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Frightening news and the drastic changes make it easy for any of us to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Given the current circumstances, you may be very understandably burdened with these feelings and experiences.  You don’t need to continue to endure them, though. I want to help us look at some practical ways to feel more in control, calmer, and more enthused. 1. Try to Stay Fact-Based and Reasonable Crises such as the current one test us in a variety of ways, one of which centers around our ability to stick with facts, as opposed to getting overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions that aren’t centered around evidence. When our emotions are intense, we’re much more vulnerable to catastrophize (to envision the worst possible result). The reality is, there is so much we don’t know about how this pandemic, and its impact on the world and each of us, will play out. Therefore, it’s unfair for us to jump to conclusions about this all ending in various worst-case scenarios. My recommendation, then, is to regularly remind yourself to look at what you do know about your reality and your prospective future.  This will help us feel more control, and therefore less overwhelmed and tired, throughout this experience. 2. Recognize and Remind Yourself that You Can and Will Get Through this When our emotions are profoundly negative, we often feel as though we’ll feel them forever. Essentially, what’s happening here is our emotions trick us because we know that we don’t stay stuck in the feelings forever. Countless research studies, as well as my own personal experience in helping hundreds of clients over the past decade, tells us that even the most troubled person can rebound from a devastating mental state. One way to remind yourself of your resiliency at a moment like this is to think back to a time when you overcome a considerably negative experience. Perhaps, for instance, you recall a breakup that left you flooded with all sorts of terrible feelings and thoughts, and instead of staying stuck in such a place for weeks or months, you decided to fight back to feel much better and live productively again. You succeeded. To succeed now, really close your eyes and remember, in as vivid detail as possible, how you experienced this past event and overcame it.  This can help foster your ability to do the same again now, as you will feel confident that you can call upon similar skills and resources to do it once more. 3. Bring Awareness and Limits to Your Daily Activities To stay safe during this pandemic, many of us are staying home and either working part-time or not at all.  Prior to the pandemic, a large portion of us had little time to engage in various activities outside of work, whereas now, many of us have almost too much time to partake in non-worked related endeavors. Too much of anything isn’t healthy for our sanity.  The ideal daily routine for us should involve as much balance as possible. The best way to achieve such a healthy balance of various activities is to bring attention to the process.  Here are a few tips on how to do so: Reflect on approximately how much time seems reasonable for you to engage in several healthy activities which bring you joy and fulfillment. Consider plans for how to best ensure you stick to these allotted times Hold yourself accountable for acting on them. To help, you could set an alarm in your phone to go off when you feel is appropriate to stop participating in any activity. I can help you feel much better in this overwhelming and exhausting crisis. Contact me today to discuss setting up an online therapy session through a HIPAA compliant video platform or phone session. Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help... Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305.

The entire world is collectively experiencing trauma. We are all being affected by the coronavirus pandemic, either directly or indirectly, so it’s important to not dwell on what we can’t control, and try our best to see the positives that come along with this tragedy. The Silver Linings of the COVID-19 Pandemic In order to emotionally and mentally survive this pandemic, we need to look at the silver linings. Be mindful that your anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns could be heightened during this time. That’s why it’s so important to try to look at the positives and not dwell on the negativity and chaos. For some of us, the world is slowing down around us, so we can use this opportunity to create a mind shift on slowing down. I know it’s easier said than done, but there are things you can do to practice this that will help shift your frame of mind. A New Global Sense of Community Everyone in the entire world is impacted by this. We’re all in this together, so everyone is making this a priority to get to the other side of all this. In some ways, this pandemic has connected all of us in ways we didn’t expect. It has created a global sense of community that we never previously experienced. Not only are we all struggling together, but we can also all contribute to ending it. Your contribution to this is socially or physically distancing yourself from others. The more you stay home, the more you are helping our global community end a pandemic. Perhaps this has given you the opportunity to connect even more so with friends and family, both near and far, through various platforms (e.g., online, video, phone) and has provided you the time to make these social connections even more of a priority. Perhaps this priority for social connection will continue as we reach the other side of all this. Slowing Down From the Hustle and Bustle We are being forced to take pauses and slow down, and find comfort in that. We can’t escape this new norm of ambiguity, so we have to create a new structure to have sanity. It will take some time to figure out your new routine, but eventually, we’ll adapt to these new norms in our home and lifestyles. Finding some sense of normalcy, which could mean you have to be creative with figuring out a new routine, will help you adjust to this new way of life at this current time. Change the way you’re thinking about being forced to stay home. Instead of thinking that you’re stuck at home, think of it as more time to spend on self-care and more time with your family. You can learn a new skill, take on a new hobby. This can be an opportunity for enrichment and learning. You don’t have to be at this point yet. We are all struggling with this new way of living, with the trauma of all of this, and dealing with our anxieties and fears, but as this continues on, the new sense of chaos will subside. We can gently move in the direction of healing and growth. If you feel you are unable to do that, or if you feel too anxious or overwhelmed, you are not alone. Therapy can help you with whatever you’re feeling and help you feel connected to others. As you spend more time at home, remember that you are preventing others, including yourself, from getting sick. You are actively helping to stop the spread of the virus, and helping others who are essential workers stay safe, especially those in the healthcare industry and first responders who are risking their lives to help others. The Importance of Self-Care and Kindness This current way of life is still new, so we have to create the structure needed to find peace in all of this. We can’t continue in total chaos without our mental health being hurt, so it’s important to find a balance between chaos and order. You don’t have to be there yet, but it’s important to proactively move it in that direction. This can be done by knowing the importance of and practicing compassion and kindness towards others, ourselves, and the world around us. We can learn how to take care of others by first taking care of ourselves. Even during “normal” (non-pandemic) times, you can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself. This situation is empowering us to develop a strong internal sense of self-care. When we work on ourselves, even though we might not have intended to, it helps the outside world - it’s an inside-out reaction. We’re being less wasteful, there’s a reduced hustle and bustle, and it’s creating a space for self-care, which in turn is helping others and the environment. As a result of fewer outside distractions and commitments, we have the time and space to increase our self-care. Self-care can mean taking time to think about what makes you feel good and what’s important to you, then doing those things within healthy limits. Learning What’s Really Important As previously stated, self-care is taking the time to understand what’s important to you. We are now being forced to reevaluate our priorities and learn about what really matters. More and more, we are realizing the need to practice gratitude, and actively doing so will help with your mind shift. It’s important that we don’t take things for granted - things we once had access to and things we currently have. To help nudge this process along, ask yourself these questions: What did you take for granted in the past? What are you currently grateful for? What will you be grateful for? What are you in control of? What aren’t you able to control? What is really important to you? These will not only help you understand what matters most in life but will help you see that there is a silver lining to this pandemic. We are being given the opportunity to reflect on ourselves, our lives, and our relationships. Realizing There's More In Your Control If anything, this situation is giving us opportunities - it’s forcing us to be mindful, be present, and look at what IS, not what will be. We can’t predict the next tomorrow. Everything is changing rapidly and life is uncertain. We can only control our own thoughts and behaviors. You have the choice to control how much you expose yourself to the chaos and how much time you give to others. You can give time to people who are panicking or to people who make you feel better and who promote your self-worth. If you have control over your schedule, take the time to practice mindfulness skills. When you accept what you don’t have control over, you can focus more of your time and energy on what you can control. To mentally survive this situation, a situation where it feels like we are totally out of control, it’s important to: Practice focusing on what we actually have control over (our thoughts and behaviors). Accept the situation for what it is and accept that we can’t control everything. Actively practice gratitude for what we have. The more you do this, the more you’ll realize that you have control over your life. This will help you find internal peace and serenity, and be able to block out the chaos of the world around you. This will help you take in information and news, and accept it without letting it harm your mental well-being. Coping with Adversity and Tragedy Every time we face adversity, tragedy, or a challenge, it gives us the opportunity to grow and learn from it. The coronavirus pandemic is forcing us to learn a valuable skill about coping. It’s important that we look at the gains and opportunities, so when we come out of this we’re not defeated and broken down. This is all temporary. Think about when all of this subsides - AND IT WILL - what are we left with? Some of us have more time on our hands, and some of us are busier than before. If you don’t have the time to actively take on a new skill or hobby (like if you're still working or have children at home), you are still learning a new skill nonetheless. When you emerge from this, you can be proud that you did it! You coped and got through it! Finding ways to cope, discovering new ways to emotionally connect with others, learning how to take care of your mental health during a pandemic are all new skills. If this happens again in the future, we’ll all be more prepared to manage our mental health. But these skills don’t just have to be used for another pandemic. Whatever happens externally, we’ll have the ability to take care of our emotional and mental well-being. We’ll be better able to cope with other external factors and not let them have control over our mental well-being. You are learning how to rely on yourself and your own internal wisdom. You're Not Alone-Help is Available This is a challenging and frightening time. While all of us are connected in a new way and going through the same collective trauma, not everyone has the coping tools necessary for managing on their own. Whether you are in quarantine with other people, still going to work as an essential employee, or in isolation by yourself, it can be difficult to practice self-care and prioritize your mental health. If you need support, remote (video) therapy is a great way to learn how to cope with your current struggles and to find some sense of relief, comfort, self-empowerment, and serenity. Contact Dr. Heather Violante, Psy.D. today at 954.391.5305 or at her website to find out how we can help you improve your emotional wellness. #DrHeatherViolante #anxiety

So much has changed in our lives and there’s still uncertainty regarding aspects of our future.  For instance, when will this pandemic end?  When can we safely go back to our lives? While we wait on these answers, and therefore a return to some sense of normalcy, many of us are enduring significant anxiety.  Let’s take a look at some ways that therapy can help you manage this anxiety. 1. Feeling Heard and Supported When you’re struggling with mounting anxiety, it’s so challenging to live your best life.  When you have a therapist to listen closely to your stresses and difficulties, empathize with you, and help support you through it all, it reduces the intensity of your anxiety. 2. Eliminating Really Intense Symptoms It’s often very challenging to remove extremely unpleasant symptoms without a therapist’s help.  For instance, perhaps you are enduring obsessive, negative thoughts and worries that are impeding your ability to live a peaceful and happy life. Therapy can help you understand the causes of these severe difficulties, discover and practice healthy solutions to them, and ensure they are removed from your life. 3. Reframing this as an Opportunity Our brains tend to gravitate towards the negative, so it’s often easiest for us to view this current hardship as solely a damaging light.  A therapist can help you step outside of that perspective to see that now, you have much more time than ever to do all sorts of things you have always wanted to do. Previously, you had work and other constant demands of life (some too many of which are now on hold).  So, a therapist can help you practice seeing this as a chance to do many of these activities, and help you hold yourself accountable for participating in them. 4. Improving Your Patience and Self-Compassion Everyone has different strengths and areas of the desired improvement, so it makes sense that we all have different capacities to navigate this anxious time.  Therapy can help you notice how you’re treating yourself with regard to moving forward through this process, as well as improving your ability to be patient and kind towards yourself.  This, in turn, can facilitate the ease with which you continue to march forwards. 5. Increasing Your Ability to See Reality When we’re stuck in any type of crisis, we’re much more vulnerable to losing sight of reality; we become prone to forgetting evidence-based thinking, and instead, get lost and overwhelmed in emotional thoughts. Therapy can help you calm your intense emotions, which makes it much easier for you to notice and better concentrate on healthier, evidence-based thinking. For example, a therapist can help you first reduce the intensity of your emotions, and then reflect upon and highlight how you previously survived another immensely challenging time in your life. Through this process, you can better remember that you have the ability to conquer challenges, and you can do so again now. I can assist you in alleviating your anxiety throughout this stressful time in a telehealth session through a HIPAA compliant video or phone session. Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help.  Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305.

Across the world, most countries are battling COVID-19 in part through social distancing.  While many health experts advise that this approach helps shield us from contracting this illness, it has led many of us to either develop loneliness or experience a worsened sense of loneliness than before this all began. Mindfulness Helps... Studies have demonstrated that when we use mindfulness skills such as acceptance and improved awareness of our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and experiences, we are more likely to enhance social connection and positive feelings we have towards ourselves, and thereby diminish loneliness.  Here are some practical ways to use mindfulness to decrease your experience of loneliness: 1. Be as Present as Possible in Social Interactions The quality of your social interactions are paramount to how good you feel.  When you are only partly focused and engaged in a social endeavor, the person/people with whom you are connecting can often notice it, and on some level, you notice it too. Focus your attention, then, on being as consistently present and engaged in your interpersonal endeavors, as this will reduce your feeling of loneliness and improve your sense of connection, love, and support. 2. Be Understanding to Your Feelings of Loneliness I’m working with many people who feel tremendous shame for not having more meaningful connections in their lives, now that they all could greatly benefit from such connections. This kind of shame and self-blame is profoundly limiting, though; it only serves to cause us more pain and the experience of being stuck at a time when we could all use more happiness and improvement. So, try to notice any such limiting shame and self-blame, and then let it go.  You could do this by acknowledging that everyone gets lonely, and many -- if not most -- people are currently feeling lonely.  Once you’ve better recognized and embraced your loneliness, it’s much easier to then combat other difficult and limiting aspects of your loneliness. 3. Recognize the Truth About Your Thoughts It’s easy for us to feel an intense emotion, such as loneliness, and believe this emotion defines us, and that we’ll feel it forever.  You want to acknowledge, though, that these beliefs aren’t true. Specifically, our thoughts aren’t always factual and we are defined by so much more than our current thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and experiences. When you’re mindful, you bring attention to your current thoughts and feelings.  You’re curious about them.  You start to distinguish between evidence-based facts and untrue statements your mind is trying to convince you to believe. When you notice your negative thinking state early on, it’s much easier to dispute it, and replace it with healthier thoughts and beliefs, and therefore similarly desirable emotions. 4. Hold Yourself Accountable for Your Own Joy and Social Satisfaction There’s so much that’s out of our control at a time like this.  One of the best things you can do is try to accept that, as well as to better recognize and engage in endeavors that you can control that make you feel less lonely, happier, and more socially connected to others. I recommend motivating yourself to find even small, and meaningful, ways to have fulfilling, satisfying social interactions, and then notice how good it feels each time you do so. I can help you significantly reduce your feelings of loneliness, and replace it with feelings of satisfaction, joy, and happiness through a telehealth session through a HIPAA compliant video or phone session. Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help.  Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 954-391-5305 #anxiety #telehealth #onlinecounseling #mindfulness #Jordanzipkin

My work as a licensed marriage and family therapist affords me the opportunity to work with couples and families in all different stages of life, from preparing before the first baby arrives at navigating the murky waters of dating after divorce. Individuals who divorce often want to know how they should prepare to re-enter the dating scene, usually after at least a year of being married. It’s much different in the second round as divorced individuals bring a new set of concerns with them into dating, including an ex-spouse and sometimes children. Recently, Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT was featured by Reader’s Digest as a guest expert on “Don’t Date After Divorce - Without Doing These 11 Things First”. It’s a great outline and resource for individuals wanting a little more guidance around what next steps to take and how to take those steps. You may have heard the saying, “Get back on the horse” in reference to overcoming difficulties, whether it’s trying to resume a habit after a waylay (starting to workout again after vacation, anyone?) or moving ahead in the face of failure (finding employment after being fired, #toughbreak). Yet, I caution you to apply this philosophy, seemingly without thought, to all areas of your life, especially your love life. Think about how much you’ve changed as a person from when you first started dating, to getting married, and now being divorced. Probably a lot! Would the high school version of yourself, college, or even young adults recognize you? Reflecting on our past is deep and deliberate work; we may have made choices in our past for which we feel a sense of regret, shame, and guilt (for anyone whose marriage ended because of infidelity, this may resonate with you). Before beginning any new journey in life, reflection, deliberate planning, and forethought are essential to our growth as individuals. Sometimes, our painful past can lead up to a more fulfilling future, where we know who we are, what we want, and what we’re worth. Spending time alone before getting back out into the dating scene is a crucial first step to ensuring the success of your next relationship. The same goes for setting clear and strong boundaries with your new partner, your children, and your ex-spouse. Boundaries with your new partner and children will involve knowing your children and how they react to big changes in their lives. Take it slow… there’s no need to rush things. It’s important to have age-appropriate conversations with them, while still being honest about your relationship. Once you’ve been dating someone for a significant time and you’re confident that introducing them will bring a sense of consistency to your family, you can consider introducing them to your kids. No matter when you choose to dive back into the dating pool, you’ll want to do so safely and smartly. If you’re contemplating dating after divorce and looking for some guidance, Dr. Kate is just a phone call 954-391-5305 or click away from helping you. Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. She also offers divorce counseling for those recovering from a divorce.

I ordered something for less than $10 on Amazon the other day. It was a paperback book with 1001 questions and conversation starters. Initially, I clicked the impulse purchase as I envisioned bringing this on a road trip where we could spend hours flipping through the questions, learning new things about each other, and laughing to pass each mile marker. But when the book arrived, its purpose shifted, still focusing on enriching and deepening connections, but in a more simple application, with my partner, on a date night! Conversations can become so routine, we almost know exactly what to expect and not that there is anything wrong with that, routines can be comfortable. But being vulnerable and daring in relationships is what it’s all about. Learning little things about your partner can re-ignite the spark and intrigue you in different ways. And questions, can not only allow for you to get to know your partner better but you’ll be surprised at how much you can learn about yourself too! Keeping a relationship strong and happy requires that both of you are fulfilled by each other and continuously learning each other’s inner thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams. This will enable you to share in ways you never thought possible. Below are 25 questions to provide insight into your relationship. Write these on some cards or copy them into the notes app on your iPhone and bring them to your next date night just for fun. You’ll be surprised at how much you enjoy listening to your partner and mulling over these yourself. What’s something about yourself that you hope will never change? What books have you read that’ve had a big influence on you? What strange habit do you have? What fear would you like to overcome? What person, dead or alive, do you wish you could be more like? Growing up, what was your favorite children’s story or fairy tale? What’s your favorite poem or saying? What was your favorite subject in school? How have your priorities changed over time? Who’s had the biggest influence on you? What’s your earliest childhood memory? What nightmare woke you up in a panic? What memorable lesson did you learn from your parents? If you could travel back in time, what year would you visit? If you could spend an hour doing anything, what would it be? What does success mean to you? If you could visit with any person in history, who would it be? Have you ever helped a complete stranger? How? If you could go anywhere for dinner tomorrow, where would you go? What’s one of your greatest accomplishments? What do you think is your best quality? If you could turn into any animal, which one would you be? If you could write a bestselling book, what would it be about? What goals have you recently set for yourself? How are you doing with these goals so far? If you were a painter, what picture would you paint first? If you want additional help with communication tips or want to deepen your connection with your partner, Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT at Bayview Therapeutic Services is just a phone call away at 954-391-5305. Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Happy connecting!

Want to know more about what causes anxiety? Then read on... It's completely normal to feel anxious or worried when facing a deadline, presentation, or challenging situation at home. But when your worries are preventing you from living your life as you’d like to, you may be suffering from anxiety. You should know, you’re not alone. The National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH) says that over 40 million people in the U.S. over the age of 18 suffer from some anxiety-related disorder, and those are just the people who have been diagnosed, or whose symptoms fit into a pre-described condition. Millions more go undiagnosed. There are numerous types of anxiety disorders and just as many effective, tangible treatments and strategies you can seek for help. Understanding the anxiety and getting the help you need can reduce your symptoms and make strides to regaining control of your life. Anxiety is the body’s natural response to danger. It’s an automatic alarm that goes off when you feel threatened, under pressure, or is facing a stressful situation. Anxiety begins with an internal movement, that can more often than not have external tells: sweaty palms, tight, quick breaths, flushed cheeks. We all experiencing anxiety, but when it becomes a painful, constant state of overwhelming control, we may have crossed the line and are trekking through the territory of anxiety disorders. Several parts of the brain are key factors in the production of fear and anxiety. Using brain imaging technology, scientists have discovered that the amygdala and the hippocampus play significant roles in most anxiety disorders. The amygdala is believed to be a communications hub between the parts of the brain that process incoming sensory signals and the parts that interpret these signals, ultimately altering the rest of the brain that a threat is present and trigger a fear or anxiety response. The hippocampus is the part of the brain that encodes threatening events into memories, stored in your brain, to assist with the fight or flight, but when we’re anxious, it’s a constant state of fight and flight, ramping up your anxiety and symptoms. Once you recognize these symptoms and feel ready to seek help, there are different therapeutic approaches you can incorporate and rely on to manage your anxiety. Anxiety responds very well to see a professional therapist. And working through cognitive-behavior therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, or even exposure therapy can facilitate your healing process. Your thoughts will be confronted and ultimately reframed, your actions will then follow and your behavior will catch up, allowing you to live a life that is exactly how you’d like it to be. You may never fully get rid of anxiety, because it can, in moderation, motivate you to accomplish deadlines and work through nervous presentations, but therapy can empower you to take control and live a life without crippling worry. If you struggle with anxiety and want to learn more effective ways to cope, call Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT to discuss setting up a session at 954-391-5305. You’ll learn specific techniques to help you self-soothe, reduce anxiety, and better manage stress. Dr. Kate provides anxiety therapy and anxiety treatment in Fort Lauderdale, Florida for adults and their loved ones.

Parents, Congrats! You survived the teenage years and are preparing to launch your high school grad into their freshman year of college. Can you believe how fast time flies? Change isn’t always easy, but it is inevitable. This summer has most likely felt like a roller coaster as you packed in as many memories as possible from vacations to shopping for dorm room supplies. This transition marks an important milestone in your child’s life, which is exciting and scary all at the same time. It’s also a big transition for you and your partner as well! For the past 18 years, you’ve pretty much focused all priorities around raising your child and supporting your family, but those priorities are about to shift. Below are 4 tips to prepare for an empty nest so you and your partner can successfully navigate this transition. 1.) Connect with your support system. Talk with other parents who are going through the same thing or have just been through it. Remember, every family goes through this so you’re not alone. Parental support in your community is a great resource and you’ll find comfort in hearing what other families have been through. You will feel a void in the house and your family dynamic with shift, even if you still have younger children at home. You will most likely experience lots of mixed emotions, stress, uncertainties, changes, opportunity, growth, and of course pride. Talk about it, with each other, with a therapist, and with your other children. It’s ok to share where you are on that rollercoaster ride and you all will most likely be getting through it together! 2.) Re-prioritize your relationship with your partner. It’s no surprise that many couples drift apart during the childrearing years. However, it’s super important to re-prioritize your relationship so you don’t feel like you’re living with a stranger once the kids leave. Your relationship will need time to adjust after launching your kids off to school. Sometimes couples feel as though their children are all they have in common with each other, but that simply isn’t the case. In fact, studies show that marriages of empty nesters gained significant marital satisfaction once the kids left! Plan dates, create new memories together and spend quality time reconnecting with your spouse/partner. Go through the process and transition together. Be supportive and empathetic to each other. You two should be very proud, relish in that! 3.) Be an anchor for your college freshman. Take comfort in the concept that a part of you is going with your child off to school. After all, you and your partner have established the foundation over the past 18 years and that will accompany your child throughout their tenure at school! Your child will be experiencing and adjusting to many things all at once; roommates, finances, school-work like they’ve never known before, meal plans, keg stands, household chores, and time management. Your child will need emotional support from their family to make it through the next four years. Be there for them, listen, and encourage them. You might not be able to fix their problems, so prepare to be an empathetic listener and a cheerleader! Also, you and your partner will need to work on your tech-savviness as you may not be getting a phone call every week as you hoped. It may be quick texts here and there throughout the week or a FaceTime check-in… so work together to be flexible and open to your freshman’s preferred communication style. 4.) Go to Couples or Individual Therapy. Your identity will shift a bit as you become an empty nester and so will your relationship with your spouse/partner. Take time to explore your feelings and vulnerabilities about this transition in therapy by yourself and/or with your partner. Couples therapy can help you and your partner reconnect as friends, rekindle the spark, and revive the intimacy creating more a fulfilled relationship to carry you through the next stage of life together. If you need additional support with the college transition or any other life changes, call Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT at 954-391-5305 to discuss setting up a session. Dr. Kate provides counseling for adults experiencing transitions with individual counseling, couples counseling, and family counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

In an ideal world, you and your partner could carry on blissfully without anything ever bothering or annoying you. However, that simply isn’t the case. And in fact, you may not want it to be. Studies show that when couples discuss and work through irritating behaviors they are exhibiting healthier communication (think more open, less defensive, and more willing). This actually creates higher levels of comfortability around each other, as they can be their most relaxed self. But that certainly won’t quell the frustration in the moment of despair when you’ve had enough and decide it’s time to speak your mind. So if and when you decide to speak your mind, this post is for you! Let’s have a soft start to this, as it can be incredibly delicate and touchy. Try sharing your complaint with your partner without blaming them. You can navigate through this in using “I” statements (I’m upset that after a long day at work there is a pile of dishes in the sink) as opposed to “You” language (you never do the dishes and always wait for me to get home to do them). Remember, this isn’t an attack on your partner, but simply a conversation in which you’ll express yourself and work together in alleviating this bother. Focus on the WHAT – for example, leaving dirty dishes on the counter or in the sink to “soak.” It can be very tempting to jump a few paces ahead and label your partner as being selfish and inconsiderate but focus on what is bothering you as opposed to an assumed underlying meaning. Another approach is to start these conversations by genuinely sharing what you appreciate about your partner then make a softer transition into what you’re hoping you two can work changing TOGETHER. That soft start-up can almost guarantee a more peaceful conversation with your partner as opposed to starting off with a swing and upper left hook to their habits. If you’re going to be discussing a bothersome habit of your partners, try stating observations and avoid over-generalizations. Over-generalized criticisms sound like this: “You ALWAYS leave the dirty dishes out,” or “you NEVER remember to text me at the end of your workday.” Statements like this propel the defendant to begin to think of exceptions as to free them from this charge. You two aren’t in a heated defense trail in which evidential support needs to be recalled. You’re in a relationship, in which openness, love, compromise, and understanding should be the framework. Remember to be vulnerable and sincere with your partner. Despite these bothersome features or traits, you do love this person, lead with that. Try your best to be concise and stick to one complaint at a time. These conversations can be difficult, no need to drag them out for hours on end. These conversations can be difficult, but they also can be wildly beneficial and potentially beautiful. The two of you can deepen intimacy and build a strong bond if you’re able to communicate freely and trust in one other to have your best intentions in mind. Seek to understand your partner and their point of view behind the behavior. Try to learn as much as possible from each other so you can continue to evolve and grow together. If you want additional help with communication, conflict management, or want to deepen your connection with your partner, Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT and the team at Bayview Therapeutic Services are just a phone call away at 954.391.5305. Happy conversing! Dr. Kate provides pre-marital counseling, marriage therapy, and couples counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Hello! Hola. Bonjour. Guten Morgen. Ola. Hallo. Privet. I love languages. A budding linguist in school, I enjoyed learning other languages and found a natural knack for understanding different languages. I also love communication, whether it be verbal or nonverbal communication. A quick glance around while standing in a crowded room will provide you with more information than an hour-long conversation with any individual. A question most couples ask when seeking counseling services is, “How can I communicate better with my partner?” Whenever I see a couple stuck in poor communication patterns, or lamenting about how the other partner “just doesn’t understand” I’m reminded of the many ways we communicate with one another and one of the most powerful ways we communicate: through our love languages. The Five Love Languages were developed by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1995 as a way of explaining how individuals show and like to be shown, love. Dr. Chapman identifies the five love languages as: Words of Affirmation Quality Time Receiving Gifts Acts of Service Physical Touch Maybe you already have an idea of what your love language is and how you like to be shown love. A common example often used in counseling is when one partner unloads the dishwasher as an act of service to the other and then becomes upset when they feel unappreciated by their partner. Maybe you need a lot of quality time with your partner and watching TV together after dinner doesn’t really cut it for you. Whatever the case may be, if you and your partner don’t understand each other’s love language, you’ll be hard-pressed to find satisfaction in your relationship and may even grow to become angry or resentful towards your partner. If you’re unsure of your love language, or your partner’s love language, visit 5 Love Languages and take the free quiz. Your partner will be able to take the quiz too and once you’ve both received your results you can have a conversation about what the results mean to your happiness as a couple. Here’s a little bit of what each love language is about: Words of Affirmation: When you tell your partner, “You look nice today” or “You’re really a great parent” or “I really appreciate how hard you work for our family” you’re using words of affirmation to express your love to your partner. Quality Time: Quality time is when you give your undivided attention to your partner, either by asking about their day or engaging in conversation about a hobby or passion of his or her. Receiving Gifts: It might seem strange, but for some individuals, the process of thinking about a special gift to give by their partner and/or receiving something thoughtful from their partner is how their love is shown. Even small gifts are gestures of love and should be treated accordingly. Acts of Service: Acts of service include all those little things you do for your partner or your partner does for you. Like receiving gifts, these don’t need to be huge to show love; something as simple as emptying the dishwasher, doing the laundry, or taking out the trash are just a few of the ways acts of service show love. Physical Touch: Some people just love to be touched. They love hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. For people whose love language is physical touch, cuddling can mean more than the words, “I love you”. Now you know the five love languages, what can you do with them and how can they enhance your relationship? For starters, find out what your top two love languages are (you might have a primary and secondary way you show love and like to be shown love), and secondly, find out your partner’s love language. Once you’ve found out your love language, a whole new world of communication is opened up to you and your partner. If you understand when your partner does the dishes for you, they are showing you, love, you’ll return the kindness and positivity by doing something for them in his or her own love language. The same holds true for you when you speak to your partner in his or her love language; they will respond to you in kind. And who doesn’t want better communication in a relationship? It’s easier to forget the language our partner is speaking to us, especially when we’re caught up in all the little things life throws at us: work, school, children, household chores, a social life, etc. I encourage you to find a way to be mindful of what you’re partner is trying to tell you when he or she does something that may not seem to make sense. Perhaps trying to swoop in for a kiss or hug when you’ve just come home from the gym isn’t an attempt to be annoying, but rather for your partner to show you affection. If you want to learn more about the love languages, figure out your own love language, or find a way to get you and your partner speaking in love again, Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT is just a phone call 954-391-5305 or click away to discuss your options and how we can work together to get you the life and relationship you want. Dr. Kate provides couples counseling, pre-marital counseling, and marriage therapy in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

You've heard about bullying, but never thought it would happen to your family. Imagine how you would respond if your child disclosed that they were being bullied. What would you do if they told you that one of their peers repeatedly said nasty things to them, humiliated them in front of their classmates, or even physically hurt them? What would you say to your child? What would you do about the situation? Who would you report this to? People tend to throw around the word bullying and bullying prevention often, but what exactly is bullying? Bullying is defined as the abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger or more powerful. Did you know that October is National Bullying Prevention Month? The National Center for Education Statistics shows that from 2015, 21% of students between the ages of 12-18 reported being bullied at school. Here’s the breakdown: 13% of the 21% reported they were made fun of; 12% reported they were the subject of rumors; 5% reported they were pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on; and 4% reported they were physically threatened or harmed. If your child is being bullied, here are 6 Strategies to Help Your Child with Bullying Today. Talk about it. Ask open-ended questions to find out what happened. Discuss how they felt at the time and how they feel about it now. Let them know you hear them, understand and are here to help. Empathize with your child. Tell them bullying is wrong and it’s not their fault. Amplify how brave they are for coming forth. Consult them regarding solutions. Ask them what they think can be done to help the situation. Start documenting. Keep a log of all incidents of bullying with your child. It may take time to resolve the issue. Skill Building. Help your child develop skills for handling bullies. Provide suggestions to help your child deal with bullying. Therapy is a wonderful resource for helping children and their parents learn strategies for building confidence, assertiveness, and self-protection. Share your concerns with school authorities. Meet with your child’s teacher/s first to discuss the situation and how to ensure your child’s safety. Depending on the severity of the situation, you may need to meet with the Principal and/or Assistant Principal to discuss and advocate for bullying prevention strategies school-wide. Most schools have a zero-tolerance for bullying, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Know your school’s policy in dealing with bullying and keep a direct line of communication with your school authorities. Hold your school accountable for solutions to the bullying, and monitor them for those solutions. If your child is or has dealt with the bullying of any kids and you need additional support, contact us to discuss your options for therapeutic support. Give us a call at 954-391-5305 to set up an appointment with one of our expert therapists at BayviewTherapy.com. We provide counseling for children being bullied, parents of children being bullied, and anxious children in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

A previous supervisor and I used to have a running joke whenever we felt like something was about to go wrong. He loved the TV show “Lost in Space” and whenever he felt like there was about to be a missed deadline, a long meeting, or just a tough day at work, he’d say, “Danger, Will Robinson!” It became our office code word, sort of like “batten down the hatches” except our difficult days often included a sea of paperwork, not rough waves. My work as a couple’s counselor gives me the wonderful opportunity to work with couples who are looking to not only strengthen the relationship but sometimes save it. If you notice you and your partner beginning to see the warning signs below, don't hesitate to reach out for help. 1. Physical Disconnection. The first warning sign of things amiss in a marriage or long-term relationship is physical disconnection such as sleeping in separate rooms. The Wall Street Journal published a 2014 article, Couples on Different Sleep Schedules Can Expect Conflict - And Adapt, and more recently in 2015 Romantic Reminders.com reminded us Why The Happiest Couples Go to Bed at the Same Time. It might not always be possible for couples to go to bed at the same time, yet it’s almost always possible to sleep in the same bed. Couples who sleep in separate beds every night run the risk of physical, emotional, and sexual disconnect. 2. Criticism. It's normal that you don't agree with everything your spouse does; it's NOT normal to criticize your spouse every chance you get. I'm speaking directly to ladies here, as I've witnessed first hand that unhappily married women can find solace in talking about (their partners) but men, you're not exempt for this behavior either. Criticism is so much more than disagreeing with your partner and his/her behaviors. Criticism is an attack at a very personal level. Phrases like, “You're lazy” are just one example of criticism that can pop up in relationships. These personal attacks also result in blaming your partner for anything going wrong, in life or the relationship. 3. Emotional Disconnection or Avoidance. Just like a physical disconnection, emotional disconnection occurs in relationships, too. You may have heard about when individuals have “emotional affairs”, when one person steps outside of the relationship to meet emotional needs of feeling accepted, heard, understood, even loved. It may seem harmless, to open up emotionally to someone other than your spouse, but in actuality, it's not. Your spouse is your teammate, your better half, and when you begin to rely on another person to meet your emotional needs, you and your partner are denied a deep emotional connection. A shared vision of a life together, thoughts and dreams, and communicating honestly about issues within the relationship only make the relationship stronger. 4. Stonewalling. This behavior is listed as one of Dr. John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse for relationships. A tactic so hurtful in relationships, it's likened to the end of the world, which can be the end of your relationship. When stonewalling is used in a relationship, it shuts down the line of communication between the two individuals, with no chance of reopening. The act of shutting down and shutting out your partner in the middle of the conversation or argument leaves him or her voiceless and powerless. It may seem like a positive technique when arguing, “I’m going to walk away until I feel calm enjoy discussing this” or “I’m going to end this argument and pretend it didn’t happen.” Nothing could be further from the truth. In the long run, stonewalling leads to neither a resolution, nor a compromise and leave both individuals feeling emotionally and psychologically checked out of the argument, and maybe even the relationship. 5. Lack of Romance. While the initial spark of romance may dwindle from a long-term relationship, a lack of romance or passion for the other person can be the nail in the coffin for a marriage. Marriage takes work and when your marriage isn’t prioritized, it allows for so many other things in life to take priority over your spouse. Quality time together is important, because it allows you to remember why you fell in love with your spouse, as well as show you the continued personal growth, and relationship growth. When you’re not paying attention, it can be akin to missing a child take his or her first steps, or say his or her first word. Schedule weekly date nights and leave your phones on silent to really connect with your partner. If after reading this list you find yourself worried your relationship may be heading in the wrong direction, there is hope. You and your partner may see some of the warning signs of a doomed marriage, yet that doesn’t mean you can’t take action now to turn your marriage around. Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT is just a phone call at 954-391-5305 or click away to discuss your options and how we can work together to get you the life and relationship you want. Dr. Kate provides couples counseling, marriage therapy, and pre-marital counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.