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You recently found out that you are expecting. I can imagine (because I have been there) how fast the flood of emotions come in. What is even more surprising is the spectrum of emotions. It goes from joy and excitement, to realism of how things are going to be different, to fear and worry that you aren’t ready. No one tells you about those feelings. For a while you feel horrible. Why would you think that about such a great time in your life? What does that mean for you? What does that mean about how you will be as a parent? But then those feelings subside. You feel better. You recognize that it was a moment in time, and you forgive yourself. But then more anxiety comes. What are you supposed to do next? When do you tell other people? What can you eat? What can’t you do? More questions come. More anxiety comes. The worst part is, you don’t know who to turn to. You don’t remember anyone telling you about feeling this way when they were pregnant. So if you admit to it and they don’t understand, what does that mean for you? Where do you go? Who do you turn to? To a professional. To a therapist. Someone who understands your feelings. Someone to tell you that NOTHING is wrong with you. Your feelings are NORMAL and YOU CAN DO THIS! A therapist can help prepare you for what is going to come next. The good and the bad. I know your next question is, what would we talk about? How can therapy help me do all those things? Here are a few things that therapy can help you with as you go through this transition. 1. Learning about the expectations you have for yourself – We all have this image of what we want to be as a mom. A mom who is going to be able to handle work/life balance, you can wash bottles, entertain the baby, sleep soundly, etc. Those expectations don’t meet reality. Now, I know that sounds harsh, but we all aspire to be this person. I have and sometimes I still do. We have to learn how to manage our expectations into attainable goals that are not only good for us, but our baby. Through therapy, we can unpack what all that means and learn what “attainable” goals are. You want to create goals for yourself throughout your pregnancy and after birth. That is a lot to talk about, but it is an important conversation to have. 2. Learning about the expectations you have of your partner – I understand that sometimes we not might be involved romantically with the father of our child. However, it is still important to talk about how we envision life, responsibilities and roles for once the baby is here. That conversation needs to happen BEFORE the baby is born. That way, everyone has a game plan, and everyone is on the same page. It helps to lessen the confusion later on. Plus, with therapy, if that conversation isn’t what you expected, we can help process through the disappointment and work out a system that is going to work for you and help find the support you need. 3. Learn about the expectations you have of others – Bringing a baby into the world should be for the mom and the dad, unfortunately not everyone feels that way. So, it is important to find out what you want from this experience and what boundaries you want to put in place. Remember, this is YOUR time. It is ok to be selfish. It is ok to say, “I don’t want your grandmother in the delivery room” or “Please don’t touch my stomach.” It is ok to have boundaries, but you need to vocalize them. Others need to understand where your line is and not to cross it. 4. Managing your fears and anxieties – At every stage of pregnancy, there comes a new fear, a new worry. Therapy can help you understand your fears and make sense of them. We can talk about what to expect and how to be prepared for the next step. Having someone to help you through this process, someone in your corner, someone to bounce questions off of, etc. feels relieving. A therapist who specializes in maternal mental health can help you through this process. We can answer any questions about how to manage the fear and worry, how to protect your well-being and that of your child, and anything else that comes up during your pregnancy. Plus, it helps to build your confidence so that when you have the baby, you know that you are ready and equipped to handle whatever comes next. Because you will never know what will come next, but at least you will be ready. If you haven’t noticed by now… pregnancy is all about being prepared. Everything else about being a parent is out of our control, so recognizing what we can control and acting on it is important. Let me finish all this by saying CONGRATS!  You GOT THIS and if you aren’t sure that YOU GOT IT, then seek therapy. Let us show you that you are going to be an AWESOME mom! Visit Jessica Jefferson, LMFT who specializes in maternal mental health issues and giving new/expecting moms the confidence they need to rock yoga pants and a mom-bun or give me a call for your free 15-minute consultation at 954.391.5305. #maternalmentalhealth #newmothers #maternalcounselling

When we feel we can’t communicate with our partner, it takes such a profound toll on the quality of our relationship, and builds frustration, anger, and oftentimes, hopelessness. Maybe you find that you and your partner are good at communicating the everyday things, but profoundly struggle with sharing issues, wants, and needs.  You might find, then, that you’re both longing to feel understood, heard, and respected by one another.  You want to be heard and supported by each other.  You want your communication, and your relationship in general, to be one defined by ease, positivity, and love. Here, we’ll look at 2 ways to begin fostering healthier communication and that relationship you want and deserve: Bring Up Concerns and Requests in a Gentle Way It’s so easy for any of us to lose our cool when trying to address something that’s bothering us in our lives.  When we try to do this in a relationship, it’s often that much harder.  You might find this repeated pattern of being critical of your loved one when you attempt to talk about important things. If you notice yourself falling into this negative form of communication, do your best to catch yourself.  Instead of criticizing your partner, realize that approach is unlikely to lead to change and improvement, which is of course what you want.  At that moment, replace the criticism with a kind and gentle start to your conversation. So, instead of saying, “You never help,” you might say something like, “I feel stressed when I come home from work and I just want to unwind for a bit.  Could you please take care of the chores during that time?” When You’re Feeling Defensive, Take Some Responsibility When we feel like our partner is verbally attacking us, we can get defensive.  We can get so focused on defending ourselves in these moments that we can’t attend to our partner’s requests and progress towards a good solution. Try to notice when you’re feeling defensive.  Then, you have 2 options that can help steer the conversation in a much more productive and healthier direction. You can either share with your loved one that you’re feeling defensive and request to hear their concern(s) in a different, kinder, and more appropriate way.  Alternatively, you could try to look for even a small amount of truth in what your partner is saying and take ownership of it.  So, you could say something along the lines of, “You have a good point.” These are just a couple of critical ways you can begin to increase instances of healthy communication in your relationship, so you both consistently feel you are heard, respected, appropriately responded to, and loved. I can help you learn and practice these and other incredibly helpful skills so you and your partner can increase your healthy communication, as well as your mutual love and connection, with a telehealth session through a HIPAA compliant video or phone session.  Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help.  Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954.391.5305. #Couplescounseling #marriagecounseling

The weight of this global pandemic has triggered an increase in symptoms of anxiety and depression for so many people. We have needed to quickly adapt and adjust to many layers of change all at once. It is very important for each of us to actively and intentionally manage the extra levels of stress caused by the Covid-19 pandemic. I recommend the practice of mindfulness as one of the top coping strategies during this time for 5 specific reasons. Many people ask what mindfulness is. The definition is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. In short, it's being aware of your feelings and thoughts in the present moment without judgement. Practicing mindfulness can change your brain by helping you to focus on the task at hand instead of being jerked around by your thoughts. By practicing mindfulness.... 1. You can experience an enhanced ability to cope with daily stress 2. You can strengthen your ability to deal with illness 3. You can feel more connected to yourself and others 4. You can lower your levels of anxiety 5. You can experience a decrease in depressive symptoms If you are feeling the effects of the Covid-19 pandemic on your emotional or physical health, you are not alone. Learning to use mindfulness as a preventative tool as well as an agent for improved well-being will equip you to effectively handle the impact of this global pandemic. I would love the opportunity to dive further into the practice of mindfulness with you. Call Sheilah Ledesma, LCSW at 954.391.5305 to schedule your first session, I look forward to connecting with you!

One area where families are particularly suffering the effects of the pandemic is in their relationships with their teens. Many families are currently struggling with economic hardships, trying to pay their monthly bills, ensuring family safety when in public, and trying to get along with the whole family. In addition, parents fall short of finding the balance in their relationship with their teens who have become bored, irritable, and isolated to their rooms.  Does this sound like you? This is a tough terrain to navigate for not only are you worried that your kids are anxious and unmotivated, but you are also overexerted and stressed about what the future will hold for your family. As the saying goes, “when in flight, you need to place your oxygen mask firmly onto your face before you assist your child with his mask”. This simply means that in order to prepare the way ahead for your kids, it is important that you too practice the fundamental actions and behaviors that will help you endure the transition of these times. As an essential mental health care worker, a teen’s mom, and a wife, I can tell you that the 7 below tips were fundamental for our family to shift our expectations of each other and fortify our relationships. This helped us bear the negative energies shared in the media and be able to find meaning in our daily lives. Grow Their Self Esteem: Even though teens rely on their peers for their acceptance and self-esteem, most of their values and ideas of self-worth come from you, their parent. During this time of little contact with peers, you can really step in and use the private time you have with your teen to raise their self-esteem. You know what they like to do, and if you don’t, it’s a good time to ask. They have talents and interests that can be encouraged by simply buying art supplies, a microphone, or even coins for educational computer games. My daughter showed me this amazing amusement park she built on ROBLOX. I was genuinely impressed by her ingenuity and skills and now I always ask to see how her enterprise is evolving. I praise her and tell her that her skills can be easily used when she starts her own career. Ensure Open Communication: Teens need to have outside contact for their normal development, but now they are limited to facetime, phone, text, and social media. It is important that they keep in contact with their best friends and positive peers while minimizing exposure to negative social media. We as parents need to find the right balance between reading every text they get and not putting any boundaries at all on their phone usage. Every teen is different, but they all need boundaries. Be open about why boundaries are set. Once they realize that it is not because they are “bad kids”, but because you care for them and want their happiness, they will accept your limits. Set a Weekly Routine: Giving your teen a weekly list of things to be responsible for in the household can be invaluable for giving them a sense of accomplishment and an opportunity for them to be praised. If you have more than one child, you can give the younger child a smaller task and still make them feel responsible for a well operating home. Parents can be creative and use negotiating skills for who will do what in the home. Give them choices so they are in control. Maybe the teen doesn’t want to make their bed and clean their room so instead, offer them to clean their bathroom. My daughter decided she rather clean her room than the bathroom. Set times for sleeping and waking up and make them have at least one meal jointly with you and your family every day. This will regulate their sleep, create healthy eating habits, and decrease irritability. Prepare Yourself and Your Teen for Safety without Instilling Fear: Many parents don’t realize that their own fears and anxieties associated with this pandemic are being transmitted to their children. Teens in particular worry about their parents even if they don’t show it. This worry can create a sense of instability in their own life and even lead to phobias and fears. To make matters worse, teens don’t typically share their own anxieties with their parents because they either don’t want to be a burden to them or feel that they will not be heard. It is important for parents to have honest communication with their teens while being mindful that teens don’t feel as powerful to control their lives as their parents. A clear course of action with laid out preventative measures is helpful in reassuring your teen that there can be safety during these times. Have Your Teen Exercise in Some Way Every Week: Although many camps are shut for the summer and sports teams are a risk at this time, it is important for your teen to spend some time exercising. Moving the body releases endorphins which help combat boredom, negative thoughts, and anxiety. Riding a bicycle, walking the dog around the block, jogging, or playing tennis are great ways to increase circulation and get the mind set off the present problems. Meditation and time for self: Just like we need to carve some time for ourselves every week to find our balance in the midst of this unrest, so do our teens. The problem is that they don’t know how to do that. They sit in their rooms following thought patterns that turn negative and lead them to feeling anxious, sad and fearful. We must encourage them to take time to slow down and find a calm happy pastime to occupy their day. Some like to journal, some like to draw or sing, and some like to pamper themselves experimenting with makeup and manicures.  What is your teen’s interest? Our home is full of canvases of all sizes and my teen has experimented with all kinds of paint media. She even convinced me to try my hand at it with her and said “…there is no right or wrong mom.” Set Aside Family Time for Games and Activities: Companionship and quality time are probably the most important of all the things we can do for our kids as parents. Sure, they would never admit that they want to spend time with you, but setting time for a family game, a car trip somewhere, or just even watching a movie that they want to watch, shows them that they are not alone and that they are loved and accepted. It can be very difficult to interact with out kid’s moods but invite them to a game and all of a sudden, they can relate to you in a whole different way. As we continue to observe how families adapt to this pandemic, it will be interesting to dive further into the topic of how to best connect with your teen. If you would like to learn more about bridging relationships with your teens during this difficult time, contact me (Alexa von Oertzen, LMFT) today at 954.391.5305.  We will collaborate on how to best strengthen your relationship with your teens and help them obtain the security and confidence to take on the future. #Alexavonoertzen #teencounseling

What Is Commitment Phobia? Most of us have at least heard of a phobia, if not have one of our own. A phobia is an extreme anxious behavior or reaction fueled by fear, most often an irrational fear. Some common phobias we've heard of come from fear of heights, small spaces, flying, spiders, and many, many more. What we don’t hear a lot about are extreme fear of relationships, or a commitment phobia. Commitment phobia can be a hard thing to fully understand. It’s not given as a formal diagnosis, it is not in the DSM, and is generally not commonly discussed. It is however a very real phenomenon that affects many people. Commitment phobia presents itself as an intense fear of long-term, committed relationships that last. Someone with a commitment phobia very rarely, if ever, goes the distance in a relationship. One foot out the door. Some signs you or your partner might be commitment phobic: Never making a relationship last longer than a few months Avoiding labels like “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” Hesitant to open up or emotionally connect History of being unfaithful in past relationships Hesitant to discuss the future or make plans A common misconception is that those who have a commitment phobia don’t want to be in relationships at all. This isn't always the case. Those with a commitment phobia are still humans, and humans seek human connection. These individuals still carry a strong desire to form relationships, have emotional connections, and experience love. So if a person wants to form love and be loved, then what’s the problem? Why doesn't this feeling or desire last? What’s The Cause? No one's anxiety is the same. Commitment phobia is no different. This anxiety of relationships or commitment phobia can come from a variety of places. Some commonalities are negative past relationship experiences such as abuse, betrayal, and/or infidelity. Traumatic experiences with family, childhood, and relationships additionally tend to affect one's desire and ability to commit to others. Lack of exposure, understanding, or experience with healthy relationships can additionally impact one's ability or willingness for commitment. Another primary factor that could impact our ability to commit in adult relationships is rooted in the Attachment Theory pioneered by psychologists such as John Bowlby and Harry Harlow and Mary Ainsworth. Various beliefs of attachment state that it is a strong emotional connection that we form with other human beings, additionally reporting that our bonding and separation patterns with our mother as infants impact our attachment styles and can affect our ability to form healthy attachments as adults. Although there are many different forms of study of attachment patterns in adults, common adult relationship attachment styles in adults are as follows: secure attachment, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. By understanding your experiences and attachment styles on a deeper level can help to understand your relationship patterns and ability to commit securely. What’s The Cure? Like most emotional and psychological struggles, there is no “quick fix” or “cure” for intense relationship anxiety or commitment phobia. By exploring your personal experiences, beliefs, fears, and wants/needs you can open yourself up to the possibility of change. Learning to understand these areas of yourself and life helps to re-frame or shift your mindset to build a healthier future in emotions, connection, and relationships. In the meantime, practicing small steps toward commitment can help get one accustomed to secure, attached relationships. Some examples of commitment to practice are as follows: make plans a few weeks in advance, spend nights together with your partner, or discuss emotions openly and honestly with someone you trust. Finally, individual and couples therapy are smart and beneficial options to learn more about your attachment styles, processing and overcoming traumas, establishing new and healthy beliefs and understandings of your wants and needs, and much more. As commitment phobia is based on anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques can also be immensely useful in establishing healthy coping skills to combat these struggles. Do you or your partner recognize any of these commitment phobia signs? Do you want to work on overcoming your commitment phobia? Together we can work to strengthen your connections and relationships!  Call Jamie Ratowski, LMFT today at 954.391.5305, to set up an appointment. #couplestherapy #relationships

We’re all adjusting to this new way of life, but it could be making you feel anxious or stressed. We may have set goals for 2020 or had an idea as to where we would be in life, but the coronavirus threw us all a curveball. The good news is that the pandemic and quarantine gave us the time to think about our goals, reflect on our lives, and decide where we want to be. It forced us to slow down and think about success and what that means. Do you feel anxious and unsuccessful? Many people reach a point in their lives when they start to feel anxious or even depressed about where they are and what they’ve accomplished. Or perhaps you feel stuck, complacent, or even bored. Do you find yourself needing to achieve more? Wanting to check more off of the list of your accomplishments? At what point in your life will you have achieved enough? With your current way of thinking, do you think you’ll ever be or do enough? These feelings of dissatisfaction could be heightened because of the pandemic. 2020 isn’t exactly what we thought it would look like. This time can be especially difficult if aspects of your job changed significantly, you lost your job, there was a change in family dynamics, or you are disconnected from friends, family, or significant others. Letting Go of the “Shoulds” When we focus on where we should be in our lives, it detracts from our ability to focus on and celebrate where we are presently and what we have already accomplished. When you’re worried about not being successful enough, whether you’ve set those expectations yourself or it’s based on comparing yourself to others, it can leave you feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, disappointed, and anxious. And on top of that, the pandemic can heighten your feelings of anxiety, stress, or loneliness. Rather than letting those feelings of anxiety and frustration defeat you, listen to what they’re telling you and use them to reevaluate where you are in life. This time of change and uncertainty can be used to our advantage. Many people have extra time to themselves, or have fewer outside distractions. Take this opportunity to redefine your idea of success and then take the steps to make positive changes. How do you currently define success? When you take a look at how you define success, it’s important to think about where your definition stems from. Is it pressure from your family? Are you comparing yourself to your peers? Are you spending too much time on social media? When you let others define success for you, you end up thinking about what you should be doing, where you should be in life, what you should have. You let others’ ideas of success rule your own thought, rather than defining your success based on your own values and priorities. No matter what, you’ll always feel unsuccessful and unaccomplished. Has your definition of success served you or inhibited you? Do you feel proud of your accomplishments or still not good enough? How to Feel Successful (During the Pandemic) Setting Boundaries One of the silver linings of this pandemic is that it has made it easier to set boundaries. It’s now even easier to decide how we spend our time and with whom. It’s easier to say no to people and to say no to going to events. We have been given the opportunity to define our own boundaries rather than other people defining them for ourselves. The external distractions and pressures have decreased. We can set aside time for self-care and self-reflection. Many of us are realizing that we’ve been neglecting our own passions. Pressure from family and society coerced you into doing things we didn’t want to do, rather than doing things that are important to you and truly make you happy. What are your values and priorities? Now that you’re off of auto pilot, and not just going through the motions of life, what are your values and priorities? The pandemic has forced us to reevaluate our relationships and what is important to us. What we thought we wanted before Covid-19 might not be in line with what we want now or what we ever wanted. Who we surrounded ourselves with in the past and who we want to be with now might not be the same. Whether your priorities were your family, a good career, exercise, etc., you may have to adjust your priorities and your definition of success so it’s suitable now. Don’t feel guilty for shifting your values and priorities - it’s a good idea to reevaluate them every so often and change how you live your life so they’re in alignment. How Self-Care Can Lead to Success With the added stressor of coronavirus, this is the time to take care of yourself. If you want to feel successful and fulfilled, how you spend your time should align with your needs, values, and priorities. Self-care and success go hand-in-hand. Many people have a superficial understanding or misunderstanding of what self-care actually means. Some people think it’s spending money on expensive yoga classes or lattes. Others think it’s being selfish. Both self-care and success mean honoring your values and priorities by making time for those things. If your actions align with your values, then you are practicing self-care, and in doing so you’ll feel successful. So self-care can look like calling your friends and family, eating vegetables, taking naps, doing yoga, sending an email, reading a book, or gardening. These things may not sound like success, but if they align with your values, they are. Finding Success Through Mindfulness If you’re constantly thinking about what’s next, you’ll never feel satisfied in the moment. Success shouldn’t just be about checking off boxes. It’s about living up to the values you set for yourself through daily actions. Even if you set big goals for yourself (like graduating, getting a promotion, having children, etc.), the small steps you take to accomplish those are successes in themselves. Practicing mindfulness can help you appreciate small successes and find peace in your current situation. Instead of focusing solely on the future, you’ll be able to honor and respect the things that make you happy in the present, and be OK with the challenges in your life. You’ll learn to accept that there is room to grow while still being ok with “what is.” You Can Feel Less Anxious and More Successful We are all struggling to find peace during this pandemic. Psychotherapy can help you redefine what success means to you and take steps to align your life with your values. If you are ready to feel less anxious and celebrate all that you’ve accomplished, call Dr. Heather Violante today at (954) 391-5305. She has been helping people overcome anxiety for years and is ready to help you live a successful and fulfilling life. #anxiety #mindfulness

Um dos momentos mais transformadores da vida de um adolescente é quando ele percebe que dentro dele já existe toda força e habilidades necessárias para resolver os próprios problemas. Essa constatação dá a eles um senso de empoderamento, que eleva a autoestima e a sensação de bem-estar. Uma forma de ajudá-los a perceber que eles têm essa força, é separando o problema deles mesmos. Na Terapia Narrativa nós chamamos de “externalização do problema”. Isso quer dizer que o problema é uma coisa e a pessoa é outra. Uma vez que os adolescentes percebem que eles não são o problema, eles podem usar sua força e expertise para lidar com o que está incomodando, seja ansiedade, raiva ou pensamentos negativos. Para auxiliar nesse processo, pode ser muito útil usar imagens e metáforas para retratar o presente problema. Crianças e adolescentes têm uma incrível habilidade de usar a imaginação e olhar para a “raiva" e “ansiedade" como uma entidade independente que vem para importuná-los. Nós podemos ir um pouco mais além e ajudá-lo a dar um nome para o problema, tornando-o ainda mais distante dele mesmo. Dessa forma, a “raiva" se torna o personagem “Stripe" do filme "Os Gremlins" e a ansiedade se torna a “Boog”, do filme “O Bicho vai Pegar” (Open Season), que gosta de “visitar" e tentar controlar os adolescentes. Na terapia, muitos problemas podem ser resolvidos dessa forma, desde raiva, ansiedade, baixa auto-estima, ansiedade social, pensamentos negativos, depressão e maus hábitos. No mundo cibernético de hoje, onde avatares e criaturas virtuais foram personificadas e ganharam tanta importância, há uma maior facilidade para os adolescentes visualizarem esses personagens e, além disso, se comunicarem com eles. Trabalhando com crianças e adolescentes, nós damos significado a esse problemas e ajudamos a negociar a melhor forma de ajudá-los a ficar em paz apesar desses problemas. Como exemplo, eu tive uma paciente adolescente que se tornou amiga da “ansiedade" porque ela percebeu que a ansiedade estava ali para alertá-la sobre o perigo. Nessa sessão, terapeuta e adolescente perceberam como “Boog" a convenceu a pensar de forma negativa e a fazer coisas que não eram úteis. A adolescente então deu significado ao que o “Boog" estava querendo fazer, entendeu como e o que ele pensou, e percebeu que era errado ou fraco. Ela compreendeu que, diferentemente do personagem, ela era forte, carinhosa e que poderia fazer com que “Boog" se sentisse melhor dando nele um abraço e o fazendo se sentir seguro, consequentemente, curando ambos. Dessa forma, ela eliminou completamente a sua ansiedade naquela situação. Quando eu perguntei na sessão seguinte, como estava a sua ansiedade e ela respondeu: “Ah, o Boog? Ele só me visita algumas vezes e agora eu sei como acalmá-lo”. A chave para resolver o problema é uma técnica denominada “desconstruindo o problema”. A partir do momento em que o adolescente é um expert em sua própria vida, desconstruir o problema de forma detalhada, ajuda a criar a melhor solução para aquela questão central. Essa é uma exploração sem julgamentos do problema e, como tudo isso está relacionado a outras partes da vida do adolescente, ele percebe que, por um lado ele tem medo, mas por outro, ele tem força e qualidades. A terapia pode também ajudar o jovem a aprender como usar sua força e outros recursos para auxiliar qualquer parte que esteja criando a dor. Isso gera uma oportunidade para que eles conheçam a si próprios sob uma perspectiva mais clara, aumenta a auto-confiança e promove reais e duradouras mudanças saudáveis em suas vidas. Se você quer saber mais sobre como melhorar e promover mudanças duradouras na vida do seu filho adolescente, fale com Alexa von Oertzen, terapeuta familiar e de casais licenciada na Flórida. O telefone de contato é o 954.391.5305. Alexa atende os adolescentes e suas famílias em um espaço confortável e tranquilo localizado no Bayview Therapy em Fort Lauderdale. Ela também faz atendimentos online, caso o paciente prefira. Ligue hoje mesmo para uma avaliação gratuita. #ansiedade

You can hear Santa’s sleigh glide through the sky. You can taste the eggnog touch your lips. At that moment, you remember all of the gifts you feel you have to buy and the endless lines you have to endure to reach the finish line, where a joyous cashier points to an amount of cash you owe that makes you wonder how exactly you will afford it all. While the holidays afford us an often much-needed step away from our daily routine, including the stresses of life, with it can come a stepping into an old reality, one with memories of our childhood filled with disappointments, loneliness, and familial conflict, as well as a new reality with immense responsibilities and to-do-lists. In this blog, we will explore several realistic ways to ease the unpleasant emotions and increase the positive ones this holiday season. Recognize and Normalize Your Emotions One of the best ways to reduce the intensity, duration, and frequency of negative emotions as quickly as possible is to first notice you’re feeling them. Then, remind yourself that it’s perfectly normal to feel what you’re feeling. For instance, when you’re with your family during the holidays and you suddenly feel lonely and sad as you recall feeling a lot growing up, realize that this is completely normal. When we are in situations that are familiar in any way to past ones, our minds often think we are back there, and so we can feel the whole host of emotions we felt back then. Simply by being aware of this possibility and then normalizing your experience of it, it makes it much more likely that the unpleasant experience(s) passes as quickly as possible. Be as Realistic as Possible From childbirth, we are taught to believe the holidays are perfect. Consider the cheerful music you hear each year of your life during Christmas time, endlessly conveying the exquisite, flawless experience. The reality is, though, this is not the reality. Do your best to appreciate a more balanced and nuanced view of the holidays, one that is grounded in experience and fact. That way, you are not devastated when the holidays do not live up to their often unrealistic expectations. Additionally, along these lines, instead of expecting to get every last gift that you cannot quite afford for each person with whom you love, recognize and embrace what you can spend. Similarly, take some time to also develop realistic goals to set as far as how you spend your time in such tasks as shopping and entertaining guests. Engage in Consistent Self-Care It is so easy to get lost in the busyness and overwhelm in the holidays. It is critical, then, that you maintain engagement in at least several healthy activities which bring you peace, joy, and distraction from the intensity of it all. Some examples are exercising, listening to soothing music, speaking with friends with whom you adore, and taking even a few minutes every few days to read a few pages of a book you love. I can assist you in learning and practicing these and other powerful tools so that you can experience a much more relaxing holiday. Contact me to schedule your telehealth session through a HIPAA compliant video or phone session. Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help. Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305. #anxiety #holidays

No one enters into a committed relationship with the expectation of discord and conflict. The presence of marital conflict and unhappiness can have a significant detrimental impact on one’s physical, mental, and emotional functioning. Conflict resolution and therapeutic interventions can be extremely helpful in many cases; however, some couples may experience irreparable harm or damage in the context of their marriage. In many of these cases, the individuals seek to end the marriage by filing for divorce, or dissolution of marriage. While each person’s case is unique, many petitions for divorce are referred for family law mediation by the judge prior to engaging in litigation. Below is some information about mediation that may be helpful if you or someone you love are having difficulties with their marriage or are wondering about family law mediation: What is mediation? Mediation is a specific process of resolving disputes and coming to an agreement on a contested issue. The role of the mediator is to open lines of communication and facilitate discussions between parties who are involved in a legal dispute. Mediation places the decision-making power in the hands of the parties, and everything discussed in the mediation process is kept confidential unless reporting is mandated by law. Agreements developed and signed by both parties during mediation are binding and enforceable once filed with the court. What is family law mediation? Family law mediation is often utilized when a couple is proceeding with a dissolution of marriage and involves issues related to division of assets and debts, shared parenting plans, alimony, and division of other entitlements. In Florida, mediation is often recommended prior to litigating family law issues. Like other forms of mediation, agreements developed and signed by both parties to during mediation are binding and enforceable once filed with court. What are some differences between mediation and litigation? Both mediation and litigation are forms of dispute resolution. A significant difference between these processes involves the decision-making power of the parties. In mediation, the parties themselves decide the course and content of mediation. With the help of the mediator, the parties engage in discussion and negotiation, and the spirit of self-determinism by the parties is one of the prevailing aspects of mediation. Summarily put, the parties hold the power in mediation. Some parties opt to have an attorney present in the mediation; however, the parties have ultimate authority on developing a mediated settlement agreement. During litigation, the parties’ attorneys, while representing their clients’ best interests, engage in the adversarial process in front of a judge who ultimately rules on the issues. While the outcomes of both mediation and litigation are binding, mediation is considered an informal process. That is, mediation occurs outside of the courtroom and with no direct influence of a judge. And because agreements are made collaboratively, oftentimes disputed issues are resolved quicker when compared to the litigation processes and procedures. In addition to being an informal process, mediation is viewed as collaborative while litigation is viewed as adversarial and is subject to the formal procedures of the court. Do I need representation by an attorney in order to engage in family law mediation? This is a question that comes up quite often. While not a requirement, those engaging in mediation often chose to retain an attorney during this process. Many practicing attorneys have participated in mediation and can be a source of support and guidance through what can be a very stressful time. Mediation requires certain forms to be filed with the court which can be difficult for a layperson to navigate. The agreement(s) developed during mediation will ultimately be filed in the courts as well and presented to the judge. An attorney will likely be well-versed in the technical aspects/processes of working within the court system. In addition, attorneys may have information related to the specific family issues in dispute, as well as experiences with various judges who may preside over the case. Summarily put, consulting with experts in the field is always advisable, but the process of mediation itself does not require an attorney to be present. You may have more questions, and my hope is that the general information has been both informative and motivating should you be in a situation that may require family law mediation. Information-gathering and consultation are essential when facing new challenges or opportunities. I encourage you to reach out to Dr. Jeffrey D Mandelkorn at 954.391.5305 or at to learn more about how mediation can be helpful for you and your family.

Consider for a moment the types of conflict between you and your partner. If you realize that most of them tend to center around the same common topics, this can feel incredibly frustrating and even hopeless. Perhaps it seems that no matter how you approach the topic(s), it always includes chaos, cold shoulders, and hurt and lacks mutual feelings of humor and affection. These conflicts are what Dr. John and Julie Gottman, the creators of the tremendous Gottman Couples therapy method, label “gridlocked conflict.” Their work with tens of thousands of couples over multiple decades revealed that not only are these types of conflict very common in all relationships, there are also a handful of powerful ways to reduce the frequency and intensity of them. It’s Not About Solutions – at Least Not Yet The reason gridlocked conflicts exist is because they represent deeply underlying and often complex parts of you and your partner’s personality and lifestyle preferences. Since there is so much involved in these topics that cause repeated conflict, it is unrealistic to expect an immediate solution. Instead, concentrate on uncovering the underlying hopes, feelings, and beliefs beneath the surface of the recurrent problem. As you both do this, also do your best to stay calm, open, receptive, non-judgmental, and flexible. Always be mindful to avoid criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and shutting down. Consistently ask each other questions about your respective stance on the issue(s) and empathize with each other. The goal, at least early on, is to have much healthier interactions when engaging with one another about these gridlocked conflicts. Only after you have consistently accomplished this, can you even then come close to unlocking solutions. Schedule Time Consistently to Have Crucial Conversations To become masters at navigating these gridlocked conflicts, it is imperative that you and your partner engage in open communication about the various hopes, life goals, and feelings that underlie these recurrent conflicts. Through these repeated healthy efforts, you and your partner are fostering an improved understanding of what makes these various issues particularly important in a respectful, gentle, kind, and empathic way. It is also particularly important that you and your partner make a very conscious effort to insert humor and affection into these conversations, as the research demonstrates the massive role they play in reducing the intensity of these conflicts. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman stated, “Acknowledging and respecting each other’s deepest, most personal hopes and dreams is the key to saving and enriching your marriage.” Be Ready to Calm Yourself Down Since there is always so much that goes into these gridlocked issues, it can be easier for our emotions to hit that “9-10/10,” where 10 signifies the most intense version of our emotions. In that highly emotional state, we become “flooded” and the thinking part of our brain shuts down. Emotion takes over and our natural response in this place is either to leave the situation, become unusually quiet, or lash out with anger. All of these actions represent our own personal way(s) to respond to the intensely emotional state. On an unconscious level, we are simply trying to calm ourselves back down. The best way to avoid this state is to be mindful of your rising emotions. When you recognize you are on your way to a “flooded 9-10/10” place, inform your partner that you need at least 20 minutes, but no longer than 24 hours, to completely separate from this conversation, calm yourself back down, and to then revisit the conversation again in a much more productive state. You also want to specifically designate a time within that 20-minute to 24-hour timespan so it is clear to you and your partner how important this conversation is and the need to have it again in a much more effective manner. Do your best to ensure that during this timeframe, you and/or your partner engage solely in an activity or activities that bring you peace. That way, when you do revisit the conversation at the agreed upon time, you are both in a much more level-headed state and therefore, more likely to have a pleasant conversation and perhaps even a solution. Embrace the Reality that You Will Not Solve All Problems Even after applying all of the tools outlined above, you will find that there will simply always be areas of fundamental difference between you and your loved one. When it comes to these areas, it is helpful to first recognize and embrace that this is likely the reality. Additionally, be honest with yourself and your loved one on where you can and will be flexible. Lastly, form at least a temporary compromise that respects these different stances held by you and your partner. We hope that by going through these exercises with your partner, the two of you will be able to make progress communicating about a perpetual issue in your relationship. To understand more about these and other noteworthy skills to help you and your partner evolve into the most calm, supportive, and affectionate couple, give me a call to see how I can help. I'm offering limited session in person and telehealth sessions on a HIPAA-compliant platform. Give me a call and we will discuss how I can help. Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954.391.5305.

When we’re having problems in our romantic relationship, it’s often hard to know exactly where to look to improve things. Perhaps you know that you and your partner drifted apart over time.  Perhaps you also know that you’ve both been fighting more and more regularly.  You want to understand why and what you can do about it, and I’m here to offer you critical answers. Dr. John and Julie Gottman, two of the most renowned couples’ therapists in the world, worked with thousands of couples over the span of several decades.  Their work shed a bright light on one of the most common reasons that relationships end up in turmoil: a lack of liking and respecting one another. Several Critical Steps to Enhancing Your Friendship and Respect for Your Partner: Remind Yourself of Your Partner’s Positive Attributes. Take some time each week, perhaps even each day, to recall at least 1 of your partner’s positive qualities.  When we do this, we strengthen our bond with one another.  Additionally, when we engage in this process, it helps us better armor ourselves from the impact of conflict and stress between ourselves and the world. Create a “Culture of Appreciation. According to Gottman Therapy, a “culture of appreciation” is one where both partners feel valued.  To help foster this atmosphere, devote consistent time to thank your partner for at least 1 thing in which you are grateful for about your partner. Actively Try to Listen to and Properly Respond to One Another. When our discussions with our partner are filled with contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and ignoring, we are likely headed for continued conflict and problems.  Do your best to notice when any of these communication problems appear in your relationship. Focus on avoiding these harmful behaviors, and instead, concentrate on consistently giving your partner your undivided attention.  Do your best to hear what s/he is communicating with you, and then share what you heard. Try to be open to your partner correcting you; it’s very important you accurately hear what your partner said and then share their feelings, thoughts, and needs back them.  You’ll want to take turns being the listener and speaker for this to really help improve your relationship! Ask Each Other a Key Question. Each week, you could consider meeting with your partner and asking, “How can I help you feel more loved and appreciated this next week?”  Again, listen closely, and then do what you can to implement your partner’s feedback. I can help you learn more about these, and other practical skills, to implement in your relationship and foster that happy, loving relationship you deserve through an online or in-person therapy session.  Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help. Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954.391.5305. #couplescounseling #marriagecounseling #jordanzipkin

Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy works in the subconscious mind where our long-term memory, emotions, relationships, habits, addictive patterns, and intuition are stored. As a mental health professional, I personally fell in love with Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy because the healing that occurs during the process is through your heart. It is about returning to the love you have within. As we get older, we tend to forget the unconditional love we felt and had when we were little. Society and the people around us have told us who we are supposed to be, how to respond, how to perceive, even how to feel. We lose parts of ourselves in order to fit in. Over time, we disconnect from ourselves and lose the essence of who we truly are. Some of the benefits of Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy (HCH) are: 1. Identify Core Feelings: Heart-Centered Hypnosis will help you to identify the core feeling behind the experience you are going through. Many of my clients have a difficult time pointing out the feelings they are having because they have spent years numbing every emotion they feel. They do not know what they feel anymore. Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy focuses on the main core feelings: anger, sadness, fear, hurt, loneliness, and shame. For example, saying "I feel that he wants to break up with me" is not a feeling. The feeling underneath that statement could be fear and/or sadness connected with past experiences of being rejected and abandoned. Through Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy, you will be able to get in touch with your true feelings and express them freely. 2. Overcome Limiting Beliefs: Heart-Centered Hypnosis will help you explore the limiting beliefs you experience so you can change them. We all have developed self-limited beliefs and generalizations that must be changed in order to have better relationships, stop the cycles of "chaos" and become clear about who we really are. Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy assists you in identifying the patterns and reasons why you experience beliefs of abandonments, suffering, pain, perfectionism, and rejection. 3. Stop Unhealthy Behavioral Patterns: Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy will help you remove unhealthy and undesired behavior patterns and install new ways of being and responding to future situations. As we grow up, we are taught to repress our emotions. We were told things like "don't cry," "you are fine, you don’t need to feel like that," or even "stop or I am going to really give you something to cry about." Repressing your emotions has led you not really trusting yourself and not knowing that it is safe to express yourself. 4. Increased Self-Awareness: Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy will help you become aware of the source of your inner conflict. It will help you to understand and to resolve your conflicts on the very deepest of levels. In this way, it is possible for you to do something constructive about your current situation and experiences. 5. Attain Peace and Boost Happiness Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy can help you release stored emotional energy that has been repressed in the body caused by a difficult and painful experience. Any type of stress can impact you emotionally and physically. Many of the physical symptoms are “psychosomatic” which means that they have an emotional or nervous system basis. (The word psycho means psychological and somatic refers to the body.) When your nervous system is upset by some traumatic experience or conflict, you may feel the effects in various organs of your body. Hypnosis can help you release this emotional energy to experience greater peace, happiness, and fulfillment in life and relationships. Through Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy you will learn new tools, resources, and practices to make empowering changes in your life. Heart-Centered Hypnosis can assist you to identify core feelings, recognize limiting beliefs, remove unhealthy patterns, and remove any energetic blocks that have been paralyzing you from living your best life. If you are open to the opportunity to learn how to choose new thought and behavior patterns that are in alignment with how you desire to live your life, then I invite you to give me a call at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary consultation. I would be happy to answer any questions about how Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy can help you lead a happier and healthier life.