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Whether you’re worried about tomorrow’s presentation at work, or the possibility of an impending breakup, anxiety can easily sneak up on you. In the heat of an anxiety attack, it can be really tough to channel calming thoughts. Having a toolbox filled with effective anxiety and stress management tools can make a big difference in your ability to calm down and push through challenging situations. Incorporate these 5 tips to reduce your anxiety today and remember to remind yourself, “It’s going to be ok, I can get through this.” 1. Use Deep Breathing: I recently was on a flight with horrible turbulence and deep breathing was a huge resource for me. As the plane was up and down and all around, my anxiety was off the Richter scale. The deep breathing techniques I teach my clients worked wonders for calming me until we landed safely. Phew! It may sound overly simplistic, but research shows deep breathing will help self-soothe your mind and body. And the coolest part? You can do it anywhere, anytime. Yep, that’s right, 24/7/365. Here’s a deep breathing exercise for you to experiment with: Find a comfy place to sit or lie down. Concentrate on your breath. Take deep, slow breaths in through your nose and exhale out of your mouth. Your mind may be racing a mile a minute, but that’s ok. Whatever experience you have is ok. Let your mind go at whatever pace it wants and focus your attention on your breath. Slowly breathe in and out, in and out. Allow your thoughts to float on by as if they were passing clouds in the sky or leaves floating down a stream. Do this for at least 5-10 minutes, longer if possible, until you start to feel calmer. 2. Practice Mindfulness: Anxiety tends to increase when you’re "future tripping" and focused on the “what ifs”, which completely take you out of the present moment... What if I don’t meet my sales goal this quarter? What if he doesn’t call after our date? What if I can’t get pregnant? What if she’s cheating on me? Mindfulness is a powerful tool for becoming more self-aware and trusts me, awareness is key! Here’s a little mindfulness exercise for you to experiment with that will help bring you back to the present moment. Do your best to engage at least three of your senses simultaneously to anchor yourself in the here and now. Here are 2 scenarios for you to try: Since we live in sunny south Florida (#grateful), let’s use the beach as an example. Imagine that you’re walking on the beach... Feel your toes squishing in the sand, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, listen to the ocean waves or the seagulls in the distance, and look at the people swimming in the water or waves as they crash onto the shore. Get curious about your surroundings. Take note of each sensation in your mind. For those of you who don’t have easy access to the beach or a lake. Try fixing yourself a hot cup of tea and then sit down in a cozy chair or if you’re out and about, stop by a coffee shop and ask a barista to whip up your favorite blend. Sit down and inhale the aroma of the coffee. Feel the warmth on your hands while holding your cup, concentrate on the flavor and appreciate those moments of rest and recharge. 3. Focus on What's in Your Control: If you’re focused on people, places, or things that are out of your control or creating potential scenarios in your mind, those worrisome thoughts can consume you. They bring unpleasant physiological symptoms such as a tight chest, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, racing thoughts, trouble concentrating. Ugh! Remember, what you focus on magnifies. The only thing you can control in life is how you react or respond to any situation. You can’t control people, places, or things, so why focus on that? Take a step back from the situation creating the anxiety (if possible) and then focus on what you can do to help yourself calm down, stay safe, and ask for help when needed. Horrifyingly enough panic attacks and anxiety spells can come about while you’re driving. Your subconscious kicks in and you begin to worry about the things that are out of your control. If this happens to you, pull the car over and blast cold AC directly onto your face. Slow your breath and try to always keep a bottle of water with you so you can take sips while you’re trying to catch yourself. Turn on calming music or even turn the radio off, just concentrate on slowing your breath. ​Get Curious About the Anxiety: People tend to have anticipatory anxiety about the possibility of getting anxiety, which becomes a snowball effect. Even though anxiety can be scary, try to engage your curiosity instead of the automatic freak out. Our bodies are wise and anxiety can come with important messages about something you need to pay attention to. Are you safe? Are you out of balance and need to take a break? Are you staying true to yourself and your values? Is there a boundary that needs to be set? When your body is clearly telling you something is off, listen. Start recording when you feel the most anxious and when you feel the least anxious. Notice if you see any patterns about the anxiety. It’s super helpful to seek therapy when you notice anxiety being an ongoing pattern in your life. Therapy can help you become more aware of what’s causing it, where it’s coming from, and what you can do to change your relationship to it so it’s no longer dominating your life. ​Be Compassionate: Maybe you’re anxious because of bad habits like procrastinating or avoiding something you don’t want to deal with? Or maybe you’re running on fumes and you’re way overdue for some self-care? Whatever it is, listen to your body and respond with compassion. Give yourself permission to take a break or maybe a long weekend or maybe even a vacation. Schedule a massage or spend a night diffusing essential oils and run a bath. Self-care is not overindulgent. Is it essential to your overall health? Regardless of what might be causing your anxiety, you’re not alone. There is hope! Anxiety responds well to therapy. If you are feeling more anxious lately and want to learn more effective ways to cope, call Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT to discuss setting up a session at 954-391-5305. Dr. Kate provides anxiety therapy and anxiety treatment in Fort Lauderdale, Florida for adults and their loved ones. You will learn tools to self-soothe, reducing your anxiety. Imagine how good it would feel to be more centered, peaceful, and back in charge of your life.

Can you believe we're already in November? The holidays will be here before we know it! From the subtle change in weather to pumpkin spice lattes, it's one of my favorite seasons in south Florida. With Thanksgiving a few weeks away, this time of year reminds us to be thankful for so many things. The holidays also remind me of the importance of gratitude in relationships. It is vital to express gratitude for your partner and genuine appreciation for the little things your partner does. For some, expressing appreciation by saying "I'm grateful we share the same values and beliefs" or "I appreciate you taking the kids to school this morning" comes naturally, but for other's, it takes more intentional effort to verbalize gratitude. Regardless, I urge you to be mindful about noticing and expressing the things you notice your partner doing that you appreciate and want to see continue. A little appreciation goes a long way! According to Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, there are seven principles to keep a relationship strong and appreciation is involved in #2. 1. Enhance your love maps: How does this work you ask? A love map is the part of your brain that stores all the relevant information about your partner, likes, dislikes, emotional history, past difficulties, family history, etc. Dr. Gottman suggests you explore these areas with each other. 2. Nurture your fondness and admiration: Fondness and admiration are antidotes to and prevention from contempt. Consider a positive thought about your partner each day for several weeks. For example, I am really lucky to have found my partner because we have the same beliefs and values. This will show your partner that appreciates them. 3. Turn toward each other instead of away: Being there for each other for minor events in each other’s lives is more important than all the candlelight dinners in the world. 4. Accepting Influence: This means sharing power and decision-making in the relationship as well as taking each other's feelings into account. 5. Solving Solvable problems: The key to managing conflict is to communicate understanding acceptance, respect, and appreciation. There are some things that you will never agree about, but if you are respectful of your partner’s opinion, it will be easier to come to an understanding. 6. Overcome Gridlock: The goal of ending gridlock is not to solve the problem but to move to dialogue. Discuss why the issue is so important to you and your partner, and try to compromise taking each partner’s feelings and opinions into consideration. 7. Create shared meaning: Gottman describes a shared meaning as a spiritual dimension that enables couples to create an inner life together. That inner life has a culture rich with symbols and rituals and an appreciation for each other’s roles that leads them to understand what it means to be part of this union. Although these steps may seem difficult at first, practicing will make you an expert. If you want to talk more about expressing gratitude for your partner, or a relationship revival, contact Dr. Kate Campbell, LMFT, and the team at Bayview Therapeutic Services at (954) 391-5305. Dr. Kate provides couples counseling, marriage therapy, and pre-marital counseling in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Here it is… your family gathering survival guide! You’ve gained some ground around your childhood trauma. You’ve learned about the importance of boundaries and have become more aware of ALL the ways your boundaries are crossed or compromised in your family relationships. Maybe you’ve been able to create some physical and/or emotional distance in these relationships to allow yourself space to heal. BUT… here comes a family event and you’re about to enter the gauntlet that you’ve worked so hard to break free from. It’s normal to be nervous about that. It’s normal to have some anticipation anxiety around family gatherings, especially if they have been challenging in the past. You might be thinking, if being around my family is this unnerving, then why don’t I just cut them off and stay away? Well sure, that’s an option; but there’s also a lot of valid reasons why some people choose not to completely cut off dysfunctional family members despite how they’ve been treated. Maintaining a connection to a family unit can be a strong value for some. If that’s you, then keep reading. There’s a high risk for re-traumatization for those still in the process of healing on their own or at the family level. With a solid plan to tend to your needs and emotions before, during, and after family gatherings, you’ll reduce the potential of regressing on your healing journey by being intentional in how you protect and care for yourself. Before The Gathering We’ll call this your preparation stage. Spend some time checking in with yourself a few days before you’re going anywhere or inviting family over. What do you think you’ll need during the visit? It’s quite possible that part of you is reluctant about the whole thing because of fear or dread based on previous experiences. Reflect on those. Use them to identify what you’ll need this time around. For most, what’s definitely needed is a place to retreat if things become overwhelming or too much to handle. You’ll want to consider this in two parts: an internal retreat and an external retreat. It might seem a little weird, but creating a safe and secure place within you can help when you don’t really want to leave the gathering, but still need some respite from it. Create your space by visualizing a place in your mind that is calm and comforting. It can be a real place that you’ve been to or something completely made up. Disengage from others for a few minutes to go to your internal retreat. Notice what you see, hear, smell, and feel while you’re there. Allow yourself to get grounded and when you’re ready, come back to the gathering. Be mindful that this is not a magic pill and you still may feel triggered, but it will reduce the intensity a bit for you. Now if that isn’t enough to restore a sense of safety and groundedness, then utilize your external retreat. Remind yourself that you can always leave the situation to protect and care for yourself if needed. Your external retreat could mean that you step away from the group for a bit or take a break outside. It could also mean that you leave the gathering altogether. Make sure to have a means of transportation planned for yourself so that you don’t have to rely on someone else if you need to exit quickly. Also, have a friend on standby or an alternative place to go to avoid feeling trapped. During The Gathering The most important thing during this phase is to remember your boundaries and practice them. This is a necessity for every person healing from familial trauma, but especially for those that are healing on their own without the involvement of their families. If this is you, it is very likely that family members may push your limits or trigger you because they have not done any work to become aware of or to change their dysfunctional ways. Key points to remember: It’s ok to say “NO” to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and you don’t have to have an elaborate reason why. No is a complete sentence. If you’re being asked questions that you don’t feel comfortable answering, it’s ok to say “I don’t want to talk about that” and change the subject. Be kind. There may be times when you want to blow the roof off and expose the dysfunction to the world, but remember that your goal is to get through this experience safely. Don’t let the poison of others seep in and cause you to act in a way that doesn’t align with your healing and growth. There’s a time and place for confrontation, so use your judgment to determine what’s going to give you the best outcome. Be direct and firm. Stay away from maybes, mights, possibly, etc because it leaves too much room for someone to keep badgering you about whatever it is later on. If it’s hard for you to say “no” directly, try starting your response with “unfortunately, I can’t/won’t/don’t/didn’t…” instead. It conveys a sense of regret for not meeting an expectation but also leads you into establishing your boundary. Provide gentle reminders as needed to people you’ve already established boundaries with. It’s ok to say “Remember we talked about this before, I don’t like…” If you’ve done all of the above and someone is STILL pushing your limits, clearly identify the consequences if they don’t heed your warning. The consequences could be that you will have to stop the conversation or stop communicating completely with that person, or it could mean that you have to remove yourself from the situation. After The Gathering You survived! Once you’re back in your comfort zone, spend some time reflecting on your experience. This is a great time to pull out the journal and unload all of your thoughts and feelings. How did it go overall? Did you feel hurt? Do you feel like you may have hurt others and feel some guilt around that? How did people respond when you set and maintained healthy boundaries? After you’ve had some time to process, implement your practices of self-care. Conclusion It’s not an easy thing to be around people and places that have been harmful and unhealthy for you. In fact, sometimes the easier thing to do is to re-engage in the dysfunction because it feels normal and takes less effort. But you don’t have to stunt your own growth every time you want to see your family. Just know that changing the dynamics within yourself and within your family system takes time and consistency. Don’t expect perfection because you will get disappointed. Take one minute at a time. You don’t have to go through this alone either. A therapist can be a great tool to help you work through these steps in a neutral, supportive, and healthy environment. Not only will you learn strategies for coping and caring for yourself, but you’ll gain insight into your history and your current relationships to define what changes you want to make to construct a healthy life. Reach out today to get the support you need to heal from and overcome childhood and family trauma. If you’re in need of additional support in setting healthy boundaries, working through past trauma, or navigating complex family dynamics, contact me for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I would be happy to discuss how we can work together and help you move forward in a positive direction. I offer counseling and EMDR therapy in Coral Springs, Florida, and online therapy across the state of Florida. For more information about my approach or my services, click here. I look forward to speaking with you!

The COVID-19 pandemic created a lot of uncertainty and fear, upending the lives of so many people. Meetings, classes, family gatherings, court proceedings, and medical appointments have all taken on some form of telecommunication. Therapy is no different, and the numbers of individuals seeking therapy through some means of telehealth continues to rise. And why not? The demand for therapy remains very high, and bridging the gap between client and therapist is ultimately a good thing. Similar to other fields using telecommunication, teletherapy (also known as online therapy, online counseling, telehealth, and virtual counseling) has its pros and cons. As a licensed psychologist, I work with clients in both in-person and online therapy formats with a secure HIPAA compliant platform. After nearly two years of incorporating teletherapy into my practice, I’d like to share some of my impressions on the pros and cons so you can make an informed decision about whether in person or online counseling is for you. Convenience and accessibility The use of technology has brought therapy to our literal fingertips. A smartphone is now the doorway to a confidential session with a licensed therapist or psychologist. Online therapy from your phone, ipad, or computer completely eliminates the commute time spent going to and from a physical office and the headache of dealing with unexpected traffic on the way. Finding the time to dedicate to therapy is a common concern for many, and eliminating (or reducing) travel time might make someone more willing to pursue therapy. Similar to convenience, technology has made mental health care more accessible, especially in situations where geography is a limiting factor. Online counseling is a viable option for someone requiring a specific kind of expertise that is not available locally. Having more options and better access to these experts reduces barriers to receiving care and creates more successful therapeutic outcomes. Connectedness and technology challenges While teletherapy has undoubtedly increased convenience and access to therapy services, the question of “connectedness” inevitably comes up as a topic of conversation. The term “connectedness” used here does not refer to one’s internet connection (though this point is highlighted below), but rather the sense of connection a person feels towards the therapist and the therapy process. There is something very special about the therapy room, the physical place where a person can come, express their feelings, and be vulnerable. The therapy room, and both the client and therapist being present in that room, adds to the sense of feeling connected, safe, and understood by the therapist. For some, the use of digital devices reduces one’s sense of feeling connected with the therapist. Technology challenges are nothing new; however, the surge of individuals needing to work or attend school from home has presented challenges to internet service providers. It’s not uncommon for a poor internet connection to disrupt or even prevent someone from logging in for their workday, attending a class, or participating in an important appointment such as counseling. Various technology challenges can render a therapy session ineffective and result in feelings of frustration or helplessness, which is why it’s important to have a backup plan (ie: phone session) in case of unexpected internet issues. Final Thoughts Ultimately, effective therapy is about the goodness of fit, and this is especially true when considering the format of the therapy. If you are considering teletherapy, ask yourself the following questions: -Is it important for me to be in the same room as the therapist? -Do I work well-using video platforms for other important business or meetings? -Am I prone to distractions while in my home? Still, have questions about how online therapy (telehealth) can be beneficial for you? I invite you to contact me for a complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I’d be happy to speak with you about your concerns and needs with respect to getting started with your own therapy journey! I also offer counseling in person at our Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs offices. For more information about my services, visit my about me page.

Can you imagine being a 35-year-old mom of two, ages 2 and 7 weeks? Congratulations on our new baby by the way! Your two-year-old is currently on her 10th episode of Peppa the Pig and you finally are able to sit down after feeding your colicky baby. Luckily, you are able to finally put the baby down for a nap in his crib! Sitting on the couch exhausted, you decide to scroll through Instagram just to see the neighbor posting homeschool lessons that include puffy paint, sidewalk chalk, and sight words. You continue to scroll and see other moms posting about educational activities, healthy breakfast options, and other #momgoals. Overwhelming feelings of guilt surface, you begin to cry and you feel sorry for yourself and your kids. You start questioning yourself, your abilities, and your parenting. “Mom guilt” is coming on strong, but it doesn't have to be that way. Read on to discover a few tips you can use to overcome mom guilt. What is mom guilt (or dad guilt, yes - it happens to dads too)? We all know we aren’t supposed to compare ourselves to others but, let’s face it, that is human nature. Whether you have heard of this term before or maybe too often you feel paralyzed by its relentless grip, it simply means having pervasive emotions and thoughts that you are not doing enough as a parent, doing the “right” things, or making good choices that could “mess up” or hurt your children in the long run. Mom guilt can be temporary or it can be long-term. Some moms feel that they are carrying around a big weight on their chest, shoulders, and heart. Others feel anxious and panicky like “I need to fix this problem right now”. Mom guilt is all the “should haves,” “supposed to” and “ the other moms are” banging around in your feelings and thoughts that are all playing out in your head. Mom guilt means you feel you just aren’t good enough. The Origins of Mom Guilt Mom guilt has many origins. The long history of mom-shaming, the impact of social media, advertising from companies profiting on parental fears, formal recommendations from doctors and other organizations, and outside family pressures turn into personal insecurities (mom guilt) associated with raising our children. The expectations of being a good mother are limitless. As moms, we internalize these expectations, feelings, and thoughts. Then they resurface as we are making decisions associated with what we thought was right for our children and family. This is when the mom guilt is harmful when it overrides your decision-making and causes you the inability to function as a parent. Both the working mom and the stay-at-home mom can experience mom guilt; it does not discriminate. How do I overcome mom guilt? 1. Identify your sources of guilt. Dive into the true reasons for your guilt. Maybe it stems from your childhood or family history. I suggest taking a quick note in a journal, pad, or even the notes section of your phone, to write down your thoughts centered around guilt when it occurs. The hope is to see a particular pattern on the theme, which provides you insight into where the guilty feelings begin. Once you are able to identify the areas causing the emotions, then you are able to watch for these triggers. 2. Take a look at your circle of friends (and sometimes family). “You are the sum of who you surround yourself with” is a quote we often hear as we are establishing our inner circle. When you are analyzing your inner circle ask yourself these questions: ● Does this person share my values, beliefs, and vision? ● Is this person an energy producer or energy zapper? ● Is this person respectful towards self and others? ● How does this person influence others? ● Does this person have my back? If the answers to these questions are negative and toxic, it may be time to have a conversation with this person to allow them to address and communicate their emotions and thoughts. It may be that it is time to move on from the relationship. Unsolicited advice, comments, or judgment are not appreciated by any mom or dad and can be presented from time to time within our inner circle. We often do not know how to respond to these comments without feeling some form of guilt. If you need to respond to unsolicited opinions here are some helpful statements you can use: ● Ignore and smile. ● “Thanks.” ● “I’ll keep that in mind.” ● “ I know, right?” ● “We are working on that.” ● “We're following the doctor's advice on that.” It is important to MOVE ON from this conservation. The key is to deflect and not engage in discussion! It is time to PUT YOUR FEELINGS FIRST. 3. Create a personal mantra or family mission statement. Self-doubt can present itself as an annoyance or as a harsh inner critic that creates negative ruminations, and feelings of inadequacy which in turn surfaces as GUILT. If someone, yourself, or social media outlets are contributing to this by unwelcoming comments or judgments, decide whether or not you can ignore it or address it. It is important to show compassion for yourself and for others. I think creating a personal mantra or mission statement could be useful during this time. Anytime these emotions and thoughts surface, you would insert this mantra or statement and repeat it over and over in your head or out loud. The idea is to change the negative thought into a more positive one. Some useful mantra or mission statements could be: ● “It’s okay.” ● “We are doing the best we can.” ● “We are doing what’s right for our family.” ● “Just breathe. In and out.” 4. Listen to your children. Children are great sources of information to identify if the decisions we are making as parents are good ones or not. Children do not intentionally make you feel GUILTY. They just are honest and, quite frankly at times, too honest. For example, if you are working from home and your 3-year-old asks for you to read her a book. You should not feel guilty for working, but perhaps maybe you should schedule a time to read to your toddler. Let's focus as moms on building one another up for doing a job well done rather than creating a space of mom-shaming. Mom guilt has a long history of coming from other moms. We can dissolve mom guilt by not spreading it (in person or on social media) and instead encourage and love one another in their mom journey. I want you to know that you, mama, are doing a GREAT job with the best version of your MOM SELF. Try not to focus on worry, but most importantly how amazing little human beings your children are. However, if you feel that you are struggling with mom guilt or any other area of your mom life, please reach out to me at 954-391-5305 for your complimentary consultation to discuss how I can help. I provide counseling for moms and parents in Fort Lauderdale, Florida as well as via telehealth on our secure platform. For more information about my services, click here. I look forward to hearing from you.

Burnout, stress, anxiety, and depression have been worldwide epidemics for years now. These challenges can create symptoms such as decreased energy; difficulty getting up in the morning; lack of interest in things you used to do; unexplainable body pain; excessive worry about having an illness; overeating or drinking; difficulty sleeping; and feeling physical and/or emotionally exhausted. Many people attempt to treat those symptoms with over-the-counter medication or eventually see their primary care physician but get frustrated because they are not addressing the underlying cause of these persistent symptoms. Many of us pick up some unhealthy or addictive habits in our best attempts to cope with those feelings or even escape from the symptoms mentioned above. We tend to reach out to something that temporarily changes the way we feel at the moment or numbs whatever feelings we are experiencing because they are uncomfortable and painful. The reality is that when we start wanting to numb the uncomfortable negative feelings (ie: burnout, stress, depression, anger), we end up numbing the good feelings too (ie: gratitude, joy, happiness, etc). Eventually, you develop a physical, emotional, and psychological addiction to food, drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling, and behavior that helps you avoid whatever it is that you do not want to feel. You may be asking yourself if there is another way, a better way? The answer is YES! Wanting to change your life is the first step. There is a world full of possibilities when you make the commitment to wanting more for your life and realizing that you deserve better. In counseling and hypnotherapy with clients, we speak a lot about the voice we ignore when we are in active addiction. That voice is telling you that you deserve better, and you could not go on living the way you have been living your life. If you are reading this and you are questioning how to create a positive change in the way you feel and increase your enjoyment in life, then you are listening to that voice. At that moment, you are opening your subconscious to creative possibilities of hope, healing, and empowerment. Once you listen to that inner voice, it’s time to take an honest look at what is really going on internally. Sure… you could continue to seek outside validation, and make an effort to continue to manipulate the outcome, but until you become willing to see things differently while listening to that voice, only then will you experience change. This type of lasting change must happen within and sometimes it is not the exact way you want it to look and that’s ok. Be aware that once you start looking inward, you will discover there are some unresolved issues that may be blocking you from moving forward. Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt Therapy, spoke of “unfinished business” - which refers to how humans tend to suppress feelings and experiences that are stored in the subconscious. These unresolved issues eventually become a pile of problems that keep getting triggered and never achieve resolution. By the time you become an adult, you have built up negative patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting which persist like bad habits. Experiencing your feelings without having to change or numb them takes practice. My invitation to you today is to listen to the voice that is encouraging you to do things differently and is telling you that you deserve more and better. Then, choose to find the origin and heal the unresolved issues that continue to pile and show up as depression, stress/anxiety, and burnout. Remember, you do not have to continue engaging in self-destructive behaviors such as alcohol, drugs, unhealthy eating patterns, obsessive behaviors, etc. It’s time to seek help and allow yourself to be guided by an expert who can help you heal from the past and move forward with your life. Choose a therapist that aligns with your values and join a community support group such as AA/NA meetings. Every journey starts with one step. If you find yourself asking if there is another way of feeling, living, and being, then this is your call to recovery. Know that we all start somewhere. What matters the most is your willingness to change and your desire to want a better life. Each of us starts with one thing: The courage to try. Remember, recovery is possible! I invite you to give me a call at 954-391-5305 for your complimentary consultation. Together we can decide whether talk therapy or hypnotherapy is a good fit for you based on your unique needs and goals. For more information about Heart-Centered Hypnosis, click here. I provide hypnosis and therapy in Coral Springs, Florida, and across the state of Florida via our secure telehealth platform. I look forward to helping you heal from the past and move forward in a healthy, happier direction!

As a first responder, you are entrusted with the care and well-being of an entire community. With your training and experience, you carefully size up every scene and act accordingly. Your years of education and training have equipped you to be the source of knowledge, the voice of reason, and the lighthouse in the darkest storm. If only it could be that easy in your own life! Something happens when you cross that familiar threshold to your own home. All that valuable objectivity goes out the window, you are no longer the foremost authority on everything, the zeal and vigor that got you through your shift seem to have all but melted away on your drive home. And what is left in its place? Exhaustion, exasperation, irritability, or worst of all… nothing. But you’ve got this, right?! You’re the one with all the answers at work, surely you should be able to see your way through this. But what happens when you can’t? What happens when you try so hard to listen attentively as your partner is talking about their day or be patient as your toddler fumbles through tying his own shoelaces when you’re already ten minutes late for school? What happens when you can barely keep your eyes open but every time you lay down you just toss and turn for hours? Or when the only shred of happiness you feel is when you’re six beers in or driving 100 mph down the highway on your bike? It is often said that doctors make the worst patients, and sometimes, helpers have the hardest time accepting help. You are not like everyone else. You are different, your job is different, your life is different. When our primal brains evolved, they were designed to manage short spurts of hyperstimulation for survival purposes only. Your role requires extended periods of hypervigilance and a prolonged state of fight or flight often accompanied by sleep deprivation and poor nutrition. This is then layered with the firsthand trauma of the loss of partners and comrades, and the endless vicarious trauma of being witness to the most difficult events in people’s lives. Compound this over a thirty-year career and it becomes hard to imagine how anyone could do it without a little bit of help. So how do you know when the stress of your life has surpassed your coping abilities? Nobody around you seems to be in therapy and you’ve made it this far so what’s the point? You are an expert on scene size-up, so let’s do a self size-up to help determine if therapy is right for you: MOOD: First, let’s look at your overall mood. We are not robots, and it is healthy and normal to experience a wide range of human emotions. We will never be able to fully avoid sadness, anxiety, or anger. But when these emotional states become our new normal, we are in the danger zone. There is an actual physiological phenomenon known as the Hypervigilance Roller Coaster outlined by Dr. Kevin M. Gilmartin in his book, “Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement: A Guide for Officers and Their Families”. This refers to the effect of first responder work on biological and emotional systems. It is the endless yoyo experience between heightened arousal states at work characterized by high energy, excitement, and joy, then offset by the dip in arousal coming off the job which is most often felt as lethargy, disconnection, and irritability. There are ways to counteract this effect though. Building insight and awareness coupled with learning new coping skills through the help of a trained therapist can help you get back behind the controls and off the rollercoaster for good. RELATIONSHIPS: After a while the all-too-familiar griping of your spouse or family about how “different” you are now, or how they miss the way you “used to be” begins to fade into the background. You almost stop hearing your kid’s voice, “daddy look at this, daddy watch me, daddy, daddy, daddy” as you scroll through your phone or become absorbed into the television. You do so many things for so many people all day long and you’re thoroughly burnt out by the time you get home. You can’t seem to make them happy no matter what you do so why even bother? These relationships are actually critical to your wellbeing and seeing them begin to suffer is a good hint that it may be time to seek help. The down cycle of the hypervigilance roller coaster can often leave us associating home and the people who live there with the negative feelings you are experiencing. This is not just an unfortunate side effect of first responder work, a certainty that we have to accept as part of the job. This is a sign that we and our entire support system are strained and suffering. BEHAVIOR: In a desperate attempt to avoid feelings like depression, anxiety, despair, and hopelessness, it is common to begin engaging in behaviors that may feel good at the moment but are quite dangerous in the long run. Have you found yourself trying to numb out with alcohol or drugs? Do you attempt to replicate the rush that you get at work with dangerous behavior like speeding or pushing the envelope with extramarital relationships? Do you only feel settled when you are hanging out with work friends, recounting your craziest calls, and talking smack about the department? These are called “escapist behaviors” and often end up causing way more trouble than they alleviate. If you find yourself engaging in dangerous activities or acting in a way that violates your own personal ethics, it may be time to reach out for help. JOB SATISFACTION: What happened to that starry-eyed probie? Where did that enthusiastic, dedicated young cadet go, the one who was ready to change the world? They are still in there, bogged down by years of exposure, exhaustion, and unresolved trauma. If you are finding yourself filled with anxiety or rage when the alarm goes off in the morning or sitting in your car in the parking lot dreading your shift, it may be time for some additional support. You may even find yourself experiencing physical symptoms like a rapid heart rate, tightness in the chest, or dizziness while on call. You may be going out of your way to avoid certain scenarios or populations. It is important to know that it’s possible to love your job and still prioritize your own well-being. As a matter of fact, taking care of your mental health will help you appreciate your work in a whole new way. A specially trained therapist can help you resolve trauma, strengthen your coping skills, create balance, and rediscover your passion! It’s not easy knowing when to ask for help, especially when your whole identity is being the helper. But does serving your community mean sacrificing yourself? It doesn’t have to. Your job entails a unique set of demands which require education, awareness, and support. Bayview Therapy is here to give you just that... If you are struggling in any of the areas above, or just aren’t sure if therapy is right for you, give us a call today at 954-391-5305 for a free consultation with a Certified First Responder Counselor specially trained to meet your unique needs such as Sara Speed, LMHC. We provide counseling and EMDR for First Responders and their partners, and families at our offices in Coral Springs and Fort Lauderdale, Florida. We are here to serve and protect you, so you can serve and protect us!

In Part I of "How Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Can Help Couples", we reviewed principles from The High Conflict Couple, by Alan E. Fruzzetti, Ph.D., including the interconnection between dysregulation and inaccurate description. We discussed the importance of validating our partners in the midst of conflict, so they are more conditioned to listen and bear the heat, rather than escalating or fleeing it. Here in Part II, we return to validation, but this time we look at how self-validation lessens the sting of conflict, enabling partners to turn toward each other and relationships to repair. Engage Don’t Enrage Fruzzetti referred to validation as “the communication of understanding and acceptance.” Otherwise, if I feel that you will cut me off, ignore me, or diminish what I say as wrong, it’s more likely that Gottman’s Four Horsemen (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling) will rear their ugly heads, and we’ll find ourselves in the washer machine (an automatic, vicious cycle of fighting). These seeds of destruction don’t bode well for a couple, with contempt being the highest predictor of divorce. Handout 17 of the DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills teaches us to validate by finding the kernel of truth in whatever another is saying (even if that’s limited to: “I know this matters to you”). The benefits of validation are reduced pressure for either party to prove they are right, decreased negativity, and less anger. Validation is NOT agreement, nor surrender, nor “giving in.” It’s me letting you know “I get it.” Ways to Validate We can validate with simple gestures – nodding our head or softly reflecting back key aspects of what was said. Sometimes it’s acknowledging your partner’s difficulty, even when you see things differently (“you’re feeling unappreciated” or “you want us to spend more time together”). Two words that could make all the difference in the world are “me too.” We can extend validation by acknowledging that another’s position makes sense, given past experiences or past situations they went through or what they learned from life’s lessons. When we validate, we enable another to feel more comforted and soothed, more open to engaging than to rage. Meeting Invalidation with Self-Validation While validation keeps us connected and connecting, invalidation hurts. Your partner may turn away, retreat, shut down, or have sudden urges to strike out. Invalidation often begets invalidation. We aren’t only back in the washing machine; we’re piling uploads. Although we cannot control what our loved one thinks or how they will behave in any particular moment, we have control over our own being and doing, especially when regulated. One helpful way to counter invalidation is with self-validation. Self-Validation Self-validation involves the same steps we use to validate others: We check the facts to look for the kernel of truth in our points of view and acknowledge that our beliefs have meaning to us and make sense based on prior experience, how we were raised, or the circumstances we are in. In the midst of invalidation, we soothe ourselves by remembering long-term goals for the relationship and turn our minds toward accepting our partners empathically. This may sound impossible or counter-intuitive, which is why we need to practice, practice, practice. Fruzzetti’s rule of thumb: If you can muster the discipline to validate three times in the face of validation, your partner’s emotionality will almost always subside. The Key Steps to Self-Validate – DAPR To remember to self-validate, remember dapper (DAPR); Drop self-judgment and practice self-compassion; Admit that invalidation hurts (even when a kernel is true); Practice radical acceptance; and Remember, hard as it is, it’s rarely a catastrophe. To self-validate, we can also pull in mindfulness – mindfully watching our sensations, interpretations, feelings, and thoughts. We can engage in calm, paced breathing and contemplate options that will reduce negativity and help us engage more effectively. Using a BCA An additional tool that DBT offers couples therapists is the behavioral chain analysis (BCA), which helps us observe how problematic behavior gets in the way of what we want. A chain analysis is a process to tease out prompting events, vulnerability factors, step-by-step escalation of behaviors, and consequences of ineffective behavior. We look at how the fight started, who said what, what was going on with each partner at the time, what were they thinking/feeling/assuming, and what was happening to them physically and emotionally. This allows the therapist and the couple to peer behind the constructs of the conflict to explore what’s getting in the way. BCAs are just one of the dozens of DBT tools and skills available for use with couples. I also recommend clients utilize a pros/cons list, the PLEASE skills (which address physical and biological needs for self-regulation), and the IMPROVE and accept skills (which use images, meaning, prayer, vacations, easy manners, comparisons, encouragement, and more). In sum, DBT tools and skills are a great adjunct to my couples’ practice. They provide one more way to integrate evidence-based learning to help our clients, including couples in high conflict. If you would like more information or need assistance in your relationship, please call me for a free 15-minute consultation at 954-391-5305. I provide counseling for couples and individuals in English or in Spanish at our Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs offices. For more information about my approach to couples counseling, click here.

As a marriage and family therapist in the state of Florida, I see couples with problems that include affairs, betrayals, ennui, and boredom. Some come in because they're fighting 24/7. They claim to love each other, and affinity seems present, yet they can't get past the negativity. One verbal jab, one ignored the comment, something said with inflection or tone, or an eye roll and watch out! A vicious cycle begins. I call the cycle the washing machine. Somebody hits a button and the cycle gets started and won’t stop until it runs its course. By then, both partners are left depleted and exhausted. They turn away from each other and retreat to their corners. Communication and repair attempts halt. The couple can’t seem to find their way home to each other and come to couples therapy looking for help. High Conflict Couples As a Gottman Method Couples Therapy-oriented clinician, I see couples in high conflict. Often, they break Gottman’s recommendation of a 5:1 ratio of negative to positive communications in the partnership. They succumb to what Gottman calls the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Arguments go round and round, strengthening negative communication patterns rather than improving them. The couple begins to move away from what they love and cherish in the other. Luckily, I have a handful of helpful interventions at my disposal. I might utilize the Gottman Listening Exercise, the Rapoport Intervention (understanding before problem-solving), the exploration of Dreams within Conflict, or one of my favorites: The Aftermath of a Fight. As an integral therapist, I also integrate learning from other facets of my clinical experience, including DBT and DBT Skills. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and How It Can Help Couples In a prior blog, I described some underlying principles of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) and its effectiveness with individuals struggling with BIG emotions and dysregulation. DBT provides skills training that covers four main areas -- Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotional Regulation, and Distress Tolerance. These skills emphasize the balance between acceptance and change, steering clients toward a middle path when negotiating life’s obstacles. Turns out these skills are also beneficial for couples in high conflict. In a DBT Couples classic called The High Conflict Couple, Alan Fruzzetti, Ph.D., illustrates how couples develop mindless and ineffective strategies to communicate when in high conflict and proposes mindful practices couples can integrate into everyday life, shaping more effective patterns of relating. Three Main Takeaways to Reduce High Conflict Fruzzetti’s focus on 1) Dysregulation, 2) Inaccurate Expression, and 3) Validation and Invalidation stuck with me. In Part I of this article, I describe how dysregulation prompts inaccurate expression, which escalates the conflict. I then offer mindful ways we can restore our relationships to wholeness. Understanding the destructive nature of these interrelated concepts can help shift bad habits/mindlessness, reduce volatility, and increase peace, connection, and trust. Dysregulation & Inaccurate Expression We can all have BIG emotions, but when we’re dysregulated, the emotions have us. We are like automatons, gripped at the moment unable to fully think or respond. (Our spouse forgets to call us back and we are ready to throw them in the doghouse … forever… without a bone!). Dysregulation Dysregulation in DBT is akin to what Gottman calls Diffuse Physiological Arousal. Both involve biological phenomena, including increased heart rate, constricted breath and body posture, pulse over 100. Dysregulation is more than an upset. In an upset, we can be present, think clearly, and consider the interests of others. With dysregulation, we experience the “amygdala hijack,” where the part of the brain reacts to danger and sparks a fight, flight, or freeze response. Dysregulation might look explosive, but it can also occur as frozen or shut down. Inaccurate Expression Fruzzetti explains that big emotions narrow focus and color how partners view each other. Instead of seeing a human being and team member, we project negative images and begin to act with disdain or contempt. This prompts avoidance and conflict and effective communication breaks down. Inaccurate expressions – exaggerations, (always/never), labels and judgments, assumptions and projections, and the Four Horsemen -- creep in. In Gottman's terms, the couple is flooded. Rather than push further past the couple’s zones of tolerance, Gottman recommends self-soothing exercises and rest breaks for at least 30 minutes. Fruzzetti recommends an equally helpful skill, one that lies at the core of DBT: Mindfulness. This involves the skill of “Observe and Describe.” Mindfulness: Observe & Describe When you Observe and Describe, you look at what's going on inside and out. You can start with yourself, or your body. You turn to the senses and gather information directly from them. For example, you can begin to observe your body posture, where you are clenching or holding your breath or leaning in ready to defend. Take a look at what words you are saying, how fast you’re saying them. Pay attention to your tone and volume. Notice where your attention lies and whether there’s an urge to interrupt. Observe the timing of your conversation, the conditions under which you are engaging (sitting, standing, in private or public). Observe whether there’s an all-or-nothing/black-and-white/exaggerated or hyperbolic quality to your words. All these factors make a difference in whether or not your partner is going to receive your communication and respond back to you effectively. Get the notion that when we observe, we observe. When we describe, we describe. Take each action slowly and proceed one mindfully with each move, one small step at a time. As we observe and describe, we access the prefrontal cortex, the rational, logical, ordered part of the brain that helps us balance and cool the revved-up emotional mind. With practice, we learn to soothe ourselves, to release judgments, to calm down, slow down, and get present to how we are interacting with our loved ones. We stop what Fruzzetti describes as the vicious cycle of escalation/invalidation. Stay tuned for Part II of this article where we address invalidation and ways to self-validate for the benefit of the couple. If you and your partner are struggling and need help, I invite you to call me at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary 15-minute consultation. I provide counseling for couples and individuals in English or in Spanish at our Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs offices. For more information about my approach, click here. Read: "How Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Can Help Couples: Part II"

Psychiatric medications are often an essential component of mental health treatment and recovery. They are frequently used in combination with psychotherapy or counseling to stabilize psychiatric symptoms. The decision to use medication to improve your mental health is personal and something you should be very comfortable with. Psychiatric medications work by targeting our brain’s naturally occurring chemical messengers known as neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are what make it possible for our brain cells to communicate with one another. We have many types of neurotransmitters, each with a different purpose making it possible for our body to function both physically and emotionally. I am sure you have heard of Serotonin, but did you know it is a neurotransmitter? It is fabulous for helping you achieve that zen moment everyone is striving for and it is often referred to as the “feel-good hormone”. Serotonin helps to manage our sleep-wake cycle, appetite, mood, and our overall well-being. However, if you are deficient in serotonin you can expect to feel sad and maybe even hopeless, helpless, or suicidal. Dopamine is another well-known neurotransmitter that has many neat functions. It helps with movement and coordination, motivation, and cognitive function. Dopamine is also the major reward center in our brain, meaning it is responsible for pleasure! Unfortunately, dopamine is also the main reason we develop bad habits like an addiction. Too much dopamine can lead to mania and schizophrenia while too little dopamine can result in Parkinson's disease and depression. Some research suggests that Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a result of a decrease in dopamine though we don’t fully understand the exact cause. Norepinephrine (also known as Noradrenaline), is the main neurotransmitter of the sympathetic nervous system, so it is working to manage your heart rate, blood pressure, and the other organs in your body without you needing to worry at all. It is derived from dopamine and is great for helping us with focus and concentration. Norepinephrine helps us remain alert and is responsible for our fight or flight response during stressful situations. Lack of norepinephrine leads to depression, fatigue, and poor concentration. Gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) is frequently referred to as the “calming neurotransmitter” because of its ability to decrease our nervous system activity resulting in reduced excitability, anxiety, and improved sleep patterns. GABA sounds great right? However, too much GABA can result in lethargy, decreased memory, and concentration. Now that we have discussed in very basic terms a few of the amazing neurotransmitters responsible for our ability to function, let’s move on to the types of medications commonly used in psychiatry. Depending on the focus of psychiatric treatment, there are several classes of medications for your provider to choose from. The medications within each of these classes work to either block or enhance the activity of neurotransmitters known to impact our mental health. Antidepressants are commonly prescribed in psychiatry as they can relieve symptoms of depression, anxiety and even insomnia, and chronic pain conditions. Antidepressants often target serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine Antipsychotics are used to treat symptoms of psychosis such as delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia. Antipsychotics are also helpful in stabilizing mania related to bipolar disorder. However, if you do not experience such symptoms and your prescriber recommended an antipsychotic don’t worry, they are often used in lower doses to augment treatment of severe depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Antipsychotics target dopamine. Sedatives, Hypnotics, and Anxiolytics basically do exactly as their name suggests. This class of medication is used to create a calming effect, promote sleep, and reduce anxiety. The use of these medications should be short-term as our body can become dependent on them over time and require higher doses to achieve the same effect which is called tolerance. Sedatives, Hypnotics, and Anxiolytics work by targeting the GABA receptors. Stimulants are a class of medications that enhance our brain activity allowing us to feel more awake and alert. These are commonly prescribed for individuals who struggle with focus and concentration which is one of the main components of Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Stimulants work by over-activating dopamine and norepinephrine. Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT) is used to help individuals dealing with addiction to opioids like pain medication, heroin, and fentanyl as well as alcohol use. The desired outcome of MAT is to act on the brain's neurotransmitters to reduce cravings for the substance of abuse and also to block the euphoric effect of opioids and alcohol in the event of a relapse. Therefore, minimizing the likelihood of continued use. MAT medications target dopamine receptors. I have provided you with a very basic blueprint of the different classes of psychiatric medications and the neurotransmitters they target. It is important to understand there is no magic pill to ease your struggles. Most medications take time, typically 4-6 weeks to reach the maximum therapeutic effect for that dose. If you have not achieved the desired result after allowing appropriate time for your medication to become effective, discontinuing your medication is discouraged as the dose may just need to be adjusted. If you are experiencing unpleasant side effects, communicate with your health care provider as it is important for them to be aware of when it comes to future treatment planning. Additionally, medication alone can only do so much. Medication combined with therapy and other lifestyle changes can produce amazing outcomes. Taking psychiatric medications can be scary, especially if it is your first time. My last piece of advice is to not believe everything you hear from friends and family or read on the internet. Remember, everyone’s experience is unique. If you are prescribed medication, but your friend hated it because they experienced negative side-effects for “it just didn’t work”... I encourage you to consider all extraneous factors involved including: What other medications were they taking and did they have a poor interaction? How long did they try it for? What dose did they start at? Did they give it a fair trial? Is it possible they also combined their medication with alcohol and drugs making it ineffective or producing negative effects? How does their situation differ from yours? How is your support system different from theirs? When I am working with my clients, I remind them of these factors often. No two situations are the same, even within family units. As I stated at the beginning of this article, the decision to take psychiatric medication is a personal one and something you need to be comfortable with. You also need to feel comfortable with your psychiatric provider. Prior to starting medications make sure you ask any questions you may have. While taking medications, if you have concerns contact your provider for guidance. If you are experiencing mental health challenges and wish to discuss whether mediation is a good option for you, please contact me today for a complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. Your initial session at our Coral Springs, Florida office will require a psychiatric evaluation with treatment planning and then follow-up medication management as determined appropriate based on your needs. We will review the benefits and side effects of your medication and make adjustments as required. Counseling and psychotherapy may also be recommended depending on your specific issue. I look forward to speaking with you!

A question you may be asking is why make the distinction that LGBTQ+ couples should expect anything different out of couples/marriage therapy from heterosexual couples? After all, LGBTQ+ couples also struggle with typical relationship problems such as trust, intimacy, communication, and conflict resolution issues (all of which are commonly addressed in couples therapy). It’s important to note that every couple is unique, regardless of their sexual orientation and/or their gender expression. However, there are some presenting problems that are unique TO LGBTQ+ couples that they can feel confident and comfortable addressing in their couples therapy sessions. Coming Out - The coming out process looks different for each person on this journey, however, when you are in a relationship, you're coming out process may also affect your partner. Challenges can arise when each partner in the relationship is at a different stage of the coming out process, for example, a fully out person dating a closeted person or semi-out individual. Other obstacles such as self-acceptance of your sexuality and/or gender identity and sharing your sexuality and/or gender identity with loved ones can also affect LGBTQ+ couples in many ways. The couples therapy process can help create a safe, supportive place to navigate and overcome these battles, assisting you in the coming out process at your own speed. It is important to note that a trained couples therapist can tailor the couples therapy experience to meet you and your partner where you’re at and manage your own specific/unique needs. Roles - LGBTQ+ couples can often face challenges that are unique to same-sex relationships. For example, it can be common in straight relationships for couples to adapt their roles to “gender norms” such as “housewife duties” or “the working husband”. Some same-sex couples face the challenge of assigning specific roles to their relationship. The goal is to be able to assign roles that are best suited for each individual to help make the relationship a collaborative partnership. Couples therapy can help to explore exactly what these roles look like for your specific relationship, those that suit your preferences, strengths, and ability to contribute to the relationship in a mutually beneficial way. Expectations - Expectations are an equally important topic to explore with LGBTQ+ couples. It can be common for same-sex couples to face challenges when the behaviors or habits of their partner are not matching up to their own expectations. Couples often have different ideas of what is acceptable, or what appropriate behaviors are when it comes to matters such as friendships or forming emotional connections with others. These things may translate into jealousy and insecurities within the relationship. Communicating about your expectations of your partner’s behaviors and clearly defining boundaries is a beneficial practice that can be done in couples therapy to help you to understand your partner’s expectations, explore a deeper insight into these behaviors and intentions while developing healthy compromise skills if needed. This is a necessary practice in order to eliminate things such as jealousy, criticism, and defensiveness in LGBTQ+ relationships. Family Conflict - Navigating family conflict can be difficult regardless of the conflict matter at hand, but disclosing and/or discussing your sexual orientation or gender identity to your family can be particularly tricky in certain cases. In LGBTQ+ couples therapy, you can expect to learn how to better manage family affairs, how to incorporate your partner into your family life, and address any beliefs, fears, and anxiety that may burden you or your family. Couples therapy can help prepare you for this step and process through this journey in a collaborative environment to benefit you and your partner’s relationship and your own mental health. Sex - Sex should be a major topic of discussion in all romantic relationships. With sex comes a lot of different topics that need to be explored. It’s important to discuss each partner’s specific sexual preferences, the sexual boundaries you have set for yourself and your partner, you and your partner’s experience and comfort levels, and the important matter of sexual health. Sex is meant to be a mutually pleasurable experience for both individuals, and the more clear you are about one another’s sexual wants and needs, the better experience you and your partner BOTH have together. Couples therapy can be a safe and supportive place for you and your partner to explore these dynamics and reach a deeper level of understanding and insight to ultimately improve your sex lives. If you and your partner feel ready to begin having these deeper conversations, your couples therapist can help you begin discussing different wants, needs, and boundaries to explore in the bedroom. Monogamy - Monogamy and open relationships are a matter that often presents itself as a topic of discussion in LGBTQ+ relationships. Maybe you or your partner wants to explore an open relationship. Maybe you or your partner wants to explore multiple intimate, emotional, and romantic experiences. The concept of monogamy is a topic that can create conflict in the relationship if each partner wants a different dynamic. Couples therapy provides an opportunity to advocate for your own relationship dynamic desires and establish boundaries and a compromise that may be necessary to keep the relationship functioning in a healthy, safe manner. The 3 C’s Communication, Compromise, & Conflict Resolution At the end of the day, regardless of the presenting problems you are facing in your relationship, I am reverting back to “the 3 C’s” which I commonly address in my couples therapy practice. Communication, Compromise, and Conflict Resolution. These 3 skills are the core components to any and all relationships and LGBTQ+ couples can learn to adequately navigate through any problems or barriers in their relationship with a solid foundation of these skills. Through the use of The 3 C's and LGBTQ+ couples therapy, you and your partner can learn to better connect, overcome problems, and become empowered to build your healthiest, happiest relationship. Start Your Journey Today It is of the utmost importance that you find an affirmative couples therapist who is specifically trained in the unique matters that LGBTQ+ individuals and couples face and at Bayview Therapy you can find just that. If you and your partner are interested in LGBTQ+ couples therapy, call today at 954-391-5305 for your complimentary consultation. I would love to support you in your journey of becoming the best version of yourself and taking your relationship to the next level. I look forward to speaking with you!

Often those experiencing depression have a difficult time pinpointing the reasons why. In fact, aside from wanting to feel better, many seek therapy to find answers to this exact question. For some, the answer is both simple and complex at the same time… it’s underlying trauma. Depression is characterized by feelings of intense sadness and hopelessness, a lack of interest in daily activities, difficulty with sleep, low energy, poor concentration or indecisiveness, and patterns of negative thinking. Some will feel almost empty inside and others will be riddled with guilt and feelings of worthlessness causing them to isolate themselves from others. Several of the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, overlap with those of depression; i.e. difficulty with sleep, negative thinking, overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame, little to no interest in daily activities, and isolation from people and places associated with traumatic memories and events. Now, this does not mean that every person experiencing depression also has a history of trauma, but those with a history of trauma are more susceptible to experiencing depression in life, particularly those with childhood trauma. Early life trauma is significant because it can have a ripple effect on your later life experiences. Trauma is subjective because it is solely determined by how each individual internalizes and responds to an experience. It’s not the same for everyone across the board. Trauma is NOT the event or stimulus, it’s our emotional and physiological response to the event or stimulus. In childhood, we are vulnerable. Our sense of safety and security is often in the hands of those around us, and when a child experiences trauma that’s repeated over time it creates a compounded impact on their emotional and physical functioning. At the core of trauma, we are dealing with your body’s stress response, the fight-flight-freeze-fawn response. When you are in a situation and a threat is present, your central nervous system, specifically your sympathetic nervous system, kicks into action to prepare you to respond in a way that allows you to survive the threat. Your brain gases up your body with hormones that help you respond. This can lead to chronic stress in the body when it happens over and over again. Chronic stress at an early age can affect the growth and development of parts of your brain and can reduce the production of feel-good hormones like oxytocin. Stress is one of the biggest risk factors for the onset of depression. Again, not every person with childhood trauma will experience depression later on in life, but there is a lot of research that supports the connection between them. In fact, chronic stress and trauma are underlying factors for many mental and emotional problems, but that’s a discussion for another day. If you or someone you know is experiencing depression, please get connected to a therapist or psychologist that can help you learn how to better manage the symptoms and gain strategies to overcome them. There are concrete steps that you can take to improve your day-to-day life, and with the support of a therapist, you can also uncover the parts of your past that are interfering with your ability to feel happy today. I specialize in helping adults overcome depression, anxiety, and trauma with traditional talk therapy and EMDR therapy in Coral Springs, Florida as well as online across the state of Florida. Call me today at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary consultation and begin your healing journey. I look forward to seeing how I can help you become the best version of yourself. You deserve it!