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Having a certified therapy dog present during counseling sessions significantly reduces stress levels for clients struggling with a wide variety of challenges. Dr. Halle Roebuck, one of our child therapy specialists, brings her adorable and well-trained Shih Tzu “Dr. Benny'' to work every day. Dr. Benny is an official AKC Certified Therapy Dog who has done extensive training to attain his certification. The moment the office doors open, Dr. Benny runs over to greet our clients in the waiting room with a big smile on his face and a very fast wagging tail. Benny’s warm, friendly presence helps calm people and puts them at ease. Many of our current clients have reported that Benny’s presence instantly makes them feel happy and comfortable during the counseling process, which can make a big difference especially if someone is nervous about coming to therapy. The field of animal assisted therapy is growing rapidly. Many hospitals around the country have implemented having therapy dogs present daily as a part of their patient care model. The Mayo Clinic’s Caring Canines program is just one example of a hospital that has been providing therapy dog support services for over a decade to their patients. The therapy dogs are present on hospital grounds to assist patients in boosting emotional well-being during a challenging time. Changes include a reduction of fear and anxiety, occurring in both humans and animals upon human-animal interaction, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA). Studies have shown that therapy animals can help lower stress, anxiety, and depression levels in humans. It is not surprising for pet therapy to be prescribed as a form of treatment for symptom reduction for clients with anxiety as well as post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. In recent years, there has been a significant body of research that goes far beyond the anecdotal appeal of being with a canine. One of the studies, conducted that highlights the undeniable positive connection between a child and canine. It found that weekly sessions with certified therapy dogs and its handler significantly lowered children’s cortisol levels which were measured and validated through saliva samples. Having a therapy dog present in the therapy room appeared to be more beneficial than meditation practices. Therapy dogs have proven to have the following psychological benefits: Provide comfort and support Decrease levels of loneliness Lowering pain intensity Encourage communication Lifts spirits and improves mood Decrease levels of depression Increases socialization Helps with emotional and speech disorders Increases empathy Dogs love unconditionally, are solely focused on you, aid isolating feelings, and are non-judgmental creatures. These are qualities that all of us humans are in search of and reasons many of us start therapy in the first place. Merging this great bond with the positive outcomes of psychotherapy can help children, individuals, couples, and families getting therapy shift towards their goals. If you or your child could benefit from counseling and would feel more comfortable with a Therapy Dog present like Dr. Benny - we invite you to contact us for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. We look forward to speaking with you! Dr. Halle Roebuck provides counseling services for children, teens, adults, parents, and families at our beautiful office in Plantation, Florida. She also provides counseling online via our secure telehealth platform (with a virtual appearance from Dr. Benny - of course) for those who reside in the state of Florida.

As addiction rates increase across the US, a heartbreaking reality becomes evident- addiction is a family disease. It is estimated that 28.6 million adults in the United States grew up with one or both parents with Alcohol Use Disorder. These Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) face unique challenges as a result of their parents’ addiction such as low self-esteem, addiction, mental health disorders, and chronic familial dysfunction. It is likely that ACOAs faced a near constant state of dysfunction in their childhood as a result of parental addiction. They may have faced difficult, and possibly traumatic, experiences that lead to upheaval, chaos, conflict, instability as well as increased rates of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. ACOAs often find that their experiences in childhood may impact them long into their adult years. How does this dysfunction present itself? It can be in the way they react to stressors, the way they form relationships and even the way they use drugs or alcohol themselves. The Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization identified a list of common traits that may describe an ACOA. While no list can encompass the experiences of all ACOAs, the list below elaborates on the ones I have found to be most prevalent in my ACOA clients and those that are most transformative in creating change when identified. ACOAs tend to marry them or become them. Children of alcoholics are at twice the risk of developing an Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) for a variety of genetic, psychological, social and environmental factors. The strong hereditary nature of AUDs is well researched and can explain part of the connection between parent-child addictions. However it is often the psychological, social and environmental factors that reinforce ACOAs likelihood of continuing this dysfunction into their adulthood. For example, children of alcoholics are more likely to experiment with substances at a younger age and use more of the substance compared to their non-ACOA counterparts indicating that the normalization of substance abuse in their childhood reinforces addictive behaviors. This normalization of substance abuse may also explain why ACOAs find partners who are addicted as well. ACOAs develop poor boundaries to avoid abandonment and seek to meet unfulfilled emotional needs Boundaries are the rules we establish to teach others about the way in which we will or will not tolerate being treated. For someone who grew up with emotionally absent parents due to addiction, it may be difficult to maintain boundaries, especially with people who treat you poorly, because emotional fulfillment was infrequent and irregular as a child. So, as an adult, you become flexible in your rules in order to allow yourself to be validated whenever possible, despite whatever negative consequences come with the relationship. ACOAS can pick up the behaviors, without picking up the drink Workaholic, shopaholic, rageaholic - the list goes on. Addictive behaviors can manifest in many ways. For those ACOAs who may never develop substance addiction themselves, they may struggle to moderate behaviors in other aspects of their life. As mentioned, addiction impacts children through a complex variety of genetics, social, psychological and environmental factors. In short, addictive behaviors can be learned and develop into dysfunction without ever needing a substance as a catalyst. Being an ACOA is not a “life sentence” If the above traits resonated with you, it is time to begin living a life unencumbered by a loved one’s addiction. Unlearning old behaviors and creating new, healthier ones is a challenging road. You do not have to walk it alone. Many ACOAs seek support of those with similar experiences through a 12-step fellowship program such as Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, which holds meetings daily. Counseling can also be a powerful tool to help you begin to establish freedom from your ACOA traits. Whether you seek guidance in how to choose healthier relationships, set firmer boundaries, or end compulsive behaviors of your own, a knowledgeable therapist can help you create a future free from addiction. If you’re ready to take the next step in healing, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary consultation at so we can discuss how I can help. I provide counseling for adults in our beautiful east Fort Lauderdale office as well as online therapy via our secure telehealth platform. For more information about my approach or my services, click here.

As we navigate through these challenging times in our world, it becomes increasingly vital to shine a light on the mental health and well-being of our first responders. These brave men and women tirelessly serve our community and put their lives on the line to keep us safe. First responders face high-stress situations and trauma on a daily basis that overtime can result in psychological distress. Although many of us see first responders as superheroes, they are not invincible or immune to the challenges of their work. The unique hardships they face daily, coupled with the current global situation, and lingering traumas from past experiences, are contributing to an alarming rise in anxiety, depression, substance use, domestic violence, suicides, and PTSD. These issues not only affect our first responders but also impact their spouses, children and families, making mental health awareness and support a community concern. At Bayview Therapy, we’re committed to focusing on the importance of mental health care for our first responders and their loved ones. We have several Certified First Responder Counselors on our team and are proud to highlight one therapist in particular for this post today. We want to give a huge shout out to one of our own Certified First Responder Counselors - Sara Speed, LMFT - for the amazing work she does helping first responders and their loved ones. Not only has she dedicated her professional career to helping first responders, she is also married to a FireFighter and understands first hand the unique stressor and traumas of this career. Sara's work has been instrumental in paving the way towards a healthier mental environment for our first responders and their families. We are thrilled to include a video with Sara discussing her work in greater depth in her recent interview featured on ION Network for Mental Health Awareness month. It is our hope that this will help to further educate our community about the importance of mental health care for first responders and inspire more people to lend their support. Thank you Sara for the amazing work you do supporting our first responders! For more information about our First Responder Counseling services at Bayview Therapy, click here. To schedule a session at our Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs, or Plantation, Florida offices, call 954-391-5305. We also offer online counseling for those who reside in the state of Florida.

“Another failure in a string of failures, Doc. I don’t get it, I’ve done everything, everything right, and it never seems to be enough.” I can remember the look on this particular client’s face: a look of exhaustion, a look of frustration, a look that plainly said I give up. It’s a look I’ve seen on many people, a look I’ve seen on myself at times. And while the specifics might be different, these are feelings the majority of us can relate to. While not all of my clients call me “Doc,” many present with a familiar set of self-limiting thoughts and expectations. Our emotions, particularly negative ones, are at the center of our irrational thinking and self-limiting beliefs. Fear, stress, embarrassment and worry, just to name a few. We face hectic days, busy schedules, high stress demands and responsibilities. These very real conditions of our lives leave us susceptible to errors in our thinking. Our negative feelings often result in confirming thoughts in the form of cognitive distortions. Simply put, if I feel irritated or anxious, my thoughts will twist and skew to confirm and support those feelings. Cognitive distortions negatively impact our lives in various ways: Procrastination Self-medication Self-sabotage Social isolation One of the more common forms of cognitive distortions is called all-or-nothing thinking, or black-and-white thinking, where we reduce an issue down to two absolute, inflexible choices. Some of my clients have said things like “Things will never change,”; “I’ve always had problems expressing myself”; “Any deviation from my plan will lead to failure and ruin”. All-or-nothing statements often contain the words always or never, and they always split our views into extreme and inflexible positions. Simply put, with all-or-nothing thinking there is no middle ground. Much of life’s experiences are a blend of ups and downs, bitter and sweet moments, successes and struggles. But then why do we often use all-or-nothing thinking? Why do we become inflexible in our thinking? The vast majority of us understand that life is complicated, and that we ourselves are complicated. When we feel stressed, insecure, or unsure, many fall into all-or-nothing thinking as a means of simplifying an issue down to two possible positions: yes or no. And having to decide between two clear, unequivocal choices is a lot more tolerable than having to choose between many possibilities. Either I succeeded, or I didn’t. Either you love me, or you don’t. Either I’m a good person, or a bad person. Again, there is no middle ground, no wiggle room or margin for error, no room for uncertainty or interpretation. And in times of stress or fear, “certainty” is always our friend. Think back to a time where you felt unsure, scared, or agitated. In that particular situation, would it be easier to make a choice if presented with two options, or twenty? Choices are great under more typical conditions, but too many choices can feel chaotic, overwhelming, and ultimately unhelpful when we feel intense emotions. When we use all-or-nothing thinking, we quiet down this chaos by eliminating options. Wait, isn’t this a good thing? Doesn’t all-or-nothing thinking lead to action? Unfortunately, this is typically not the case. All-or-nothing thinking tends to reduce an issue down to two extremes, and the decision almost always results in inaction and overgeneralizations. Consider an example that might be close to your heart: starting therapy. Many people (myself included at times) struggle to take the initial steps to get started with therapy. While it’s appropriate to have high expectations of therapy, many present with unrealistic, all-or-nothing expectations of the therapy. For example, some of my own clients have said “I figured [therapy] would take too long so why bother,” when discussing the previous obstacles to starting therapy. Another client stated “I barely understand myself, how can anyone else possibly understand me?” If we take the above statement at face value, it’s pretty clear how the expectations of improvement taking too long, or expectations of not being understood would lead to inaction, in this case not getting started with therapy. While all-or-nothing thinking simplifies things, it rarely leads us to our goals. I realize I threw a lot at you, dear reader, so let me try to summarize the above information into this simple statement: all-or-nothing thinking reduces complicated issues into two choices; however, we inevitably choose inaction and maintain our status quo. All-or-nothing thinking is a human experience, and if you are prone to this kind of inflexible thinking then you are in good company. And fortunately, there are some strategies we can use to soften and change our distorted thinking. Strategies to Help Manage Black and White aka All-Or-Nothing Thinking: Challenging our negative thinking is the process of identifying our rigid, negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive, realistic ones. For example, if we are prone to see ourselves as socially anxious or incompetent, we might want to challenge those negative thoughts by identifying times and situations where we felt confident or were given positive feedback from others. With effortful reflection, we can often find real-life examples that challenge our negative, all-or-nothing thinking. Practicing mindfulness is another strategy for overcoming all-or-nothing thinking. It’s common for our cognitive distortions to pull us back into the past (guilt, shame, regret), or forward into the future (worry, future-forecasting, control). Mindfulness practices can be helpful tools to redirect your focus back to the present moment, which is the only moment you or I can control. Focusing on the positives in life and gratitude can also help change our thoughts and what we are paying attention to. Negativity feeds negativity, and sometimes intentionally generating positivity and gratitude can go a long way to changing how we feel. Talking with a psychologist or counselor is always a great idea when working to identify our cognitive distortions and our stuck points in life. We are all at the center of our issues, and it’s common (and human) to develop tunnel vision. A mental health professional can not only give you an outside perspective, but also provide information and skills to best address your needs. If you’d like to learn more about this topic or on how therapy can help with your all-or-nothing thinking, I invite you to contact me for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I offer therapy for adults at our serene counseling offices in Fort Lauderdale and Coral Springs as well as online therapy for those who reside in the state of Florida through our secure telehealth platform. For more information about my approach to therapy or specific services offered, click here. Thank you for reading and I look forward to speaking with you soon!

Narcissistic Personality Disorder or commonly referred to as “NPD” is described by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5) as a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Not everyone who demonstrates narcissistic personality disorder characteristics is diagnosed with clinical NPD, but even so, it doesn't make these traits any easier to deal with in an intimate relationship. In my counseling work, we often call someone who has been subjected to these narcissistic traits in a relationship as a victim of narcissistic abuse. A lack of empathy paired with patterns of inflated self-esteem and need for admiration can lead to unhealthy traits in a relationship such as intense criticism, controlling and manipulative tactics, and gaslighting. Narcissists want their needs met, as do most people. However, narcissists tend to take drastic and often belittling actions to get theirs met, even if it means hurting you in the process. Under extreme circumstances, physical violence can even be a characteristic demonstrated by a narcissistic partner When these things happen on a repeated basis it takes on a form of emotional abuse that leaves a deep rooted wound on one’s self-esteem, safety, and overall well-being. As a victim of this type of abuse you can find yourself isolated from loved ones, afraid to be your true self, in financial distress, co-dependent, or even coping with the stress in unhealthy ways. Leaving any form of an abusive relationship is difficult, and if you find yourself on the other side of a relationship with a narcissistic and/or abusive partner, you are strong and capable and should be proud of yourself! However, you may still be left dealing with some trauma and pain from this experience. With this blog I am aiming to share some tips to prioritize during this difficult time to aid in your healing. Seek Emotional Support: It is important not to be alone during this time. Find someone you can trust and spend time with them. This time can be used for anything you need such as someone to talk to, someone to relax with, someone to have fun with. Anything that provides emotional support is helpful at this time. Practice Self-Care: This is always a piece of advice I give in counseling for anyone recovering from any form of trauma or distress. Treat yourself to things that make you feel healthy and strong. Physical exercise is a great way to naturally de-stress and it's good for you mentally and physically. Travel. Sleep-in. Go out to eat. Do the things that you love or once loved on your own time without restrictions. Decompressing is key, however you want to do that. Coping is essential during this time, just as long as it’s healthy! Set Firm Boundaries: This is an important part of the recovery process because it sets you up for success moving forward, preventing slipping back into old patterns of even going back to the relationship. I always recommend taking safety precautions if necessary, like new home locks and changing your number/blocking your ex’s number. Narcissists can often be charming, easily manipulative and have a tendency to “trick” their partners back into a relationship with them. Another good tip is to make your profiles on social media private. Spend your time with people who are not associated with your ex and minimize any contact to their social circle if need be. Under certain circumstances, if you are obligated to keep contact with your ex if you share children or certain legal responsibilities, setting communication boundaries such as contact through a parenting app with a structured schedule is something I highly recommend. Create a New Normal: Now is an excellent time to begin creating new experiences, hobbies, interests, and routines for yourself. By removing yourself from the abusive relationship you have opened yourself up to a new life of freedom where you can experience joy, happiness, love, and create memories without the fear of criticism or push back. Don’t be afraid to try new things, at your own pace, you deserve to be happy on your own terms. A lot of people recovering from an abusive relationship also join support groups, practice yoga, mediation, and additional healing activities. Look Into Therapy: Having emotional support from your friends and family is helpful as stated above, however, getting unbiased professional help and feedback from an expert therapist is an invaluable part of the recovery process in these situations. You may need some help to feel like yourself again. Therapy can help you to relieve the burden from any maladaptive thoughts you might be struggling with at this time like guilt or shame. Therapy is also a great aid in helping you manage any trauma, stress, or anxiety that may be lingering. As I mentioned, if you have taken the steps to get out of a relationship with a narcissistic partner but still want some help, therapy is a great resource to begin deeper healing and processing. However, if you need help to leave any form of an abusive relationship, therapy can also help you throughout this process and prepare to do so in a safe way. More About Me and My Therapeutic Approach I use an individualized, solution focused approach in my work to help you begin to develop and work on your goals and your future. I also specialize in break-up recovery therapy where we can help to process this specific break-up and begin healing. Together we can focus on rebuilding your strength, self-esteem, and courage to move forward in your life to be the happiest, healthiest version of yourself. If you or someone you know may need relationship support, break-up recovery, or are getting out of a narcissistic and/or abusive relationship, please don't hesitate to contact Bayview Therapy today at 954-391-5305 for a complimentary phone consultation to discuss your therapy needs and how I can help. We have a big, brand new, beautiful office located in Plantation, Florida that can accommodate all your relationship needs. Online Therapy with our secure telehealth platform is also an awesome option for those with busy schedules. For more information about my approach or my services, visit my bio here. I look forward to speaking with you!

I was struggling to talk about mom guilt without using the term “mom guilt”, because it seems like a popular term that gets thrown around a lot. So I got to thinking, what is mom guilt? We hear trendy phrases like this, and sometimes I feel like they lose their true meaning. Mom guilt, is simply the guilt that exists for mothers when they step outside of their role as mom and nourish the other parts of themselves; which innately requires them to stop “doing”. We have somehow learned and adopted the idea that we can’t stop doing in order to be good moms. It has been both directly and indirectly told to us - that we are only good mothers “if”… How we fill in the blank depends on our culture, our upbringing, our relationships with our spouses, the relationship we have with our own mothers, and so much more. These are the kinds of things that I explore with my clients in therapy. In order to really understand “mom guilt” we have to take a step back and ask ourselves what guides our definition of being a good mother. How would you fill in the blank? If you are like many of my clients, the list is long, and oftentimes unrealistic. But it all points to one thing; you care about the kind of mother you are. You want to be respected and to feel like you’re doing a good job. You want other people to notice how hard it is, and that you’re doing your best. And yet …most of us don’t get that. So we keep doing more, adding more to our plate, because maybe that’s when we will finally get the validation and approval we are looking for. Maybe that is when we will finally feel like we are doing a good enough job. We are freed when we realize that being a good enough mother has nothing to do with how much we are “doing”, or with how perfect our houses look, how elaborate our children’s birthday parties are, how well dressed our kids are, or if we have lost the baby weight. If this is how we define “good enough”, we are setting ourselves up to fail. We will never stop feeling guilty, until we redefine what it means to be a good mother, and realize that the validation we are seeking must first come from within. Here are some helpful tips to minimize mom guilt and to feel more at ease in your role as mom. Stop Comparing Yourself on Social Media: Social media has really great qualities, but can often be trash for our mental health. Social media often perpetuates a perfect idealized image of motherhood; that would require a full staff to actually make happen: Perfectly clean house at all times, both yourself and children dressed impeccably, home cooked meals every night, running a successful business, 27 kids and smiling from ear to ear. Yet here you are, scrolling, telling yourself, “ Why should I need a break? I am not even doing 1/4 of what she’s doing!” Completely minimizing your experience and reinforcing the idea that what you are doing isn’t worthy of a break. It’s a recipe for disaster. Check Your Shoulds: Mom guilt often sounds something like “I should be spending more time with my kids”, “I should have brought my little one with me”, “I shouldn’t need time away”, “I should be cleaning up not taking a nap, I have so much to do!” Sound familiar? The Shoulds are a judgmental and critical voice. When you notice it- replace it with a statement like “I choose” instead. It helps you stop comparing and helps you take your power back. Ex: “I am choosing to nap so that I can rest and be in a better head space to tackle the rest of the day”. Connect With People That Get It: Talk with your other mom friends about how you feel. Keeping things to yourself only perpetuates guilt and shame. If you are feeling mom guilt, talk about it! Talk to people that get it, who can offer reassurance and support. If you don’t have access to any of those people, this a good opportunity to reach out to a maternal mental health therapist that can help you work through your feelings and connect you with helpful resources. Remember That You Can Only Give What You’ve Got: This one is simple, straightforward and incredibly powerful. You can only give of your overflow. Find ways to fill your cup, often and intentionally. Remind yourself that your kids need you at your best, which requires you to step away and nourish yourself from time to time. Find a mantra that works for you to ground you when you feel guilty, ex: “My kids benefit from me being at my best, in order to be at my best, I choose to prioritize taking time for myself”. Being a mom does not require you to abandon yourself, or the things that made you “you” before having little ones. Mom guilt can often be a huge barrier in connecting to ourselves in a genuine and meaningful way. If you need any assistance with stepping out of mom guilt and into your true potential, please don’t hesitate to reach out for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I offer counseling for moms who are pregnant, postpartum and in all stages of motherhood at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale and Plantation, Florida offices as well as online for moms throughout the state of Florida on our secure telehealth platform. Together, you will say goodbye to mom guilt and learn to tend to the most important relationship you have; the relationship to you! For more information about my approach to therapy for moms or my services, click here.

El estrés se puede definir como una reacción común a una presión o cambio cotidiano. Es un sentimiento común que puede afectar tanto a los adolescentes como a los adultos, pero de manera diferente. Los factores estresantes para los adolescentes a menudo provienen de la escuela, las relaciones con los compañeros y la dinámica familiar, entre otros. El estrés adolescente puede causar graves problemas de salud si no se trata. Aquí hay algunas fuentes comunes de estrés que afectan a los adolescentes: 1. Expectativas sobre sí mismos y su desempeño: Las demandas académicas generales, como el trabajo escolar, los exámenes, la participación en clase, el mantenimiento de un buen desempeño académico y la admisión a la universidad pueden aumentar su estrés. 2. Cambios físicos y emocionales: Desde el punto de vista del desarrollo, su adolescente se enfrenta a diferentes cambios que pueden alterar sus hormonas, su estado emocional y, por lo tanto, su propia imagen. 3. Relaciones sociales: Los compañeros y los círculos sociales pueden aumentar el estrés de su adolescente. Los adolescentes pueden preocuparse por encajar con ciertos grupos de personas, desarrollar relaciones románticas y mantener amistades. 4. Dinámica familiar: Los cambios en la dinámica familiar pueden aumentar y provocar estrés en su hijo adolescente. Factores tales como problemas matrimoniales, divorcio, enfermedad en un miembro de la familia, relaciones tensas entre hermanos, estrés financiero y la muerte de un ser querido. 5. Demandas extracurriculares: Equilibrar un horario ocupado además del trabajo escolar puede ser abrumador para algunos adolescentes. Señales y síntomas comunes de estrés en los adolescentes incluyen: Irritabilidad Cambios de humor Falta de motivación Pérdida de concentración/atención Alteración del sueño Poco apetito/comer en exceso Consumo de sustancias/alcohol Evadir ir a la escuela Aislamiento Maneras de ayudar a su adolescente a reducir el estrés Haga un plan colaborativo para ayudar a aumentar una buena higiene del sueño: Sus cerebros aún se están desarrollando al igual que sus cuerpos. Por lo tanto, dormir lo suficiente es crucial para su bienestar emocional y físico. Colabora con ellos y ayúdalos a crear una rutina favorable a la hora de acostarse. Sea firme y directo al expresar que el tiempo de proyección afecta sus niveles de estrés, el sueño y el estado de ánimo. Ofrezca su apoyo sin esperar una conversación inmediata: Aumentar la comunicación con su adolescente puede ayudarlo a obtener una mejor comprensión de cómo se ven a sí mismos, a los demás y al mundo que los rodea. Es posible que las conversaciones no sean largas ni detalladas; sin embargo, es fundamental que sean conscientes de que eres una salida segura cuando lo necesitan. Respete el espacio de ellos: Establezca límites saludables cuando ellos le pidan un tiempo para sí mismos. A menudo necesitamos tiempo para procesar nuestros sentimientos después de tener un mal día. Habrá momentos en que su adolescente se sienta cómodo compartiendo más información con otros apoyos, como amigos, maestros y otros miembros de la familia. Ayúdelos a identificar su círculo apoyo: Es importante que su adolescente pueda identificar su "equipo" y comunicarse con ellos en momentos de necesidad. Los consejeros escolares, terapeutas, amigos, familiares, mentores y entrenadores de deportes pueden ser excelentes fuentes de apoyo fuera del hogar. Implementar un “Detox” de las redes sociales: Esta opción no incluye la desconexión total, sino una forma de eliminar ciertas aplicaciones dentro del mundo de las redes sociales. Tenga una conversación abierta sobre los pros y los contras de tener presencia en las redes sociales y establezca límites en torno a su tiempo frente a la pantalla. ¡La consejería para adolescentes y la consejería familiar pueden ayudar! Los años de la adolescencia son difíciles, pero es importante recordar que usted y su adolescente no tienen que manejar esto solos. Un profesional de salud mental con licencia puede ayudarlo a identificar las fuentes de estrés de su adolescente y desarrollar un plan para ayudarlo. Si necesita más ayuda para navegar los años de la adolescencia, lo invitamos a comunicarse con nosotros para su consulta gratuita al 954-391-5305. Lorena Arrarte, LMHC brinda psicoterapia a niños, adolescentes y familias en nuestras oficinas de Coral Springs y Fort Lauderdale. También brinda psicoterapia en inglés y español. Lorena ofrece psicoterapia en línea a través de nuestra plataforma segura de telesalud en todo el estado de Florida. Para obtener más información sobre sus servicios de asesoramiento, haga clic aquí.

Stress can be defined as a common reaction to an everyday pressure and or change. It is a common feeling that can affect teens as much as adults, but just differently. Stressors for teens often come from school, peer relationships and family dynamics amongst others. Teenage stress can cause severe mental, emotional, and physical health issues, if left untreated. Here are some common sources of stress affecting teenagers: 1. Expectations about themselves and their performance: Overall academic demands such as schoolwork, tests, class participation and maintaining a good academic performance can heighten their stress. 2. Physical and Emotional changes: Developmentally, your teen is facing different changes that can alter their hormones, emotional state and therefore self-image. 3. Social Relationships: Peers and social circles can increase your teen’s stress. Teens can worry about fitting in with certain groups of people, developing romantic relationships and maintaining friendships. 4. Family Dynamics: Changes in the family dynamics can spike and trigger stress in your teen. Factors such as marital problems, divorce, illness in a family member, strained sibling relationships, financial stress and a death of a loved one. Common warning signs and symptoms of stress in teens include: Irritability Mood swings Lack of motivation Loss of focus/attention Sleep disturbance Low appetite/overeating Substance/alcohol use School avoidance Isolation Ways to Help Your Teen Reduce Stress: Make a collaborative plan to help increase sleep hygiene: Their brains are still developing as well as their bodies. Therefore, getting enough sleep is crucial for their emotional and physical wellbeing. Collaborate with them and help them create a favorable bedtime routine. Be firm and direct when expressing that screening time affects their stress levels, sleep and mood. Offer your support without expecting a conversation immediately: Increasing communication with your teen can help you gain a better understanding on how they see themselves, others and the world around them. Conversations might not be often lengthy or in detail; however, it is essential that they are aware that you are a safe outlet when they need it. Respect their space: Establishing healthy boundaries when they ask for some time for themselves. We often need time to process our feelings after having a bad day. There will be times that your teen feels comfortable sharing more information with other supports such as friends, teachers, and other family members. Help them identify their support: It is important that your teen can identify their “team” and reach out to them in times of need. School counselors, therapists, friends, relatives, mentors and coaches can be great sources of support outside of the home. Social media “detox”: This option does not include total disconnection but instead a way to eliminate certain micro-stressors within the social media world. Have an open conversation about the pros and cons about having a social media presence and place boundaries around their screen time. Teen Counseling & Family Counseling Can Help! The teenage years are tough, but it’s important to remember that you and your teen do not have to handle this on your own. A licensed mental health professional can assist you in identifying your teen's sources of stress and developing a plan to help your teen. If you need more help navigating the teenage years, we invite you to contact us for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. Lorena Arrarte, LMHC provides counseling for kids, teens, and families at our Coral Springs and Fort Lauderdale offices. She also provides counseling in English and Spanish. Lorena offers online counseling via our secure telehealth platform across the state of Florida. For more information about her counseling services, click here.

As a couples therapist, it’s not unusual for someone to call for help, declaring that the marital problem is their narcissistic partner. When asked what the client means by “narcissist” and what that looks like in their relationship, clients typically say the partner is selfish, controlling, or demeaning. They may convey that their spouse thinks they’re superior, “God’s gift to the earth,” the boss or expert, right at all costs, and never wrong. They describe attempts to confront the aversive behavior as being met with denial, gaslighting (turning back the accusations on the accusing spouse), and threats such as, “If you don’t like it, get out,” or “Do you think anyone will help you? You can’t afford to live without me.” or “YOU’re the one that needs help, not me.” As for how it shows up in the day-to-day, the negative behavior typically includes criticism, commands, shouting, stonewalling/ignoring/giving the cold shoulder, name-calling, cutting off or limiting financial access, drinking or drug use, and boundary crossings that can run from airing the couple’s dirty laundry in public (humiliation) to prohibiting the spouse’s contact with their support systems such as family, friends and even therapists. Faced with intolerable antics, a complaining spouse may find themself fighting back vigilantly or crumbling in fear, panicked at the thought that no relief is in sight. Such a case is not for the faint of heart. It presents obvious challenges and it’s important for your therapist to understand what those will include. When taking on this type of case, I want to assess the levels of safety at the outset and may require safety contracts and other limitations on the relationship as an ongoing condition for our work. I also participate in peer consultation to navigate both clinical and potential ethical challenges. How to work with narcissistic behavior in Couples Therapy Some practices I find important in working with the narcissistic behavior: Setting Clear Boundaries. To manage a narcissist’s sense of entitlement and disregard for the feelings and needs of others, it's important for the therapist to set clear boundaries with the narcissist and hold them accountable for their behavior. This may involve written safety agreements, contingencies in the event boundaries are broken and clear rules around communication, conflict resolution, and respect for each other's needs and feelings. Building a Strong Therapeutic Alliance. A strong therapeutic alliance between the therapist and the couple is critical for any effective therapy. Notwithstanding all the negativity the couple may present, focusing on the couple's strengths and building on them can help to create a sense of positivity and hope, and encourage the couple to work together towards a common goal. When goals are met, we celebrate; when they aren’t, we evaluate what keeps happening to both spouses. I remind them: If nothing changes, nothing changes. We can’t control others, but we can manage our own big emotions. Validating (NOT agreeing with) the Narcissist's Vulnerabilities. Narcissists often struggle with feelings of insecurity and vulnerability, which can be masked by projecting a false sense of superiority and confidence. As a therapist, it's important to acknowledge and validate these underlying feelings while also holding the narcissist accountable for their behavior. Validation does not mean acceptance, nor does it mean agreement. It lets the partner know I heard them, and I’m still there. I still expect a more effective response, but I’m open to accepting a repair. Focus on the Couple's Goals. The chaos of escalated conflict can turn a therapy session into a circus, so structure and focus are the therapist’s friend in these circumstances. I ask couples to identify shared goals and work towards them collaboratively, and we measure what’s working and what happens when setbacks occur. The challenges presented by narcissistic behavior can test our limits, and success cannot be guaranteed, especially when couples have waited years to address the problem. I remind the couple they have options beyond therapy and, where I can, make referrals for other professional assistance when requested. Regulating Behavior/Establishing Safety and Limits. Controlling or aggressive behavior in a narcissist can be triggered by feelings of fear/insecurity, jealousy and anger. Their partner may experience anxiousness, fear, helplessness, anger or rage. I find both partners benefit from psychoeducation and in-session practices to self- and co-regulate behavior. We need the couple to learn how to de-escalate emotional reactions, take necessary breaks when tempers rise, and avoid further escalating behaviors, even if that means a cold stop and exit. I like to recommend Dr. Alan Fruzzetti’s book, The High Conflict Couple, as a resource. It's important to help the narcissist develop coping mechanisms to regulate their emotions and avoid impulsive or destructive behavior. From my Gottman toolkit, Relaxation and Listening Exercises are available to down-regulate conflicts. I may also utilize DBT skills for mindfulness and emotion regulation or incorporate certain couples hypnosis interventions (like visualization) to promote connection. Couples further learn the antidotes to communication patterns eroding the relationship. These interventions aim to help the couple become more self-aware and manage their emotions more effectively. Adjunctive Therapy A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy in 2017 found that individual therapy was more effective than couples therapy in reducing narcissism in a sample of men with narcissistic personality disorder. Depending on the challenged partner’s level, intensity, duration and reinforcement of narcissistic traits, a referral for individual work may be discussed. I sometimes recommend that one or both partners engage in their own individual therapy either before commencing couples work, or throughout our work together. These adjunctive services are intended to reinforce growth and boundaries that better enable the couple to respond to each other’s reasonable needs. Counseling Can Help! Overall, couples therapy with a narcissist can be challenging, and often requires both partners to contribute to change. My hope is that, even if therapy does not result in the couple staying together, clients leave understanding more about their strengths and challenges in the relationship, and gain benefit from interventions aimed at improving communication, reducing conflict, and keeping the couple moving in the direction of their goals. If you or someone you know has difficulties with narcissistic behaviors in their marriage or relationship, I invite you to contact me at 954-391-5305 for your complimentary consultation to see how I can help. I provide counseling for adults and couples at our beautiful offices in Fort Lauderdale and Plantation, Florida. I also offer online counseling for those who reside in Florida. For more information about my services, click here. I look forward to speaking with you!

Couples counseling has been shown to help couples work through their issues to help improve their relationship. A skilled and licensed couples counselor can provide you and your partner the space to finally talk about the issues that you have been struggling with in a safe space. Together you can learn how to build better communication skills, improve your intimacy, and strengthen their bond. A couples counselor can give you the tools needed to accomplish those goals. For many couples, the idea of couples counseling feels like a game changer. They want to improve their relationship, but there is one problem. They must convince their partner to come. I am sure you feel the same way. You have realized that things in your relationship have changed, and you want to fix it before things get worse. Problem is, you must talk with your partner, and you don’t know how they will take it. As a couples counselor, I hear it time and time again: “We really need couples therapy, but I don’t think my partner will be open to it” or “they don’t realize how bad things are. I am ready to leave.” It can be a big barrier in a lot of relationships, when one person isn’t happy and feels that their partner is not willing to work on it. That only leads to more disconnect and resentment, which leads to divorce/separation. Most relationship issues can be resolved. Healing can start but it requires both parties to be on board. Not all is lost though… otherwise, I wouldn’t be writing this blog. So, for those that are ready to start couples therapy and aren’t sure if their partner wants to join, here are some tips for you: Communicate your feelings: Find a time where you can have an uninterrupted conversation so that you guys can speak openly and honestly. Start by telling your partner how you feel and why you think couples counseling would be beneficial. Be honest, direct, and respectful. Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner. Not sure exactly what you want to say? Write it out, but make sure to use “I” statements and not “you” statements. For example, “I feel overwhelmed with everything in the house” versus “You don’t help me enough.” Through this conversation, it is important to understand that you might not get the immediate response that you want, and that’s ok. Consider scheduling a later time to follow up, so that your partner can think things through and not feel pressured. Listen to your partner: Listen to your partner's concerns and objections. Try to understand their perspective and address their fears or reservations about counseling. Make notes as to what their concerns could be so that you can potentially discuss them during your consultation call with a couples therapist. This will allow you to find the best fit if they choose to move forward. For example, if your partner is concerned about finances and the time commitment, you can ask a potential couples therapist their fees and average length of therapy. You can also discuss any potential concerns that they may have about what therapy could look like. Make sure that they understand that both of you need to make changes to make the relationship work. Highlight the benefits: Highlight the benefits for both of you, not just yourself. This is where “we/us” statements come into play. Many partners might feel that they will be the only one that needs to change, and that’s simply not how couples therapy works. Let them know that you also need guidance on how to improve and a couples counselor can help you do that. Couples counseling can help with the following: improving communication, resolving conflicts, increasing intimacy and connection, and addressing specific issues like infidelity, trust, or parenting disagreements Find a counselor together: Look for a counselor together and involve your partner in the process. Find a counselor that you both feel comfortable with and who specializes in the issues you want to work on. Ask your partner if they have any preferences when it comes to couples counseling. Do they prefer male or female? In-person or online? Be patient: Be patient with your partner and don't push them into counseling. It's important that they feel comfortable and willing to participate in the process. Couples counseling will ONLY work if BOTH partners are willing to work in the relationship. So, while you may want to push them to start couples counseling, it is important for them to be on board. Otherwise, you won’t get the results you are seeking, and it may taint your image of couples counseling moving forward. Remember, couples counseling is most effective when both partners are willing to participate and committed to making positive changes in the relationship. If your partner isn’t ready or open to couples counseling, it is possible to seek relationship counseling individually. Sounds weird, but it is possible. I have worked with many clients who wanted to seek couples counseling, but their partner wasn’t open to it. While they were initially disappointed, once they started making positive changes, it opened the door for their partner to see the benefits of therapy. That allowed them to have an even deeper conversation about their relationship and couples counseling was back on the table. I understand that no one is “happy” to come into therapy (I don’t take offense to it lol), it can really change lives and relationships for the better. Hopefully there will come a day where we don’t have to convince our loved ones to attend but until then, don’t let the stigma of couples counseling hold you back from a happy relationship. If you need more support in your relationship from an expert couples counselor, contact me for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I’d be happy to discuss how I can help you improve your relationship. I provide counseling for adults and couples at our beautiful Coral Springs and Fort Lauderdale offices and across the state of Florida via online therapy through our secure telehealth platform. For more information about my services, click here. I look forward to speaking with you!

Trauma is at the top of the list of most-common psychological health conditions. The word trauma has become part of our everyday language. On the news, we often hear about people being traumatized by tragic events, shootings, natural disasters, and accidents, just to mention a few. Life doesn’t prepare us for trauma. Following exposure to traumatic events, millions of people develop anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Without treatment, those millions will battle distressing symptoms for life. Depression and anxiety are two of the most debilitating mental health illnesses of our times and are part of the biggest epidemics of our modern society. What is trauma and its effects? Trauma results from exposure to any adverse event or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life-threatening with lasting negative effects on the individual’s functioning: mental, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Other adverse life experiences that are not always perceived as traumatic accumulate over time and have a lasting negative impact on our self-esteem and self-worth. Immediately after the event, shock, and denial are typical. Longer-term reactions include flashbacks, sleep disturbances, nightmares, intense fear and sadness, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea. Trauma affects our system of beliefs, destroying our convictions about ourselves in relationships with others and the world. It destroys our identity leading us to suffer due to sadness and fear and perpetuating continuous states of anxiety and depression. Some examples of these negative beliefs are thoughts like I am not safe, I am not lovable, I am not good enough, I am a failure, I don’t belong, I am trapped, etc. Many feelings experienced after a traumatic event are a normal part of grieving and recovering. Still, when these feelings go on for a long time (more than a few weeks), they can get in the way of your daily life and may lead to depression or anxiety. How Are Depression and Anxiety Trauma Related? Trauma impacts the brain, the body, emotion regulation, and relationship-building ability. The most common cause of anxiety and depression is trauma. Trauma activates a response characterized by anxiety that causes intense sadness and leads to depression, leaving us broken, shattered, and wounded. Trauma can create feelings of sadness, fear, and anger. The emotions can feel overwhelming and out of control, and we struggle to find a balance. Anxiety is the primary mechanism of defense. It is the key to survival and maintains our internal emotional balance. Trauma causes extreme levels of anxiety and fear that have a terrible effect on our ability to function. When we are in such a state, we experience a horrible reality, and even when we consciously know that there is no threat at that moment, our mind doesn't let us see clearly what is real and what is not. The traumatic event can get stuck in the memory network in its original form, causing symptoms like anxiety and depression. The depressive and anxiety cases caused by trauma usually are chronic and severe. The feelings of anxiety and panic interfere with daily activities, are difficult to control, are out of proportion to the actual danger, and can last for a long time. So how can we heal the traumatized mind and heart? There are different types of therapy to treat trauma: Cognitive processing therapy (CPT) Prolonged exposure therapy Trauma-focused CBT EMDR therapy Somatic therapies Psychodynamic therapy Hypnotherapy We all experience some bad things from time to time, but the brain's natural ability allows us to process it and move forward. If the memory of the traumatic event is not processed correctly in our system, the emotions we experience are not very likely to disappear and will come back to haunt us. There is hope with proper treatment, and it is never too late to start again. However, healing takes time, and we get better when we recover our sense of safety by reprocessing those traumatic experiences and learning to regulate our emotions. Therapy can help you heal from traumatic experiences. Talking with a therapist who specializes in trauma/PTSD can help you undo the damage caused by trauma. The goal of counseling is to help you move from living in a state of survival to starting to live well. The ultimate goal is to achieve personal transformation to develop ourselves into our full potential. If you’re ready to heal from past trauma and overcome struggles such as PTSD, anxiety, depression, counseling can help! I invite you to contact me for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I provide talk therapy, EMDR therapy, and hypnotherapy for adults at our beautiful office in Plantation, Florida. I also offer online counseling for those who reside in the state of Florida via our secure telehealth platform. For more information about my approach to therapy, click here. I look forward to helping you live your best life!

“Adulting” doesn’t come with many benefits, but one of them is being able to choose who you want to be in your inner circle. If someone rubs you the wrong way, makes you feel badly about yourself, or just gives you an off vibe, you get to decide how much contact you wish to have with them, if any at all! There is an exception to this rule though, one that can cause quite the conundrum… family. These relationships can often be wrought with frustration, anxiety, and even trauma, yet they are nuanced with a sense of obligation that is hard to avoid. It's one thing if your mother calls incessantly to make sure you took your vitamins, or your sister is going on and on, again about her obnoxious boyfriend. But how do you know when a family member has crossed the line from annoying to toxic? Signs of toxicity in anyone, including family are: Being overly critical or cruel with their words Making unrealistic demands or attaching strings to favors or services Refusal to take responsibility for their statements or actions and blaming instead Manipulating you or those around you to get what they want Pitting family members against each other for some gain of their own Withdrawing support or attention if displeased with you or a decision you’ve made Violation of your wishes or restrictions you have put in place And when in doubt as to whether you are dealing with a toxic family member or not, listen to your body. What happens when their name pops up on your phone? How do you feel when you know that you will be seeing them in the near future? If someone elicits a sense of anxiety or dread, if you feel a pit in your stomach or a flush in your cheeks at the prospect of having to spend time with someone, they may be a toxic figure in your life… family included. So now that you know you are dealing with a toxic relationship, how do you best navigate it? This can be particularly challenging with family because there is a sense of obligation that comes along with familial ties specifically. It is said that a dysfunctional family is not family at all, it’s a toxic relationship parading as a requirement. But once you realize that you always have a choice, even when it seems that there is no way out, you gain your freedom! Here are some ways to liberate yourself from a toxic family member: Manage Your Expectations: Much of the pain and suffering we feel in life is due to unmet expectations. First you must mourn the loss of the parent/sibling/extended family member you thought or always wished you had. After you process your grief, try to see it for what it is. We can never control another’s behavior, but we can always control our own response. Knowing what you are getting when you spend time with or communicate with someone will lessen feelings of pain or disappointment. If you know that Aunt Mary is going to criticize your career choice or Uncle Carl is going to get drunk and be inappropriate, you can prepare yourself mentally and even construct a plan to protect yourself. Coming up with stock answers to intrusive questions or creating an exit plan beforehand can help to alleviate anxiety and take your power back. Create & Maintain Boundaries: Even though you may always feel like a scared five-year-old child every time your father raises his voice, the beauty of being an adult is that you get to decide how to respond now. Creating boundaries can be intimidating, particularly with people who historically have had decision-making control over you. Also, toxic family members will most often not respond well to new limitations you put in place. No matter, your only job now is to protect your own mental health and well-being. These boundaries can include how many times per week, month, or even year you have contact. Or how long you spend at family functions. It can even include whether or not you allow someone to remain in your life at all. Some of this boundary setting you may wish to communicate directly, while others you will simply put into place with your own behavior. And while you are doing this, it is important to become comfortable with others not being happy with you. This will be awkward and unpleasant at first, but you will be surprised with how comfortable and even empowered you can become at saying “No” with some practice! Friends Are The New Family: Blood may be thicker than water and I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be swimming in water than blood! The days of cleaving to family due to isolation or necessity went out with the wagons and pioneers. Never before have we been so connected to millions of potential friends, companions, and support systems. The new phenomenon of “Friendsgiving” has become so popular because people are beginning to understand that those you surround yourself with are now a choice, not a requirement. Lean into the people you enjoy spending time with. Consider experimenting with vulnerability and allowing others to share your life with you. The beauty of friendship is that it is pleasurable, reciprocal, and completely voluntary. In the new age of urban jungles, you get to form your own tribe! Therapy Therapy Therapy: Family ties are not easily broken. Toxic relatives are well versed in the art of mistreatment, manipulation, and martyrdom. It is possible you may need some help in breaking out of the jail of unhealthy lifelong relationships. Because these connections go so far back or run so deep, they can often trigger feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and pain. A skilled therapist can offer the support and guidance you need to see past the ingrained trauma and make the decision to prioritize yourself with confidence. Interventions like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help point out and correct faulty thought patterns that keep you in abusive relationships. The highly effective eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) treatment can even allow you to go back and reframe negative associations at their source. Having the benefit of an objective professional with only your best interest at heart may help you navigate your way out of these very complicated and nuanced relationships. Consider today being the first day of your emancipation from the toxic family members that rule your life. If you want more encouragement, validation, and assistance in breaking free from toxic family members so you can reclaim your peace of mind, we invite you to contact us for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. Sara Speed, LMHC is a EMDR Certified Therapist and provides counseling for adults, First Responders in our beautiful Plantation, Florida office. She also offers online counseling via our secure telehealth platform for those who reside in Florida. For more information about Sara and her approach to counseling or EMDR, click here.