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Skater Dan Jansen seeded first in the world for several years between 1984 and 1994, failed to win it in 3 consecutive years.  His coach suggested he focus on “being technically correct, aggressive, fluid, and to have fun.  With little pressure to win, he skated like a champion, stayed focused on the process, and won the gold medal in record time in 1994.  He exemplified the notion of letting go of the need to win in order to be victorious” (Lynch, 2001, p. 198). In anything we do, we possess only a limited amount of control over the outcome.  Jansen’s coach knew this and now I want to help you know it too (as well as how to use this knowledge to help you tremendously in your daily life). Here are some examples: Athletes have partial control over winning.  They can exert notable control over their skills, strategies, attitudes, and thoughts.  So, they can put themselves in the best position to win, but can’t control whether that results in a victory. When you’re on a date, you have partial control over its success.   You can control the outfit you wear, the confidence you exude, and the things you say.  So, you can put yourself in the best position to have a great date, but you can’t control whether that results in a successful date. How to do it: Decide what you want and need to focus on controllable. Make a contract with yourself to diligently and consistently concentrate on things you can control while letting go of those things you can’t control.  When you continually remind yourself of anything, you’re much more likely to strive in the direction of that thing. Praise and reward yourself when you predominantly attend to the controllable. When you reward yourself for anything, you’re reinforcing it, and are, therefore, much more likely to continue to engage in it again.  Find ways that you like to praise yourself (such as having a relaxing afternoon at the beach or going out for some drinks).  When you succeed in focusing on controllable (such as effort, motivation, and a hopeful perspective), reward/congratulate yourself. Reframe failures as guides to improvement. Loss can be viewed as a chance for feedback.  There are always reasons for failure, so as long you’re open to viewing loss in this way, you can learn from it.  When you shift your perspective in this way, it’s much easier to let setbacks go, and concentrate more on the controllable factors (the things that put you in the best position for success). If you’d like to get started on better recognizing and letting go of uncontrollable, as well as better focusing on controllable, call Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305 to schedule your first session. I look forward to speaking with you and helping you along your journey toward health and happiness.

Grief and loss is a complex and challenging process that many of us face at one time or another in our lives. Within one year, I lost two close family members. And as such, my empathy has only deepened for others due to these experiences. In my practice, I work with many cases of grief and loss. I am especially helped by my previous experience in pastoral care when I worked in ministry several years ago. Indeed, grief and loss can result from a variety of events in our lives. The death of a loved one tends to be the most impactful for many. However, loss of career, a significant change in finances, loss of good health, a divorce, a change of living or academic environment, loss of a friendship, loss of a pregnancy, and even the loss of innocence and trust due to a past traumatic experience, can all contribute to a sense of deep sorrow. Here, I will focus on the loss of a loved one as I work with this quite often in my practice. The loss of someone close to us is, without a doubt, one of the most agonizing events each person faces at some point in their life. And finding oneself without the presence of that individual can cause a shockwave of disbelief and distress. Here are some things to know around the impact of grief and loss on our lives and our relationships: Differences in mourning can cause added stress: The process of mourning is unique to everyone. Each person's coping style, beliefs about the end of life, the circumstances that brought about the passing, and the presence or absence of a support system all affect how we grieve. You might find yourself not wanting to be alone and instead feel the need to connect more intentionally with others. On the other hand, you may want to withdraw, or you may find that you try to distract yourself with over-involvement in work, or other activities or even use substances as an escape. Because we all handle grief differently, you may have an expectation of how loved ones or close friends should react, either expecting them to be there for you or possibly share the same feelings as you about the loss. However, since this is a distinctive process for each person and the fact that your friends or loves ones may not have had the same relationship as you did with the individual who passed, you may find your expectations unmet. Some clients I've worked with have often found that close family members do not provide the solace or compassion that they want and need. Ultimately this compounds the devastation that you may feel. I have helped clients whose spouse's or family members have asked such questions as "when will you get past this?" or "don't you think it's time you got on with your life?", or remark "you're not doing enough to help yourself move past this." Both men and women are equally saddened and stunned as they contend with these types of reactions from close friends and family who are critical about or have difficulty with how they are mourning. Sometimes those closest to you may briefly pull away emotionally or physically as they try to comprehend what you are going through. Grief changes the nature of relationships: It is essential to realize that your relationship with your friends, family, partner, or spouse will be affected and thus change. Some changes may lead to a positive experience as these individuals may rally around you. Many times, it is not as positive. These changes, whether positive or negative, have a lot to do with the personal stressors that each individual experiences as they navigate the feelings that are common to the grief and loss process. You might expect that sadness may be the most prevalent feeling that one would have, but there is a roller coaster of emotions such as guilt, anger, disbelief, denial, and more that are part of the grief and loss experience. The impact of these feelings can challenge the previous dynamics of your relationship, sometimes exacerbating already present issues. Even though it is upsetting and distressing to experience this shift in your relationships, recognize those closest to you are going through their process of mourning. This may include their perception of losing what they have come to expect in your relationship with them. Realize that as you try to cope with the loss, and find new ways to move on, your clarity and prior ways of thinking and being will be affected.  You may also find that the role you may have previously played in your relationships, such as being the "fixer," the problem-solver, or the one others relied on is now changed. As a result, close friends and family may feel equally challenged by adjusting to your new role and needs. This adjustment can place yet more strain on the dynamics of your relationships. Remember, any change, significant or minor, can create a sense of loss. And when your relationship changes or you change in the relationship, this places unintended stressors on your interpersonal dynamics and can result in the other party feeling disoriented and oft times uncertain how to respond. Honor your healing: Do not allow yourself to be discouraged by what may appear as the unsupportive actions of others. First and foremost, try not to take their reactions personally. You will only increase your own pain if you do. This isn't very easy, I know, however, like you, they are doing the best they can with what they know. Instead, continue to focus on your own healing while being as clear as you can about what you are feeling and going through, expressing what your needs are without attachment to how they should respond. Additionally, although it may seem counterintuitive, it may be beneficial to seek out additional sources of support versus relying exclusively on close family members or friends. In the long run, it will be healthier for you and those closest to you and lessen the stress on your relationships. Resources such as bereavement groups like Grief Share or online support groups may be helpful. Similarly, you might find help and comfort in a faith-based group to which you belong. Working with these resources may not only promote your own healing but also help with forgiving those were not able to be there for you as you grieved.  Seeking help from a mental health professional can also provide guidance and understanding. As you adjust to your new normal - know that healing is possible. Remember, no set time can be ascribed to your grieving and subsequent healing process. Your process is yours alone. Honoring that can be a guide to others and set the foundation as you move forward. If you have or are experiencing a grief and loss event, or having challenges with relationships as a result, and would like help and support, please feel free to reach out to me today. Simone Finnis, LMFT works with individuals, couples, and families promoting growth, transformation and renewal through positive therapeutic solutions. You can reach Simone directly at 954-391-5305.

Ahhhh Valentines Day. A day where love is in the air and chocolates are ridiculously expensive. A day where we get all fancy for our partners, get nice cute gifts with hearts and kisses on them, and prepare for a romantic evening out. More importantly a day where all those little butterflies in your stomach come back and that rush of passion for a night of “fun” (wink, wink) get you all excited. The problem is... you got a three-year-old ruining the mood by throwing a tantrum on the floor because Target ran out of Paw Patrol valentines (If it hasn’t happened to you, consider yourself lucky). Instead of wishing for a box of chocolates, you simply ask for a quick 30-minute nap. And instead of flowers you just want to be able to eat/shower/pee in peace. All of those loving feelings for your spouse is replaced by last-minute store runs to get valentines for your kids, plus the time to fill up the boxes, write their classmate's names on it, assemble the “mailbox” for your kid AND get a snack for the party (schools need to tone it down a bit with their Valentines demands). Through all that chaos and glitter glue, you completely forget to get something for your partner. Not because you are a bad spouse, but because holidays take on a whole new meaning with kids. As a mom of two, I get it (homegirl is tired!!). We all have kids, work, home, etc. to manage, and trying to squeeze in a day of love gets hard. So, unfortunately, I am guilty of occasionally slipping up on the gift front. Fortunately, I know my spouse isn’t one for gifts but prefers quality time (definitely should check up on your partner's love language). But even then... that can be hard with kids. You have to find a babysitter who is single/lonely on Valentine's Day, who is available, and/or who doesn’t cost a fortune (especially since you are already spending money by going out). Your options are limited. You may have a niece or neighborhood kids available, but with little ones, they are definitely not an option. So what’s left? Are you to quit on Valentine’s Day until your kids leave for college? Granted you may save money, but you don’t want your relationship to suffer. Well... let me not say “suffer.” The core of your relationship isn’t going to break because of Valentine’s Day. BUT!!! Valentine’s Day is the time for you and your partner to reconnect. It’s a chance and opportunity for you to drop the excuses. No more excuses that you can’t do something together. No more excuses that a date night is impossible with kids. It’s Valentine's Day! It’s a day of love. You know a day to get back to that loving feeling (and potentially back to what created those kids in the first place LOL). So let me help you make the impossible, possible! There are several different scenarios we can run through and you choose which one works the BEST for you and your partner. 1.) Take the day off from work. So this plan works well for those who have paid days off, their kids are in school, and for a day where Valentine’s Day falls on a weekday. Take a day off to reconnect with your spouse without having to worry about a babysitter because your kids are in school!! Plus doing stuff during the day, on a weekday, is AWESOME!! Places aren’t crowded, it’s daylight out, things are cheaper (think of all the lunch specials!!) and you can take your time. Kids are in school for like 6 hours! You can do so many things!!! Plus a little afternoon delight never hurt anyone. 2.) Do Valentine's Day, not on Valentine's Day. So plan B is good for parents who have a babysitter option but who aren’t available on the 14th. No problem! Go out on a different night that week. You can still get the heart-shaped chocolate boxes from the store and most places will most likely have Valentine’s Day decorations up within that same week timespan. Plus a lot of places have specials a few days before and after Valentine’s Day because they know that not everyone can go out on the 14th. 3.) Plan a date at home after the kids go to bed. Plan C is honestly my favorite and a favorite of those “homebody” couples. Let’s face it, everything is at our fingertips! When I said no more excuses, you literally have no reason NOT to do a date night with your partner. There are companies that ship a date night in a box to you! No lies! You can even go on a monthly plan (*cough which is a good investment for your relationship *cough). Maybe you like to cook?? Have a box of food shipped to your house that you guys can cook together! Not into actually doing stuff? NO PROBLEM! Cuddle on your couch and watch Netflix together. Ok granted, you might already do that last one with your partner. Switch it up and watch a Valentine’s Day movie. Spending time with your partner on Valentine’s can incorporate whatever you want. Now I know, some of you may be thinking “well why not offer an option to go out WITH the kids?” While that is a viable option, it’s healthier for your relationship AND your kids, for you guys to do things without them. Obviously, if your kids aren’t around, you and your partner can focus on each other. You don’t have to worry if little Timmy is sticking his finger way too far up his nose or if Susie is screaming her head off during the whole meal. You have each other’s undivided attention to focus on other things beside being a parent. A hard concept to believe, but one you must accept. So now you are probably wondering “ok I get it being healthy for my relationship, but how is it healthy for my kids?” Great question! Wow, you are on point! Your kids are seeing their parents taking care of themselves. They see that it is important to have “grown-up” time and that life without them exists. A hard concept to believe, but one THEY must accept. It also shows them that you guys are bonded together. It teaches them how to appreciate their future partners and how important it is to spend quality time with the ones they love. Ahhhh Valentine’s Day... such a teaching day of the year. Regardless of which option you choose or if you choose none of my options (don’t worry my feelings won’t get hurt), the important takeaway from all of this is to find and plan something to do, to honor your partner this holiday. It can be something big or something small (I personally am a sucker for a box of Bunch O’Crunch) to show your partner that you care... well and also show your kids that you care about your partner. Well, scratch that. The important takeaway from all of this is... DATING YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T END WHEN YOU BECOME A PARENT!! Sorry to literally yell at you, but this point needs to be emphasized. In order to survive the chaos, stress, and exhaustion of having kids, you need time outside of them with your partner. Time to reconnect. Time to get back to the fun (that doesn’t include dancing the Hot Dog dance from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse). Time to get back to the romantic love that started your parenthood journey. And finally, time to show your partner that you wouldn’t go on that parenthood journey with anyone else...because you LOVE them! If you are looking for more suggestions on how to balance parenthood, work, life, relationships, I am here to help. You don’t have to manage all the balls in the air by yourself! Let me help you learn what is most important to you and how to keep your sanity at the same time LOL. I hope you found my blog entertaining and informative. To learn more about me, Jessica Jefferson, check out my website or give me a call for your free 15 minute consultation at 954-391-5305. #relationships #couplestherapy #marriagetherapy

Society teaches us that to like ourselves, we must have such things as power, money, and attractiveness.  Even when we achieve supposed greatness in these areas, however, we still tend to feel unfulfilled. The healthy alternative is to foster acceptance, appreciation, and even love for ourselves based on more controllable and healthier internal qualities. Here are some realistic ways to begin this process of loving yourself: Notice and Highlight Things You Do Well: Consistently acknowledge 1–2 things you did/thought that you liked or even loved.  You could do this every few days, and, as you become habituated to this process, engage in it on daily basis. One way to go about this is to list 1-2 things you value about yourself right as you start your day, as this can help you develop healthy momentum for that day. You should know that developing a healthier, more loving self-view is a consistent process, one that takes a lifetime to repeatedly nurture. Develop More Reasonable Expectations: First, take a close and honest look at the expectations you hold for yourself. Second, realize that if any of these expectations are too unrealistic, you may fail at completing them.  If that then happens, you can expect to feel poorly about yourself. So, here’s step three: Set more appropriate, attainable expectations.  You’re then much more likely to accomplish your goals, and therefore, feel better about yourself. Focus More on the Present Moment: Oftentimes, you’ll feel poorly about yourself because you’re concentrated on past and/or anticipated future losses and setbacks. Try to take note every time you attend to the past and future, and each time, in its place, concentrate on something positive and current. For instance, you could listen to a song that brings you a feeling of joy.  Or, you could imagine a great and rewarding social interaction you had with a friend today. Be More Deliberate and Smart with Your Choices: You may not even notice you’re participating in activities and/or spending time with people who are making you feel worse about yourself or your life. Now is the time to better notice these unhealthy habits.  Then, you can set firmer boundaries to only keep the healthiest endeavors and people in your life. Practice Forgiveness: Setbacks and mistakes are feedback if you’re open to viewing them this way.  Essentially, these areas, which tend to be sources of pain, can be novel chances to grow and improve. Find Your Ideal Therapist: You deserve to like, embrace, and even love yourself.  Consistent therapy can help you do this in the quickest way. A good therapist helps you to get in a new habit of viewing yourself in kinder and more valuable ways, as well as holds you accountable for this new and productive way of looking at yourself. If you’re ready to feel better about yourself quickly, call Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305 to schedule your first session. I look forward to speaking with you and assisting you in your journey toward health and joyfulness.

Couples therapy is one of my favorite parts of my job, particularly because every relationship is unique. No couple is the same. It’s thrilling! However, even though every relationship may be distinct, I also see a lot of patterns. Healthy and unhealthy ones. And there is one that particularly stands out. Non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication is just as important, if not more important than verbal communication. Common examples of this type of communication are body language, tone of voice, and eye-contact. This type of communication has a MAJOR impact on the overall mood and quality of the relationship. Let me put this into perspective. Let’s say you are having dinner with your boyfriend and he is visibly ignoring you, staring at his phone. Or your wife rolls her eyes every time you say “I love you”. That wouldn't feel good and I bet that eye roll seems like it is portraying A LOT more than just an eye-roll. That's the thing about non-verbal communication, just because you aren't actually saying something with your words, it doesn't mean you're not still sending a message. My goal is to help couples grow healthier and stronger and to eliminate bad patterns. Psycho-education is a big part of my therapeutic approach, I believe knowledge is power. Increasing one’s understanding of these unhealthy non-verbal communication patterns and identifying what they may look like can help in minimizing their use and ultimately decrease conflict. This is the goal, so I want to reflect deeper on the three most common non-verbal communication patterns I see so often in my work: 1. Tone of Voice: Have you or your partner ever heard “it’s not WHAT you said, it’s HOW you said it!” If so, you’re not alone. Your tone includes more than just the volume of your voice, it also includes your pitch, your pronunciation, and the exclamation. Your tone of voice can make a small request into an accentuated complaint, something simple to sound like an annoyance. Our tone of voice conveys a lot. Our words say what we want, but our tone conveys the MEANING. A good tip I often give is to THINK about what you want to say first before speaking. We can often catch ourselves from using an unhealthy tone if we just take a minute to stop and think about what we want to say, and how we can best convey the meaning behind it. A lot of work is put in on making the communication better in your relationship, but don’t neglect work on your tone of voice. 2. Body Language - I see something in therapy on a weekly basis, and I’ve started to point it out every time because the response is almost always the same. “I didn’t even know I was doing that.” It’s a simple shake of the head when their partner is talking. What does a head shake say to you? It says “no” right? Or “you're wrong”? Your body can be saying something totally different than your mouth. A head shake, a shoulder shrug, a large distance between you on the couch, pulling your hand away when you are being reached for. It all says something, and that something is not positive. Dr. John and Julie Gottman have researched the importance of turning towards your partner’s bids for connection and found a huge connection between healthy, long-lasting couples and those who turn towards their partners vs. away. This can start with body language. Face your body towards your partner, sit closer, reach out your hand. These small gestures have a huge impact. They show the desire to connect and grow closer rather than push your partner away. Remember, our bodies tell a story. What are you telling your partner with yours? 3. Eye Contact: This one seems simple right? All you have to do is just look at your partner when they are talking to you. This is easier said than done, actually. It’s easy to get distracted in the hustle and bustle of life and as I like to call it, be stuck in auto-pilot. When we aren’t being present we aren’t being attentive to our partner either. Your intention may be to talk and connect with your partner but your head is still at the office or stewing over your report due next week. That’s life, we are busy. Talk to each other about your days and what’s on your mind, but make sure you are focused on connecting through eye contact while you do it. The words mean less here than eye contact because the eyes will convey a deeper message that says “I am here, I am present”. Neglecting connection through eye contact opens the door to negative feelings sneaking in. Insecurity, neglect, resentment can all arise if we feel our partners are avoiding us, distracted, or simply checked out. Eye contact is easier to correct than overcoming resentment, so start now! Look at each other, connect through eye contact. It’s more powerful than you may realize. Eyes on the prize, people! Do you recognize any of these patterns in your relationship? If so, it’s not the end of the world. Patterns are learned behavior, but you can also unlearn behavior. You can begin to identify, re-direct, and essentially eliminate unhealthy patterns, even the non-verbal ones. If you and/or your partner are looking to work on your conflict resolution and communication skills, call me today to schedule a couples therapy session at 954-391-5305.  To read more about my approach to therapy and find out what other services I offer, visit my page.

When people think about having babies, they usually think in terms of what will be gained: a new baby who will carry on the family name and traditions, a source of pride and joy, and one's hopes and dreams. But as with gains, there are some very real losses. Our culture doesn't really acknowledge these losses, but most mothers experience them to some extent. We all have a picture of the idealized version of maternal love.  How can we provide this love to our new baby or child when we don’t feel like ourselves? Oftentimes, it is easy to operate on autopilot and just run through the motions of the day (feed the baby, bathe the baby, pack lunches for school, get the kids dressed, make dinner, be a taxi, etc). Life becomes a rut and you are unhappy.  With all the activities and responsibilities, we juggle as moms, how often do we truly examine our life? The answer to this is to rediscover parts of your self-identity that seem out of reach. I help moms through the self-discovery process so they can create a loving, fulfilled life. My hope is to get this started with you today. Taking time for yourself as a mom, especially for the purposes of self-awareness, is a choice that takes courage.  I know it is hard sometimes to reach deep within ourselves to find that COURAGE. I would like for you to say to yourself, “I have the courage!” As we explore your self-identity, First, I would like for us to have an open discussion on some of the losses you have experienced after having a baby.  Here are some losses that you have may haveexperienced: spontaneity, self-confidence, independence, control, predictability, security, money, sleep, physical shape, self-identity, couple time, career, time for herself, intimacy, the dream of being a perfect mother, and adult company. This process of understanding what you have given up will validate the feelings you have associated with each of these losses. Your feelings are not unusual. Many women experience these losses. Admitting these losses does not in a way make you less of a mother. Instead, it represents a shift in the equilibrium of your life events.  When we experience something new, different, and challenging, we have to make room for it in our life. Often, this accommodation is made by giving something up. Once you are able to acknowledge your losses, the next step is to grieve your losses. Take a minute and think about the “old you.” What was she like? Can you describe her on a typical day? What did she look like? What did she do? What do you miss about her? As you think about this former image of yourself, try to be aware of how it makes you feel. Does it make you feel sad when you think of how you used to be? Does it make you angry or scared? Confronting these feelings is an important step in the grief process, as you mourn for parts of your previous self. What do you do with these feelings? Most likely, you have tried to tuck them away, because you couldn’t bear to admit you felt them.  Let’s take a moment and write them down now. Let’s get them out on paper. Let’s welcome them. Let’s move beyond these losses and feelings and welcome some of the new and positive feelings in store for you. It takes so much more energy to stuff negative feelings inside than to confront them. Now that you have made room for some good, positive feelings. It’s time to have a date with your intuition. Let’s pretend you are on a first date and you are interviewing your potential partner, actually you are interviewing the depths of you, your soul. It’s time to take a deep dive into who you truly are. What are some questions you would ask yourself? Here are a few basic questions to get your wheels spinning. What is your greatest dream? What are your core values? What brings you joy and makes you come alive? What are your inner motivations? What are you most passionate about? What do you stand for? What would you like your legacy to be? What gives your life purpose and meaning? What are your strengths, your skills, and your talents? What are your standards? As you went through the list, did you feel you knew the answer to these questions with certainty and confidence? Could you articulate the answer quickly and with the truth? Most of you probably answered “NO!”  Now, you have the opportunity to check-in and find answers within you. You will be empowered to evaluate the “opportunities” you say YES to and the ones you say NO to.  You will be able to make more conscious and intentional choices in your life. A great way to remember your life principles, intentions, and core values are to create a personal manifesto.  A personal manifesto is a written declaration or statement of your ideals, values, views, and intentions. It’s your own personal creed or owner’s manual.  It provides you with inspiration, strength, and direction. It helps remind you of who you are and how your authentic Self operates. This is your self-identity! When you feel you don’t have the time or the energy to even breathe or maybe you are feeling sad and pessimistic, you can access your personal manifesto. Developing your manifesto may take some time, and you are worth the investment. I repeat that again you are WORTH THE TIME. While there’s no right or wrong way  about creating a manifesto, here are a few tips to get you started: 1. Read other manifestos. See what resonates with you and what doesn’t. Take notes of what comes up for you. It is important that your personal manifesto feels “yours” and it is crafted in a way that reflects YOU. 2. Write about each area of life that is important to you and then consolidate it all into one single manifesto. 3. Write it down with pen and paper. Revisit your draft a few times before you type it out. I recommend designing a display like you do with a vision board, so you can be an active participant in its creation. 4. Use language that is positive, inspiring, specific, and clear (free of ambiguity) to make your manifesto powerful.  For example, you may want to write “I will” versus “I want” and avoid words like “thing” and “something.” To make your manifesto compelling, use feeling words that evoke powerful feelings when you (or others) read it. I encourage you to take the time today to get started on your personal manifesto.  This is a living document that will guide you as you navigate through life. I can also help you take time to help you navigate through life. Call me Kacee at 954-391-5305. Resources: Kleiman, Karen R. (2013) This Isn’t What I Expected: Overcoming postpartum depression 2nd Ed. Lifelong Books

This is such a scary, uncertain, and overwhelming time in our lives. It all happened and is all continuing to happen, so quickly. To help us all through this immensely difficult time, I’ll post blogs that speak to what’s happening and what we can all do to successfully navigate it.  This is the first of these blogs. The presence of this virus in our lives is dramatic. For most of us, it has, to varying degrees, negatively impacted our finances, employment, social lives, and participation in various hobbies, as well as our physical and mental health. You may be feeling anxious, depressed, and at times, even helpless.  You may get stuck worrying about getting sick.  You may be prominently concerned about the welfare of your friends and family members.  You may continuously wonder when this will all end. With all of this going on, what can you do to start to get through this difficult crisis? 1. Actively Remind Yourself that We’re All in this Together Isolation from others, as well as feeling distant from others, can create and propel depression to worsening depths.  You need to know that none of us are alone in this experience. While you’re being instructed to physically distance yourself from others, you can still regularly connect with loved ones through the phone and video formats.  Doing so will help you protect yourself from worsened mental states and help a healthy one flourish in you. 2. Engage in Healthy Self-Care When you’re told you can’t live your normal life and partake in your everyday routine, it becomes harder to take good care of yourself.  A breakdown in how we adequately care for ourselves opens the door for worsened mental health. So, concentrate on eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and participating in healthy activities that provide you with rewarding feelings. 3. Put Limits on News Watching While you certainly want to stay informed of the situation, you don’t need to constantly watch the news about it.  When we continuously feed our minds with this kind of information, it’s much easier for us to experience mounting negative emotions, such as anxiety and panic.  So, give yourself a reasonable amount of time to watch and/or read the news each day or week.  Do your best to stick to this decision. 4. Use this Time as an Opportunity This last one might sound strange; try to go with me on this for just a moment.  Perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn and master a new hobby or skill, such as becoming an incredible chef or reading those 5 books that have been sitting on your shelf for years, sporadically calling out to you to read them.  But, this whole time, it’s been very difficult to take any of this on, given you have all the responsibilities of everyday life. Now could be your chance to take on any number of endeavors that you couldn’t do before. There’s a popular meme going around that brings all of this together.  Your fathers and grandparents were called to war. You’re being called to sit on the couch.  What I’ve advocated here, and what I’ll continue to advocate, is essentially “sitting on your couch” in the healthiest, most productive, and optimal way. I can help you create a self-care routine during this trying time through a telehealth session through a HIPAA compliant video or phone session. Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help. Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305.

It is even more imperative in these trying times that we mindfully care for ourselves and stay healthy. Practicing the following steps can help mitigate any stress and anxiety you are currently experiencing due to the coronavirus crisis. 1. Select the same time to wake up every day. This healthy habit will create a sense of consistency and help you maintain a structured routine. 2. Warm up to the day with 5-10 deep breaths. Deep inhale through your nose and slowly exhale through the mouth. Starting the day with a mindful moment will strengthen your ability to focus and connect to the present moment. 3. Review your “to-do list” for the day. Try to schedule your day based on your priorities (designate time frames to complete school work/tasks for work while also scheduling breaks throughout the day), remember to practice flexibility, and adjust your schedule as needed. 4. Nourish yourself with healthy foods + stay hydrated. Focus on eating foods high in vitamin C and vitamin D (your body needs vitamin D in order to absorb vitamin C). Also, aim to drink half your body weight in ounces of water in a day. 5. Spend at least 15-20 minutes outside to give your body sunlight and fresh air (while practicing social distance). Your body will absorb the most vitamin D early in the morning (7 am-9 am). 6. Connect with loved ones at least twice a day. FaceTime, phone call, or text message family members or friends. Social connectedness reduces feelings of loneliness and social isolation. It can also improve our quality of life, minimize the symptoms of depression, and can strengthen our immune system. 7. Self-reflect. Acknowledge how you’re feeling and give yourself permission to have those emotions as pushing them away or fighting them will only create internal friction. 8. Incorporate some sort of daily physical activity. Stretch, walk, yoga, etc. Moving your physical body can alleviate symptoms of anxiety, relieve stress, and helps you sleep better. 9. Get creative with at-home activities. Coloring or drawing, putting together a puzzle, relax with a cup of tea while watching your favorite movie, cleaning or organizing your living space, etc. 10. Practice 5-10 minutes of gratitude before you go to sleep. Taking time to reflect on what you are grateful for can boost your mood and your personal sense of well-being. Are you feeling unsettled and uneasy about the changes happening all around you? Remember you are not alone in any of this. If you’re feeling unsure of how to navigate and respond to these changes, please reach out! I’d love to work with you and support you during this time. Call today at 954 391 5305 to schedule a telehealth session via a HIPAA compliant phone or video platform. I look forward to meeting with you!

With the COVID-19 pandemic causing panic and challenging times for the population nationwide, we must learn to adapt to the necessary recommended changes. These are indeed challenging and scary times for us all. We have been hearing the phrase “social distancing” a lot, but not everyone is clear on what that means. A medical expert at Johns Hopkins Medical defines social distancing as “deliberately increasing the physical space between people to avoid spreading illness”. Simple enough, right? But wait, how does one practice social distancing when they are home on a self-imposed quarantine...with their significant other? Yikes! Some of you may be thinking, “this is great!” or even excited about the opportunity to spend more time with your loved one doing things you normally don’t have time for. Catching up on Netflix, dinners together, and partner workouts all seem very appealing. Sounds nice for the first few days, but what happens after a week? Two weeks? When you go stir-crazy, every little thing someone does tends to create frustration. “Stop chewing so loud, pick your stuff up, turn the TV down, stop SNORING!” As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I see people in all stages of relationships on a daily basis. If you’re not used to being together 24/7, this is going to be quite the learning curve. In order to learn, we sometimes need help. I want to help you avoid “driving each other crazy” during these equally crazy times. I have created a list of tips to help make the most of your time in insolation, keeping things healthy and calm vs crazy: SPACE: This is key. It may seem unrealistic, especially if you are stuck in a smaller house or apartment together, but it IS possible to create space. Space doesn't always have to mean a large physical distance, but more simply, a time and environment to focus on yourself. Go to a different room, sit outside in the sun, or take a safe, solitary walk. This space will help you to stay balanced with me-time and we-time and decrease the chances of “going crazy” with your significant other. ENTERTAINMENT: This one is all about fun! Take this time of isolation to reconnect with your partner on all things entertaining. Watching new TV shows and movies, playing board games, trying new recipes, exercising together, spicing things up in the bedroom..anything goes! I always preach to my couples in session on the importance of creating a strong foundation of fun and enjoyment to fall back on and help us tackle the hard times, so take advantage of this time to do just that. Another GREAT idea for entertainment is to do the Building Love Maps activity created by The Gottman Institute. This activity is a deck of cards that consists of open-ended questions intended to help couples “connect emotionally, and increase intimacy and understanding in a fun, gentle way.” PRODUCTIVITY: “Work from home” still includes the word work! Sometimes working from home is hard and staying productive seems like a reach. However, keeping yourself motivated and focused on accomplishing work, setting and achieving goals, and taking advantage of the time to do/finish projects can be a perfect way to stay sane with your partner and keep off each other's back! Stay busy, it will benefit you and your relationship. COMMUNICATION: Now more than ever is an important time to work on your communication skills with your significant other. It can be easy to fall into bad communication habits when we're feeling irritable. Criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt (check out the dangers of these 4 unhealthy communication patterns) can all sneak their way into your communication without us even noticing. Stay focused on practicing healthy, respectful communication with each other in these difficult times to increase support and connection vs. distance and neglect. SELF-CARE: Don’t neglect YOU! We all have our unique routines, personalized regimens that keep us feeling like our best selves. Bubble baths, exercise, meal prepping, mediation, yoga..the list goes on and on. It’s no secret that you are the best partner you can be when you are feeling like your best self! By making it a priority to continue AS MUCH of your own self-care regimens as possible you are decreasing the chances of irritability, stir-crazy emotions, and conflict with your partner. Self-care for you is just as important for your partner and relationship. Go put that face mask on, read a book, play your favorite sport, it’s more important now than ever! If you and your partner are looking for extra support during this stressful time, call my office today at 954-391-5305 or visit my page Jamie Ratowski. I would be happy to speak with you about setting up a telehealth session via my HIPAA compliant phone or video conferencing platform. Stay safe and healthy, together!

Every day is getting more and more overwhelming as the COVID-19 pandemic is taking over our lives. Many people are sick and dying. People are losing their jobs. Schools are closed. Social distancing is required. And don’t forget there is no toilet paper. This time brings fear and uncertainty and for some a heightened sense of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and stress. You may be wondering: I need to talk to someone, but I can’t leave my house. How do I get help? Online counseling (telehealth) is the answer. What is Online Therapy, Online Counseling, or Telehealth? It's an amazing resource that allows therapists to provide therapy through a live, secure video connection via the internet, on your computer or phone in the comfort of your own home. If you have ever used Skype on your computer or FaceTime on your phone, then you have used the same type of technology that Telehealth uses. Online Therapy combines telecommunication technology to deliver professional and confidential services for client convenience. It is virtually a safe place through a screen. All Online Therapy technology is HIPAA compliant, which means that the client’s privacy is protected and counseling sessions are confidential. Other types of Online counseling could be email, phone, and text, which all should be encrypted by a HIPAA compliant platform. What are the benefits of Online Therapy aka Telehealth? ●   You can conveniently attend a counseling session in the comfort of your own home. This means no driving to and from an office; less wear and tear on your car, and no alternative transportation needed. ●      It reduces the overall cost and time of therapy. ●      You have the ability to expand your choice of the service provider. ●      Online therapists tend to have more availability, therefore this reduces the wait time for scheduling an appointment. ●      Because of Social Distancing, Online Counseling provides the safe distance required for these unprecedented times without leaving you feeling isolated and disconnected. What are the limitations of Online Counseling aka Telehealth? ●      There may be a time when technology might fail before or during the counseling session. ●      The therapist can not fully see you, your body language, or your non-verbals during the session. Therefore, the therapist may ask you more descriptive questions and ask you to describe feelings, thoughts, and actions more in detail. ●      A confidentiality breach could happen for various reasons, which is why we suggest using headphones and being in a quiet environment. ●      Technology may limit the therapist’s ability to hear and understand all of what you are saying. Therefore, the therapist may ask for you to repeat something or ask more clarifying questions. In closing, everyone is vulnerable to contracting COVID-19 aka the Coronavirus. It does not discriminate. No population is immune to it. It is important to recognize we are in this crisis together and you are not alone. For the time being, Online Therapy is a wonderful solution for your therapy needs. Our office is open for Online Counseling via computer or phone, so call Kacee Tannenbaum, LCSW located within the offices of Bayview Therapy at 954.391.5305 to set up a session. Talk to you soon!

Nobody was ready for a pandemic and I have to admit that adjusting to this new reality has been an adjustment for me. From learning new vocabulary words to incorporating new and more frequent hygienic practices, to seeing all of my clients online while homeschooling my kids. It has been a roller coaster of feelings and news as every day seems to bring new information about the status of COVID-19 in our world. My journey during this pandemic has brought my “talking the talk” mantra to a completely different level. Here are my insights about the three main components to staying grounded: 1. Mindfulness. This means that the mind is fully attending to what is happening in the moment, to what you are doing, and the space you are physically in during that moment.  Being present for your thoughts, feelings, sensations in your body, and the information you are feeding your mind is key right now. Paying attention to what’s going on inside you and around you will help determine if you need a break from the media, your family, or perhaps to even have a “virtual coffee” with a friend. It will help you regulate stress and anxiety while staying connected and grounded. 2. Radical acceptance. This means that you are acknowledging reality “as it is” without denying it, trying to change it, or detaching from it, but embracing it just as it is right now. It does not mean that you like it. It just means that “it is what it is” and you are willing to face the feelings that come with that reality. In this case, there are many emotions attached to the new reality. Fear of getting sick or spreading the Coronavirus, fear of financial struggle, losing your job, and stress about forced self-isolation. Allow yourself to be present for all of these fears and emotions while giving yourself permission also tapping into feelings of gratitude, humor, and joy. The emotions, just as waves, will come and go. 3. Hope. Brené Brown, a researcher, and professor says “hope is a function of struggle”, and talks about the value and power of adversity to grow our strength and courage. When we talk about hope, we are talking about setting realistic goals for the future and coming up with creative ways to achieve those goals. We also need to be more flexible to explore different options and paths, while developing alternative routes, staying persistent, and tolerating disappointment. We are all riding the waves of emotions that COVID-19 has brought with it. This is the time to believe in ourselves and knows that we can overcome hard things. As a community, we can stay strong together and help each other stay calm in the midst of so much uncertainty. Help and hope are always available! For more information about my online therapy or in-office therapy for children, teens, and adults, please contact me (Carolina Gaviria) at 954-391-5305. I will provide a FREE phone consultation! Online therapy services are available in English and Spanish.

We’re all experiencing the COVID-19 crisis. This current state of our world involves considerable stress, overwhelming changes, and overall disruption to our daily lives and routine. While we’re all waiting for things to resolve, and therefore for the day when we can return to normalcy again, the goal is for us to manage all of this to the best of our abilities.  So, we’ll use this time to look at several realistic ways you can start feeling better right away. 1. Reduce Your Overall Stress Level When we endure a crisis, our body responds with a stress response. Specifically, our bodies do such actions as release chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol, increase heart rate, and, overall, attempt to best prepare us to effectively react to a problem. While these kinds of stress responses are healthy in the short term in the right circumstances, they become unhealthy when we are constantly experiencing them. You want to try your best, then, to achieve a sense of peace and calm for even small portions of the day for at least a few days each week. Here are some ways to accomplish this: · Journal every day about any topic that interests you (preferably one that doesn’t stir up negative emotions). · Engage in any healthy endeavor that requires you to prominently focus on it, as doing so is one of the best ways to reduce stress, tension, and anxiety.  Some examples of this are doing yoga or reading a book. 2. Experience and Voice Your Feelings Many, if not most, of us, tend to regularly find ways to distract ourselves from, and therefore dampen and sometimes avoid negative feelings.  This is completely normal and understandable.  It isn’t exactly lovely, for instance, to experience sadness and anxiety. The problem here, though, is that when we don’t feel and voice our emotions, at least to some extent, we tend to get stuck in them more easily and in a more intense way. I encourage you, then, to take some time throughout each week to notice what you’re feeling, attempt to really experience it, and vent about it with someone with whom you trust and like.  When we voice our negative feelings, we tend to help reduce them. 3. Develop and Maintain a Routine Crises, such as the current one, try their best to ruin all structure and routine in our lives. Perhaps you used to go to the gym most days of the week; now, you can’t. I know how disheartening and unfortunate it feels to have some or many of the things you used to do yanked away from you. It doesn’t mean you can’t fight to maintain some degree of a daily routine and structure.  In fact, it’s crucial that you do so, as it is one of the fundamental ways to maintain a sense of peace and comfort during this time. Here are some ways to do so: · Schedule at least 1 rewarding activity a day that makes you feel happier and calmer, as well as proud of yourself. · Each day, at least 1-2x/day, remind yourself of the crucial importance of engaging in these activities consistently.  It’s easy for us to lose sight of healthy endeavors; by continually reminding yourself of the need to partake in these activities, you’re much more likely to follow through. I can help you feel significantly better in this stressful time through a telehealth session in our HIPAA compliant video platform or phone session. Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help. Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305.