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All you want is for your teen to grow  into the excellent young adult you know they’ll be ,  but the day-to-day of parenting a teen can be tough. Slammed doors, eye rolls, nonsense slang, total silence, crying jags, or sudden irritation are all common hallmarks of the teen years, and they can easily stress a parent out. You worry about defiance,  you see how they meet your anger with their own anger , and you aren’t sure how to get them to listen.  Understanding your teen , what they’re thinking, and what they’re going through as adolescents in a very different era from when you were a teen, can help make parenting them easier on everyone. Their moodiness isn’t personal, and there’s room in your home for both respect from your teen and honest and open expression of how they’re feeling. It’s your job as a parent to strike that balance and start with understanding. Secret #1 - Your teen still needs you Your teen may not ask for time with you often, but  don’t assume that means they don’t need you in their life . Teens often struggle to show vulnerability; they are trying to be independent, but they still want and need guidance, love, and family time, even if they struggle to admit it.  Consistently offering your teen time can help you build solid trust and care. Your teen will probably turn you down sometimes, maybe more often than not, but keep offering anyway; graciously accepting your teen’s “no” at the start of this approach makes it easier for them to start to say “yes”. Secret #2 - Listening without judgment helps your teen feel safe opening up When your teen does open up , you may want to jump right into problem-solving mode, giving them advice and sharing your wisdom. While this might seem like it’ll help your teen, it can feel like criticism or like you just don’t “get” what your teen is going through, and it can shut teens down.  Often, your teen isn’t yet ready to take advice or make changes; they need to think through and talk through what they’re experiencing first. Give them that space where you listen thoughtfully, you validate how they’re feeling (even if you don’t agree, show them that you see their point of view), and you ask questions to help them make up their own mind, e.g., “ How do you feel about that ?” “ What would you like to do ?” “ What would you do differently ?”, etc.  Offer your teen time where you listen (without judgment, arguing, or correction), and they’ll start to open up to you more. Offer them time where you’re just hanging out as a family, and they’ll choose to stay home sometimes. Offer them time where you involve them in the household, where they get to make their own choices, and they’ll be more engaged in participating with the family. Secret #3 - Teens need space to try out new points of view One side-effect of listening to your teen  is seeing all the ways they disagree with you. While this can be frustrating for a parent, understanding your teen’s sometimes petty or ridiculous differences of opinion can help you let go of some of that frustration. Understand that a teen will often try out a different opinion from their parents because they are trying to differentiate themselves from the family, in a way that asserts autonomy and independence.  They’re also operating  from a perspective built from their life experience (that is likely very different from your own at their age), and even though that experience may be limited, it is a real, valid experience. They aren’t trying to be disrespectful; they’re trying to grow up, and as annoying as it can be, it’s important as the parent to “agree to disagree”. Now, this isn’t to say that you need to let bigotry, rudeness, or harmful ideas go. When you notice your teen is being disagreeable as a way to be annoying, let it go. When you notice they’re slipping into dangerous thought patterns or philosophies, it’s time to talk. But again, this is a time to keep your cool, to explain why you’re concerned, give your teen more perspective through real-life experience (volunteering with those less fortunate, spending time with people who speak out against the impacts of bigotry or harm, etc.), and to take a more involved approach than just “because I said so!” Secret #4 - You may need to reframe your assessment:  Is it disrespect, or dysregulation? It can be easy to assume that your teen’s bad mood is just them being disrespectful, and it can be easy to respond with anger, punishment, and demands of respect. You do work hard as a parent, and it can feel pretty insulting to be on the receiving end of a bad attitude! Don’t assume your teen is being disrespectful. Try to find out if something else is going on in their life that is overwhelming them.  Here’s the thing about teens: they’re still children in many ways.  Emotional regulation  is one of those ways. They’re experiencing a lot more emotional complexity than when they were younger, and they haven’t learned all the ways to handle that complexity. They may be struggling with something in life they aren’t quite sure how to share, so it can come out in anger, sadness, or silence in moments where it doesn’t make sense, like a calm family dinner, a normal drive home from school, or a routine Saturday morning chore session. Secret #5 - Your teen is dealing with more than you know A lot of parents assume teens don’t have much to worry about in life , but that’s far from the truth. School pressures, social pressures (both in real life and online), worries about the future, stress from discord in the home, mental health concerns, and more impact teens every day. Think about what might be going on with your teen, and why they might be struggling with feelings they aren’t expressing well. A little understanding can go a long way toward making teens’ moods feel much less personal, and it can help you start conversations through careful, open-ended questions to help them talk through how they’re feeling.  Maybe they just broke up with a partner, and in their sadness, they shut down. Maybe there’s trouble in their friend group, and they’re anxious and sad because of the change. Maybe they’re struggling with a specific school subject or are having a hard time focusing in class, and they’re trying to hide that out of shame, so it comes out as impatience. Maybe they’re ready to quit sports, even though they’ve spent a lot of their young life on a team, and they’re scared to disappoint you. Maybe they’re dealing with sibling rivalry, trying to figure out their sexuality or gender identity, or they’re being hit hard by parental discord but don’t know how to express how they’re feeling, so it boils over into tears and anger.  Bonus - Putting it all together Raising teens is rarely straightforward. The five secrets you’ve read: (1) staying present even when they pull away, (2) listening without judgment, (3) allowing room for independence, (4) recognizing when “disrespect” is really dysregulation, and (5) remembering that your teen is juggling far more than you might see, are all part of the same theme:  connection through understanding.  When parents shift from reacting to relating, teens feel safer, more seen, and more willing to communicate. You can’t control every choice your teen makes, but you can influence how safe they feel coming to you when life gets hard. Therapy for Teens, Parents & Families in Broward County Parenting a teen can feel like walking a tightrope, trying to balance love, structure, and independence all at once. You want to guide your teen toward adulthood while still keeping your connection strong? It’s easy to feel unsure about what helps and what hurts. That’s where  therapy can make a real difference . Whether your family comes in together, your teen attends individually, or you seek guidance as a parent, therapy offers a calm, nonjudgmental space to learn new tools, understand one another, and practice healthier communication at home. For families, therapy can be a place to reset, a place where everyone’s perspective is heard and validated. It’s not about pointing fingers or assigning blame; it’s about building skills for listening, boundaries, and emotional regulation that make day-to-day life smoother. Teens often open up more easily in therapy, too. With a neutral adult who understands the developmental changes and pressures they’re facing, they can explore what’s beneath their behavior - anxiety, sadness, pressure , or identity questions - and start to express themselves more clearly and calmly. Even if you just come in for parent sessions, that time can help you reflect, regroup, and learn strategies that support both your teen and your own well-being. From managing conflict and communication to understanding the emotional needs behind your teen’s behavior, therapy helps you approach parenting from a place of confidence and compassion. At Bayview Therapy we specialize in helping families reconnect and grow stronger through every stage of adolescence. Together, we’ll build a path forward that helps you and your teen feel more secure, understood, and connected, no matter what challenges come your way.  Contact us for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305  to discuss how we can help you, your teen and your family. For more information about Alexa von Oertzen, click here . Alexa offers counseling for teens, adults and families at our beautiful offices in Coral Springs and Fort Lauderdale , Florida.

Many of us grew up believing our childhood was “fine.” We had food, clothes, and parents who cared for us and tried their best. Yet as adults, we may begin to notice subtle patterns in our emotions and relationships that suggest something deeper was missing. A lack of emotional connection. Emotional needs in childhood are just as vital as physical ones. When those needs are not met, even unintentionally, it can shape how we see ourselves, connect with others, and cope with life’s challenges. However, healing is possible, and understanding what you did not receive and learning to meet those needs as an adult can lead to profound emotional growth and self-compassion. Understanding Emotional Needs in Childhood Emotional needs are the invisible foundation of healthy psychological development. They help children feel safe, loved, and valued, forming the basis for self-worth. While every child is unique, some of the most essential emotional needs include: Safety and stability: Feeling protected, cared for, and confident that caregivers are consistent and reliable. Love and affection: Receiving warmth, comfort, and emotional connection through touch, words, and attention. Validation and acceptance: Having emotions acknowledged and accepted without judgment or dismissal. Encouragement and support: Being guided and celebrated for one’s efforts, not just achievements. Boundaries and structure: Having dependable adults who create safety and security through clear limits, routines, and predictable guidance. Autonomy and self-expression: Feeling free to explore, make mistakes, and develop a sense of self without shame or control. There is a biological need to feel unconditional love, acceptance, and safety, and when these needs are met consistently, children internalize the message: I am worthy, safe, and loved . When they are not, the child often learns: I have to earn love. I am too much. My feelings do not matter . How Unmet Emotional Needs Show Up in Adulthood Even if you had a “good” childhood, you may still carry the effects of emotional neglect or unmet needs. Emotional neglect does not always involve abuse or trauma. Sometimes it is the absence of something essential rather than the presence of harm that can create a response within you. Some common signs that your emotional needs may not have been fully met as a child are: 1. Difficulty identifying or expressing emotions You might feel numb, disconnected, or unsure of what you are feeling. If emotions were ignored or minimized as a child (“You’re fine,” “Stop crying,” “Don’t be dramatic”), you may have learned to suppress them. 2. Over-functioning and perfectionism Children who had to earn love or approval through performance often grow into adults who overachieve, take care of others, and struggle to rest without guilt . 3. Fear of rejection or abandonment If love felt conditional, you may constantly worry about being left or unloved. You might cling to relationships or avoid closeness altogether to protect yourself from potential loss. You may also find yourself worrying about what other people think of you if free self-expression was not supported. 4. Chronic self-doubt and low self-worth Without emotional validation, children often internalize the belief that their feelings or needs are “wrong.” Over time, this can develop into a core belief that they themselves are unworthy of care, attention, or love. As adults, this can show up as an inner voice that is harsh, critical, or dismissive. 5. Overdependence or hyper-independence Some adults respond to unmet emotional needs by becoming highly dependent on others to meet those needs for them. For others, it leads to avoiding vulnerability and becoming overly self-reliant. Both patterns are protective strategies that form in response to emotional deprivation. 6. Difficulty trusting or setting boundaries If caregivers were inconsistent, intrusive, or emotionally unavailable, trust and boundaries can become confusing. You may not know how much closeness feels safe or appropriate, and may struggle to establish healthy limits. This can look like boundaries that are too rigid to protect yourself, or too loose in the hope of gaining acceptance. Recognizing these patterns is not about blaming your parents, it is about understanding your emotional foundations and patterns so you can begin to heal and meet your own needs. How to Reflect on Whether Your Emotional Needs Were Met Taking an honest look at your early experiences can be both eye-opening and emotional. Here are some gentle reflection questions to explore: Were your emotions acknowledged, or were you told to “get over it”? When you were upset, did someone comfort you or were you left to handle it alone? Did your caregivers seem emotionally available and interested in your inner world? Were you allowed to express anger, sadness, or fear safely? Did you feel accepted as you were, or did you have to perform, behave, or achieve to earn approval? Did you feel protected and supported during times of stress or change? If you notice gaps, it is not too late to fill them. That’s where reparenting comes in. What Is Reparenting? Reparenting is the process of learning to give yourself the love, validation, and care you did not receive as a child. It is about becoming the nurturing, compassionate adult you needed back then and still need today. Reparenting helps you learn to identify your needs and develop an internal sense of safety and self-compassion. It does not erase the past, but it helps you rewrite how you relate to yourself in the present. How to Begin Reparenting Yourself Reparenting is a lifelong process, but it starts with small, intentional acts of awareness and care. Below are some key steps to begin this healing journey. 1. Acknowledge Your Inner Child Your inner child represents the emotional part of you that formed in childhood and still carries the memories, needs, and feelings from that time. It represents the younger you who may still be seeking safety, understanding, and connection. Try visualizing your younger self. What did they need? Comfort? Safety? Encouragement? You might say to yourself: “I see you. You didn’t deserve to feel that way. I am here for you now.” This compassionate acknowledgment creates a bridge between your past and present self. 2. Validate Your Feelings When you were a child, you might have been told your feelings were “too much” or “not a big deal.” As an adult, you can now provide the validation you did not receive. Reflect on what you would have wanted or needed to hear as a child to feel comforted. Practice saying: “It makes sense that I feel this way.” “My emotions are valid and deserve attention.” Validation does not mean indulging every emotion, it means giving yourself permission to feel without shame. Begin to simply notice your emotions without judgement or labeling them as good or bad. 3. Build Emotional Safety Reparenting often starts with learning to soothe yourself. This might look like practicing grounding exercises, mindful breathing , or journaling to stay connected to your body and emotions. You can also establish routines that promote safety, such as regular meals, sleep, and time for rest. Consistency builds the internal stability that may have been missing in childhood. 4. Learn to Meet Your Needs Ask yourself regularly: What do I need right now? This question can be surprisingly difficult if your needs were often dismissed growing up. Needs can include rest, comfort, reassurance, solitude, or connection. The more you practice tuning in, the easier it becomes to respond with care instead of criticism. 5. Challenge the Inner Critic Your inner critic often echoes the voices of caregivers, teachers, or others who made you feel “not enough.” Reparenting involves replacing that voice with one of compassion and encouragement. When you catch your inner critic saying, “You’re so lazy” or “You should be doing more,” try responding: “I am doing my best. I deserve kindness, not punishment.” When your inner critic arises, ask yourself: “What would a loving parent say in this moment?” Over time, this shift transforms your internal dialogue from one of judgment to one of understanding. 6. Set Boundaries Children who lacked emotional safety often grew up with blurry or nonexistent boundaries . As an adult, reparenting means protecting yourself emotionally and physically from situations or people that drain you. Boundaries are a form of self-love. They say, “ My well-being matters. ” 7. Seek Support The reparenting process does not have to be done alone. Therapy can be a powerful space to process unmet needs, develop self-compassion, and learn new emotional skills. A therapist can help you identify patterns rooted in childhood and guide you toward healthier, more nurturing ways of relating to yourself and others. The Healing Power of Self-Compassion Reparenting is not about blaming your caregivers, it is about recognizing that they could only give what they knew how to give. Extending compassion to yourself often opens the door to extending compassion to them too, without excusing the pain you experienced. Healing unmet emotional needs means shifting from self-blame to self-understanding. You begin to see that your struggles with anxiety, relationships, or self-esteem are not personal flaws but natural responses to unmet needs. As you continue reparenting yourself, you may notice subtle but powerful changes: You speak to yourself with more kindness. You honor your emotions instead of suppressing them. You set limits without guilt. You feel safer, calmer, and more whole. That is the essence of reparenting, building the inner home you always needed. What to Do Next If this resonates with you, take it as an invitation to slow down and listen inwardly. You might start journaling about what your inner child needs from you, or practicing gentle affirmations like: “I am learning to care for myself.” “My needs matter.” “I can create safety within me.” Consider working with a therapist who specializes in inner child work, attachment, or trauma-informed therapy. Healing is about reconnection, not perfection. You cannot change the past, but you can absolutely change the way it lives inside you. By reparenting yourself, you become both the caretaker and the cared-for, finally giving yourself the emotional nourishment you have always deserved. You may not have had all your emotional needs met as a child, as few people do, but it is never too late to meet them now. Healing begins when you recognize what was missing, honor your story, and start showing up for yourself in the ways you always needed someone else to. If You Need Additional Support, Counseling Can Help If you’re struggling in this area, you don’t have to go through it alone. At Bayview Therapy, we specialize in working with children, adults, couples and families facing a variety of challenges. Together, we can begin the process of healing, rebuilding, or finding clarity on the best path forward. Call Bayview Therapy today at 954-391-5305 for your complimentary consultation. Ask to speak with Nicole Giacchino, LMHC. For more information about Nicole’s approach to counseling for teens or adults, click here . Nicole offers therapy sessions in-person at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs offices or virtually throughout Florida. Let’s work together to create the peace, clarity, and connection you deserve.

Para las familias que crían niños con ansiedad, TDAH u otros rasgos de neurodivergencia, la vida diaria puede traer desafíos únicos. Los perros no son solo compañeros leales: también brindan apoyo emocional, estructura y consuelo que ayudan a los niños a desarrollarse. Desde reducir el estrés hasta fomentar habilidades sociales, los perros desempeñan un papel esencial en el bienestar emocional y familiar. Comodidad emocional y alivio del estrés Los perros tienen una habilidad increíble para percibir las emociones y responder con amor incondicional. Simplemente acariciar o abrazar a un perro puede: Disminuir los niveles de cortisol (la hormona del estrés) Aumentar la oxitocina (la hormona del amor y la conexión) Reducir el ritmo cardíaco y promover la calma Para los niños neurodivergentes, la presencia diaria de un perro ofrece una fuente constante de seguridad y consuelo que les ayuda a regular sus emociones. Rutina, responsabilidad y estructura Los niños con TDAH u otros rasgos neurodivergentes suelen beneficiarse de rutinas predecibles. Los perros crean naturalmente estructura, ya que necesitan ser alimentados, paseados y jugar a horas regulares. Cuidar de un perro puede ayudar a los niños a: Desarrollar responsabilidad y sentido del compromiso Mejorar la gestión del tiempo Experimentar un sentido de propósito y logro Habilidades sociales y conexión Los perros también pueden servir como un puente social para los niños que tienen dificultades con la comunicación o la ansiedad social. Pasear al perro, jugar en el parque o simplemente interactuar con la mascota fomenta: La interacción social y las conversaciones espontáneas La empatía, al aprender a reconocer las necesidades y sentimientos del perro La confianza al relacionarse con otros y manejar sus propias emociones Apoyo para niños neurodivergentes Las investigaciones muestran que los niños con autismo, TDAH o antecedentes de trauma responden de manera muy positiva a la presencia predecible, sin juicios y sensorialmente reconfortante de los perros. Algunos beneficios incluyen: Un compañero constante y tranquilo que ayuda a manejar la sobrecarga sensorial Motivación para seguir rutinas y practicar la autorregulación Un ancla emocional durante momentos de estrés o incertidumbre Beneficios terapéuticos y familiares Los perros también se utilizan en terapias asistidas con animales, ayudando a los niños a procesar emociones, desarrollar estrategias para enfrentar el estrés y comunicarse con mayor apertura. Dentro del hogar: El cuidado compartido del perro fortalece el trabajo en equipo y los lazos familiares Los perros ofrecen consuelo y estabilidad en momentos difíciles Los niños aprenden valores importantes como la paciencia, el respeto, la empatía y el amor Consejos para las familias Elige un perro que se adapte al estilo de vida familiar:  considera el tamaño, nivel de energía y temperamento. Involucra a los niños en los cuidados:  alimentarlo, cepillarlo o sacarlo a pasear refuerza la responsabilidad y la confianza. Crea momentos de conexión:  jugar, entrenar o compartir tiempo de cariño ayuda a regular las emociones. Usa al perro como herramienta de apoyo:  inclúyelo en actividades calmantes o en momentos de ansiedad o estrés. Conclusión Los perros ofrecen mucho más que compañía: son anclas emocionales, puentes sociales y aliados terapéuticos para los niños con ansiedad, TDAH y otras formas de neurodivergencia. Al dar la bienvenida a un perro en tu familia, no solo ganas una mascota, sino un verdadero compañero en el crecimiento emocional, social y personal de tus hijos. Los perros ofrecen mucho más que compañía: son apoyos emocionales, puentes sociales y aliados terapéuticos para niños con ansiedad, TDAH y otros rasgos neurodivergentes. Al darle la bienvenida a un perro en tu familia, no solo estás ganando una mascota, sino un compañero que ayuda a tus hijos en su desarrollo emocional y social. Si estás buscando apoyo adicional para tu familia, la terapia puede ayudarte. Ofrecemos servicios de consejería para niños, adolescentes, adultos, parejas y familias en nuestras oficinas de Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs y Plantation, Florida. Llama al 954-391-5305  para una consulta gratuita y conversar sobre cómo podemos ayudarte. Para obtener más información sobre Lorena Arrarte  y sus servicios de consejería en inglés y español para niños, adolescentes y familias en Fort Lauderdale y Coral Springs, haz clic aquí.

Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful can feel like the wind has been knocked out of you. The ground shifts beneath your feet. Everything you thought you knew about your relationship suddenly feels uncertain. In the aftermath, you may find yourself asking: “Why did this happen?” “Wasn’t I enough?” “Can we ever come back from this?” These are painful questions and incredibly valid ones. Infidelity , whether emotional or physical, shakes the very foundation of a relationship because it breaches the things we all long for in our partnerships: trust, safety, and connection. While it’s true that some couples don’t recover, many actually do. Healing is possible. In fact, many couples come out of the process stronger, more honest, and more deeply connected than they were before. Why Does Cheating Happen? Sometimes, infidelity is a one-time lapse in judgment. An impulsive mistake. You may hear your partner say, “I don’t know why I did this,” or “It meant nothing.” When opportunity, poor boundaries , or emotional vulnerability align, some individuals make decisions that are deeply hurtful and difficult to understand. In these cases, there may be no grand explanation just a moment where immaturity, stress, disconnection, or avoidance takes over. While this doesn’t excuse the behavior, it helps us understand the landscape of how cheating can occur. More often, though, infidelity is a symptom of deeper, unresolved issues within the relationship or the person who cheated. Exploring those underlying causes is critical to any recovery process. Here are a few of the most common root causes: Disconnection & Unmet Needs Many people report feeling emotionally distant or unfulfilled in their relationships before cheating occurred. When connection fades and efforts to reconnect go unacknowledged, some individuals look outside the relationship for validation or closeness. This isn’t about the other person, it’s about trying to fill a gap. Communication Breakdown When couples stop expressing their needs, concerns, or frustrations, resentment and misunderstanding can grow . Over time, emotional walls build up, leaving both partners feeling isolated. This disconnection makes room for outside attention to feel tempting or comforting. Personal Struggles Cheating can also stem from an internal crisis. Low self-esteem, depression, identity confusion, or feeling stuck can lead someone to seek out something - anything - that makes them feel alive or in control again. In these cases, infidelity is a misguided attempt to self-soothe or escape. The Aftermath: A Rollercoaster of Emotion After infidelity is revealed, emotions run high. Numbness, heartbreak, rage, and confusion often cycle through moment by moment. Many compare it to grieving. You’re not just mourning the betrayal , you’re mourning the relationship you thought you had. During this time, it’s important to know: you don’t have to make any big decisions right away. Focus on stabilizing. Let yourself feel. And most importantly, get support. Whether that’s through individual or couples therapy, healing begins when you don’t go through it alone. Can Your Relationship Survive This? Yes, sometimes it can. But surviving infidelity doesn’t mean sweeping things under the rug or pretending it never happened. It means starting over. Rebuilding something new. A relationship with stronger foundations, better communication, and deeper mutual understanding. Here are key ingredients for recovery: Mutual Willingness Both people need to be committed to the healing process. One person cannot do the work of two. Healing requires vulnerability, accountability, and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths together. Total Honesty There must be transparency moving forward. This means no minimizing, no blame-shifting, and no secrets. According to Dr. John Gottman , one of the foremost experts on relationships, full accountability is non-negotiable in rebuilding trust. Space for Processing The partner who was betrayed needs time and space to process. That includes asking hard questions, expressing emotions, and receiving empathy not defensiveness. Small Consistent Actions Trust isn’t rebuilt overnight . It takes time and consistency. Trust grows back when actions match words over and over again. Professional Support Couples counseling is essential. A skilled therapist provides structure, support, and a safe space to navigate the pain and work through the issues that led here. When It May Be Time to Walk Away Healing isn’t always the path forward. Some signs that it may be time to let go: Continued betrayal or dishonesty No signs of remorse or accountability Ongoing disrespect or emotional harm Exhaustion from trying without change Ending a relationship after infidelity isn’t a failure. Sometimes it’s an act of self-respect and an important step toward healing. Finding Meaning After Betrayal Infidelity changes things. But it doesn’t have to define you or the future of your relationships. With reflection, support, and time, this crisis can become a catalyst for growth. Some couples rebuild and become stronger . Others part ways and step into healthier patterns going forward. Whatever the outcome, healing is possible. Ready to Heal? If you’re navigating the painful road of infidelity, you don’t have to go through it alone. At Bayview Therapy, we specialize in working with individuals and couples facing betrayal and relationship challenges. Together, we can begin the process of healing, rebuilding, or finding clarity on the best path forward. Call Bayview Therapy today at 954-391-5305  for your complimentary consultation. Ask to speak with Jamie Ratowski, LMFT.  For more information about Jamie’s approach to couples therapy or counseling for adults, click here . Jamie offers therapy sessions in-person at our beautiful Plantation office or virtually throughout Florida. Let’s work together to create the peace, clarity, and connection you deserve.

One thing we can all count on in life is that challenges will come our way. Most of the time, we can manage those struggles on our own. We may talk with friends or family, or even consult resources online like ChatGPT, podcasts, or self-help books. But sometimes, it just isn’t enough. So you make the decision to begin counseling. Maybe it’s your first time, or maybe you’ve been in therapy before. Either way, you take the time to research the right therapist or group practice, and you schedule that first session. During your initial visit, your therapist will likely ask you what you want to get out of therapy. In other words, what would success look like for you? You leave that session with helpful suggestions or new insights into what might be contributing to your current struggle. You return for weekly sessions, and little by little, you begin to feel better. You may even find yourself wondering whether you still need to continue. But here’s what you may not realize. Behind the scenes, your therapist is getting to know you on a deeper level. They are gaining insight into not only the issue that brought you in, but also into the underlying beliefs, patterns , and emotional wounds that may be contributing to the challenges you face. A seasoned therapist will always honor your pace, knowing that true healing cannot be rushed. Timing is everything, and we only explore deeper layers when it feels safe and appropriate to do so. Of course, the decision to end therapy is always yours. If you feel that you've reached your goals and you're ready to wrap up, your therapist will respect that. But sometimes, just like in life, we may leave right before the most transformative part begins. Think of it like working with a personal trainer. Maybe your goal is to lose forty pounds and build strength. After losing twenty pounds and feeling more energized, you might think, “This is good enough.” And it is good, but you might be missing out on what’s possible if you see it through to the finish line. Therapy is no different. You deserve more than just feeling better. You deserve to feel whole, empowered, and fully alive. If you've already invested time, energy, and resources into your healing journey , give yourself the gift of finishing what you started. Often, the most meaningful breakthroughs happen just beyond the point where many people stop. So if you're in therapy, or thinking about starting, consider making the commitment to go all the way. It might just change your life in ways you never expected or thought possible. Ready to Take the Next Step in Your Healing Journey? At Bayview Therapy, we’re here to walk alongside you every step of the way. Whether you're just starting out in therapy or continuing deeper into your personal growth, our compassionate team of expert therapists and psychologists are ready to support you. We offer counseling for children, teens, adults, couples, and families at our tranquil offices located in Fort Lauderdale , Coral Springs , and Plantation , Florida. We also offer online therapy via a secure telehealth platform for those who reside in Florida. Call us today at 954-391-5305  for your complimentary consultation, or visit   www.BayviewTherapy.com  to learn more and get matched with the right therapist for you. For more information about David Schlagter, LCSW and his approach to working with teens, adults, couples and families at our Coral Springs office, click here .  You don’t have to go through it alone. We’re here to help.

For families raising children with anxiety , ADHD, or other neurodivergent traits, everyday life can come with unique challenges. Dogs aren’t just loyal companions, they can provide emotional support, structure, and comfort that helps children thrive. From reducing stress to encouraging social skills, dogs play a vital role in nurturing both emotional and family well-being. Emotional Comfort and Stress Relief: Dogs have a remarkable ability to sense emotions and respond with unconditional love. Simply petting or cuddling a dog can: Lower cortisol levels, the stress hormone Increase oxytocin, the hormone linked to love and bonding Reduce heart rate and promote calm For neurodivergent children, this daily presence offers a safe and comforting outlet to regulate emotions. Routine, Responsibility, and Structure: Children with ADHD or other neurodivergent traits often benefit from predictable routines. Dogs naturally create structure, as they require feeding, walking, and playtime at regular intervals. Caring for a dog can help children: Develop responsibility and accountability  Improve time management skills Experience a sense of purpose and accomplishment Social Skills and Connection: Dogs act as social bridges for children who may struggle with communication or social anxiety . Walking a dog, playing at the park, or simply interacting with a family pet encourages: Social interaction and conversation starters Empathy as children learn to understand the dog’s needs and feelings Confidence in managing relationships and emotional responses Support for Neurodivergent Kids: Research shows that children with autism, ADHD, or trauma histories often respond positively to the predictability, non-judgmental presence, and sensory comfort dogs provide . Some benefits include: A calm, consistent companion to help manage sensory overload Encouragement to explore routines and self-regulation Emotional grounding during stressful or unpredictable situations Therapeutic and Family Benefits: Dogs are often incorporated into animal-assisted therapy , helping children process emotions, develop coping skills, and communicate more openly. Within the family: Shared dog care strengthens teamwork and family bonds Dogs provide comfort and stability during high-stress moments Children learn important life values like patience, respect, empathy, and love Tips for Families: Choose a dog that fits your family’s lifestyle: Consider size, energy level, and temperament. Involve children in care routines: Feeding, grooming, and daily walks help to build responsibility and confidence. Create bonding moments: Daily play, training, or cuddle time reinforces emotional regulation. Use the dog as a support tool: Incorporate the dog in calming activities or during times of anxiety and stress. Need Additional Support For Your Family, Counseling Can Help! Dogs offer more than companionship, they are emotional anchors, social bridges, and therapeutic allies for children with anxiety, ADHD , and other neurodivergent traits. By welcoming a dog into your family, you’re not just gaining a pet, you’re gaining a partner in helping your children thrive, emotionally, socially, and developmentally. If you’re looking for additional support for your family, counseling can help. We offer therapy for children, teens, adults, couples and families at our counseling offices in Fort Lauderdale , Coral Springs , and Plantation , Florida. Call 954-391-5305  for your complimentary consultation to discuss how we can help.  For more information about Lorena Arrarte and her counseling services in English and Spanish for children, teens and families in Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs, click here .

Have you ever wondered why certain patterns in your relationships feel so hard to break, even when you know better? Maybe you find yourself pulling away when things get too close, or you worry your partner will leave at the first sign of conflict. Perhaps you feel stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, insecurity, or fear of abandonment. These struggles often trace back to early attachment wounds that shaped the way you learned to relate to others and to yourself. The good news is that healing relationship wounds and attachment styles is possible. One of the most effective therapies for healing deep emotional wounds and rebuilding secure connections in your relationships is Attachment-Focused Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, also known as AF-EMDR. This specialized form of EMDR therapy doesn’t just help people recover from trauma. It helps them move from a survival-based way of living to one that feels emotionally secure, connected, and fulfilling. In this blog, we’ll explore what attachment wounds are, how they show up in adult relationships, and how AF-EMDR can support lasting transformation in both your internal world and your relationships with others. What Are Attachment Wounds? Attachment wounds stem from early experiences where emotional needs were not met. These experiences often occur during childhood but can also develop in later relationships, especially when there is neglect, abuse, inconsistent caregiving, or emotional unavailability. Children depend on caregivers not only for physical survival but also for emotional regulation, safety, and connection. When those needs are consistently unmet or met in unpredictable ways, the child develops adaptive strategies to cope with the emotional pain. These adaptations often carry into adulthood. Some common signs of attachment wounds in adulthood include: Fear of intimacy or commitment Difficulty trusting others Over-functioning in relationships to gain approval People-pleasing or avoiding conflict at all costs Feeling anxious, clingy, or preoccupied in romantic relationships Pushing others away to avoid vulnerability Difficulty expressing emotions or setting boundaries Chronic feelings of emptiness or low self-worth Even when someone appears successful or “put together” on the outside, these internal wounds can quietly impact their happiness, relationships, and sense of self. Why Traditional Talk Therapy Isn’t Always Enough Talk therapy can be incredibly helpful for gaining insight and learning coping strategies. But when it comes to healing attachment trauma, insight alone often doesn’t create lasting change. That’s because attachment wounds live in the body and nervous system, not just in our conscious thoughts. These wounds are stored as implicit memories that can get activated even when we logically know we are safe or loved. You might recognize this if you’ve ever had a strong emotional reaction in a relationship that felt disproportionate to the situation. These reactions are often tied to old, unresolved experiences that haven’t been fully processed. This is where AF-EMDR shines. It works on a deeper level than cognitive talk therapy by targeting the emotional and somatic roots of attachment distress and helping the brain reprocess those memories in a safe and structured way. What Is Attachment-Focused EMDR? Attachment-Focused EMDR is a specialized approach developed by Dr. Laurel Parnell that builds on the foundation of standard EMDR therapy . While traditional EMDR is highly effective for treating PTSD and trauma, AF-EMDR goes a step further by specifically addressing relational and developmental trauma through a more nurturing and emotionally attuned lens. Key features of AF-EMDR include: Resourcing:  Before addressing painful memories, the therapist helps clients build a toolbox of internal and external resources. This may include visualizing nurturing figures, developing a sense of safety, and strengthening positive self-beliefs. Emotional attunement:  The therapist provides a warm, responsive presence that helps repair early relational ruptures through the therapeutic relationship itself. This is particularly healing for clients who lacked consistent emotional support growing up. Modified bilateral stimulation:  As with standard EMDR, AF-EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (like eye movements or tapping) to process stuck memories. However, in AF-EMDR, the pacing and techniques are tailored to honor the client’s emotional readiness and attachment needs. Repair and reparenting:  Clients are guided to revisit painful memories with their “resourced self,” creating new, corrective emotional experiences. The therapist may also encourage nurturing inner dialogue and self-compassion as part of the healing process. How AF-EMDR Heals Attachment Wounds AF-EMDR helps clients access and reprocess the emotional memories and beliefs that were formed in early attachment experiences. These might include core beliefs like: I am not lovable I have to be perfect to be accepted I cannot depend on anyone My needs are too much If I get too close, I’ll get hurt As these beliefs are gently unpacked and reprocessed through bilateral stimulation, clients begin to develop new, more secure beliefs about themselves and others. They can start to feel: I am worthy of love and connection My needs matter I can trust others and be vulnerable I don’t have to do it all alone It’s safe to express my emotions This transformation often leads to healthier boundaries, more fulfilling relationships , improved emotional regulation, and a stronger sense of self. What It Looks Like in Therapy Let’s say you’re a high-performing professional who excels at work but struggles in close relationships. Maybe you feel emotionally distant from your partner or fear being too much for the people you love. You’ve always been the one others rely on, but deep down, you crave someone to truly see and support you. In AF-EMDR, your therapist would start by helping you connect with internal resources that feel safe and grounding. You might imagine a nurturing figure who offers unconditional support or tap into a memory of a time you felt calm and connected. From there, you would begin exploring the root of your relationship challenges - perhaps a childhood memory where you felt rejected, ignored, or overly responsible for a parent’s emotions. Using bilateral stimulation, your brain would begin to reprocess this memory with the help of your resourced self. Over time, the emotional charge of the memory fades, and your beliefs about yourself shift. You may notice that you start to feel safer setting boundaries, more comfortable with emotional closeness, or less driven by the need to prove your worth. You might even find that your relationships feel less exhausting and more balanced. Who Can Benefit from Attachment-Focused EMDR? AF-EMDR can be life-changing for people who: Grew up in emotionally neglectful or abusive homes Struggle with insecure attachment styles Experience difficulties in romantic relationships Feel stuck in patterns of people-pleasing or self-sabotage Have a hard time trusting others or expressing vulnerability Are highly successful on the outside but feel emotionally unfulfilled Have tried talk therapy but still feel stuck in the same patterns It is especially powerful for those who consider themselves high-functioning yet quietly overwhelmed. Many clients in this category have learned to survive through achievement, self-reliance, or emotional suppression. But now they find those strategies are no longer working in relationships or personal fulfillment. From Survival Mode to Secure Attachment The journey from survival mode to secure attachment isn’t always easy, but it is deeply rewarding. AF-EMDR doesn’t just help people feel better. It helps them feel safer in their own bodies, more connected in their relationships, and more at peace with who they are. Clients often report that they: Feel more emotionally available and less reactive Are able to trust and receive love more fully Set and maintain healthier boundaries Experience fewer panic attacks or anxiety episodes No longer feel like they’re carrying the weight of the world As these changes take root, life begins to feel more expansive and less like a constant battle to stay in control. There is more room for joy, connection, and rest. Attachment Wounds Can Run Deep, But They Do Not Have to Define Your Story. Through the supportive and healing framework of Attachment-Focused EMDR , you can rewrite the narrative of your past, reconnect with your authentic self, and build relationships that feel secure, loving, and whole. Whether you are just beginning your healing journey or have been in therapy for years, AF-EMDR can offer a new and powerful way forward. It honors your story, meets you where you are, and helps you step into a life that is not just about surviving, but about thriving. You Deserve to Feel Secure and Connected If you’re in need of additional support for your relationship or personal healing journey, counseling can help. At Bayview Therapy, we offer compassionate, evidence-based counseling for adults and couples who want to improve or evaluate their relationships. Our experienced therapists are here to help you: Explore the next right step for your relationship Navigate difficult conversations with care and clarity Find peace in your decision, whatever it may be We provide counseling for children, teens, adults, couples and families at our Fort Lauderdale , Coral Springs , and Plantation offices in South Florida. We also offer convenient online therapy via a secure telehealth platform so you can receive support from the comfort of your home or while traveling. Call us at 954-391-5305  for your complimentary consultation so we can discuss how we can help. Remember, you are not alone on this journey and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. We’re here for you.

The drive for career success is a modern expression of the American Dream. For many, being “career-oriented” is a genuine reflection of passion and purpose. For them, the ideals of meritocracy, self-sufficiency, and determination are clear paths to a comfortable and stable life.  But for others, the pursuit of success feels burdensome and unsatisfying . They find that no matter how many accolades they amass, promotions they receive or respect they earn from colleagues, they remain quietly unfulfilled. Behind high-functioning façades, they wonder why achievement never seems to bring peace. But what if the problem isn’t what  they do, but why  they do it? Overachievement as a trauma response Overachievement may be a trauma response for these silently dissatisfied folks. Relentless productivity can be a way of managing deep emotional pain. Working hard becomes a way to stay safe, stay distracted, or stay in control. It becomes a way to earn worth or avoid abandonment. These patterns are often established early in life, in response to environments where love, safety, or approval had to be earned  rather than given freely. Not everyone who is burnt out or unsatisfied with their job is experiencing the negative effects of a trauma response. However, some clients who are may relate to the following descriptions: A young person who received praise only when excelling grew into an adult who equates self-worth with achievement. A young person who learned to suppress emotion to stay “strong” for the family became an adult who avoids vulnerability at all costs. A young person who experienced instability due to financial issues, divorce, or loss of a parent found comfort in the structure and predictability of a demanding career. A young person whose parent or parents struggled with addiction established safety in strict rules and expectations.  Help for the Hyper-Independent Many of these individuals have never considered therapy. After all, they’re seen - and see themselves - as capable, resilient, and successful. And they are! But beneath the surface, there’s a persistent ache: a sense of sadness, restlessness, or disconnection they can’t explain or justify. They’ve spent years telling themselves that they should  be happy. That a life filled with recognition, stability, and control is the ultimate goal. And when that still doesn’t feel like enough, they blame themselves for being ungrateful, weak, or broken. In my therapy practice, I work with high-achieving professionals who want to free themselves from their trauma response cycle and redefine success on their own terms. EMDR Can Create Change  Using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) I help clients process the unresolved experiences that fuel their compulsive striving. It allows us to access and reprocess the memories and beliefs that live beneath the surface… the ones that say, “I’m only lovable if I succeed,”  or “I have to stay in control to be safe.” Through this work, high-achieving clients begin to shift. They move from proving their worth to knowing  it. From chasing external validation to feeling internal alignment. Now, I know how my high-achievers think and they may be wondering, “If I change, then what will happen to my career?” Therapy doesn’t take away ambition. It clarifies it. By understanding what you’ve been through and how it shapes the way you move through the world, you can connect to a more authentic version of yourself, including all the resilience and strength you already possess, and reach goals you may have never imagined for yourself before. You deserve more than a life that just looks good on paper. If you’re ready to live a life that feels good in your mind, heart and body Contact Claire Clarkin today at 954-391-5305  for a complimentary phone consultation, and let’s discuss how EMDR therapy can help you thrive authentically. Claire provides counseling for adults at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale counseling office as well as online therapy via our secure telehealth platform. For more information about her approach to therapy or EMDR therapy, click here .

The Current State of Masculinity in American Culture In today’s culture, many men are caught in a difficult bind. Expectations around masculinity often push toward toughness, relentless achievement, and emotional silence. In the workplace, this may look like burning out in pursuit of productivity, sacrificing well-being for the sake of success, or avoiding collaboration out of fear of seeming “weak.” In relationships, it can show up as emotional withdrawal , defensiveness, or difficulty expressing vulnerability. For some, the pressure builds into unhealthy coping behaviors by engaging in substance use, gambling, or distractions that temporarily mask stress but ultimately intensify it. The cost of this “ unhealthy masculinity ” is steep. Men who feel trapped in rigid definitions of strength and success often struggle with anxiety , depression , or strained connections with partners, children, and colleagues. They may find themselves stuck in cycles of frustration, anger, or shame, unable to fully enjoy life because they’re always striving, proving, or numbing. What Healthy Masculinity Looks Like Healthy masculinity doesn’t mean abandoning strength, ambition, or independence… it means expanding them. It’s about learning to regulate emotions instead of suppressing them, tolerating frustration without lashing out, and practicing compassion not just toward others, but toward oneself. In the workplace, healthy masculinity allows men to set boundaries, manage stress effectively, and value teamwork without feeling diminished. In relationships, it opens space for communication , empathy, and authentic intimacy. Instead of masking discomfort with substances or compulsive behaviors, healthy masculinity leans on constructive coping skills: exercise, mindfulness, creativity, or reaching out for support. At its core, healthy masculinity integrates confidence with humility, determination with flexibility, and strength with tenderness. It’s the shift from feeling controlled by pressure to intentionally choosing a more balanced, grounded way of living. Answer the Call to Action We’re living in a time when old definitions of masculinity no longer serve men or the people who care about them. The opportunity now is to reimagine what it means to live as a man in a way that is both strong and emotionally alive. If you recognize yourself in the struggles of unhealthy masculinity, know that you’re not alone and that change is possible. Healthy masculinity is not about perfection ; it’s about growth. It starts with awareness, builds through practice, and is sustained through community and support. The invitation is simple: take one step toward redefining masculinity for yourself. Whether it’s pausing to listen to your own needs, having an honest conversation with a loved one, or reaching out for guidance, you have the power to shift from pressure to possibility. If you’d like to accept this invitation, or to simply learn more about healthy masculinity, please contact me (Dr. Jeffrey Mandelkorn) at 954-391-5305 . As a psychologist, I provide counseling for adults within the offices of Bayview Therapy in Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs , Florida and offer virtual support groups for men who want to redefine their masculinity. For more information about my psychological services, click here .  I look forward to speaking with you soon!

“ We are never so vulnerable as when we love .” — Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight Some couples seem to have it all… solid careers, money in the bank, health, a strong friend circle. On the outside, things look good. But internally, partners may find themselves in a painful loop where conflict rules the roost. One dynamic I often see in couples therapy is called the Pursuit-Withdraw Cycle: One partner pushes hard for closeness. Internally, they may feel anxious or unsettled when issues aren’t aired and discussed - afraid their complaints won’t be heard, and that they’ll be left hurt and alone, on-their-own to figure out solutions to the couple’s problems.  Family of origin histories, past traumas and other painful experiences often fuel the worry of the pursuer. They learned if they don’t do something , something bad (or nothing good) is going to happen. Unable to sit long with the primary feeling of sadness or helplessness, they will protest. Loudly. That is, after all, what gets a partner’s attention, isn’t it? If they can just get their partner to listen, they can tell them what’s wrong and how to fix it. Withdrawing Partner’s Response:   The withdrawing partner retreats in silence or runs for cover. They withdraw to gain space, time and to put distance from the heat of conflict . The withdrawer’s “flight” move is often concretized long before the marriage, a strategy to survive the pressures and demands of childhood and earlier relationships.  If pressed beyond their limits, the withdrawing partner will double down on finding solace. They move away not because they don’t care or don’t want to listen, but because they need space for things to cool off and for emotions to settle. They want to move rationally and calmly, or not at all.  However:   As the protesting partner sees their partner back away from an argument, their sadness and loneliness anticipate abandonment. Primary emotions escalate into anger or rage , which mask the good intentions of the pursuer.  Gripped in emotion, an anxious partner may sling mud or hurl insults, doing anything  to halt their partner from retreating in silence. I call this invoking the nuclear option. But the nuclear option doesn’t work:  If solace is blocked by a pursuer, the withdrawing partner typically shuts down further, closing off emotional connection, barricading themselves behind a wall, and if necessary, scaling the wall and running away (to work, hobbies, isolation, anywhere to avoid conflict ). This painful pattern distresses couples, leading some to want to call it quits.  However, as a world renowned couple’s researcher, trainer and author John Gottman  reminds us: Conflict is not the problem. It’s how you manage it that determines the success of your relationship. Unfortunately, when caught in a cycle of conflict, neither partner sees that beneath these protective moves lies something rather beautiful : a longing to connect. The Common Cycle: Pursuers and Withdrawers “Pursuers” and “withdrawers” are terms of art in attachment theory and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy  (EFCT) founded by Dr. Sue Johnson . While we all can be a bit of both, one role likely predominates. In EFCT, I look for the good motivations behind the protective moves of pursuers and withdrawers, bringing them out of a couple’s blind spots into the light. I may normalize that: Pursuers often move toward an issue … with big energy - criticizing, pleading, even demanding. It sounds harsh, but it’s fueled by hope: “If I push, maybe you’ll see me.” Withdrawers tend to move away - shutting down, rationalizing, or distracting. It looks cold, but it’s often driven by fear: “If I stay quiet, maybe I won’t make it worse.” Here are some more ways the Pursuit-Withdraw cycle  can play out at home: Move (Protective Strategy) How it Looks The Good Reason Behind It Example Pursuer: Criticism “You never listen!” Wants reassurance of worth Vacation conflict: “The credit card is maxed out again.” They really mean: “Do I matter in your priorities?” Pursuer: Pleading “Please just talk to me.” Fear of abandonment One partner spends more time with friends; the pursuer feels left out. Withdrawer: Silence Not engaging, “I don’t know.” Prevents escalation, self-soothes Conflict over drinking; silence is meant to keep things calm. Withdrawer: Grumpiness Irritability, distance Protects against rejection When sex feels out of reach, pulling away feels safer than expressing longing. Although educating and coaching a couple about these issues can be insightful, EFCT aims for the couple to identify, experience and unwind their maladaptive moves in session . Through “enactments,” we create opportunities for each partner to say new things and make new moves toward harmony. When done enough times in session, couples can develop and perpetuate a positive cycle themselves, outside the therapy room.  What’s Happening Inside: Amplifying the Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Work In EFCT, we walk couples through TEMPO, an acronym used to explore the process of emotion dysregulation. As live wires are tripped in session, we work 1:1 with each distressed partner (in front of the other partner), taking a deep dive into: Triggers:  What set off the cycle? What did their partner say or do? What cue or signal did they get from the tone, facial expression or words of their partner?  Emotion:  What primary and secondary feelings showed up? That is, what emotion did they show on the outside (e.g. rage) and what lies below the rage (e.g., loneliness or helplessness) Meaning:  What story did the client tell themself about what? What did they assume their partner meant? What negative connotations are implied or ascribed to their partner or themselves?  Protection (or Action Tendency):  What was the automatic, self-protective action taken in response to the trigger. This can include withdrawing, criticizing, lashing out, or stonewalling. Organization:  The therapist slows down the cycle to understand the triggers, emotions, and protective actions, and then organizes these elements to see the pattern and choose a different response.  To assist couples with TEMPO, I provide clients a workbook of helpful interventions for between-session practice which includes the Gottman Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident (ARI). ARI closely tracks TEMPO, in my opinion, and provides a structured intervention couples can practice when I am not around. I also provide and review the Model of Emotion  as described in Handout 5 of the Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Training Handouts and Workbook, 2d Edition .   Similar to TEMPO, the DBT Model deconstructs emotion to look at its various components including:  1) The Event : the trigger, a sigh, look, a late arrival,  2)  Interpretation:  how partners instantly make meaning (“She doesn’t care” / “He’s disappointed in me”),  3) Biological Arousal:  Our hearts race, muscles tighten, cortisol floods,  4) Action Urges:  Pursuers feel the urge to push louder, while withdrawers feel the urge to retreat, and  5) Action Tendencies:  Those urges turn into behaviors such as criticism, silence, sarcasm. I also educate clients regarding Gottman’s research on the corrosive effect of the Four Horsemen , strategies that run amuck in a pursuit-withdraw negative cycle. More importantly, I highlight the antidotes and Gottman’s Repair Checklist for clients, as they point the way toward positive cycles of engagement.  Gentle Start-up  instead of criticism: “I feel worried when we overspend; can we plan together?” Taking responsibility  instead of defensiveness: “You’re right, I was late. I’ll try to plan better.” Appreciation and respect  instead of contempt: “I admire how hard you work for us.” Self-soothing  instead of stonewalling: taking a pause, deep breathing, or walking away with a plan to return. As a couples therapist and marriage counselor, I consider all my training as a relationship toolbox and do my best to find the best tool that fits the moment. To foster co-regulation of emotion, I sometimes integrate practices for soothing and distress tolerance into sessions. These may include resourcing, as integrated from my training in Attachment Focused Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (AF-EMDR) and hypnosis. The intention is to guide couples into calmer states where tenderness and a memory of love can resurface.  For a sample of a brief guided meditation I might practice with distressed clients, click here . Ultimately, my goal as a therapist is to help the couple decode their partner’s protective moves, so they can see the hope in the pursuer’s fire and the safety in the withdrawer’s silence. Together, we seek to transform mudslinging into a dance of repair. Need Additional Support in Your Relationship, Couples Therapy Can Help! If you’re in need of additional support for your relationship, couples counseling can help! We offer counseling for adults and couples who want to improve their relationships. Our therapists are experts in working with children, families, couples, and adults struggling with a wide variety of life’s challenges.  We provide counseling at our Fort Lauderdale , Coral Springs , and Plantation offices for those who reside in south Florida. We also provide online therapy via our secure telehealth platform. Call us at 954-391-5305  for your complimentary consultation so we can discuss how we can help. For more information about Carla Barrow, LMFT and her approach to counseling for adults or couples, click here .  Remember, you are not alone on this journey, and it's okay to ask for help when you need it. We’re here for you!

Most of us know that social media affects how we think and feel — it shapes our moods, attention, and even our sense of self-worth. And more times than not, the impacts on brains, minds, and bodies are not exactly helpful or supportive. But what often goes unnoticed is how deeply it affects our bodies . Every scroll, notification, or like is interacting with our nervous system , our hormones, and our sleep patterns in ways that can quietly wear us down over time. Here are four key ways social media impacts the body in addition to strategies to protect your well-being and bring more balance back into your digital life. 1. The Nervous System on Alert Social media keeps us “on call.” The constant pings, notifications, and refreshing of feeds activate the central nervous system, shifting us into a low-grade fight-or-flight mode. Even if you don’t notice it, your body may respond with a racing heart, shallow breathing, or muscle tension as it anticipates what’s coming next. Over time, this chronic vigilance can contribute to feelings of restlessness, irritability, and fatigue. Protect yourself:  Give your nervous system intentional rest periods. Try turning off non-essential notifications, or setting aside specific times when you’ll be offline. Pair this with calming activities such as mindful breathing, stretching, or a short walk to allow your body to reset from the constant “on edge” state. 2. Dopamine and the Reward Cycle Every like, comment, or view is like pulling a lever on a slot machine. Your brain gets a burst of dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter linked to pleasure, motivation, and learning. This isn’t inherently bad, but the cycle is designed to keep you hooked. Over time, the brain starts to chase these quick hits, making it hard to put the phone down, even when you want to. This can leave you feeling both overstimulated and oddly unfulfilled . Protect yourself:  Break the cycle by creating structure around your social media use. Instead of checking constantly throughout the day, experiment with “batching” by setting aside two or three short, intentional times to check your accounts. Outside those windows, silence alerts and keep your phone out of reach. The key is retraining your brain so you’re in control of the dopamine cycle , not the other way around. Whenever we are trying to change patterns, structure is usually our friend.  3. Stress Hormones Rise Social media can be a source of connection, but it’s also a breeding ground for comparison, conflict, and information overload. Exposure to negative news, toxic comment sections, or endless “highlight reels” can raise levels of cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. Elevated cortisol over long periods can leave your body in a state of tension, contributing to sleep problems, headaches, irritability, and even digestive issues. Protect yourself:  Check in with your body after you scroll. Do you feel heavier, more anxious, or drained after being online? If so, it is likely the content you are consuming is triggering the release of stress hormones. It may be time to clean up your digital environment. Unfollow accounts that trigger stress or comparison, and replace them with content that inspires, educates, or soothes. Remember, your feed should feel like a space that nourishes you, not one that wears you down. 4. Sleep Disruption Late-night scrolling is one of the most common ways social media impacts health. The blue light from screens interferes with melatonin, the hormone that signals your body it’s time to sleep. On top of that, the emotional stimulation from doomscrolling news or engaging in online debates keeps your brain wired, even when your body needs to wind down. Over time, disrupted sleep can weaken your immune system, impair memory, and worsen anxiety or depression . Protect yourself:  Create a “digital sunset” which is a cut-off point when screens go away for the night. Even 30-60 minutes of device-free time before bed can dramatically improve sleep quality. Instead, try winding down with calming routines like reading, journaling, meditation, or listening to music. Your body and mind will thank you the next morning. If You Need Additional Support With Creating Healthier Habits, Counseling Can Help Social media is a powerful tool. It can connect us, inspire us, and even provide much-needed support. But it also has a direct effect on the body’s stress systems, reward circuits, and sleep patterns. The good news is that by setting healthy boundaries such as scroll-free breaks, curated feeds, and digital sunsets, you can enjoy the benefits of social media without letting it drain your energy or peace of mind. The goal isn’t to quit altogether, but to use social media in a way that supports your body’s health  instead of undermining it. If you’d like to learn more about developing a healthy relationship with social media and your body, please feel free to reach out to me at 954-391-5305  to set up a complimentary phone consultation.  I provide counseling for adults at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs offices. I also offer online therapy via our secure telehealth platform for those who prefer the convenience of virtual meetings. For more information about my services and approach to therapy, click here .

There’s a certain type of exhaustion that coffee won’t cure. It’s the fatigue that comes from constantly performing as the “good friend,” “reliable coworker,” or “selfless partner.” If you consider yourself a people-pleaser then you know this all too well. On the outside, you’re agreeable and accommodating; on the inside, you’re quietly drowning in resentment, depleted energy, and a nagging sense that your own needs don’t matter. Ironically, the very behavior that earns others’ approval is the same behavior that erases your identity. It’s a survival strategy disguised as kindness. And while most of us have moments where we over-extend ourselves, chronic people-pleasing is something else entirely. It’s a lifestyle built on fear, habit, and a childhood script that whispers: “If I keep everyone happy, maybe I’ll be safe.” Where It Often Begins To understand people-pleasing, we have to go back to the start. Children are master observers. They notice which behaviors earn smiles and which invite frowns. Some learn quickly that being agreeable and never rocking the boat by always saying yes keeps the peace. Others discover that suppressing their own needs spares them punishment, ridicule, or neglect. When love or attention is conditional, kids adapt by becoming hyper-attuned to others’ moods. This isn’t “helpfulness,” it's survival. This is called a fawn response , one of the trauma-based coping styles alongside fight, flight, and freeze. It looks like appeasement, compliance, or over-functioning for others. In adulthood, it transforms into a pattern of relationships where one’s worth depends on being useful, agreeable, and flying under the radar. So while the world applauds the “helpful kid” or the “easy teenager,” the bill comes later when that kid becomes an adult who can’t say no without guilt, who apologizes for existing, and who silently wonders why their kindness keeps leaving them feeling empty. Why People-Pleasing Feels Safer Than Living Honestly On paper, people-pleasing looks irrational. Why would you keep sacrificing your own needs to meet everyone else’s? But beneath the surface, the psychology is painfully logical. Here are a few of the “whys” for this kind of behavior: Fear of rejection:  Saying no feels interchangeable with abandonment. Childhood conditioning may have taught you that approval is oxygen; without it, connection dies. Learned self-suppression:  If your worth was tied to performance or obedience, your adult brain still believes your needs are “too much.” Anxiety and control:  Pleasing becomes a way to control unpredictable environments. If everyone is happy, maybe nothing bad will happen. Relational self-esteem:  Instead of internal worth, self-esteem is outsourced to others’ opinions. Each yes is an attempt to prove your value. In clinical terms, it’s not kindness, it’s a maladaptive coping strategy. In lived terms, it’s a daily tug-of-war between self-respect and the terror of disappointing others. What It Costs to Be “Too Nice” People-pleasing is like using a credit card with no repayment plan. It feels good at the moment, but the debt builds interest. First comes burnout . It may look like chronic fatigue, resentment, and a sense that life is happening to you rather than with you. Next comes the identity crisis. You’ve spent so long being what others want, you can’t answer the question: “What do I want?” Add to that the physical symptoms of chronic stress like headaches, insomnia,  and even digestive issues, now suddenly “being nice” starts looking like a health hazard. Perhaps the most tricky cost is intimacy. Genuine connection requires honesty. If your “yes” never means yes, and your smile is often a mask, how can relationships feel authentic? People may like you, but they don’t truly know you. That loneliness cuts deep. What Happens When the People-Pleaser Snaps Most recovering people-pleasers can name their breaking point. Maybe it was the tenth work project piled on because you never said no. Maybe it was realizing a friendship only existed when you were giving, not receiving. Or maybe it was the quiet grief of recognizing you’ve built a life on everyone else’s desires except your own. This moment of clarity is both terrifying and liberating. Terrifying, because your entire identity was built on compliance. Liberating, because now you see the truth that people-pleasing isn’t noble, it’s costly. It doesn’t protect relationships, it corrodes them. And it doesn’t prove your worth, it hides it. So How Do You Stop People Pleasing Behaviors?   1. Radical Self-Awareness You can’t change what you don’t notice. Begin by catching yourself in the act. The next time you say yes, pause afterward and ask: “Was that genuine, or was that fear?” Over time, you’ll start seeing the pattern. Journaling or mindfulness tools can help you to notice these automatic “yeses.” Think of it as learning the sound of your people-pleasing voice so you can tell it apart from your authentic one. 2. Reclaiming Your Own Worth People-pleasers outsource their self-esteem, waiting for others to validate them. The antidote is rebuilding intrinsic self-worth or the belief that you matter simply because you exist, not because you perform. Therapy, affirmations, even self-compassion practices help, but so does something surprisingly simple. Start making small decisions based solely on what you want, not what others expect. Order the food you like. Pick the movie. Train your brain to believe your preferences are valid. 3. Boundaries. Period.  Boundaries are not walls . They are the doors that you give the opportunity to decide what (and who) comes in. Healthy boundaries say “I respect myself enough not to abandon my needs, and I respect you enough to be honest about it.” Without them, people-pleasers live at the mercy of every request, every mood, every demand. With them, life becomes manageable. Most recovering people-pleasers have to grapple with feelings of selfishness when establishing boundaries for themselves. But let’s really consider the difference between selfishness and boundaries. Selfishness is about prioritizing your own wants at the expense of others, often ignoring their needs or well-being. Boundaries, on the other hand, are about protecting your own limits while still respecting the rights and needs of others. The key difference is that selfishness disregards others, while boundaries honors both yourself and others. 4. Practicing the Small “No” Saying no doesn’t have to feel like breaking up with someone. Try these softer refusals: “I’d love to, but my plate’s full right now.” “Thanks for asking, but that doesn’t work for me.” “I can’t commit, but I hope it goes well!” Notice how these statements are firm yet kind. You’re declining the request, not the person. That’s the sweet spot. 5. Expect Resistance (and Don’t Confuse It with Wrongness) When you’ve trained people to expect endless yeses, your first no will shock them. Some may guilt-trip you, others may accuse you of being selfish, and a few will throw tantrums worthy of a toddler in the toy aisle. That resistance isn’t evidence you’re wrong. It’s evidence the dynamic is changing. If someone benefits from you having no boundaries, they’ll be the loudest to protest when you set them. People-Pleasing as Emotional Armor If you’ve struggled with trauma, especially in childhood , people-pleasing isn’t your fault. It was an adaptive strategy that kept you safe when other options weren’t available. Children can’t walk out of unsafe homes, so they learn to minimize conflict by over-accommodating. Adults can leave, but the nervous system doesn’t update automatically. That’s why trauma-informed therapy can be life-changing. It helps your body learn what your mind already knows. That you’re safe now and you don’t have to earn love through self-suppression. What Freedom Looks Like Imagine this. You decline an invitation without spiraling into guilt. You speak up in a meeting without rehearsing for an hour. You rest when you’re tired instead of over-committing. At first, it feels awkward, even selfish. But over time, it starts feeling like integrity. You realize that true kindness comes from abundance, not depletion. And slowly, you attract relationships that value you for who you are, not what you do for them. If you feel ready to experiment on your own, give these a try. One day this week, before answering any request, pause. Take one slow breath, then ask yourself: “Do I actually want to do this?” If the answer is no, practice declining in the smallest, kindest way you can. It might be awkward and that’s okay. Awkward is the sound of growth. Another day, try saying yes to yourself first. Maybe that means booking an hour to read, taking the scenic route home, or choosing the restaurant you’ve secretly wanted all along. The point isn’t the activity; it’s retraining your nervous system to believe your desires matter. Finally, reflect. At the end of each day, ask: “Where did I abandon myself today? Where did I honor myself?” No judgment, just observation. Self-awareness is the seed of change. From People Pleasing to Living Overcoming people-pleasing isn’t about swinging to the other extreme and becoming a self-centered nonconformist. It’s about balance. Giving without erasing, loving without losing yourself, helping without hollowing out. Yes, it’s uncomfortable at first. Yes, some people will push back. But here’s the truth: your worth has never depended on your usefulness. It’s inherent. The sooner you reclaim it, the sooner life stops feeling like a performance and starts feeling like yours. You don’t have to keep running on autopilot. As a therapist, I can help you begin rewiring your brain and nervous system so you can set boundaries with ease, honor your needs, and live with more confidence and peace. Schedule a session today and take the first step toward the life you actually want. Give me a call for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305  so we can discuss how I can help you overcome people pleasing behaviors to live a life of harmony, peace and fulfillment. I provide counseling for adults at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs offices. I also offer online therapy via our secure telehealth platform for those who live in the state of Florida.  For more information about my approach to counseling, click here .