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I’ve been a licensed marriage and family therapist for 12 years and I have been lucky enough to work with a variety of clients from all walks of life. For the past 7 years, however, I have dedicated myself to specializing in couples counseling using the Gottman method. For those who are unaware, the Gottman method is a model of couple’s therapy that is based on over 40 years of longitudinal research where more than 3000 couples have been studied. This method has been proven to repair damaged and distressed couples and enrich relationships with practical tools, which I will be discussing in this blog! Read below or my 5 Tips to Enhance Your Marriage (from a Gottman Couples Therapist): Tip #1- Don’t store things up It’s perfectly natural to feel agitated at your partner! From time to time it’s going to happen; don’t try to avoid it. When we feel upset, agitated, or angry at our partner it’s so important to speak up about it in a respectful, kind, and polite way. This doesn’t mean being a fake or inauthentic version of yourself, it means communicating our thoughts and feelings in a gentle way that yields more positive outcomes and improves the likelihood that our needs will be met. It’s also important to note that when we avoid communicating our thoughts, they ESCALATE in our mind and we are more likely to erupt in an unexpected way. So speak up, but do it in a useful way. Tip #2- Turn towards bids for connection A “bid” is an attempt to interact in a positive or neutral way. A bid is a way to verbally or nonverbally seek out attention, affection, affirmation, or humor. When this happens we can either turn towards our partner by responding positively to their bid or we can turn away or against the bid which in the long run can be very damaging to relationships. According to a study newlyweds who responded positively to bids 86% of the time went on to build a lasting love. But the newlyweds who went on to divorce within a few years responded to each other’s bids only 33% of the time. I refer to these small positive interactions as the heartbeat of the relationship that keeps things moving in the right direction. So as you can see, turning towards bids is essential to creating lasting love. Tip #3- Build and update love maps Love maps refer to how well you know one another. This is the most basic premise of a couple’s friendship. Love maps mean knowing one another’s inner world which includes thoughts, values, belief systems, aspirations, fears, goals, etc. This means understanding your partner’s background such as embarrassing childhood experiences and notable moments in time that stand out for your partner. Additionally, it means staying up to date with your partner. We grow and evolve all the time and it’s so important to stay curious about our partners so that we don’t lose sight of who they are and who they’re becoming. This involves staying curious about our partner- not assuming we know all there is to know just because we’ve been together a long time, asking open-ended questions, and remembering the answers. Tip #4- Make repair attempts during the conflict Conflict is inevitable and you will experience some form of negativity from time to time in your relationship. People are surprised to learn that negativity is not necessarily problematic or destructive to relationships. It’s the escalation of negativity that is problematic and can be destructive. A repair attempt is a means of soothing your partner during a conflict that has escalated into negativity. A repair is an effective way to diffuse a tense situation and prevents conflict from spiraling into negativity. An example of a repair attempt is “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it that way” or “I hear your side and I understand” or “I’m sorry”. Another productive way to make a repair attempt is to use affection and humor; for example, making a funny face or just saying “I love you” can soothe your partner during the conflict. According to John Gottman, a couple’s ability to repair attempts during conflict is what will lead them to flourish or flounder. Tip #5- Form rituals of connection A ritual of connection is any consistent way of spending time with your partner that is reliably positive. This can be drinking coffee together in the mornings, spending a few minutes each night talking before bed, Saturday date night plans, and how you celebrate birthdays and holidays. Having rituals of connection is a way of continuing to have fun together as a couple and prioritizing connection. Couples who consistently use these tools or variations of these tools have been called “masters of relationships”, and have been noted as having thriving relationships. While couples who neglect these areas have more challenges and are more likely to separate and divorce. If you are struggling to get to a brighter and more positive place in your marriage or relationship, then fear not! There are many of us who are here and waiting to help you make the changes that lead to positive outcomes. For more information about my approach to Gottman Method Couples Therapy, visit my page on our website. If you’re ready to improve your relationship, give me a call for a complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I look forward to speaking with you!

If you happen to be struggling with whether you should end your relationship or if this question seems to come across your thoughts, it may be the right time to think about where you are and ultimately where you’re going. Think of this blog not as a checklist, but maybe as an opportunity to pause… look in the mirror… and have an honest pulse check that can certainly hurt, but may in fact be the bravest and most necessary thing you have done in a long time. In questioning if and when should you end your relationship there are certain things to consider that will not make your decision any easier, but may make it more relevant and inevitable. It’s time to let go if and when you feel: Sad, more often than not Unappreciated, more often than not Angry and betrayed, more often than not Unsafe emotionally, physically, or sexually Relationships do take work, but at their core, they can be the most beautiful and rewarding gift. Your partnership should not be a dark cloud to the start of your day. If you find yourself feeling and experiencing the above states, ask yourself how and why you and your partner are at this point? Are there things you can do to heal from this? Can you both grow and even deepen your connection if the two of you mutually work towards betterment? All valid and concentrated efforts can heal past hurts. But what if you are past those efforts? What if your relationship is now causing scars rather than healing? That is when it is time to let go. On a more severe note, it may be time to let go if you’re experiencing “gaslighting”, a form of psychological abuse in which one partner is manipulated into doubting their own memory, perception, and sanity. Accepting the fact that you’re in an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult, but a vital step toward getting out of the relationship safely to begin the healing process. These decisions are seemingly such difficult realizations to come to. And yet, where there once was a great love there now seems to be a deep animosity and resentment. It’s not that you don’t love your partner, it’s that you now have to love yourself more. Enduring intense fights; feelings of fear, sadness, or betrayal; and despair or hopelessness does not equate to love. If you feel it is time to let go of your relationship do so with respect and appreciation for the time shared and lessons learned. You are not giving up or waving a white flag, you are merely recognizing that you can no longer make attempts at healing past hurts and are choosing to love yourself more by realizing that you deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship. If you need additional support in the process of deciding whether you’re ready to let go or need help with how to let go or tips for how to get over a breakup, contact Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT at 954.391.5305 or Info@BayviewTherapy.com. Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

One of the most asked questions I get in my practice is “How can I reduce my anxiety?” Anxiety is often overwhelming for individuals and can impact all aspects of daily life. I’m not talking about the nerves one might feel before a big presentation at work or before having a difficult conversation with a loved one. I’m talking about anxiety so prevalent in a person’s life that it prevents him or her from really going after goals and desires, anxiety that makes it hard to sleep at night or stay asleep or lose concentration on an important task. If you’ve ever felt the regret of staying awake all night worrying about something the next day, you can empathize with how an anxious individual might feel. What can be done about all these feelings of anxiety? For starters, recognition is the first step, as it is with many parts of our lives. Perhaps you know you’ve always been an anxious person, but that hasn’t really stopped you from quitting your nail-biting habit. Perhaps fear of writing that perfect cover letter for a job you’d really like to have stopped you from applying and now you’re unhappy. Anxiety can pop up in all aspects of our life and how we handle that anxiety greatly impacts our success. In some instances, anxiety is caused by our biology and a consultation with your general practitioner may be the best course of action. For most, anxiety can be lessened by using some of the following techniques: Grounding: This simple technique involves focusing your awareness on your physical body as it is in space. By thinking “Feet on the ground, back against the chair” or a similar phrase, your attention is focused on the present moment and not running wild. The work involved in using grounding is that you’ll need to be aware of your thoughts as they’re coming and going and have the mental fortitude to recognized, “This isn’t a helpful thought”. This takes time and practice, so while you practice grounding yourself in the present, you might also want to… Meditation: The best way mediation was described to me was “Imagining your thoughts as clouds, drifting in and out, neither holding on to nor pushing out”. Meditation is not about stopping the thoughts from coming into your mind; it’s about not holding on to the thoughts and running away with them. When we let go of our thoughts we have control, not the other way around. It’s important to remember that while meditating we’re letting our thoughts come and go, we’re also being... Mindful: Similar to mediation and grounding, mindfulness allows us to be in the present moment, with our thoughts, without subscribing judgment to the present situation. Instead of thinking, “I hate the cold weather so much!” a thought like, “It’s cold outside right now” removes the value of judgment and emotion from the previous thought and allows you to get through the cold weather. “Right now” is such a powerful term because it really highlights the fleeting nature of our emotions and lets us recognize that fact. Nothing lasts forever, including... Breathing: Our breath is a constant in and out of oxygen and carbon dioxide from our lungs and our body. An immediate way to get greater control on feelings of anxiety is through a deep breathing exercise, taking a long breath into your diaphragm for a count of four, holding it for a count of four, exhaling for a count of four, and holding for a count of four before your next inhale. Is sound impossible? Start small. Perhaps you might only hold for two counts before exhaling. What’s most important is that you breathe into the deepest part of your lungs, the diaphragm and that you slow your breathing down. DO NOT HYPERVENTILATE. This slow-controlled breathing will immediately slow down your nervous system, lessening those feelings of jitters you might have after... Caffeine: Wait, caffeine to reduce anxiety? That’s right; it’s wrong. Our diet plays a huge part in our mental health and overall well-being and if you find yourself down one, two, five cups of coffee before lunch, you might be suffering from caffeine side effects that are impacting your anxiety. A switch to green tea will still provide you with the caffeine punch, without the following jitters. If you find yourself needing additional support or anxiety reduction tools, I’m just a phone call (954.391.5305) or click away. Give Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT a call to discuss your options and how to get you the life you desire. Dr. Kate provides anxiety therapy, anxiety treatment, and stress counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida for adults and their loved ones.

“Parenting is as crazy as circumnavigating the globe without a map. . . but, oh what a journey!” ~Emily@isthisReallymylife.com As a parent do you sometimes feel like this? You absolutely love being a parent, adore your child and all the things you experience together. Yet there are times when you feel you are about to pull your hair out with frustration. Some of those times usually involve behavioral issues. Times when your child is acting out, not the following instruction, or they have acted inappropriately in a given situation. Instances such as disrespect, not telling the truth, using physical force to solve a conflict, not doing their homework, or required chores may be some of the things you repeatedly encounter. Here are 4 tips for improving your child's behavior that can help you and your school-aged child get on track and back to enjoying your time together. Tip #1: Your child is always watching so watch what you do. Make sure you are modeling mutual respect. Being aware of the ways you may or may not be demonstrating respect is important. How is your tone with your child, or how do they see you resolve conflict? When addressing problem behaviors, children need to feel respected as much as they need to see respect demonstrated. For example, if you make demeaning or critical comments to your child, calling them names like lazy or referring to their actions as dumb, you are not setting an example of what respect looks like. Gone are the days of “do what I say not what I do.” Credibility with your child will be lost and likewise the ability to positively influence your child’s behaviors. Tip#2: To feel heard is to feel understood. To feel understood is to feel cared for. Children want to know you care no matter their problem behavior. Try to understand the circumstances that may be contributing to your child's acting out behaviors. Are there internal or external stressors that need to be taken into consideration? Internal stressors could be related to age/stage development including hormonal changes, or are their changes in diet or medications. There can be psychological stressors, such as anxiety or mood issues. External stressors could include your child being bullied, or experiencing trouble adjusting to a new environment like school, grade level, or neighborhood, a different teaching style, or more challenging schoolwork. Other external stressors could exist in your homes like competition between siblings, insecurities due to parental problems, or financial concerns. Because any range of things could be affecting your child, to understand clearly, you need to ask. The most effective way to ask is to use open-ended and curious questions. Most parents ask ‘why’ questions that are closed-ended and often seem judgmental. Why questions, generally lead to “I don't know” responses or defensive responses e.g. “Why did you hit your sister?” She hit me first” or “I don’t know… she’s annoying me." Sound familiar. Moreover, avoid pejorative questions. “What’s wrong with you, why are you acting this way?" Questions like this will not foster cooperation and problem-solving, but, rather promote defiance. Preferably, ask how what, and when questions. For example, "How come you hit your sister when you feel upset with her or think she’s annoying?" Asking questions in this way, slows down your child's auto-response, allowing you to gain more information, helping them to process while leading to lowered defenses and opening the door to problem-solving. The more you are able to inquire in a non-demanding or interrogating manner the easier it is to address the behaviors with your child. Tip #3: Without validating you can’t gain the cooperation of your child in changing problem behaviors. No matter what your child's response to your open-ended questions, it's important for you to acknowledge their position. If your child says, “I roll my eyes at you because I think you never understand me." Follow with calmly restating their position. "So you believe I don't understand you?" Validating will lead to a yes response and increased potential for dialogue as your child now feels heard. This does not mean you agree. You can ask further open-ended questions as to the reason your child may believe this. I have encountered children who feel their parents don’t understand them because they think their parents are "old and out of touch." Maybe you’re chuckling because you can relate. Tip #4: Seek to problem solve and praise instead of punishing. After understanding and validating, express your willingness, within reason and in alignment with your value system, to come up with a solution together. Your child may request, you listen more instead of interrupting or making judgmental comments as they are talking - reasonable. Your child may ask you not to speak with them - unreasonable. If you are not able to solve together, it is your responsibility as the parent to implement a solution. Then set expectations and guidelines for the future. In the case above you can let your child know that you’ve heard and understood their upset. However, you expect them to express those feelings verbally, respectfully, and not by rolling their eyes at you. If your child breaks the guidelines, then consequences are in order. Consequences are not punishments. Therefore, they are proactively established, fair involves input and acknowledgment from your child, and match the given behavior. Giving a consequence that your child was not expecting or is overly harsh can lead to rebellion. Realize that many problem behaviors occur because your child was not clear about the expectations for a particular situation. Just as important as consequences, is noticing effort and improvement. This is where praise and incentives come in. Incentives are different from rewards. Rewards are not connected to the behavior of built-in sequences in a child's life. For example, giving candy for being nice and not hitting your sister or for doing a good job at school is a reward. Rather, ten extra minutes of playtime with a sibling or more playtime on a favorite electronic for putting in a good effort at school is more applicable. If you give rewards, your child will expect an ever-increasing reward for good behavior and other things. Praise any improvements no matter how small. Your child will feel encouraged to continue positive behaviors. Simone Finnis, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist providing ‘Positive Therapeutic Solutions’ for Individuals, Couples, Families, Teens, and Children. She is pleased to collaborate with the Bayview Therapeutic Services Team. If you try these tips and still need help with your child’s behaviors give her a call at 954-391-5305. Visit her website www.simpletherapynow.com for more information. Simone provides parenting help with individual counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Why is it that vulnerability has a seemingly negative connotation in today’s society? The concept of vulnerability can instantly evoke emotions such as shame and fear. But why is that? Brene Brown is a world-renowned researcher and storyteller who took a journey in deconstructing the relationship between vulnerability and shame. And while it may have taken her six years and thousands of pages of qualitative data, we can learn valuable insights from her results enabling us to start much sooner toward a path to joy and fulfillment aka whole-hearted living. Brene’s research proved that vulnerability allows us to live life more fully and experience a deeper connection with ourselves and others. If you haven’t already seen one of her TED Talks, watch The Power of Vulnerability. Here’s why vulnerability is the key to living wholeheartedly. Although it can be uncomfortable, letting our guard down creates space for transformative experiences both individually and relationally. Instead of seeing it as an anxiety-provoking or excruciating process, view it as a brave and courageous one. Connecting with vulnerability is freeing because it enables us to live more authentically with ourselves and others creating greater fulfillment in life. It takes courage to accept yourself as you are while embracing your imperfections. It takes compassion to love oneself and others wholeheartedly. It takes courage to say I love you first and bravery to do something meaningful where there are no guarantees of positive return. Brene’s findings also release us from the burden of perfectionism. The courage to accept oneself is a powerful experience. Acceptance doesn’t mean that things have to stay the same whether we like it or not. It means that we acknowledge and accept who we are in this moment, not who we are supposed to be deemed by others. When we release the burden of perfectionism, we begin to demonstrate a sense of compassion and worthiness, because we believe we belong, just as we are and where we are in life. Brene’s findings encourage us to shed any misconceptions we may attempt to live up to. Brene challenges us to live life fully, accept ourselves as we are, and love deep within our relationships. Take time this week to check in with yourself and gauge whether you are living wholeheartedly. By living with a whole-hearted approach, you will experience new perspectives, deeper connections, greater peace, and overall fulfillment. If you desire to live wholeheartedly but need support in becoming comfortable with vulnerability, contact us at Info@BayviewTherapy.com or 954.391.5305.

You may be asking yourself, is a blog about communication relevant to me? And the answer is yes! Communication is important in every single relationship, and in my experience is hands down the biggest presenting problem clients bring to therapy. Whether in romantic relationships, parent-child relationships, friendships, or professional relationships; frustration regarding lack of communication is pervasive across the board. There are many reasons that people struggle with good communication. It would be impossible here to discuss all the factors that make communication challenging, as relationships are each different and very complex. However, I have noticed that regardless of the type of relationship, when people are mindful of how they are approaching conversations and are able to enter them clear about their intentions, relationships tend to be strengthened. When I talk about intention here, I am describing a two-way process. The intention is to be aware of the aim or purpose behind our words, and also the impact of those words on our relationships. Our intention is important to talk about because it has organizing power. It dictates how we communicate and how we communicate impacts our relationships. Not many of us enter conversations truly aware of how our communication will impact our relationships. Communicating with intention is being aware of the purpose and implication of what you are about to say. A lot of times we enter conversations focused on our own personal goals, or we approach conversations from a place of thinking we are “right” which keeps us defensive and thus not in line with our intention. Entering conversations in this way can damage our relationships, and limits our potential for growth. It’s easy to fall into this way of communicating when we are frustrated, disappointed, tired, or pressed for time. However, taking the time to communicate intentionally will save you time and energy in the future. When we are able to enter conversations clear about our purpose it allows for connection rather than disconnection. When we come into conversations unaware of our aim, and unaware of how we will impact the relationship, we do and say things that can create dissension. Think about it. Would you feel connected to someone if they approached you with defensiveness? In the same way, would you feel more connected if someone approached you respectfully, calmly, and in a way that made sense to you? The 6 tips presented here will help you cultivate connection and help you have more fulfilling and satisfying conversations with your loved ones, colleagues, and friends. Tip 1: Use emotions as a signal to think things over Often times communication goes south when we come from a place of heightened emotion. When we feel the emotion we tend to react and start to defend ourselves. This is a surefire way to lose our intention. Instead, when someone says something to you that you find insensitive or insulting, don’t react at the moment. Instead, take a deep breath and take a break from the conversation. In this break, you are able to realign with your intention and are able to return to the conversation from a position of respect and clarity, rather than anger and defensiveness. Can you see how this is already a more honoring experience? Tip 2: Get clear on your intention In the space away from the conversation, you are able to ask yourself some very valuable questions. What is the purpose of what you are wanting to say? What is the need or value that is important to communicate? Is there a more honoring way of saying it? What is the impact of what I want to say on the relationship? These are just a few questions we can ask ourselves to realign with our intention and get clear about what is important for you to communicate. It’s important to ask ourselves these questions once the emotion has subsided. Tip 3: Know your audience Different people communicate in different ways. If we want others to hear us and validate what is important to us, we have to communicate with them in a way that makes sense for them. I had a boss once who preferred to communicate via email. While this was not my preferred means of communication, I found that she was a lot more receptive to my ideas and suggestions when they were emailed to her, rather than when they were presented to her face to face. While I preferred face-to-face conversations, emailing her was a way for me to get my opinions heard, while also respecting how she preferred to receive information. If I continued doing what was best for me, (aka face-to-face conversations) it would have left both of us feeling frustrated, as my opinions would not be heard and she would feel disrespected. When I figured out what worked for both of us, it ultimately strengthened our relationship. Tip 4: Always come from a place of respect and empathy Respect and empathy are the most important aspects of communication. When we remind ourselves to be respectful and think about the other person's perspective rather than just our own, we allow ourselves to connect with people in a different way. When we are respectful and empathic we send a very clear message that we are considering the other person’s view rather than just our own. This typically causes the person we are communicating with to be more receptive to what we have to say. Tip 5: Listen openly Good communication is a two-way process. It involves sharing your thoughts and opinions in a meaningful way, but it also means listening openly as well. When we enter a conversation only interested in getting our point across, we are missing opportunities for understanding and connection. When we really listen, rather than just focusing on what we are going to say next, we allow ourselves to be in the moment and keeps us flexible. Perhaps our intention may change as we listen to the other, and that’s perfectly okay! I can’t emphasize enough that this is a two-way process. Tip 6: Be detached from the outcome Communicating with intention is a way to respect yourself and your relationship, but it doesn’t automatically mean that the other person will agree with your perspective. Being detached from the outcome means being confident that you entered the conversation in a way that was honoring, regardless of the other person’s position. Not being invested in the outcome allows you to stay connected to your intention and also allows you to be flexible and open to suggestions. It’s not about being right, it's about creating connection. More likely than not, if you are able to practice these tips you will be able to connect with the people around you in a more meaningful way. In the words of Dan Oswald, “Communication must be HOT. That’s Honest, Open and Two-way ”, try it out, the results may astound you. For communication support in individual therapy or couples therapy, call Dr. Kate Campbell at 954-391-5305. Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Your phone rings. It’s your partner telling you they have to work late, again. You hang up completely frustrated about their demanding job and impossibly hectic schedule. Over the past six months, you’ve felt more and more disconnected. Disappointed with your situation at home, you started spending more time with friends from work. A few months ago, your “single” work friend began texting you outside office hours. At first, you didn’t think anything of the “innocent” banter, but then you started texting more frequently and even sent a few flirtatious texts. You find yourself texting when bored, lonely, or need to vent about your partner. In your mind, you justify the texts. “It’s okay… we aren’t doing anything wrong so there’s no harm in our clandestine contact.” Yet, you sneak around sending messages and delete text threads so your partner doesn’t find them. If it really were okay, surely you’d share it with them, right? In today’s modern age, technology is integral to our daily lives and text is a preferred mode of communication. With the ease of interacting online comes an increased risk of people engaging in emotional or technological affairs. A recent trend is known as “chexting” refers to cheating via text message. People who engage in chexting often find themselves seduced into the “ ” continuum. It might start innocently but can easily shift into flirtatious or saucy content aka “sexting”, which is unbearably close to a full-blown sexual affair. Because texts are documented, both parties can re-read the thread, reliving the arousal and revisiting the thrill. Regardless of where you fall on the continuum, chexting is dangerous even if you aren’t caught. When you share intimate feelings with someone else, you’re turning away from your partner and shutting them out. This perpetuates the underlying disconnect and prevents conflict from being resolved, which can make your text partner look even more attractive. Rather than pouring energy into false fantasies or discussing your relationship problems with someone else, you’d be better off focusing on what needs to be different in your relationship. It’s best to talk about the boundaries of what’s acceptable and what’s not in your relationship before it becomes an issue. If you want to know whether something is crossing the line, ask your partner. A basic rule of thumb is, if you’re engaging in behaviors that you don’t want your partner to know about, you probably should be thinking twice about what you’re doing. Before sending questionable content to someone else, think about how your partner would react if they read it. Listen to Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT discuss chexting and preventative strategies with Jimmy Cefalo on the WIOD 610 am radio show. Whether you’ve been cheated on, heard tragic stories from friends, or simply fear it happening to you; infidelity is the ultimate betrayal! Although infidelity of any kind is devastating and really challenging to overcome, it’s not impossible. Therapy is a valuable resource for healing and repairing relationships in the wake of an affair. If you find yourself nearing the affair territory, individual or couples therapy can help you find the solutions to rebuild a positive connection with your partner and reignite the spark in your relationship. Ultimately, no relationship is completely immune to infidelity and it’s important to proactively attend to your needs and your partner’s needs. According to Dr. Gottman’s research, the healthiest, most satisfying long-term relationships are those that have a strong foundation of friendship and emotional intimacy. These couples turn toward one another to talk about day-to-day stuff and share their innermost hopes, fears, and desires. Essentially, if you want to affair-proof your relationship, make sure your partner is your best friend and have fun keeping the passion alive! For tips on how to rebuild T.R.U.S.T watch Dr. Kate's interview on The Couples Corner. If you want help with affair recovery or prevention as an individual or couple, contact Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT, and the team at Bayview Therapeutic Services at 954-391-5305. Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

This past year as a new mom has been a whirlwind filled with exciting new memories, challenging experiences, and numerous life lessons. As I write about the “7 realizations about being a new mom”, I’m sitting in a salon getting a much-needed pedicure and multitasking (as usual- haha!). If you’re a mom, especially a working mom, you know how hard it is to do things you used to not think twice about - like run errands or schedule time for self-care or even write a blog. It has been way too long since my last post, so here we go! 7 Realizations About Being a New Mom: Self-Compassion is essential: I’ve heard people joke about “mom guilt”, but had no clue it was an actual thing until I had my son. Of course, I had a vast amount of joy, excitement, and happiness about my precious baby boy. However, the mom's guilt was present too. It made me question whether I was spending enough time with him, reading enough, playing enough, going outside enough, socializing enough, and the list goes on. It was especially intense when I first went back to work. When I left my son in the nanny’s care to go to work, I felt guilty and when I took time off to be with him, I felt guilty about not working enough. It was quite the double bind! Over time, I learned to set boundaries with that guilt and have a good handle on it now, but it can definitely get the best of you if you let it. Have realistic expectations of yourself and others: The transition from a household of 2 to 3 is HUGE so it takes time to adjust. I love to have a clean and organized home, but I had to lower my expectations after having a baby. Learning to accept my limitations and the fact that I couldn’t be everything to everyone all the time was not easy and I thank God for my husband’s active involvement! We quickly figured out that we needed to split up responsibilities, take shifts in the middle of the night, and preplan meals for the week. We even decided to eat off of plastic plates for the first few months after he was born, lol. One of the things that were helpful for me was to focus on all the things we WERE doing versus what we were not. After all, there’s only so much time in the day and it’s impossible to get everything done, especially if you value sleep as much as I do! Be present and enjoy the moment: As an entrepreneur managing 2 businesses (Bayview Therapeutic Services and K2 Visionaries), I used to think time flew, but add a baby on top of it and it really flies! Since I own my own businesses, it’s difficult for me to completely disconnect from work when I’m at home. To focus on work when I’m at work and focus on my son when I’m with him, I had to up the ante with my support network (nanny, babysitters, and family). It really does take a village! I constantly check myself to make sure I’m fully present so I can experience all of the amazing “firsts” with my son. Attaining balance is key: Notice I said attaining, not maintaining? The search for work/life balance has been an ongoing theme in my life. Since I’m super ambitious and love what I do for work, it makes it very difficult to stay in balance, especially after my bundle of joy arrived. I love spending time with my son, husband, family, and friends as well. If one responsibility is overtaking the others, I take the necessary steps to reorganize and regain balance. I’ve learned that balance is not a stable thing and that both sides are always fluctuating. Prioritize your couple relationship: The first few months after our son was born, we were in “survival mode”. Since all of our energy was going toward our little one alone time as a couple of times was the last thing on our minds. Once we found our rhythm as new parents, we were able to realign our relationship as a priority. We found good babysitters for date nights and had fun creating new memories together as a couple and as a family. In my practice, I’ve worked with countless couples who neglected their relationship after having kids, and years later they were in my office complaining of disconnection, unhappiness, and some even on the brink of divorce. Those stories motivate me to ensure I create time for my husband and nurture our relationship. Self-care is a must: I’m in the profession of caring for others. Add a little person on top of that and my self-care can plummet to the bottom of the list. To be as effective as I need to be for my son, my family, and my clients, it’s VITAL that I schedule self-care. It’s amazing what a little dose of Florida sunshine or a walk outside can do for me and if I don’t make it to Pilates twice a week, I feel totally out of whack. When I really need a self-care splurge, a little retail therapy works wonders! Figure out what your self-care sweet spots are and make sure you schedule them. Perfection doesn’t exist: There is a HUGE learning curve for first-time parents. No matter how much I read and research, I often wondered whether I was doing things the “right” way. I quickly learned through experience that the only right way is the one that works best for me, my child, and my family. This doesn’t mean don’t read and don’t prepare, it simply means to take your own spin on things and it’s ok if things don’t go by the book. Since becoming a mom, I’ve experienced the most profound love for another human being, which no words could describe. I’ve realized that being a mom is the MOST challenging, yet MOST rewarding job ever. I’ve always had respect for mothers and parents in general, but that respect and admiration has increased 10 fold. I’m so grateful to call myself a mom and feel honored to be amongst this amazing group of women. For women who are thinking about having children, I hope this inspires you. For all the mothers out there, I wish you a warm and happy Mother’s Day. Each day, each of you is truly inspirational in your own way! If you need more support along the motherhood continuum, reach out to schedule a session with Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT, or the team at BayviewTherapy.com. Give us a call today at 954.391.5305. Dr. Kate provides individual counseling for new moms, marriage therapy for expectant couples, couples counseling for new parents, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Imagine having dinner with friends. While catching up, you listen to them talk about their wonderful, positive relationships. When it’s your turn, they ask, ‘So how about you? You pause and realize you’re the ONLY one who isn’t happy with your relationship. Come to think of it, you’ve been settling for someone just for the sake of being in a relationship, and deep down you’re afraid of being alone. Feeling discouraged you say, everything’s great and quickly changes the subject. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. There are many reasons people stay in unfulfilling relationships, but the most common is the fear of being alone. Deciding to leave an unhealthy relationship is tough, which is why many partners stay for much longer than desired. In my practice, I see lots of people struggling with the fear of being alone and they’re often consumed by the ‘what ifs’. What if I never find the right partner? What if I’m single forever? What if I break it off and I’m even more miserable? What if this partner is the best I can find? Fear can trap you if you let it. Ironically, you can feel even more alone in an unhealthy relationship than in no relationship at all. Regardless of your relationship status, here are 3 strategies to get over the fear of being alone: 1) Reconnect with Yourself. One of the most important relationships you will ever have is the one with yourself. Discover what makes you happy by focusing on personal growth and professional development. Explore your interests, passions, and aspirations. Be positive and have patience! When you least expect it, you’ll attract the right partner. 2) Evaluate Your Relational Belief System. Explore your relationship beliefs and values with the following questions. Where did you learn about relationships? What does a healthy relationship mean to you? What’s your relationship wish list? Do you have realistic expectations? 3) Visualize Yourself in a Healthy Relationship. Visualization is a powerful tool for making your dreams become reality! Imagine being in a healthy, loving relationship where your needs are being met. Journaling, collaging, or creating a vision board can help your vision become more concrete. If you need additional help changing your beliefs and relationship patterns, Dr. Kate Campbell, Ph.D. is just a phone call at 954.391.5305 away to discuss your options and how we can work together to get you the life and relationship you want.

In their campaign on 'Real Beauty', Dove conducted a compelling social experiment on women and their self-perceptions. Dove hired a forensic artist to draw blind sketches of women as they described their physical appearance. Then the artist drew a second sketch based on how a stranger described them. Comparisons of the two drawings proved that people's perceptions of themselves are often dramatically different from how they truly are. This video was quite powerful to watch because it highlights similar experiences clients struggle with within therapy. Here's my take on the 3 reasons why Dove's ad on 'Real Beauty' is important. 1) Both men and women fall into the trap of being their own worst critics. We've all experienced that harsh critical voice inside our head aka negative 'self-talk'. Although the video shows mostly women, anyone can struggle with a negative self-image. Self-criticism has no bounds. I see so many incredible clients who are successful, accomplished, and beautiful on the inside and out. At the same time, they struggle with anxiety, insecurities, low self-esteem, and body-image issues. Just as I do with clients, I challenge you to reject the critical voice and replace it with a positive coach. Notice how it makes a difference in your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and relationships. 2) Set yourself free from the chains of perfectionism. As the video showed, people were really harsh toward themselves, most likely, because they compare themselves to unattainable beauty. Instead of comparing yourself to others and feeling like you're not good enough, learn to accept yourself just as you are. In my opinion, perfection doesn't exist. It's the imperfections that make us beautiful. And we are all imperfectly perfect. Find a way to embrace unique qualities, attributes, and strengths. Self-acceptance and confidence are empowering and allow us to radiate beauty from the inside out. Beauty is a state of mind! 3) The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. When people become hyper-focused on perceived flaws, they aren't able to see the whole picture. The video demonstrated how people magnify minor imperfections and classify themselves as unattractive, because of a tiny flaw. Instead of focusing on one small aspect, take a step back and see yourself as a whole person. Discover aspects that you do like about yourself. What we focus on magnifies! Curious about what contributes to our self-perceptions? In my opinion, the most powerful influences are the media, South Florida culture, relationships, family dynamics, and previous life experiences. My advice? Channel the criticism in a more useful direction by becoming a critical viewer of social and media messages. Although our society places a strong emphasis on physical beauty, beauty isn't only skin deep. I agree with Dove, "We are more beautiful than we think!!" For additional support, contact Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT, or the team at Bayview Therapeutic Services at 954.391.5305. Dr. Kate provides individual counseling, pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

You may not have heard of Snapchat, the mobile app that enables users to capture videos and images that self-destruct after a few seconds. But if there's a teen or young adult in your life, it's pretty safe to assume they have. Imagine your 14-year-old daughter receives a message on Snapchat from a group of mean kids at school. The "Snap" is a video of hurtful comments aimed at humiliating your teen. Embarrassed and upset, she comes to talk to you about the disturbing message, but before you even have a chance to see it with your own eyes…poof… it’s gone! So is Snapchat the latest cyberbullying tactic? With the prevalence of social media and modern technology, cyberbullying is more common than you think and Snapchat provides the perfect platform. Snapchat was introduced two years ago by Standford undergrads and now clocks about 200 million snaps a day (CNBC). The app has become wildly popular with teens and college students as a fun and fast way to share moments with friends. However, I've noticed an alarming trend in my practice where teens and even pre-teens are suffering from unexpected cyberbullying attacks via Snapchat. According to the i-SAFE foundation, over 50% of teens have been bullied online and about the same number have participated in cyberbullying. Cyberbullying involves the use of technology to harass another person and is extremely damaging to adolescents. Snapchat is especially challenging. Although the Snaps disappear without a trace, their messages can leave lasting impacts. Cyberbullying leads to anxiety, low self-esteem, social withdraw, depression, and even suicide. Sadly, the statistics show that only 10% of teens actually tell a parent when they’ve experienced cyberbullying. Because of these virtual challenges, parents need to be more involved than ever by providing unconditional love and support coupled with stability and structure. It's a lot easier to monitor a teen’s involvement on social media if the computer is kept in a shared space such as the family room. Also, make sure you have access to their email and cell phone accounts. My advice for parents is to calmly talk with their kids about social media, photo-sharing apps, and cyberbullying. Find out what they already know and whether they use these apps. Encourage your teen to tell an adult if they know of cyberbullying. Remind them that no one deserves to be bullied and they won’t be punished if they disclose that someone is bullying them. Here are a few suggestions for how to address cyberbullying and help reduce the risk: Talk to the parents of the cyberbully and inform the school if it's school-related Don't open messages from cyberbullies Block the person from your teen's phone and social media apps Get off Snapchat and social media altogether Change your teen's phone number or email address Contact the police if the messages are threatening or sexual in nature If you want to learn more about Snapchat and how to limit your teen's involvement, check out the guide for parents. For additional support or to set up a therapy session, contact Dr. Kate Campbell at 954-391-5305 at Bayview Therapeutic Services. Dr. Kate provides individual counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

“Our relationship is falling apart and my partner just won’t come to therapy. I’m so scared that things will never change. Will I be able to help my relationship if I’m the only one going to therapy? Do couples therapy for one really exist?” If this is a question you have, you’re not alone. This is a very common concern for people considering couples therapy. There is a tendency for the more distressed partner to initiate therapy, and if this is you, I admire your courage. Painfully, I’ve met people who waited too long before seeking professional help, because they thought couples therapy would only work if both partners attended. Of course, it's optimal when both partners are directly involved in the therapeutic process. However, when that’s not an option, couples therapy for one can help. When both partners are committed to the relationship, but only one partner is willing to seek therapeutic support, it’s possible for that partner to initiate positive changes in their relationship. As a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), I have witnessed many clients enhance their relational fulfillment and satisfaction through individual therapy. I think of it as a ripple effect where a small change in one person expands to affect change for the couple. Change is both scary and exciting. It's important to remember that people change when they are open to the possibilities of change and that change is a process that’s different for everyone. During our sessions, we will focus on identifying the strengths that are already present in your relationship, while developing more effective interactional patterns between you and your partner. The key to a healthy relationship is learning how to become a happier person from within, instead of expecting your partner to create happiness for you. Creating small shifts in how you relate to yourself and your partner can lead to a happier and healthier relationship over time. If you’re interested in couples therapy but have been waiting for your partner to agree, then wait no more. Individual counseling with a relationship expert can help you make positive changes in your life and your relationship, making it even stronger than it was before. For relationship support in individual therapy or couples therapy, call Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT at 954-391-5305. Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.