relationship After Having Kids, watch this video. Keep in mind that you’re going through a big life transition for the first time ever and that will take time to work through all of the emotional, physical, mental, and sexual changes. It’s an incredible journey, but not easy, and can be complicated with more severe challenges such as postpartum mood disorders. Research shows that 70-80% of women struggle with the baby blues. 1 in 7 women suffer from more serious postpartum mood disorders such as postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety or OCD, or postpartum psychosis. If you or your partner are struggling with the baby blues or a postpartum mood disorder, they are wonderful resources to help. Reach out to Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT, and the team at Bayview Therapy to discuss setting up a session at 954-391-5305.

So many women I have treated over the years have referred to “ED” aka their Eating Disorder as a best friend and their worst enemy all at the same time. Going through the recovery process can sometimes feel like you are losing your best friend and maybe you are. However, in recovery you are opening the door for real connections and meaningful and healthy relationships, something ED is not fond of. Eating Disorders just don't show up for no reason. As we know, they have complex origins in biology, chemistry, environmental factors, personality, and family relationships. Eating disorders will often emerge innocently enough to help people deal with or manage a struggle in their lives. If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder some of the below statements may apply. “If I lose weight, I will feel more accepted by my peers and thus acceptable.” “It feels good to starve or be painfully full because then I don’t have to think about my trauma(s) and don’t have to feel the feelings associated with them.” “I am not good enough at the core, but if I look prettier or skinnier then maybe I could at least be ok on the outside, or at least nobody will know how rotten I am on the inside.” “I am so unhappy, but I can’t let anyone know. I don’t want to burden them, so I will take it out on myself.” “I have to be perfect, and everyone knows that skinny is perfect.” However, the above list is not exhaustive. There are many different struggles that the eating disorder emerges to help with. Although, it is not long before it turns on you and becomes the manipulative harmful enemy that I work everyday to help fight in my clients. One of the hardest parts of recovery is that those suffering continue to doubt that there is any other way to cope with their core issues than using their eating disorder. The eating disorder thoughts are manipulative and conniving and will emerge whenever a struggle with depression, anxiety or interpersonal issues arises to say, “Hey, I can help you with that. Turn to me and I can take it away for a moment or fix it for you.” But, it is never enough. Whether your eating disorder leads to weight loss or not, you can never be skinny enough, good enough, likable enough, or perfect enough. It pushes you deeper and deeper into the depths of despair and punishes you when you don’t comply with its every need. It pushes those who truly love you away and convinces you that you are not worthy of love or friendship unless your body is skinnier, and your eating or exercise behaviors are more “controlled.” Shame permeates throughout these disorders and perpetuates the behaviors that work to destroy the body and the mind, creating more shame. Some friend! However, the cycle can be stopped. Jenni Shaefer describes recovery as breaking up with ED and learning to live independently of that abusive relationship. It is not easy and often there are strong pulls to return to the relationship, as well as, selective memory of the “good times” that occurred throughout it. But, just like an abusive partner, ED does not welcome relationships that seek to threaten his existence and he pushes his victims to isolate. Essentially, ED works to keep them from healing through the validating connections they need to recover. He tries to convince you that he is all you need. Well, you don’t! You don’t need him, really you never did. He showed up at a difficult time with false promises of a better life and freedom from his struggles. However, those struggles are still there and he has added a whole other set of issues for you to have to deal with now. With sincerity, you can thank him for his attempts to help you in the past and work to move on in your life and away from his abuse. Easier said than done, of course, and you will need a lot of help and support to do so. Finding the right treatment team is essential in doing so. Let us fight alongside you and be that stronger force than ED when you need us to be. Help is available! If you are ready to separate from ED or want some more information on how to do so, please contact our Eating Disorder treatment team at Bayview Therapy at 954-391-5305. We are conveniently located in East Fort Lauderdale and offer individual and family therapy, as well as nutritional counseling provided by Certified Eating Disorder Specialists. We look forward to helping you break up with ED and find yourself again!

Across the board, no matter where you do your research, you’ll find a variant of the following four parenting styles: Authoritarian Neglectful Permissive Authoritative Different parenting styles have different effects and outcomes on children, some more effective and beneficial than others. With teenagers, parenting becomes more difficult dealing with rebellion, experimenting, hormones, mood swings, and more. Teenagers want independence, freedom to make their own choices, privacy, respect, and the list goes on. Tailoring your parenting style to effectively manage these difficult years is essential to the parent-teen relationship and their overall prosperity. In order to determine which parenting style you use and which is best to use with your teen, you must first have the knowledge of what each style is and how the styles look: Authoritarian: I often find myself explaining this parenting style as the “my way or the highway style”. It may also be called “The Disciplinarian”. Parents who use this style may call themselves “stern” or “strict”. Authoritarian parents have rules and these rules MUST be followed by their children. Explanations and additional communication are not a priority as the expectation is for the child to listen and obey “because I said so”. Neglectful: Also often called “ The Uninvolved” style. These parents are unresponsive, unavailable, and even in some cases unaware. These parents may be absent from their children’s lives and homes both emotionally and physically. Neglectful parents are also not active in providing for their child’s needs emotionally or physically, nor are they active in their day-to-day lives. *If you recognize any of these neglectful parenting style characteristics or know someone who demonstrates these concerning behaviors, don’t hesitate to call for help. Their children may be at risk of neglect and abuse. All Emergencies: 911 Florida Abuse Hotline: 1-800-96-ABUSE Online Abuse Reporting: http://www.myflfamilies.com/service-programs/abuse-hotline Permissive: When you hear permissive, think “permission”. Parents who practice a permissive parenting style tend to be lenient, easy-going, and give their children permission to do as they please. These parents often strive to be the “cool parent” or their children’s “best friend”. Permissive parents tend to have poor boundaries, structure, and minimal clear and concise rules. Authoritative: The authoritative parent practices boundaries, set rules, has realistic expectations, and gives support to their children. Authoritative parents provide appropriate consequences and discipline to their children. However, unlike the authoritarian parenting style, these parents provide explanations and help their children understand WHY the consequences are necessary. They do this through open communication and mutual respect. So what style is best for parenting a teenager? In reading these 4 parenting styles, one should have stood out as the “better” option. Authoritative Parenting has been proven to lead children on a path of more success, build their self-esteem, and foster responsibility to benefit them in the long run. Authoritative parents set rules, boundaries, reasonable expectations, and discipline their children as needed. With teenagers, authoritative parenting is essential to help teach them to make sound choices, evaluate safety risks, and assess consequences to their actions. However, as teens experiment and try new things, parents can too! It is totally fine to incorporate some of the concepts of the other parenting styles. For example, practicing some permissive parenting concepts such as giving your child space and privacy, letting them see “your fun side”, or making yourself available to be their “friend” can help to increase the bond and trust between you and your teen. In addition, authoritarian concepts such as strict rules and discipline can be applied if your teen is being overly disobedient. If you assure to have a strong base of the authoritative parenting style, it can be beneficial to mix it up from time to time. The teenage years are full of ups and downs so don’t be afraid to alter your approach as needed. If you or your teen are struggling with this complex time, there is help! Reach out to Jamie Ratowski to discuss setting up a session at 954-391-5305.