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Our minds are powerful tools, capable of incredible creativity, problem-solving, and introspection. However, sometimes, our thoughts can become anxiety provoking and overwhelming, spiraling into patterns that control our actions, emotions, and overall well-being. If you've ever felt trapped by your own negative thoughts, you're not alone. Here's a guide on how to regain control and ensure your thoughts serve you, rather than the other way around. 1. Awareness is Key: Before you can change a pattern, you need to recognize it. Start by observing your thoughts without judgment. Notice when your thoughts are more positive and when they are more negative. Get curious about where you are, what time of day it is, who you are with, and what you’re doing. When does your mind tend to spiral? What triggers negative or overwhelming thoughts? By understanding these patterns, you can begin to address the root causes. 2. Challenge Cognitive Distortions: Our minds often jump to conclusions, overgeneralize, or magnify problems. These cognitive distortions can skew our perception of reality. When you catch yourself thinking in absolutes like "always" or "never," take a step back. Ask yourself if this thought is genuinely accurate or if it's an exaggeration. 3. Grounding Techniques: When thoughts become overwhelming, grounding exercises can help anchor you to the present moment instead of future tripping on what might happen or being stuck in the past focused on what should have happened. Techniques such as deep breathing, tactile engagement (like holding onto an object), or the "5-4-3-2-1" method mentioned earlier can divert your mind from spiraling thoughts and bring you back to the here and now. 4. Limit Information Overload: In today's digital age, we're constantly bombarded with information. This constant stream can feed our anxieties and negative thought patterns. Set boundaries for your media consumption, and take regular breaks from screens to give your mind a rest. 5. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness and meditation are powerful tools for mastering your thoughts. By focusing on the present moment, you can train your mind to avoid getting lost in past regrets or future worries. Over time, this practice can help you develop a more balanced and controlled thought process. 6. Seek External Perspectives: Sometimes, we're too close to a problem to see it clearly. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide a fresh perspective on recurring thoughts. They might offer insights or coping strategies you hadn't considered. 7. Set Aside 'Thinking Time': If you find certain thoughts or decisions weigh heavily on you, designate a specific time in your day to ponder them. This structured approach ensures you address these thoughts without letting them dominate your entire day. 8. Embrace Positive Affirmations: Counteract negative thought patterns with positive affirmations. These are positive phrases that you can repeat to yourself to challenge and control negative thoughts. Over time, they can help shift your mindset to a more positive and controlled one. An example of this would be “I am enough” or “My best is good enough” or “I am loved.” Need additional help with managing your thought patterns? Therapy can help! In conclusion, while our thoughts are an integral part of who we are, they don't have to dictate our lives. By practicing awareness, challenging unhelpful patterns, and seeking support, you can ensure your thoughts become constructive tools for growth and happiness, rather than chains that hold you back. Remember, you have the power to shape your mental landscape; it's all about taking that first step. Need additional help with managing anxiety or your negative thought patterns? Therapy can help! Give us a call at 954-391-5305 for your complimentary consultation. Our therapists provide counseling at our beautiful offices in Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs, and Plantation. We also provide online counseling across the state of Florida. We look forward to speaking with you about how we can help!

It’s been a challenging path, but you’ve finally found a counselor you connect with, and you’ve been working hard in your therapy journey. You’ve worked through some unresolved issues and have practiced some adaptive coping skills. You feel good about how you’ve approached therapy and you feel good about your therapist. But lately your therapy sessions seem to lack the zest they once had. Perhaps the motivating and insightful appointments have started to feel repetitious? Or maybe they lack the personal connection they once had? Or maybe there is some internal resistance that has emerged recently and is running interference in your therapy. Or worse yet, you might be feeling as if you are disappointing your therapist, fearing you are no longer presenting as the “good client”. These are indications of a therapeutic impasse. Experiencing a slow down or impasse in counseling is normal. And if you are feeling it, chances are your therapist is as well. Why do impasses in therapy occur? Below are a few common situations that can ultimately lead to an impasse and potentially a dissatisfactory experience in therapy. Poor Fit Between Therapy Goals and Client Skills: As a therapist, goal-setting and progress tracking are extremely important components of my work. It’s crucial I keep track of how clients are progressing towards their individualized goals. As they progress, their goals often need to be adjusted to reflect their growth and where they are in their therapy arc. A poor fit between the therapy goals and the client’s skills can often lead to confusion, frustration, even disappointment. Having been both the clinician and the client at times in my life, it can feel quite frustrating to see the hard work not translate to continued gains in therapy. Resistance & Self-Sabotage: A common precursor to a therapeutic impasse is resistance. As a person continues on their therapy arc, the content of the sessions tends to become more emotionally-laden or involve more vulnerability. It’s common for individuals to experience some degree of resistance to this increase in vulnerability. Some individuals find ways to control the narrative of the therapy session, seemingly involved and engaged but really making sure certain topics aren’t broached. Other people conveniently “forget” to do therapy homework or engage in procrastination (or self-sabotage) which slows the progress of therapy. Trust: A third common consideration is trust within the therapy relationship. As a therapy client, you are encouraged to be vulnerable, face fears, and find meaning and hope in pain and suffering. Trust is a crucial component, trust your therapist will hold your vulnerability carefully, trust they will know how to manage it and help you heal through it. Unfortunately, this trust can be challenged, even broken. While not common, disagreements or conflict can emerge between the therapist and client. The therapy relationship is not immune to intentions being misinterpreted. For example, what I intend to be a gentle and respectful challenge to a client’s motivation may be experienced as a direct attack on that person’s character and a violation of their trust in me as a supportive, helpful influence in their life. Lack of trust leads to lack of genuineness and vulnerability in therapy, which in turn leads to stagnation. While not an exhaustive list, the above captures some of the common situations I’ve worked through in my private practice. A therapeutic impasse is often not pleasant; however, there are strategies to prevent and manage future obstacles to therapeutic progress. If things start to feel stale in your therapy, say so. Talk with your counselor about what you are feeling and explore what might be connected to those feelings. Ask yourself some questions like: Are the therapy goals clear and how do they relate to your reasons for seeking support? Are there topics of therapeutic discussion might you be avoiding or unwilling to discuss? Has something happened during the course of your therapy that has shaken the trust? The path to resolving an impasse in therapy is through communication. Talk about any changes you might be feeling with respect to trust or motivation. Develop a collaborative plan to address the impasse and try not to personalize any negativity you might feel. Growth and change is a process, and an impasse is an opportunity to discuss and refine that process. If you’re feeling stuck or stagnant in any areas of your life, I’d be happy to discuss how I can help. Give me a call at 954-391-5305 for your complimentary consultation. I provide mental health therapy for adults at our beautiful offices in Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs, Florida. I also offer online therapy via our secure telehealth platform. For more information about my approach to counseling, click here.

Negativity, like quicksand, can pull us down into a spiral of pessimism and despair. Whether it's a result of personal experiences, external influences, or internal dialogues, feeling trapped in a cycle of negativity can be draining. However, with conscious effort and determination, it's possible to break free and embrace a more positive outlook. Here's a few quick tips to overcome negativity in your life and relationships: 1. Acknowledge and Accept: The first step in any transformative journey is acknowledgment. Recognize and accept that you're currently in a negative space or struggling with negative thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. This isn't about self-blame but rather understanding where you are so you can chart a path forward towards a healthier direction. 2. Identify Triggers: What fuels your negativity? Is it certain people, specific situations, or maybe even particular times of the day? On the flip side, what boosts your positivity? Start to get curious about it so you can gain more insight into patterns. By identifying these triggers, you can develop strategies to avoid or counteract them. 3. Limit Exposure to Negativity: From sensationalist news to pessimistic individuals, negativity surrounds us. While you can't eliminate all negative influences, you can certainly limit your exposure. Choose uplifting content, surround yourself with positive individuals, and take breaks from social media if it's a source of negativity. 4. Practice Gratitude: One of the most potent antidotes to negativity is gratitude. Start a gratitude journal, listing three things you're thankful for each day. Take a few minutes at the beginning of your day and the end of your day to reflect on a few things that you’re grateful for. Over time, this simple practice can shift your focus from what's lacking or wrong to what's abundant and right in your life. 5. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When a negative thought arises, challenge it. Ask yourself: Is this thought based on fact or assumption? Is there another, more positive way to view the situation? By interrogating your negativity, you can often disarm it. 6. Engage in Physical Activity: Get your body moving! Exercise isn't just good for the body; it's beneficial for the mind too. Physical activity releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Even a short walk can help clear your mind and reduce feelings of negativity. 7. Seek Support: Share your feelings with trusted friends or family. Sometimes, just voicing your concerns and feelings can provide relief. Moreover, they might offer a fresh perspective or advice on handling negativity. If you need additional support, seek an expert therapist or psychologist to help you work on these challenges. 8. Set Small Goals: When you're trapped in negativity, the bigger picture can seem overwhelming. Instead, set small, achievable goals for yourself. As you accomplish each one, you'll build confidence and momentum, pushing negativity to the sidelines. 9. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness practices, like meditation, can help anchor you to the present moment, preventing your mind from dwelling on past regrets or future worries. Over time, these practices can help you cultivate a more balanced and positive mindset. If you want additional support in overcoming negativity in your life or relationships, therapy can help! While negativity is a natural emotion, it doesn't have to dominate your life. By taking proactive steps, seeking support, and focusing on the positive, you can break free from the chains of negativity and embrace a brighter, more optimistic future. Remember, every day is a new opportunity to choose positivity. If you are in need of additional support with overcoming negativity in your life or relationships, contact us at 954-391-5305 to discuss how we can help. We have offices in Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs, and Plantation, Florida. We also offer online counseling for those who reside in the state of Florida through our secure telehealth platform. We look forward to speaking with you!

The holidays are often highlighted as a time of excitement, connecting with our loved ones, beautiful decorations, and we can’t forget the time off work! However, for first responders, there are some unique challenges they face as we approach the holiday season. While others are off of work and gathering with friends and family, first responders continue to show up for their shifts. They often miss out on special time with friends and family, they’re busier than ever and oftentimes understaffed. This time of year can also bring an increase in injuries, fires, and accidents as people gather and cook their meals, usually leading to an increase in usual alcohol consumption. Due to these unique challenges, here are a few tips for how a first responder can navigate this holiday season. Schedule Ahead and Plan to Celebrate: Just because you may have a shift on the actual holiday, does not mean you cannot still celebrate the holiday with your loved ones. Make sure to look at your schedule ahead of time and communicate with your loved ones to pick a day to celebrate as you normally would. This could mean opening presents on Christmas Eve or having family over for Thanksgiving dinner the weekend before. Regardless of when, it is important to allow yourself to continue meaningful traditions and create new ones as you celebrate the holidays. Communicate With Your Loved Ones: Although you may celebrate on another day, it could still be challenging not being home on the actual holiday. Your feelings are valid and it is important to express and communicate this to your loved ones. Communicate your feelings, your boundaries, and even what you need from your partner or family during this time. Being able to offer this guidance to your friends and family can allow them to support you in the best way possible. Validate & Acknowledge Your Feelings: The emotions can vary all the way from sadness to grief to disappointment to even anger and frustration. Whatever the emotions may be, they are valid! Rather than shoving these emotions down, it is important to acknowledge them and allow yourself to work through them. Suppressing emotions can lead to physical health issues, increased substance use, disconnection from loved ones, and the emotions arising later on in life. Very rarely can we suppress our emotions without some kind of consequence. Be Proactive in Self-Care: If we know that an increase in stress is coming, we can properly plan for it by proactively taking care of ourselves. Developing healthy habits that support our physical, mental, social, spiritual care can decrease the impact stress has on us. Getting some kind of daily movement, eating healthy foods, practicing mindfulness, talking to a professional are all examples of practicing self-care. As the holiday season is approaching, practice using these tips to ease the stress and emotions of working as a first responder. Counseling for First Responders Can Help! If you’re a first responder who could use some extra support, we’re here to help. Our Certified First Responder Counselors are experts in working with first responders and their loved ones. Contact us today for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. For First Responders families, if your child/children could benefit from counseling, take advantage of FREE counseling through the First Responder Children’s Foundation Resiliency Program. Click here to complete an application for FREE counseling in the state of Florida.

I love the holidays. The decorations, food, family, friends, parties, and of course a good Hallmark movie. This time of the year can be filled with so much love and joy and can be a magical time to connect deeper with your partner. However, it can also be filled with some heavy duty STRESS. In couples therapy, it is common to see stress impact a relationship. Holidays are no exception as there are a lot of expectations, financial commitments, and scheduled events to balance. Sadly, it is not uncommon for couples to project their stressors onto each other, as this person is the one most likely with you more than anyone else. The holidays don't have to be a burden on your relationship, a little preparation and prioritizing the right coping skills can go a long way in getting through holiday stress together with ease! Create A Schedule: This may be the most helpful way to manage holiday stress. Making a structured plan eliminates surprises that can cause anxiety. Whether it's splitting time at each other's family homes, who is going to cook what/when, or figuring out which holiday parties you can attend. Being prepared and nailing down a schedule together that works for both of you is a key component to minimizing holiday stressors. Delegate To Each Other: Don’t be afraid to split roles, tasks around the house, or various responsibilities that may pop up around the holidays. Stressors are handled better when you tackle it as a team rather than shoulder these things alone. It can also help if you identify each other's schedules, strengths, and free time to better delegate things to one another that may otherwise cause stress. Communicate Your Boundaries: As with any problems that couples may face, setting healthy boundaries is an important component to managing holiday stress. It is important to know what one another's boundaries are for things you may want to avoid, certain places you may not want to go, or topics that you may need to steer clear of in certain situations. Clearly communicate this with each other to help be prepared and uphold one another’s boundaries during the stressful holiday times. This skill helps you both better enjoy your time together and make the most of the holiday season. Pick Your Battles: There may come a time during the holidays where the stress gets the best of you. You are only human after all. During stressful times, it is important to remember to pick your battles with your partner. It may seem easy to take out struggles on your significant other, but choosing how to navigate your conflicts and what to work through and what to let go is an important part of navigating stress. Remember, not everything needs to be an argument. Plan 1:1 Time: Lastly, scheduling a little 1:1 time together for  some romance, intimacy, and quality time is essential to helping minimize the stress of the holidays and reconnecting with your hunny. Whether you go out for date night or plan a romantic night in, creating the time for an oxytocin refresh can help you both get more motivated to tackle any stressors together. It is no secret that there can be a lot on our plates during the holidays, but when it comes to your relationship the holidays don't have to set you off course. Prioritizing these concepts can not only help you navigate stressors better together, but help your relationship really thrive during this holiday season! If you and your partner are struggling with navigating any holiday stressors call my office today at 954-391-5305 and schedule a free phone consultation to discuss how therapy can help. Our newest office is located in Plantation, Florida where I specialize in any/all relationship needs for couples. I also offer individual therapy for adults struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, break-up recovery, and more. Virtual Therapy through a HIPAA compliant platform is also an option for a more convenient way to get the support you may need this busy time of year. Learn more about me, my services, and the benefits of therapy on my personal page. The merriest of wishes to everyone and I hope you all have a very stress free holiday season!

Romantic relationships, like gardens, require nurturing, patience, and care. When cultivated correctly, they can bloom into a source of unparalleled joy and companionship. However, just as gardens can wither without proper attention, so can relationships. To ensure that your romantic bond thrives, it's essential to hone certain skills. Here's a look at some of the most vital skills for maintaining a healthy romantic relationship: 1. Healthy Communication: At the heart of every strong relationship is effective communication. It's not just about talking, but truly understanding your partner's perspective. This involves active listening, expressing yourself clearly, and ensuring that both parties feel heard and valued. Lots of couples struggle with communication from time to time. So if you’re in need of additional help with your communication or conflict management strategies, counseling with a relationship therapist can help. 2. Emotional Intelligence: Understanding your emotions and those of your partner is crucial. Emotional intelligence allows you to empathize, manage your feelings, and respond appropriately to your partner's emotions. It's the foundation of compassion and understanding in a relationship. 3. Conflict Management: Disagreements are natural in any relationship. What matters is how you handle them. Avoiding blame games, listening actively, and seeking compromise are essential skills. Remember, it's not you vs. your partner; it's both of you vs. the problem. You are a team and if you are struggling with managing conflict in your relationship, seek help from a couples therapist to get your relationship back on track. 4. Trust and Honesty: Trust is the bedrock of any romantic relationship. This means being reliable, keeping your promises, following through with what you say you’re going to do, and being honest, even when it's difficult. When trust is broken, it's challenging to rebuild, so it's crucial to nurture this aspect of your relationship continuously. 5. Independence: While it's beautiful to share a life with someone, it's equally important to maintain your individuality. This means having time for yourself, pursuing your hobbies and interests, and respecting your partner's need for personal space and growth. Having a little me-time can bring a beautiful balance to the relationship and gives you more to talk about too! 6. Adaptability: Change is the only constant in life. As individuals grow, relationships evolve. Being adaptable means understanding that your relationship will face different seasons and being willing to navigate those changes together. 7. Affection and Intimacy: Physical touch, kind words, and acts of love are vital for maintaining a close bond. Intimacy isn't just about physical closeness but also emotional connection. Sharing secrets, dreams, and fears can deepen your bond. Keep dating your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together. Prioritize your time together. 8. Shared Values and Goals: While opposites can attract, sharing core values and goals can provide a strong foundation for your relationship. This doesn't mean you need to agree on everything, but having shared principles can guide you through challenging times. 9. Patience: Everyone has their quirks and off days. Patience means understanding that no one is perfect, including yourself. It's about giving your partner the grace you'd hope to receive in return. 10. Continuous Learning: Just as individuals grow and evolve, so should relationships. This means continuously learning about yourself and your partner, seeking ways to improve your bond, and being open to change and growth. 11. Setting Boundaries: Healthy relationships have clear boundaries and expectations. This means understanding what's acceptable and what's not, both for yourself and your partner. Boundaries ensure respect and understanding in the relationship. 12. Celebrating Each Other: Take time to celebrate each other's achievements, no matter how small. Being each other's cheerleader can foster positivity and mutual admiration. If you’re looking to enhance your relationship with your partner, couples therapy can help! While love is the foundation of any romantic relationship, it's the continuous effort, understanding, and growth that make it last. By honing the skills mentioned above and being committed to the journey, you can ensure that your romantic relationship remains strong, healthy, and fulfilling. Remember, like a garden, the beauty of a relationship lies in its continuous nurturing. If you are ready to see how couples therapy can help your relationship thrive, contact us at 954-391-5305. We have offices in Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs, and Plantation, Florida. We also offer online couples counseling for those who reside in the state of Florida through our secure telehealth platform. We look forward to speaking with you!

In a quiet suburban neighborhood, there lived a woman named Jessica. She was a caring and loving mother who had recently given birth to her first child, a beautiful baby girl named Sarah. Life should have been filled with joy and happiness for Jessica, but an unexpected shadow began to loom over her: postpartum anxiety. In the days following Sarah’s birth, Jessica noticed that her thoughts were becoming increasingly intrusive. She would often lie awake at night, worried about the smallest details of Sarah’s care. Did she feed her enough? Was the room too cold? Was the baby monitor working correctly? Every little concern seemed amplified, and she couldn't escape the feeling that something terrible would happen to her sweet, precious baby. "I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm so scared that something bad will happen to Sarah! No matter how hard I try, I just can't stop thinking these bad thoughts." Jessica's husband, Damion, was a supportive and understanding partner. He could see the toll that anxiety was taking on Jessica, and he encouraged her to seek help. Jessica agreed and they found a therapist who specialized in postpartum anxiety. The therapist listened to Jessica’s fears, reassuring her that what she was experiencing was not uncommon. She explained that postpartum anxiety can affect anyone and that there is absolutely no shame in seeking treatment. Over time, with therapy and the support of her strong support system, Jessica began to regain her confidence as a mother. She learned strategies to manage her anxiety, such as mindfulness and relaxation techniques. She also connected with other mothers who shared similar experiences, providing a sense of camaraderie and understanding. Postpartum anxiety is a type of anxiety disorder that can affect some women after giving birth. It typically occurs in the weeks or months following childbirth and is characterized by excessive worry, fear, and nervousness related to the well-being of their newborn baby, the mother's ability to care for the baby, and various aspects of motherhood. Postpartum anxiety is one of several perinatal mood disorders that can impact women during pregnancy or in the postpartum period. Common symptoms of postpartum anxiety may include: Excessive Worry: Women with postpartum anxiety often experience persistent and intrusive worries about their baby's safety, health, and development. Irritability: Feelings of irritability and restlessness are common, making it difficult for the new mother to relax and feel at ease. Physical Symptoms: Anxiety can manifest with physical symptoms such as muscle tension, headaches, stomachaches, and difficulty sleeping. Racing Thoughts: Women may have racing or obsessive thoughts about potential dangers or worst-case scenarios involving their baby or themselves. Avoidance: Some mothers with postpartum anxiety may avoid situations or activities that trigger their anxiety, such as leaving the house or interacting with others. Panic Attacks: In some cases, postpartum anxiety can lead to panic attacks, characterized by sudden and intense feelings of fear, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, and a sense of impending doom. Difficulty Concentrating: Concentration and focus may become challenging due to the constant worries and intrusive thoughts. What is postpartum anxiety? Postpartum anxiety is different from the "baby blues" which are common mood swings and emotional/hormonal changes that many women experience in the first two weeks after childbirth. Postpartum anxiety tends to persist beyond this initial period and can significantly interfere with a mother's daily life and ability to care for herself and her baby. It's essential for women experiencing symptoms of postpartum anxiety to seek help and support from healthcare professionals, including therapists, counselors, or psychiatrists. Treatment options for postpartum anxiety may include therapy, support groups, medication, and lifestyle changes to reduce stress. Seek counseling from a maternal mental health specialist: Early intervention and treatment are crucial for addressing postpartum anxiety effectively and helping mothers regain their emotional well-being during the challenging transition to motherhood. You are not alone. Let a professional help you understand your feelings and help get you to a place of wellness. If you are or someone you know may be experiencing postpartum anxiety, I encourage you to reach out to me at 954-391-5305 for your complimentary consultation so we can chat about how I can help. I provide counseling for moms, teens, and women at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale office as well as online counseling through our secure telehealth platform. For more information about my therapy services, click here.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, has dedicated decades to studying the intricacies of human connections. Through extensive research, he has identified several habits that distinguish successful relationships from those that fall apart. While Gottman's principles are numerous, here are the top five habits based on his findings that can guide couples towards a harmonious and lasting relationship: 1. Enhance Your Love Maps: Gottman's concept of "Love Maps" refers to the deep knowledge partners have about each other's worlds. It's about understanding your partner's aspirations, worries, hopes, and history. Successful couples continuously update these maps, taking time to ask questions and show genuine interest in their partner's experiences. As life evolves, so do individuals; keeping updated love maps ensures you grow together, not apart. 2. Foster Fondness and Admiration: In the hustle and bustle of life, it's easy to take our partners for granted. However, consistently expressing appreciation, respect, and affection forms the bedrock of lasting relationships. Gottman suggests that even in the midst of disagreements, successful couples maintain a deep-seated respect for one another. They remember why they fell in love and regularly express their admiration. 3. Turn Towards, Not Away: Every day, couples make "bids" for each other's attention, affection, or support. It could be as simple as sharing a story or seeking an opinion. Gottman's research indicates that couples who "turn towards" these bids by engaging positively are more likely to have stable relationships. On the other hand, consistently turning away or dismissing your partner's bids can lead to feelings of rejection and disconnection. 4. Let Your Partner Influence You: Successful relationships thrive on mutual respect and consideration. This means valuing your partner's opinions and allowing them to influence your decisions. It's about collaboration and understanding that two heads are often better than one. Gottman's studies show that relationships where one partner dominates often lead to resentment and imbalance. 5. Solve Solvable Problems: Not all relationship problems are solvable, but many are. Gottman suggests a framework for addressing issues: start the conversation gently, learn to make and receive repair attempts, soothe yourself and your partner, and compromise. It's also essential to differentiate between perpetual problems (those that are ongoing and must be managed) and solvable problems (those that can be resolved). By focusing on what's fixable and approaching issues with understanding and respect, couples can navigate challenges more effectively. If you want to enhance your relationship with your partner, working with a Gottman Couples Therapist can help. Dr. John Gottman's insights into successful relationships are both profound and practical. By adopting these top five habits, couples can not only enhance their bond but also ensure that their relationship stands the test of time. Remember, like any worthwhile endeavor, a fulfilling relationship requires consistent effort, understanding, and the willingness to grow together. If you are ready to enhance your relationship by working with a Gottman Informed Couples Therapist, contact us at 954-391-5305 to discuss how we can help. We have offices in Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs, and Plantation, Florida. We also offer online couples counseling for those who reside in the state of Florida through our secure telehealth platform. We look forward to speaking with you!

Dear Mrs. First Responder, So, what’s it like being married to SuperMan? Everywhere you go people are thanking him for his service. He gets discounts at Home Depot, is the star of every Career Day, and even gets applauded at the Florida Panthers game. You pack the lunches, check the homework, and kiss the boo boos but they draw pictures of him. And what happens when the cape comes off? Underneath it all, he is human; flesh and blood just like the rest of us. But with the combined pressure of the expectations placed upon him coupled with the trauma he is exposed to, he’s exhausted, irritable, detached, maybe even depressed. As the plight of the first responder comes into the spotlight with a much-deserved emphasis on mental health and well-being, who is checking on Lois Lane? As unique as the role of the first responder is, so is that of their spouse. Marriage is never easy, but being married to a police officer, fire fighter, or other emergency worker comes with its own unique set of challenges. As a partner, you always want to feel that you are number one, the top priority and most important person in your mate’s life. Well, as every first responder spouse knows, the job will always come first. Even though the pursuit is noble and you are well aware it is out of their control, that knowledge doesn’t make reality any easier to digest. It takes a tremendous amount of humility and self-sacrifice to serve this role, which unfortunately, does not come with the same fanfare and accolades showered upon the one in uniform. In addition to the fact that your needs will not take precedence over the call of duty, another common struggle that faces the first responder spouse is the experience of feeling like a single parent. You often sleep alone, attend parent/teacher conferences solo, and run the household routine from wake-up to bedtime all by yourself. You got into this together, but nothing could have prepared you for being in the household trenches all by yourself. The holidays present a whole other conundrum. Have you ever had to pretend that Christmas was on a different day, or bring an entire Thanksgiving feast to the firehouse? And Valentines Day or your birthday… are they even on the calendar anymore? Though the shift schedule does come with perks, holidays are another thing that most families take for granted but fall by the wayside in a first responder home. However, anyone living the first responder lifestyle knows what the biggest struggle is: having no choice but to stand by helplessly as you watch what the work does to them. Seeing your starry eyed probie ready to change the world slowly morph into a cynical, negative, hater of humanity. This is of course, a generalization and doesn’t apply to all. But any first responder spouse will tell you that they have witnessed this painful chipping away at the spirit in their circle of friends to some degree, if not in their own household. The biological process that occurs in the first responder’s body often has them feeling energized, enthusiastic, and social at work. Then as the body desperately seeks a return to homeostasis, when they arrive home, they are the exact opposite: lethargic, despondent, and disconnected. Because the first responder often attributes this dip in mood to their environment, they can mistakenly blame their marriage, family, or home environment for their depression. The secondary effect of this can be escapist behavior like excessive scrolling, drinking, overspending, recklessness, even infidelity or domestic violence. Because the first responder mentality still assumes a tremendous stigma with seeking out mental health care, these habits go unchecked leaving the spouse powerlessly watching as their beloved mate slips further and further away from them. Despite this we fight tirelessly to get our partner back. Remind them of the beauty in the world or that they are surrounded by limitless love and support. It is here though, that you must remember… the only person you can control in this life is you. It is one thing to support, and another thing entirely to sacrifice yourself. In fact, one of the best gifts that we can give our first responder spouse is to take good care of ourselves. Leaving us behind with the knowledge that we are in a good headspace and able to function effectively without them, allows them to put their focus where it really needs to be, fulfilling their sworn duty and staying alive. So how can we acknowledge the tremendous demand that is on our partner while also putting ourselves first? Seek support in the community of other first responder spouses. Just as police, firefighters and other emergency workers feel most comfortable with people who “get them,” so may you. No one can appreciate the life of a cop or fire wife like another cop or fire wife. Share your struggle and allow others to share theirs as you validate and affirm one another. Be cautious not to slip into a pattern of ruminating or spouse-bashing though as this can be counterproductive. But certainly, consider seeking solace on the shoulder of another sister-in-arms. Though first responder spouses can be an important support system, also make sure to maintain friendships and interests outside of this group as well. Balance is the key to life and cultivating and maintaining connections with people who have other occupations and lifestyles will help you manage your perspective and remind you that there is a whole other reality beyond the narrow lens of the first responder world. Educate yourself! Look for information on the science behind first responder work which will help you understand the psychological and biological processes at play in your partner. Two excellent books on this very subject matter are “Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship” by Cyndi Doyle and “I Love a Firefighter: What the Family Needs to Know” by Ellen Kirschman. This may not excuse everything you are experiencing, but it sure will explain it and that can go a long way in helping you to not take things personally and carry their trauma with you. Prioritize your own physical and mental health. When the shift work is erratic and your mate’s needs are so important, it can be easy to allow your self-care to fall by the wayside. Remember, taking care of yourself is taking care of your relationship. Carve out time to exercise, socialize, explore your interests… without guilt. Just because their job is incredibly noble and in high demand, does not mean your life is any less valuable. Get therapy! Navigating the complexity of a first responder lifestyle can take a level of expertise not available in your friends or loved ones. Working with someone who specializes in this area can help to build insight and awareness into the dynamics at play in your mate, your household, and yourself. Learning coping strategies and how to provide support without being pulled under can equip you with the tactics and tools necessary to maintain a healthy relationship amidst often very unhealthy circumstances. This can be individual therapy to work on yourself, or couples therapy to work on communication with your first responder spouse, or family therapy for your kids (which is FREE through the First Responder Children's Foundation - apply here). My name is Sara Speed and not only am I a Certified First Responder Counselor, I am a first responder spouse. My partner is a firefighter and Marine Corps veteran. We have been together for eighteen years and though I will never assert to have all of the answers, I can tell you that I have been there. Call me today for a free consultation at 954-391-5305 to see how you can be the superhero of your own life! I provide counseling for first responders and their loved ones in Plantation, Florida as well as online via our secure telehealth platform for those who reside in Florida.

Recently I was introduced to the term “hangxiety” by a client to describe their heightened state of anxiety after a night of drinking. We laughed at the pun, processed the anxiety and began to explore the clients goals for this particular session. However, the term stuck with me and I thought about it for a while. The term hangxiety is one of the many examples for how our society has accepted and normalized alcohol use and abuse as well as its unpleasant consequences. Sometimes anxiety comes with an important message and I’d like to say that’s the case for hangxiety as well. Perhaps it’s bringing the message that it’s time for you to examine your relationship with alcohol. If a friend told me that every day after work, she ate fast food for dinner and the next day it made her so anxious that she called out sick, I would probably tell that friend to consider not eating fast food so often. Clearly, the negative consequences were outweighing any of the mood boosting effects she was getting from the tastiness of the food, right? So, why does the tune of the conversation turn uncomfortable so suddenly if we apply that same inquiry towards alcohol? Many of the clients I have worked with share the following reasons for why they struggle to quit drinking: they use it to de-stress from a hard day of work, they think that parties won’t be fun without it, they like the taste of a good cocktail, and so on. In my clients' minds, these are perfectly valid reasons, but in the face of chronic “hangxiety”- or worse persistent health issues, strained relationships, and financial hardship - maybe it’s time to reconsider… Life is a constant cost-benefit analysis of our decisions. My guess is that if you’re reading this article, you’re beginning to wonder if the costs of your drinking have begun to outweigh the benefits or perhaps you realize that it’s gotten out of control and you need to make a change. It’s not an easy conclusion to come to because it requires that we accept the following: that something we continue to do is detrimental to our well-being, but we are uncertain if we can, or even want to, stop doing it. It’s Time to Examine Your Relationship with Alcohol: To help my clients begin to examine their relationship with alcohol, I first encourage them to redefine what “stop” means to them. Is that completely quitting alcohol or is there a goal of moderation? Is it practicing harm reduction methods or leaning into total abstinence? Usually, helping them find a definition that is somewhere in between the extremes of total abstinence and making no changes, makes beginning this journey a bit easier. It makes initiating change less intimidating because it is not as drastic nor does it completely deny them of what they perceive to be the benefits of their drinking. Additionally, it promotes a growth focus instead of a restriction approach to improving their relationship with alcohol. They are making a change to improve their overall quality of life rather than having to cut something out because they can no longer have it. However, it’s important to explore this for yourself to determine the best approach for your personality, lifestyle and overall well-being. Ready to Change Your Relationship with Alcohol? Therapy Can Help! When building a new habit, starting is usually the hardest part. With the right approach, some motivation and a knowledgeable counselor, it will be that much easier. Improving your relationship with alcohol, no matter what that means for you, can help you enjoy life more fully and maybe experience a little less “hangxiety” along the way. If you’re ready to gain more clarity regarding your next steps in your relationship with alcohol or other addictive behaviors, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305 so we can discuss how I can help. I provide counseling for adults in our beautiful east Fort Lauderdale office as well as online therapy via our secure telehealth platform. For more information about my approach or my services, click here.

We’re thrilled to announce that Alexa Von Oertzen, LMFT is officially a Certified EMDR Therapist!! ⠀ Over the past decade, Alexa has helped countless adults and teens overcome anxiety, depression, unhealthy relationship patterns so they could live with greater peace, happiness, and fulfillment. ⠀ Alexa has been working for several years as an EMDR trained clinician and recently completed the extensive certification process. We’re thrilled to celebrate her amazing accomplishment and so grateful to have her on our Bayview team! ⠀ Alexa provides counseling and EMDR therapy for teens and adults at our Coral Springs office. Thank you Alexa for your passion, dedication, and commitment to making a difference in our South Florida community. ⠀ If you want to know more about how EMDR can help you or your loved ones overcome anxiety, depression, and/or trauma/PTSD, contact Alexa for your complimentary consultation at (954)-391-5305.

Anxiety is a natural emotion, a response to perceived threats or stressors. However, in today's fast-paced world, many of us find ourselves in a paradoxical situation: feeling anxious about feeling anxious. This meta-anxiety can amplify our distress feeding into the symptoms of anxiety, making it even harder to find calm and peace. But what if we could break this cycle? Here's a guide on how to stop feeling anxious about anxiety itself. 1. Recognize the Cycle of Anxiety: The first step to breaking any cycle is recognizing it. Understand that anxiety can feed on itself. When you start worrying about your worries, you're caught in a feedback loop. By acknowledging this, you can begin to distance yourself from the cycle and take steps to interrupt it. Notice your thoughts and feelings when anxiety is present, when it increases and decreases. Start to do some research by getting curious about anxiety. This can help to change your relationship to anxiety. 2. Educate Yourself: Understanding anxiety and its purpose can be a powerful tool in managing it. Dive into reputable sources and learn about the physiological and psychological aspects of anxiety. Recognizing that anxiety is a natural response – one that everyone experiences to some degree – can help normalize your feelings and reduce the fear of the emotion itself. 3. Grounding Techniques: When you feel overwhelmed by anxiety, grounding exercises can help bring you back to the present moment. Techniques such as the "5-4-3-2-1" method, where you identify five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste, can help divert your mind from spiraling thoughts and anchor you to the present. 4. Reframe Your Perspective: Instead of viewing anxiety as an enemy, consider it a messenger. It's your body's way of telling you something important that you need to pay attention to. Maybe you're overworked, facing a challenging decision, or dealing with unresolved emotions. By addressing the root cause, you can respond to the message without being overwhelmed by the messenger. 5. Practice Acceptance: Fighting anxiety can often intensify it. Instead, practice acceptance. This doesn't mean resigning yourself to a life of constant worry but rather acknowledging your feelings without judgment. By accepting your anxiety, you remove its power to control you. 6. Seek Support: You don't have to face anxiety alone. Talk to friends or family, join a support group, or consider professional therapy with an expert therapist or psychologist who specializes in anxiety. Sometimes, just voicing your fears and concerns can provide relief. Moreover, others might offer a fresh perspective or coping strategies you hadn't considered. 7. Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can be incredibly effective in managing anxiety. By focusing on the present moment, you can prevent your mind from dwelling on past regrets or future worries. Over time, mindfulness can also increase your awareness of anxiety triggers and help you respond more calmly. 8. Limit Stimulants: Caffeine and sugar can exacerbate anxiety. If you're prone to feeling anxious about your anxiety, consider reducing or eliminating these from your diet. Additionally, be mindful of your media consumption. Constant exposure to negative news or stressful content can heighten feelings of anxiety. Need additional support in coping with anxiety? Therapy can help! Feeling anxious about anxiety is a common experience, but it's not insurmountable. By understanding the cycle, equipping yourself with coping strategies, and seeking support with an expert therapist or psychologist, you can navigate these feelings with grace and resilience. Remember, it's okay to seek help, and it's okay to prioritize your mental well-being. Embrace the journey, and with each step, you'll find more moments of calm amidst the chaos. If you are in need of additional support to manage anxiety, stress, worry, or full blown panic attacks, contact us at 954-391-5305 to discuss how we can help. We have offices in Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs, and Plantation, Florida. We also offer online counseling for those who reside in the state of Florida through our secure telehealth platform. We look forward to speaking with you!