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Back to reality we go. The holiday season has officially come to an end. Holidays are notoriously known as a time of indulgence. Okay, if we’re being honest it’s more like a time of OVER-indulgence. With late nights, midday naps, innumerable hours of screen time, and ALL the snacks waking up to the first real week of 2021 can be rough. So how do we go from "vacay-mode" to "school-mode”? Here are four steps to help make the transition easier. Create a bedtime routine. You're thinking, "umm duh, bedtime is at 8 pm.” If your child woke up at noon, has been lounging all day, and has been going to bed past midnight every day this holiday break, that might be a tough bedtime to implement. Spend extra playtime outside (or dance party indoor!), bath, dinner, and read (or other low energy activity) to unwind before bedtime. Consider including your child in creating their evening routine; it will increase the likelihood they will work with you, not against you. Dessert before dinner. Yes, you read that right. Introducing dessert earlier in the day allows for more hours to get your kid settled before bed. Think dessert, playtime (let the sugar rush wear out) dinner, bath time, reading, bed. Decide on a breakfast. Yes, a meal that is easy prep for you, and yummy for your child. Again, if possible, include your child in planning their meal. It will give them something to look forward to the next day. Lastly, take care of yourself too! Our children feed off our energy. If you are tense and stressed, chances are your child will carry some of the same feelings. Don’t forget to get some “me time,” before tackling these steps. If while reading this, you’re thinking, “easier said than done,” I can assist you in identifying and implementing a routine tailored to your family’s needs to help ease the stressors of everyday life. Please contact me at 954-391-5305. I look forward to speaking with you!

Your alarm goes off, it is still dark outside. The day is new, and the entire world is getting off to a fresh start. As you wipe the sleep out of your eyes and stretch, what is the first thing you do? For many of us our arm reaches out into the darkness for our old friend, our dear companion: our cell phone. You press the home button, mindlessly type in your passcode and proceed to feed your brain its first sustenance of the day… the news. The screen comes alive and bright bursts of color spread across it giving your brain a rush of the “happy hormone” dopamine and for one glorious moment, you feel joy. You are greeted by the carefully crafted logo of your favorite news source… Yahoo, Huffington Post, CNN. Pick your poison. This rush quickly diminishes though, as you begin to take in the words in front of you. Suddenly you are crushed by a tidal wave of death, destruction, chaos, fear. Before you even get out of bed, feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and dread flood your system. The stage has now been set for your day. The news has long been criticized for its sensational and fatalistic coverage of world events. This is now coupled with the addictive nature of digital media, and it is a dangerous combination. A new term has even been coined for the preoccupation with checking the news multiple times a day, refreshing our screens over and over just looking for the next tragedy: "doomscrolling". Whether it’s the phenomenon of soothing our own self-doubt or discontent by marveling in the far worse atrocities others are experiencing, or the primal inclination of our primitive brains to seek out danger and potential threats for survival, we can’t seem to get enough! But where do we draw the line between being informed and being traumatized? With unparalleled rates of depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges in the face of recent times, has educating ourselves on current events turned into a sort of masochistic self-fulfilling addiction of its own? So many of my sessions in recent months have begun with “Have you seen what’s going on now?!” These precious moments of self-care are used to recount the latest, most tragic headline du jour. Clients admit to checking the news six, seven, ten times per day. They report feeling hopeless, angry, scared, and numb every time they get off their phones. The extra time they spend doomscrolling and the energy that it drains is taking time away from their lives and families and robbing them of the joy and gratitude they are entitled to. I agree, of course, that it is important to know what is going on in the world around you, but I urge you to ask yourself, at what cost? Take note of how many times you check the news each day and how you feel afterward. Compare the benefit versus the price you pay for it. Take a real look at how this doomscrolling affects your already strained coping system just struggling to stay afloat during these trying times. And ask yourself what, if anything, you are gaining by checking and re-checking the news multiple times per day. As with anything that offers some measure of pleasure but comes at a cost, I believe that moderation is key. Perhaps you can consciously limit yourself to checking the news once or twice a day, and especially not first thing in the morning or right before bedtime. Note if this makes a difference in your overall mood. Some even suggest filtering out the blue light or changing to grayscale in your phone’s settings to make it less visually gratifying and therefore reinforcing. Consider balancing the mainstream news with “good news” websites like www.positive.news or www.goodnewsnetwork.org. You can also empower yourself and take action on the issues that bother you the most by signing petitions, donating or volunteering. This will help with feelings of helplessness. As the brilliant philosopher Eckhart Tolle says in his perspective-shifting book The Power of Now, “Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally… All else is madness.” For more information on how the news negatively impacts your mental health and what to do about it read here. If you're struggling with stress or anxiety in general or specifically from the state of our world today, I can help! I invite you to call me at (954) 391-5305 for a complimentary consultation to discuss how I could help.

At the beginning of every year, we make new year’s resolutions to become better versions of ourselves. To eat healthier, exercise more, get that new job, or be more productive. And every year we might find ourselves not meeting those high and unreachable expectations. Even though we plan for the opposite, setting goals that are too high can lead to burnout, discouragement, anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. It’s important to strike a balance between finding motivation and allowing time for rest and self-care. Here are some tips on how to find that balance without feeling guilty. 1. Set Realistic Expectations Just because it’s 2021, doesn’t mean that everything we struggled with in 2020 has magically disappeared. Make your New Year’s resolutions (and it’s not too late) based on what you accomplished in 2020. Don’t try to outdo what you accomplished in previous years - we’re still recovering from last year. It’s OK to set the bar lower at a more reasonable level or adjust your goals. As long as you keep moving forward it’s OK - don’t expect that you have to reach the finish line. 2. Reflect on Gratitude It’s important to not spend too much time focusing on negative things. What are you grateful for each day? They can be small things, such as “I’m grateful I made it this far,” or “I’m grateful for finding ways to cope during quarantine,” or “I’m grateful that I was able to get out of bed this morning.” We can all agree 2020 was a challenging year, but remember to notice the good things around you and the people in your life, even if you can physically touch them. Reflect on what good came out of 2020. Did you learn anything about yourself? Did you learn what matters to you most? Practicing gratitude daily (or more often) can help you learn to appreciate what is, rather than dwelling on what you haven’t done. 3. Be Open-Minded and Flexible In addition to reflecting on what has already happened, that is good, be open-minded to receiving good things that come your way. Be ready to accept opportunities and good moments that arise. If something positive unexpectedly happens, accept it. This gives you the chance to be flexible, rather than feeling guilty for not sticking to your original resolutions. Life is full of surprises - don’t be so rigid and hard on yourself that you miss out on the good things happening around you. 4. Listen to Your Body When you practice mindfulness, you learn to become aware of what is happening around you and what your body is telling you. Sometimes our minds and bodies want different things - if you are set on accomplishing a goal today, but your body needs rest, your mind won’t win. We have a tendency to push, push, push, but what ends up happening is we burn out and feel guilty about it. Pay attention to those bodily sensations and cues and respect what your body needs. 5. Forgive Yourself When we’re so focused on accomplishing our goals, we judge ourselves harshly when we don’t achieve them. Keep the guilt and shame in check. If you start to feel overwhelmed by the mountain of things you haven’t accomplished, stop, take a deep breath, pay attention to what your body is telling you, ask yourself what you have accomplished, and forgive yourself for the guilt and shame - for being hard on yourself. You do not have to forgive yourself for not meeting your goals. Reflect on why you haven’t done what you set out to do and adjust your expectations. It’s more important that you are kind, compassionate, and forgiving to yourself than getting through your to-do list. Learn to Forgive Yourself & Feel Productive Therapy can help you find that balance between productivity and self-forgiveness. We are all trying to figure out how to navigate this new world with new challenges. If you need one-on-one support, contact Dr. Heather Violante, Psy.D. today at 954.391.5305 or at her website to find out how she can help you learn to forgive and love yourself, so you can move forward in life.

Does your child come home frustrated or stressed about his or her school performance? Do you receive reports from school about your child’s concerning behavior or academic performance? Do you feel like you need to constantly stay on top of your child to have them finish their homework? Does your child appear to put forth their best efforts at studying, yet they still struggle academically? If these scenarios seem all too familiar to you, then it might be time to take action to fully understand what may be impeding with your child’s academic progress. Childhood is a time of constant development, learning, and changes. These changes in conjunction with the ever-increasing academic and social demands can be overwhelming for some children. It is not uncommon for children to experience pressure to perform in school, to fit in, or to make friends. Some children who struggle in these areas may develop symptoms of anxiety or depression which can directly affect academic functioning. Symptoms of depression that can interfere with school performance and learning include difficulty concentrating, fatigue, slow processing speed, low self-esteem, and feelings of hopelessness. On the other hand, symptoms of anxiety that can easily interfere include excessive worry, physical complaints (ex. stomachaches, headaches, muscle tension), fear of speaking in front of others (ex. raising hand in class, asking questions, making friends, participating in presentations), and obsessive or ruminative thinking. For other children, they may appear to demonstrate normal progression through the developmental milestones, however, as the academic demands increase, learning disorders may become more prominent. In particular, when children are intelligent and high functioning, a learning disorder can often go unnoticed until late elementary school or high school. These children are often motivated to work hard and they can compensate for difficulties in reading, writing, or mathematics for many years. For other children, they may seem to work hard and study;however, they struggle to acquire specific academic skills. Many of these children may report that they feel stupid because they cannot grasp certain concepts. Some children become frustrated, discouraged, or disheartened after struggling so hard to perform in school. Other children can develop anxiety about schoolwork,and even become resistant to all things academic, particularly when it comes to homework. Not to mention, parent-child relationships can become strained if parents do not understand that there is an undiagnosed learning disorder rather than a dismissive attitude about school. Other common issues that present themselves in the early school years are symptoms of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Children can present with symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity and impulsiveness, or a combination of both. Parents may notice subtle symptoms at home such as being easily distracted, having trouble staying focused, difficulty following instructions, making careless mistakes, losing things, running and climbing around excessively, difficulty staying seated, talking excessively, and interrupting others. However, these symptoms often become problematic once in school when children are expected to sit in class for extended periods of time, follow directions, and organize their work/play spaces. We know through decades of research that early intervention is the best intervention. Therefore, addressing these concerning signs as early as possible can result in better outcomes. It is always better to be proactive when it comes to childhood and early development. Here are some steps to take if you notice any of these warning signs. 1. Be patient with your child. Remember that there may be a valid reason for your child’s difficulties in school that is out of their control and adequate support and services may be necessary for them to succeed. 2. Talk to your child. Keeping the lines of communication open with your child can be incredibly helpful. Ask them about their strengths and challenges in school. Providing a safe place where your child can talk about school may help you recognize concerning signs and symptoms earlier. 3. Set up a meeting with your school’s counselor and teachers to discuss concerns. The teachers may be able to provide further insights and share what steps they have taken to support your child. 4. If your child is struggling in school, continue to allow them to participate in extra-curricular activities, where they can feel a sense of accomplishment and balance with academic pursuits. 5. Consult with a licensed psychologist who specializes in conducting psychological evaluations with child and adolescents. A psychological evaluation involves a thorough clinical interview, behavioral observations, and testing to determine your child’s current cognitive, academic, and social/emotional functioning. An evaluation will also provide you with a proper diagnosis, if applicable, and a list of recommendations to properly address the issues at hand and help your child be successful. If you have concerns about your child’s behavior or developmental progress please contact Dr. Heather Kuhl to set up an evaluation at 954-391-5305. She provides psychological evaluations and psychological testing for children, teens, and adults in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Trauma hijacks the brain, but only with the best intentions: to ensure our survival. Imagine the following scenario: you are walking by a canal and an alligator walks towards you. You don’t have time to think; you need to act. Three parts of your brain need to swiftly work to ensure your immediate action: the thinking center (prefrontal cortex), emotion regulation center (anterior cingulate cortex), and the fear center (amygdala). Specifically, the prefrontal cortex and anterior cingulate cortex are inhibited, while the amygdala is overactivated. This means that in a traumatic experience, our thinking and control of our emotions substantially decreases, while our experience of fear dramatically increases. While these actions by our brain aid us in the traumatic situation, it unfortunately now becomes considerably easier for them to act in similar ways under the wrong circumstances, ones in which there are no threats to survival. The fear center, or amygdala, is particularly implicated in this problem. This part of the brain is primarily responsible for using our senses to evaluate incoming information to determine if there is an impending threat. When we endure trauma, the details experienced by our senses, such as things we saw and smelled at that time, become imprinted in our brain, so that we know what details to be cautious of and avoid in the future. Oftentimes, however, our brains broadly generalize details from traumatic events. For instance, perhaps we suffered a car accident and we recall seeing a bright red stop light in this experience. Later, our brain could inappropriately cause us to fear, and have subsequent traumatic responses, to other, albeit harmless, red objects. Regardless of the painful experiences we endure, we can change our brains, so we can once again live happy and fulfilling lives. Here are some ways to do it: Through therapy, you can work towards understanding the trauma and diminish the emotional affect it holds over you. Learn to notice your body’s responses to triggering experiences, such as feeling tension in your chest or jaw. This increased awareness can help you catch the affect of trauma before it controls you. Spend 5 minutes 2x/day rocking back and forth, while actively noting the affect such soothing action has on your body. Make a playlist of some of your favorite relaxing music and listen to these songs for several minutes/day. Exercise for 15-20 minutes/day for at least 2-3 days/wk. This increases serotonin and dopamine in the brain (neurotransmitters that foster relaxation and happiness). If you have any questions about trauma or how to recover after a traumatic experience, I'd be happy to speak with you. If you would like to schedule your first session, call me at 954-391-5305 or for more information about my services, read my bio here.

You may feel a premarital group class is a way to go for premarital counseling, and there are many reasons to think that. For some, it is financial practicality, others desire to interact with other couples especially if newly relocated, and still others prefer an interactive environment where learning can be enhanced. “Not every class is created equal.” Unfortunately, this appears to be true in premarital counseling as well. Having worked with many couples over the years, many seemed shocked and surprised by the problems they've encountered after marriage. Couples later recognize that they did not thoroughly discuss, explore or have awareness of the potential for these problems. Some couples I’ve worked with participated in a premarital course, but were still unprepared for some fundamental issues. Reasons for not benefiting from a premarital class are: - not fully engaging in their pre-marriage counseling classes due to a lack of relevance, style of presentation , or facilitators use a top down approach leaving couples feeling uncomfortable in discussing concerns. Many also see their premarital course experience as judgmental or cursory. One couple I worked with who were previously engaged, took a premarital course elsewhere. They still felt so unprepared they considered postponing their marriage. The couple shared that they felt shut down in their previous course after asking a question and being told “this is the way it is.” After participating in my 4 hour premarital course, they expressed the class was significantly more relevant. They appreciated the ability to participate in a way that was guided, while providing information and coaching on practical and useful skills. They left the course feeling prepared and more confident. Realizing that many couples were not being prepared adequately, I set out to present and provide an enhanced experience for clients utilizing Prepare-Enrich, a nationally recognized premarital assessment and couple strengthening program. An excellent premarital group course should provide the following: COMPREHENSIVE COUPLE ASSESSMENT 1. A comprehensive pre-assessment tool helps couples see in black/white how they view, value, and understand significant aspects of their relationship. It allows couples objectivity in considering each other’s perspectives with neutral language, sparking less emotional reactivity in areas that may be hot button topics for the couple. Benefit: I find in many cases when couples have a personalized report to consider, they are more likely to focus on the report, and collaborate effectively to address challenging areas of their relationship vs. pointing fingers at each other. It almost becomes a project that they can work on and explore and engage in together. SAFE SPACE TO EXPRESS 2. A safe space for couples to interact with other couples facilitates learning from each other. For example, before presenting a topic such as Sex and Intimacy, I ask couples to share briefly the most romantic date they've had together. The stories shared are often poignant, touching and empowering for the individuals and the group as a whole. Benefit: The power of a small group provides support but allows them to share their commonality of experiences, and ways of handling challenges while sharing in each other’s successes and solutions. STRONG FOCUS ON COMMUNICATION 3. An intentional focus on communication skills including active listening and assertiveness skills are vitally important. Couples should be able to practice between themselves while witnessing other couples doing the same. Since good communication is a foundation for a healthy relationship, it is important that couples learn and feel comfortable with this skill. I like to say that with good to great communication, couples can help a navigate issues and solution-build around challenges and life issues quicker and more effectively. Benefit: Practicing and observing others enhancing or tweaking their communication skills helps couples to learn and reinforce that skill more effectively than doing it on their own. This will make changes more long lasting and support the health of the couple relationship. UNCOVER POTENTIAL PROBLEM AREAS 4. I recall in one class a partner of a couple shared that even though she and her fiancé had been living together for over three years, she had no idea he felt the way he did about a particular area of their relationship. For the couple this was not only eye-opening but was instrumental for them to begin a healthy dialogue regarding their differences while learning how to honor each others perspective. A therapist or facilitator's level of experience can help the couple with uncovering and exploring potential problems while creating a space for open communication. Couples should participate between themselves which not only promotes engagement, it allows the couple to recognize previous areas that may cause challenges later. The couple can practice and reinforce effective communication, assertiveness and resolution skills to discuss or solution build around those potential challenges. Benefit: An environment that promotes safety can help a couple to uncover a previously unrecognized area that may need the couple’s attention before marriage. WELL STRUCTURED 5. A helpful premarital course should provide a clear, structured well-timed format allowing couples to adequately explore key areas such as communication, conflict resolution, finances, marriage expectations, roles, couple goals, sex, intimacy, and parenting expectations. Benefit: Balance and structure help couples to not only learn or enhance skills but also to review their issues objectively, have open discussions, and gain guidance from the facilitator or therapist. DIVERSE FORMAT 6. Appreciating that there are different learning styles is vital when presenting new information. That holds true for a premarital class. Therefore, it is valuable to couples to have a variety of modalities of learning, such as video, questions and discussion, worksheets, relevant examples, quick in-house surveys, private time, and sharing times. Benefit: Addressing different learning styles keeps each participate engaged and helps to increase each person's comfort level in a group setting, thus gaining the most benefit possible from the class. PROVIDE GUIDANCE AND REASSURANCE 7. While every married couple's journey will be different, an experienced therapist or facilitator can help the couple prepare for typical issues that couples tend to encounter. For example, it is advantageous for couples to understand how life stressors or the addition of children can significantly challenge or change their relationship dynamics. Guidance by the facilitator can also help the couple increase awareness proactively prepare so that they don't fall into the trap of feeling helpless and hopeless when challenges arise. Benefit: Experienced guidance can help couples more clearly understand and explore some of the challenges they may face, and provide reassurance to the couple while imparting relevant skills, tools, and resources to promote their success. Simone Finnis, LMFT is a solution-focused systems therapist providing positive therapeutic solutions for individuals, couples, and families. Simone tailors her therapeutic approach to the unique needs of each of her clients. To find out more about Simonecall today 954-391-5305.

Relationships can be hard. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have a lot of couples who come in and out of my office every week, and every week I am reminded that a happy, healthy relationship takes commitment, connection, and hard work. Relationships are filled with strengths, successes, struggles, and mistakes. They have “ups and downs”. However, if mistakes and bad habits are not being identified as wrong and perceived as “normal”, your relationship could be in big trouble. This leaves us unaware of the damage we may be causing to the relationship, or in other words, we are unintentionally sabotaging our relationship. Couples therapy can help to identify these “bad habits” and teach you the necessary antidotes to use in their place. For those who can’t make the commitment to couples counseling, let’s educate you the old fashioned way. Below, I have included some of the most common “bad habits” that are sabotaging your relationship (not to mention your personal well-being). 1 - Competition: Relationships don’t need a scorecard. There isn’t a winner or a loser. You and your partner should be a TEAM. Finances, house work, parenting styles, and more are common areas in which competition can arise. For example, “I worked 60 hours this week! I am trying to provide for the family!” “But I do everything around the house AND take care of the kids all day”. This attempt to prove to your partner that your efforts are significant can actually be building a culture of competition and enabling the “keeping score” mindset. While the intention may not always be to belittle your partner’s efforts and accomplishments, trying to compete can come across very critical and invalidating. Antidote: Implementing compromise, complimenting and validating each other’s successes (no matter how big or small), and most importantly, eliminate comparing each other's efforts, strengths, struggles, and mistakes. 2 - Fishing for Compliments: Speaking of validation, this one is tricky because compliments are usually a good thing. Validating your partner is an essential part of a healthy relationship. However, when we begin acting a certain way, saying certain things, or doing things just to be noticed, it can turn insincere. For example, saying things like “I don’t look good in this outfit” with the intent to be complimented or making accusations like “you don’t love me anymore” just to be reaffirmed that you are loved. These are not genuine conversations. Being genuine is key in relationships because it strengthens connection and builds trust and support. Genuine validation and compliments also foster healthy levels of self-esteem in our partners. Fishing for compliments can lead to frustration and resentment in the long run. If you truly are having concerns or doubts that you “don’t look good” or “don’t feel loved”, those are conversations that need to be discussed and explored to find out the root of the problem. Keep in mind, we all have different love languages (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, and Physical Touch). Gary Chapman’s book on The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts discusses a concept that we all have a specific way we prefer to receive love. Some individuals fall under the category of “words of affirmation”. If this is the case, it is important to have this conversation with your partner so they know that validation and affirmations are important to you. Antidote: Communicate your wants and needs to your partner. Your loved one is not a mind reader. If you respond positively to words of affirmations, compliments, and validation, let your partner know. If these important conversations are had, it helps your partner take a genuine effort to fulfill this need, rather than leaving you fishing for compliments. 3 - Threatening to Leave: Have you ever felt so frustrated with your partner that you react and say “I’m not doing this anymore” or storm out of the house after a fight, even if you have no intention to end the relationship. This bad habit forces your partner to go on the defensive, which may result in additional fighting, deterioration of trust, build resentment, or even taking your words at face value and proceeding with a break-up. Regardless of the outcome, threatening to leave is a slippery slope. A relationship cannot continue to thrive and grow if you're constantly taking steps backwards. Antidote: Try some new conflict resolution skills. Small steps towards eliminating this “bad habit” such as taking 20-30 mins to “cool down” before trying to discuss the conflict matter again, practicing assertive communication skills to fully get your concerns across, and being willing to reflectively listen and understand your partner can help to manage conflict appropriately and prevent you from threatening to leave. In the clip below, actress, Kristen Bell discusses her unhealthy fighting technique with actor, Dax Shepard in their early stages of their relationship. I absolutely LOVE this clip because it sheds light on the desire behind threatening to leave or “the dramatic exit” and the progression of overcoming this bad habit through healthy communication and hard work. 4 - Nit Picking: “Why did you take 95 and not the Turnpike?” “You always forget your keys!” Do you ever find yourself picking apart every little thing your loved one does? Have you ever heard your partner say “I can’t do anything right!”. These may be signs you are nit picking your partner! Starting conflict over things that do not have a major impact on the integrity of the relationship or threaten your personal boundaries can cause resentment, frustration, and leave your partner feeling criticized. “Walking on eggshells” in your relationship is the feeling of not being comfortable, leaving them afraid to act or say something without the fear of a critical response. This will sabotage your relationship in the long run. Antidote: Pick your battles! Taking the time to reflect on “why” this particular thing is frustrating you is essential. A little self-reflection can prevent an unnecessary fight. Most of the time you will be able to determine that your partner “shuffling their feet” or “leaving the water running while they brush their teeth” is not jeopardizing your relationship or well-being, preventing a critical and impulsive statement. Picking your battles can actually help save your relationship! 5 - Listening To Outsider's Opinions: Everyone has an opinion. As much as we don’t want to admit it, we also make uninformed judgements. Listening to the opinions of others on your relationship is common, we all need someone to talk to from time to time. It is important to remember that you and your partner are the only ones who actually know the details, strengths, and efforts being made in your relationship. Your best friend may tell you that your spouse is not treating you right, however, they can be uninformed of the major positive transformation he/she has made for you. If you are making decisions about your relationship based off the opinions of others alone, you may be sabotaging the relationship and the potential for growth. Antidote: Filter outsider’s opinions. It is important to have a support system who you can talk to, vent to, and rely on when needed. However, remember to take the opinions and judgements of others with a grain of salt. YOU are the one that is most informed about your relationship. Filter, or process, the information you may be receiving from others and identify what may be applicable and important to you. You are the expert in your own love story! If you and your partner are struggling with bad habits or relationship problems, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Jamie Ratowski, of Bayview Therapy offers couples counseling with a coaching approach to help you overcome your challenges. If you are located in Fort Lauderdale, FL, or surrounding areas and are looking to enhance your relationship, call 954-391-5305 today.

Our bodies respond to trauma, or any negative experience that impacts us, in several ways. These responses are our bodies best attempt to help us recover from the trauma and prevent us from enduring any future difficulties. The problem, though, is that these responses can also cause us considerable pain. In this blog, we will look closely at the way trauma affects our bodies and what we can do about it. After trauma, our bodies become very guarded, fearful, and tight. From a biological perspective, our bodies are armoring us so that we are no longer impacted by future threats to our well-being. After a notably painful experience, our muscles get very tense and tend to stay tense. Research tells us that when our muscles remain tight, over time this causes them to become exhausted and ineffective. Such consistent tension can also cause us to experience aches and pains, sometimes chronic ones. We also tend to have higher blood pressure and elevated resting heart rate. Additionally, it becomes much easier for even the seemingly smallest thing to startle us and cause us subsequent anger, anxiety, and discomfort. Nightmares and insomnia are also common, which further compound our fatigue, exhaustion, and unpleasant emotions. Due to these unpleasant symptoms, chronic health conditions and poor health are also common. Here are just some steps we can take to reduce the negative impact of trauma on our bodies: Seek the right kind of support and help. You want to talk to a therapist, or someone else you can trust, to really appreciate and empathize with the experience(s) you’ve been through. Seek opportunities to participate in activities that soothe your body and help you feel better about yourself, such as massage and yoga. Try to be patient with yourself as you recover from the impact of trauma, as it can take time to fully shed its influence. Work with a therapist to improve your awareness of your body’s responses to various experiences. The more connected you become to your body, the more you can help to help it. Practice 5-10 minutes of mindful meditation, where you do your best to sit quietly and notice, but not dwell on, your thoughts, emotions, and bodily experiences. If you have any questions about trauma or how to recover after a traumatic experience, I'd be happy to speak with you. If you would like to schedule your first session, call me at 954-391-5305 for or for more information about my services, read my bio here

As a woman, and as a therapist that specializes in women’s health, I thought I knew what to expect in pregnancy and the postpartum period. I thought I was adequately prepared with my knowledge as a mental health professional and felt like I was doing enough by going to my own therapist early on in my pregnancy to prepare for the transition to come. But I had no idea. I had no idea about the emotional rollercoaster I was about to embark on in pregnancy, about how much my relationship would be tested postpartum, or about the overwhelming grief and nostalgia I would feel about my life pre-baby. No person or textbook could prepare me for the crippling shame I would experience for having these feelings, or the intense guilt that would surface when I would hear myself complain. How could I feel this way? I had a healthy pregnancy, I had a healthy baby, I had plenty of resources, I wasn’t experiencing Postpartum Depression…. And yet, it was hard, it is hard, and I was not prepared. There are so many things I wish I knew before starting the journey of having a baby. Not because It would have changed my mind to become pregnant, but because I believe being prepared and having adequate expectations can save us a lot of emotional turmoil in life. The common narrative around pregnancy and postpartum have not held true for my life, and I get the feeling that many women out there feel the same way. Here are some things I didn’t expect that in retrospect I wish I had: I felt a sense of loss: This was probably my hardest challenge. It started in pregnancy where overnight I found myself having to give up most things that made me, me. Working out was suddenly different, my social life changed, the hormonal changes were awful and I felt out of sorts with my feelings... and then a deep nostalgia settled in postpartum when I brought my baby home. I felt profound grief about my old life and the freedom I once had. And then, worse than these feelings was the intense shame that set in for having these feelings in the first place. This was a tough one to work through, but I did. Morning sickness was not my biggest challenge: I had this false belief that if I didn’t get morning sickness pregnancy would be a breeze. HA! Not so much. Morning sickness is really tough, and I feel for women that deal with this. Luckily, I never had morning sickness but found myself still dealing with other physical problems that I didn’t know were possible. For example, I had femoral nerve pain that was excruciating and lasted my entire pregnancy. I had no idea this was a possibility, and it very much impacted what I was able to do while pregnant. I didn’t glow: OK, a little humor, but really, I never glowed. I kept waiting for the moment I would wake up to a radiant complexion…. it didn’t happen. Pregnancy was still beautiful in other ways. Instead of waiting for the glow, I wish I had the same anticipation for the way my heart would explode when I felt her first kick, or saw her for the first time in the ultrasound. These were the real moments to look forward to. I had moments of panic that made me wonder why I did this: Okay, so another hard one. I plan to write about this extensively in upcoming blogs. But in short, In the really tough moments postpartum, I wondered why we even did this. Life was good before… and then shame reared its ugly head (again) for even having these feelings. (Spoiler: I have not renewed my subscription to the shame channel. I will share the way I wrestled shame and won, in my upcoming blogs). Only share your vulnerability with people who understand: To use Brene Brown’s words, vulnerability is earned, not given. I found myself being way too honest with people who would casually ask me how I was doing (during both pregnancy and postpartum) and most of them couldn’t handle my answer. Most people just want to hear that you are doing great and that you are happy and it’s the best time of your life, etc. Only share your real feelings with people who can accept your truth, and can truly assist you if you are struggling. If you feel like you don’t have that person(s) this is a great time to seek therapeutic support. My relationship would be challenged, but in ways I didn’t anticipate: My husband and I went to therapy early on in my pregnancy to prepare for the transition of having a baby. While this was helpful, there was no way for me to anticipate how taxing having a newborn would be on our relationship. (Stay tuned for blogs on this, and how we came together to support each other!) Despite the struggle I will be head over heels in love with my baby (But it may not happen right away!): The moment the nurse placed my baby on my chest, was probably one of the most overwhelming & amazing moments of my life. But the same way I waited for the glow, (that never came) I waited for that “feeling” that you hear of that you are “supposed” to experience when your baby is born. Luckily, unlike the glow, the feeling came, just not right away. It took some time for me to feel really connected to my baby girl, and again, I wish I had a different set of expectations for that. For some women, it takes a little while for that connection to happen, and that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with you and you are and will be an amazing mom. I share this here because I am committed to challenging the narrative around pregnancy and postpartum. You may not glow in pregnancy and you may not love the newborn stage, and there is no shame in that. An alternative narrative is necessary and is freeing for women experiencing similar feelings. An alternative narrative is a shield against shame. This blog series will be a vehicle to make that happen. Through sharing my own experiences and offering professional guidance and support, I hope that you feel more connected and less alone. No woman should have to silently struggle, and no woman should ever be met with minimizing statements or criticism when they are vulnerable and share how they truly feel about pregnancy or the postpartum period. It is really hard. And everybody’s experience is beautifully unique. If you are reading this and are feeling like you or someone you know could benefit from some extra support, please do not hesitate to call me. I am dedicated to providing you with high quality therapeutic services and would be honored to be on your journey with you. Click here to schedule a free phone consult today!

Parents often ask how to improve the relationship with their children, and one of the greatest ways to create closeness is to spend one on one time with your child. This is one of the surest methods to develop a relationship where your child can feel appreciated. Giving a child undivided attention sends a very important message. It lets your child know they are important and that you are interested to be with them. Here are some of the reasons to consider creating one on one time with your child: It boosts your child’s self-esteem. When children feel important and valued it helps them feel more worthwhile. It strengthens the connection with your child. Just as when you give undivided attention to your partner or best friend, one on one time with your child allows you to really get to know them, their interests, their passions, and create memories. It communicates respect to your children. They know you are busy, and for you to devote time just to be with them, your actions let them know that you respect them. And the best way to teach respect is to show respect. It helps your child to feel they are worthy of love. When you provide undivided attention to your child separate from the others in your family, they feel needed and wanted. It may curb negative attention-seeking behavior. Children often act out to get attention, and behaviors that are attended to are often repeated. Thus, when children act out negatively and continue to do so, this is because it works! It gets the attention of their parents. However, if you carve out a time where you can attend to your children and they receive positive attention, this may reduce the likelihood of unwanted behaviors. While some parents initially feel overwhelmed trying to think about how to create this special time, it does not need to be that complicated. Ideally, this time is best spent when you allow your child to pick an activity of their choice and you simply participate with them. Here are some recommendations to make one on one time a success: It is best to follow their lead and make observations. (e.g., “Wow you drew such a colorful flower,” “Look at how you stack those blocks”) Avoid questions, criticism, or giving direction. Remember, let them lead! Avoid distractions. Put away your cellphone, turn off the television, and separate yourself from the other children or people in your family. Avoid multitasking during this time. The goal is to give your child undivided attention and be fully present. Thank them for spending the time with you. Let them know that you cannot wait for their next time together. Schedule a time with your child so they know when the next one on one time will happen. For those parents who think finding this time may be impossible here a few creative ways to still spend one on one time with your child. Studies show that it is the quality not quantity of this time that matters most. Some ideas to incorporate include: Have one child per night help you cook dinner. When possible, run errands with one child at a time. Take walks around your neighborhood. Join them alone for one of their interests (sports, fishing, Lego, etc.). Do your individual chores together. Read books together. Do home projects together. Make crafts and art projects together. Play their favorite game. Life always seems to move at a fast pace, and it can be easy to prioritize things like work, chores, and other responsibilities. However, taking a moment to slow down and devote time to give your child the attention they need and desire is an investment that will give you big returns. To learn more about parenting interventions or to schedule an evaluation for your child to better understand their behaviors or challenges, call Dr. Heather Kuhl at 954-391-5305 for a free consultation.

What if I told you that there were things you could do to bolster your mental health postpartum? Oftentimes I hear women speak about Postpartum Depression as something that is unavoidable like it’s something they “hope” won’t happen to them. And yes, the truth is that some women are more at risk of developing a postpartum mental health disorder like Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, or OCD (yes there is more than just PPD that women struggle with!) if they have struggled with mental health disorder in the past, but it is not a certainty. What I do know for sure, is that our expectations, our self-talk, and whether or not we ask for help, play a big role in our emotional functioning postpartum. I myself struggled with the baby blues, and had thoughts that at times really scared me. I felt inadequate as a mother, as a wife, and felt so far away from myself that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t connect with my baby girl right away and my relationship with my husband became its own challenge on top of everything else. I reached a low that I had never experienced before. My saving grace was reaching out to my own therapist, and having a network of new moms that I could speak my truth to. My baby blues subsided when I felt heard, when my feelings were normalized, and when I felt less alone. My emotional state definitely may have worsened if I kept all of those feelings to myself, and trust me, I was tempted to because I felt ashamed. But I decided that I would not let shame keep me silent, and I spoke up. The decision to own my experience, no matter how shameful I perceived it to be, changed everything. You can do the same. To help avoid the baby blues or a postpartum mental health condition, women can be proactive and take charge of their emotional health. Regardless of what is done proactively, some women may end up struggling with a postpartum disorder, and there is still great help available if this occurs. The important thing is to seek it! However, I am strong believer in preventative mental health and I believe that the rates of postpartum disorders would lessen if women felt more validated, less isolated and were able to share their truth. Here are some tips I have compiled for the new mom and mom-to-be: Have realistic expectations: Don’t buy into societal myths that portray pregnancy and postpartum through rose-colored glasses. I cannot emphasize this enough. Part of what happens to women is that they buy into the narrative about pregnancy and postpartum which idealizes what it is to have a baby. Having unrealistic expectations about having a baby can bring you to a pretty low when reality sets in. You need to know that in the first weeks postpartum you will probably cry more than you laugh and that this time will most likely be the hardest of your life. It gets so much better, but know what to expect. (As much as you can) Ask for help: As frequently as you need to!!! There is nothing wrong with this. You are not superhuman you are not supposed to function perfectly on little to no sleep, raging hormones and a body that has been through physical trauma. Ask for help, and take it when it is offered. Even if it’s a five-minute break to shower, eat a meal, or rest. You may not think five minutes can make a difference, but it does. Talk to people who get it: Lean on the people who understand and can handle your truth. Other moms are a great resource, especially those who you can be truly vulnerable with. Being able to share your absolute truth to someone that can receive it, is one of the best things you can do for your emotional health. Texting or calling them when you are having a rough moment is a way to relieve yourself of stress. It can be especially challenging if you don’t have this person, and you are stepping into motherhood while your friends are still in other phases of life. If this is the case for you, there are so many resources out there. Locally, there are breastfeeding support groups and groups for new moms. Usually the local hospital puts these on. If you are not feeling like you have anyone you can be 100% honest with, please seek therapeutic support. Do not let it get to the point that you are not functioning to get help. Make time for just you: If you are a type A personality like myself, it is hard to step away from the baby even when you have help. Please do it. Even if it is just to leave and get coffee, please make time for just you. You need to recharge any chance you get. As hard as it is to be away from your baby, you have to remind yourself that your baby deserves a healthy recharged you; not an angry, tired, frustrated you. This may be unavoidable sometimes, so please take the help when it is offered! Reconnect with things that gave you purpose before motherhood: Whether it’s a show, a book, working out, getting together with friends….make time for this. Prioritize this any way that you can and do the things that bring you joy, peace and solace. You are not a bad mother for prioritizing yourself. You need to continue doing the things that make you, you. Continuing to nurture yourself is imperative for your emotional wellness and the healthier you are, the more your baby benefits. Seek therapy: Therapy can be utilized as a great preventative resource. If you are a mom-to-be, it can be a great time to start couples or individual counseling to prepare for the big transition ahead. There are many tools you can gain in therapy that will help safeguard your relationship and help you transition from couple to first time parents. If you are past this point and you are a new mom, chances are, the struggle is real. The postpartum period is particularly tough, and there are very real moments of overwhelming emotion and strife. Postpartum is also a great time to seek therapy. Wherever you are in your parenting journey, it is never a bad idea to seek therapeutic support. I hope you found these tips useful! If you are a mom or mom-to-be looking to bolster or restore her emotional health, click here to schedule an appointment. My passion is working with and empowering women, and I would love to assist you wherever you are on your journey to motherhood!

Clean Eating. Health-Conscious. Sustainable. Vegan/Vegetarian. Organic. Paleo. Keto. The list goes on and on to describe different focuses or categories of what our culture has determined to be healthy eating patterns. The attention to different factors of food is ever-changing and highly marketed by different organizations and industries that seek to profit heavily from the obsession with health, which is often misunderstood to also be a pursuit of thinness. While anyone would argue that being informed about nutrition and understanding food sourcing is important, it is possible to become obsessed and controlled by this obsession. This is called Orthorexia. Orthorexia is problematic, dangerous, and obsessive relationship with proper or “healthful” eating. The obsession with food can look different depending on the focus or factors of food considered most important to the individual. The obsessions are based on the irrational belief that food labeled as being “healthy” is the only acceptable food they will allow themselves to eat. The presentation of orthorexia varies from person to person. One person with orthorexia may only eat a few foods deemed clean or pure including sweet potato and quinoa, whereas another person who is also obsessed with clean or pure foods may only consume organic cauliflower and chicken due to their organic label and lower sugar content. Others may follow the Keto diet rigidly and believes that they cannot falter from this regimen. So, what is the difference between utilizing a diet and orthorexia? Orthorexia is an eating disorder and the level of distress, obsession, and rigidity are far greater than that of just your average dieter or “health-conscious” person. Also, a person with orthorexia is usually under immense distress if acceptable foods are not available and may engage in bizarre behaviors to be able to follow their strict rules. NEDA highlighted several characteristics to consider when identifying if a person may be struggling with orthorexia. Compulsive checking of ingredient lists and nutritional labels An increase in concern about the health of ingredients Cutting out an increasing number of food groups (all sugar, all carbs, all dairy, all meat, all animal products) An inability to eat anything but a narrow group of foods that are deemed ‘healthy’ or ‘pure’ Unusual interest in the health of what others are eating Spending hours per day thinking about what food might be served at upcoming events Showing high levels of distress when ‘safe’ or ‘healthy’ foods aren’t available Obsessive following of food and ‘healthy lifestyle’ blogs on Twitter and Instagram Body image concerns may or may not be present Though this disorder is based on the idea of health, it is extremely unhealthy and can result in devastating medical consequences, such as severe vitamin or nutrient deficiencies, anxiety, depression, seizures, bone loss, muscle loss, cardiovascular problems, etc. Much like anorexia, the intensity of restriction and obsession with food becomes greater and greater until it controls the person’s life. One of the most difficult parts of identifying and treating this disorder is that it is highly positively reinforced in our culture. People suffering and struggling with orthorexia often receive immense positive feedback for being healthy, “good,” disciplined, smart eaters, clean eaters, etc. If the orthorexia also results in weight loss, this too can be positively reinforced in our very weight-obsessed and thin-ideal culture. It is often very difficult to convince someone with orthorexia that what they are doing is hurting them. Sadly, many doctors, therapists, or nutritionists may not even catch on to what is going on due to the immense influence of the diet and health food industries. However, treatment is possible. Working with a skilled team consisting of an eating disorder specialized therapist, dietitian a medical professional can help those struggling with orthorexia to recover and develop a better and truly healthy relationship with food. It may seem strange to be encouraged to eat foods labeled by most as unhealthy, but the rigidity of never allowing oneself to have them is far worse on the body and the mind. For more information on orthorexia and treatment options, please see the below resources. Local South Florida Resources: www.bayviewtherapy.com National Resources: www.findedhelp.com www.nationaleatingdisorders.org For information on how to book an appointment with me please visit my website here.