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This year, I othcelebrate my 5th Mother’s Day. I can’t help but reflect on how drastically my life has changed since the birth of my first daughter in 2019. Being a mom is so much a part of who I am, I often find that it’s difficult to remember who I was before. Who is that person? Does she even exist? What did she like? What did she do for fun? How did she fill her days? I mourned her for a long time. Nobody prepares you for the grief that accompanies motherhood. Nobody tells you how much you will miss the ease of your life before, and how difficult it would be to prioritize taking time for yourself. A drastic shift happened for me when I was able to accept that I was no longer her, but a different version of her. And made it a point to seek to understand her, nurture her, and give her what she needed to persevere. It is an ongoing journey and I am still learning everyday. When I am able to pause, and meet my own needs, I know that my children benefit tremendously. Part of that is paying attention to how much I have grown as a mom, and to purposely think about my “wins” albeit small. It’s something that I speak with clients about quite often during our counseling sessions; the idea that we are so wired to focus on how we fell short that day, as opposed to what we did well. If we stop and take inventory, we are doing an amazing job. But if we focus on how we messed up, we end up coming up with false narratives around our enough-ness as moms. We need to pause to acknowledge what we are doing well, and lovingly and graciously acknowledge what can shift if we are needing to improve any aspects of our parenting. Any mom reading this knows the challenges that come with motherhood. It is all consuming. The mental load is real, the constant demands are real, the compassion fatigue is real. And yet, there will be a day when our children no longer vie for our attention, no longer pull at our dresses to show us their drawings, no longer beg us for one more story at bedtime. On my most challenging days, I try to remind myself of this. So this Mothers Day, I invite all mothers who are reading this to focus on their strengths, and to take a few moments to take inventory of their “wins”. Below you will find some questions you can use for your own reflection, you can journal your responses, or answer them as you read them. Either way, I hope it helps you refocus on the strengths you possess, and the amazing mother that you are. The most rewarding part about being a mother is …. Something my child or children have taught me is ….. The qualities I appreciate the most about myself as a mother are…. I am most proud of myself as a mother because…. A challenge(s) I overcame in motherhood….. I persevered in motherhood by…. Something I don’t acknowledge that I do really well is….. If you are a mother who needs some additional support with navigating any aspect of your motherhood, I am here. I am a certified perinatal mental health counselor who specializes in working with pregnant moms, postpartum moms, and moms during the entire journey of parenthood. I offer counseling at our beautiful office in Plantation, Florida as well as online through our secure telehealth platform. Contact me today for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305 to discuss how I can help. For more information about my counseling services, click here. Happy Mothers Day!

Coming out of the closet is a deeply personal and often challenging journey for individuals who identify as LGBTQIA+. It involves revealing who the person feels romantically and sexually attracted to, or revealing their personal sense of one’s own gender, which does not always align with the person’s assigned sex. Revealing one's sexual orientation or gender identity to others can be accompanied by feelings of fear, uncertainty, and vulnerability. Coming out of the closet is a process unique to each person. Counseling with a LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapist can offer invaluable support and guidance along the way. In this blog, we will explore how counseling can empower gay individuals in their journey of self-discovery and coming out. Coming out of the closet… The closet is a metaphorical space where individuals hide their true selves due to societal pressures, stigma, and fear of rejection. It is a place where the person cannot be authentic and self-expression is limited. Coming out involves stepping out of this dark, confining, and often suffocating space, and embracing one's identity openly and authentically. The journey of coming out has a lot of internal and external challenges. Internally, individuals may grapple with feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt. Externally, they may fear rejection, discrimination, and prejudice from family, friends, and society. These challenges can take a toll on mental health and well-being, making the support of a trained psychotherapist invaluable. Counseling provides a safe, non-judgemental, and supportive environment for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and experiences related to their sexual orientation or gender identity. A skilled therapist can help clients navigate the complexities of coming out by providing emotional support, facilitating self-exploration, building coping skills, strengthening relationships, addressing internalized homophobia, and providing resources and referrals. Here are a few ways LGBTQ+ counseling with an affirmative therapist can help during the process: Emotional support: Therapy offers a non-judgmental space where individuals can express their fears, doubts, and struggles openly. Self-exploration: Through introspective exercises and reflective dialogue, therapy encourages individuals to explore their identity, values, and beliefs. Coping skills: Therapy equips individuals with practical tools and techniques to manage anxiety, cope with rejection, and navigate difficult conversations effectively. Relationships: Therapy can help individuals communicate their needs and boundaries effectively, fostering healthier and more supportive relationships with loved ones. Internalized homophobia: Therapy challenges these internalized beliefs, promoting self-acceptance and self-love. Resources & referrals: Therapists can connect individuals with LGBTQ+ affirming resources, support groups, and community organizations, providing additional avenues for support and connection. Having a community is fundamental in the process of coming out. Coming out of the closet is a transformative journey that requires courage, resilience, and support. Psychotherapy plays a vital role in empowering gay individuals as they navigate this process, providing a safe space for self-exploration, emotional support, and skill-building. By seeking the guidance of a therapist, individuals can embark on their coming out journey with greater confidence, self-awareness, and resilience, ultimately embracing their authentic selves with pride and acceptance. If you have found yourself grappling with questions about how to navigate the process of coming out, unsure of where to begin or what steps to take, know that psychotherapy can provide the guidance and support you need. As someone who has walked this same path, I understand the challenges you may face, and I'm here to accompany you on your journey. For more information about Jorge Hincapie, LMHC - click here. Jorge provides counseling for adults in Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs, and Plantation, Florida. He also provides counseling online via our secure telehealth platform. If you’re ready to find out how therapy can help you and/or your loved ones, call 954-391-5305 today for your complimentary consultation. We look forward to speaking with you!

What image comes to mind when you hear “midlife crisis”? There’s a classic picture we’ve seen in the media time and time again: a man, probably in his 50s, with a family, a steady job, and a house in the suburbs. One day, he decides to buy a flashy sports car, start an affair, and launch into a life free of responsibilities where he feels he is living more authentically while his family deals with the aftermath. There are movies, books, and even real-life stories that we’ve all heard that run along these lines. These stories can feel entirely unrelatable to many of us, so they can leave you wondering, is this the only way a midlife crisis can happen? Could I be having a “midlife crisis”? While the scenario of a man in a sports car does happen in real life, it’s not the only way a midlife crisis can occur. Anyone can have a midlife crisis, and the reasons behind midlife crises are complex. They usually happen when people are looking to add more meaning and depth to their lives, questioning what they have considered important in their lives and where and who they’d like to be as they confront the fact that they’re halfway through their lives. Our understanding of a midlife crisis is often only on the surface level, looking at actions and not at the “why” behind them or how those actions are a start at meeting unmet needs. You may know someone going through a midlife crisis, or you may be experiencing one yourself! Midlife crises are still crises, even if they don’t fit the mold, and they can be hard to navigate alone. There’s support available, such as therapy for a midlife crisis, that can help you take the reins in your life and live your preferred life without impulsive change or trying things that don’t align with your values. Understanding the myths about what a midlife crisis can look like can help you figure out what changes you truly want in your life. 5 Myths About a Midlife Crisis: When you experience a shift in life, such as a health crisis, a loss in your life, or a situation that has you confronting your mortality, this “wake-up call” drives home the deep need to live your best life. This may inspire a choice to no longer live in self-denial (in the many shapes & forms it may take on), and you may make radical changes to get to that point. But without understanding what a midlife crisis looks like, these changes may make life even more stressful, and they may not fulfill the needs you’re looking to meet. Let’s take some time to look at how the myths around a “midlife crisis” have limited us. Midlife Myth #1 - It Happens Out of Nowhere: When someone radically shifts the direction of their life, it can seem sudden, especially if they are part of a generation or a culture that does not encourage openness and sharing of emotions and experiences. When we are encouraged to keep up appearances, play nice with others, and please other people instead of ourselves, sharing inner turmoil or a better understanding of ourselves can feel impossible. When you add in the challenges of meeting financial needs, the responsibility over children or aging parents, or facing backlash from the people in your life, needed changes can get put off until the strain of living this less fulfilling life becomes an actual crisis. Midlife crises often happen after years of strain and inauthentic living, and they can look sudden and shocking. The vast shift can feel shocking and challenging for those around them, like friends and family. It can seem like they’re being selfish and hurtful for no reason. But it’s important to remember that the crisis is also happening to the person experiencing it. The trauma of long-term unmet needs and the shock of a significant life change are both part of the lived experience of someone going through a midlife crisis. Midlife Myth #2 - It Only Happens to Men: Our society has sold us the idea that men are the only ones capable of a midlife crisis. But knowing that a midlife crisis usually comes from confronting one’s mortality and wanting more meaning out of life makes it clear that women can and do experience midlife crises. Anyone can experience a deep need for change when considering how they want the rest of their life to go. When a woman looks at her life, it can be easy to see how society’s expectations could make her shrink into a role that was never a good fit. When a woman realizes a large portion of her life is over and feels limited by the time she has left, it can spur her to consider who she wants to be. Moving into a new career field, finding a new partner, starting a new hobby, living her life completely differently, developing a new look that feels more real to her, or even a new car are ways a woman can shift her life to feel more genuine. Midlife Myth #3 - You have to be 50: Midlife is a broad category; it can easily range from late thirties into someone’s sixties. There’s no clock ticking down to when “midlife” actually is, and the realization that your life is going the wrong path, and if you don’t make changes, might rob you of happiness, can be a great motivator for change. Midlife crises happen at whatever age you are when you lose the ability to mask who you want to be and how you want to live. They occur when you realize you don’t want to regret how you’re spending your life before you become too old or sick to take the chance to shift into a better fit, one that feels meaningful and honest to you. You don’t need to guess whether you’re experiencing a midlife crisis based on age. It’s better to embrace that you need to make changes and find ways to do so that are healthy, like through open communication and even therapy. Midlife Myth #4 - It’s a Sign of Immaturity: Making a huge life shift can look like immaturity to those around you, particularly if you haven’t been able to share your inner world with people. The change seems sudden, impulsive, and selfish. It is not a sign of immaturity when you awaken to your desired reality. The immaturity in a midlife crisis is only the lack of communication that occurred up to this moment. It’s important to remember that “immaturity” means you haven’t yet grown into the ability to do something. If you feel you may be heading toward a midlife crisis or in the middle of one, it’s an excellent time to work on your communication skills to mature into a more open person to share your emotions. Opening up to your family, partner, and friends can help you talk through your inner turmoil and need for change. This space to hash things out, work with feedback, and voice your needs is a space that can help you avoid impulsive decisions or drastic choices that might not be the best solution to meet your needs. Midlife Myth #5 - Nothing Can be Done About it: Midlife crises are often framed as something someone goes through on their own, and the outcome is set before you even begin. Significant life shifts, chaos, and upsetting people around you can feel like that’s the only way to handle a midlife crisis, and you’ll clean up the mess as best you can once things have settled down. There’s a better way to address the inner need to live your dreams. Therapy for individuals contemplating a midlife crisis is a highly effective way to offer a safe space to hash out all inner truths and plan how to move toward a more meaningful second chapter in life. Therapy for a midlife crisis can help you live your preferred life! Counseling can give you a space to be completely honest, and with a therapist’s support, you’ll be able to tease out your deeper emotions and best plans for the needed change. Different therapy modalities can help you dig into any anxiety, depression, or mood challenges you may be dealing with. Reducing the symptoms around those underlying issues can also help you have a clearer, more decisive, and deliberate understanding of what changes you truly want in your life. You don’t have to deal with a midlife crisis alone. Alexa von Oertzen, LMFT with Bayview Therapy specializes in helping clients take inventory of their emotions, and achieve clarity to help them implement the best changes for a happier life. Call 954-391-5305 today for your complimentary consultation with Alexa to find out more about how she can help you live your best life. Alexa provides counseling for men and women at our beautiful counseling offices in Coral Springs and Fort Lauderdale, Florida. She also provides online counseling via our secure telehealth platform. For more information about her services, click here.

Whether you are the one ending a relationship or you are on the other side of a breakup, there are a wave of emotions and thoughts that can be experienced. In this blog, you will gain more insight into what to expect with a breakup and how to process these emotions in order to move forward. The Stages of Grief Related to Breakups When we think of the word grief, we often assume that it’s something experienced only when someone passes away. However, there are so many additional ways that we grieve and one of them is with the ending of a relationship. Maybe you feel like your emotions are “all over the place” or you’re wondering why you feel anger, resentment, and depression. Whatever emotions are there, they are completely valid! There is no right or wrong way to feel and our emotions can fluctuate from minute to minute. The stages of grief are denial, depression, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. One hour you may be in acceptance and the next hour you may be feeling angry. Again, there is no right or wrong in the intensity, order, or longevity of your emotions. One of the most important actions you can take is to “ride the wave” of the emotion and normalize and validate the emotion for yourself. We can make emotions exacerbated by resisting them and telling ourselves we “shouldn’t feel this” or “should be over it by now”. Set an alarm for 15 minutes, feel whatever emotions you need to feel and then take an action that feels good for you when the alarm goes off. Moments of Doubt With any big decision, there are pros and cons for that decision. Very rarely can we make a big decision where there are only pros for the decision. Because of this, it can make it very difficult to follow through with a breakup. I often hear, “I think I made the wrong decision because I miss XYZ about the person”. We take that and confuse it with making the wrong decision when in fact, it is okay to miss someone and also understand you made the best decision for yourself to end it. It is normal to miss aspects of a relationship, EVEN if you were the one to end it. Normalize that for yourself and don’t confuse it with making the wrong decision. Remind yourself of the headspace you were in when you ended it and the reasons for it. Self-Sabotaging Behaviors Our brain is all about protecting ourselves. Since the ending of a relationship is often very painful, of course our brain doesn’t want to go through that again! The brain’s natural instinct is, “How do I avoid feeling that level of pain again?” and that is when self-sabotage behaviors kick in. It can be scary putting yourself out there again. However, we have to remind ourselves that we cannot pick and choose what we avoid so if we are avoiding possible pain, we are also preventing ourselves from a deep connection and happiness! Comparison Maybe you began to start dating again or started exploring “what is out there”. Your brain may go into comparison mode of what your ex would do or say and what current prospects are doing and saying. This is a great time to remind yourself that you don’t want someone who is exactly like your ex- partner because it didn’t work out for a reason! Go in with an open mind and with excitement of what someone may have to offer. Cravings to Return to the Relationship Since our brain is all about comfort and safety, it is very common to crave a past relationship. A good question to ask yourself is, “Am I actually wanting to go back to that relationship or am I craving normalcy, comfort, and predictability?” Oftentimes, our brain will start craving comfort when you start to put yourself outside of your comfort zone. An example could be when you start dating someone new and there is a lot of uncertainty and discomfort, our brain will usually play a trick on us because it is craving comfort and safety. All of these emotions, thoughts, and behaviors WILL pass with time! The more you acknowledge and validate your emotions, the quicker they will decrease. Having additional support with therapy can really help too! If you are struggling to recover after a breakup or feel stuck in your relationship patterns, reach out today for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. I’d be happy to chat with you to see how I can help. You deserve to live your best life! For more information about my approach to counseling or my services, click here. I provide counseling for adults, EMDR therapy, and counseling for First Responders at our beautiful Fort Lauderdale office. I also offer online therapy across the state of Florida via our secure telehealth platform. I look forward to speaking with you!

Do you find yourself in a persistent depressed mood? Have you lost interest in areas you have found great enjoyment in before? If so, you may be struggling with depression. Many clients describe depression as “a dark cloud that follows me”, “lack of motivation to do anything”, and “feelings of hopelessness”. If you resonate with any of these, you are definitely not alone. Depression can feel debilitating and isolating, however, there are tools that can provide you with some relief. Becoming Aware of Your Thoughts Oftentimes, when struggling with depression, gaining insight into your thought patterns and how they contribute to your depression can be extremely helpful. Our thoughts are going to influence how we are feeling and how we perceive what we are going through. A big problem many people face is that our thoughts become automatic and habitual when we have been reinforcing them over time. When they become automatic, we experience these thoughts without even knowing we are experiencing them! Lack of awareness of our thoughts can make us feel hopeless in the way that we are feeling. Take a few moments to pay attention to the thoughts going through your head. Ask yourself, “Is this thought supporting me or contributing to my depression?” If the thought is not supporting you and possibly contributing to your depression, what is a replacement thought that is more empowering or encouraging? Set Small Goals Accomplishing small goals can uplift your mood and build your self-confidence. When struggling with depression, setting goals can often feel daunting. Many times, this is because we don’t set small and realistic goals. If your goal is to start working out again because you know this helps relieve your depression, set a goal to go for one walk this week or even to just put your gym clothes on one day this week. I know, it sounds silly - but it works! Once we accomplish one small goal, we build confidence in our ability to set goals AND accomplish them! 5-4-3-2-1 Technique This technique is one that was created by Mel Robbins. Any time you find yourself facing a decision or thinking about taking an action, count backward from five. As soon as you get to one, get up and instantly go do the action or make the decision. Our brain is a powerful tool, however, it can talk us out of taking an action or making a decision. It happens so fast, that we don’t even realize it’s happening. Counting backward from 5 and completing the task takes away the ability to talk yourself out of doing it! Gratitude List Creating a gratitude list can help us retrain our brain into seeing what good we have in our life or even what went well during our day. Creating a gratitude list can be identifying things or people in your life that you are grateful for or creating a list at the end of each day answering the question, “What went well today?” or “What did I accomplish today?” Recognizing what went well during your day can help create feelings of hopefulness and happiness. Find a Therapist Who Specializes in Depression If you apply these tools and are still finding difficulty managing your depression, it may be helpful to find a therapist who specializes in depression in your area. Having a therapist who specializes in depression can help you navigate this challenging time and assist you in finding relief from your depression. If you are in the south Florida area, we invite you to reach out for a complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. We would be happy to speak with you and discuss how therapy can help you overcome depression and move forward in a positive direction. We also can help with psychiatric medication management if that’s a direction you decide to take. Our offices are in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and Coral Springs, Florida. We also provide online counseling through a secure telehealth platform for those in the state of Florida. We look forward to speaking with you! This article was written by Heather Deecken, LMHC who specializes in helping adults overcome depression, anxiety, stress, addiction, and trauma through counseling and EMDR. She also works with First Responders and their partners.

Have you ever heard the saying, “I’m just going to sleep on it” when someone has a big decision to make? This is because when we fall into REM sleep, our brain actually processes through our day, our thoughts, and our emotions. We wake up with more clarity on our decision because our brain actually processed through it! The same can be said for those experiencing bad dreams or nightmares related to trauma. When trauma is not processed correctly, our brain can try to reprocess through these experiences while we are sleeping. Unfortunately, as a result, we wake up feeling triggered and with heightened body sensations. If you experience nightmares and bad dreams, keep reading as I’m going to offer some solutions to improve your sleep and nightmares. Limit Exposures Before Bed How many of us find ourselves scrolling mindlessly through our social media accounts before we fall asleep? You also may find yourself watching the news or watching a television show prior to bed. It is helpful to take a look at what information you are inputting into your brain right before bed. Television shows or a post on social media may trigger past experiences, certain emotional responses, or certain thought patterns that can be related to past experiences. If we try to fall asleep immediately after, our brain may try to process those triggers and emotions, resulting in nightmares. Try putting your phone away and turning your television off for at least an hour before you plan on going to sleep. Create a Bedtime Routine Since now you will have that extra hour before you go to sleep, it’s helpful to develop a nighttime routine that helps calm your nervous system and your mind. This can vary from having a warm cup of tea, meditating, listening to calming music, or reading a book. Whatever your routine is, build consistency with it. For our brain, consistency equals safety. When we are feeling unsafe, our trauma response from nightmares can easily be triggered. Try “Brain Dumping” If you find your mind wanders while trying to fall asleep, try brain dumping. Take pen to paper and write down every single thought that is occupying your brain. Tell yourself that once it is on paper, it is being removed from your mind. If it is still important tomorrow, you can deal with it then. This will be helpful to lessen and remove your racing thoughts. Create Safety Nightmares can be triggered when we go to bed feeling unsafe. This could be because you live alone or trauma is associated with nighttime. Practice self-compassion and put measures in place that make you feel safe! This can be an alarm system in your house, installing cameras, or putting an extra lock on your door. Find a Therapist Find a therapist who specializes in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or specifically nightmares. They can help you identify specific patterns in your nightmares and can guide you in reprocessing past memories that are attached to these patterns. If you are experiencing nightmares or any other PTSD symptoms, therapy with a trauma expert and/or EMDR therapist can help! I encourage you to contact me for a complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. You can take the first step in helping resolve these challenging nightmares! I provide counseling and EMDR therapy at our beautiful, serene office in Fort Lauderdale and via online therapy through a secure telehealth platform. For more information about my approach, click here to read my bio.

Do you struggle with repetitive thoughts resulting in anxiety and depression? Maybe you have been going to traditional talk therapy, but still, feel like you have little to no control over your thoughts. Struggling with anxiety and depression can be exhausting and debilitating. On one hand, we know a thought is irrational. However, on the other hand, our body believes this thought to be so true! We sometimes wonder, “Can I even get better?”. Traditional talk therapy can be extremely helpful in gaining insight into your irrational and repetitive thought patterns. However, it can take time, effort, and patience to begin re-framing these irrational thought patterns into rational ones. Think about how many years you have reinforced these irrational thoughts. It is going to take time to form a new habit of thinking. If you feel you have been trying to improve your anxiety and depression, but just feel stuck in perpetual negative thought patterns and behaviors, EMDR therapy may be the next best option for you. Thought Patterns and Belief Systems Each and every one of us experiences specific thought patterns and belief systems. All of our emotions are created based on what thoughts go through our heads. When we think certain thoughts, we are going to feel certain feelings. Oftentimes, these repetitive thoughts have gone unnoticed because they have been here for years! They are so habitual that no conscious effort goes into thinking them. Underneath these thought patterns, are our belief systems. These belief systems are about ourselves, other people, our function in the world, and how we should behave and act. Belief systems are formed by either someone directly telling us or by us indirectly forming them through observations of others' behaviors, such as our parents or teachers. These belief systems can be both helpful and unhelpful and we continue to form them throughout our whole life. Belief systems then give us a certain “lens” that we look out of and interpret our lives through. Since our brain is all about comfort, it will seek out evidence that affirms our belief systems to be true. Since these belief systems are reinforced and supported by biased evidence, it can be challenging to start changing them. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy EMDR Therapy was originally created for those who have experienced trauma. When we go through a traumatic experience, the memory can often be stored incorrectly in the brain. This results in your brain not knowing that the trauma is over and continue to respond as if you are still in danger. This explains both the physical and mental reactions when we experience triggers. Certain belief systems that were formed subconsciously at the time of the trauma are then triggered. These belief systems can vary from, “I’m not safe” to “I’m not good enough.” Anxiety and depression can both be exacerbated by triggers, as well. These can vary from something in your environment all the way to a specific body sensation. These thought patterns and belief systems can be self-defeating and irrational and can ultimately lead to increased depression and anxiety. EMDR Therapy for Anxiety When we experience anxiety, it is helpful to take a step back and recognize what thought patterns we are experiencing. Oftentimes, we catch ourselves catastrophizing or thinking the worst outcome. Underneath these thought patterns, we have a specific belief system that is driving our anxiety. A few examples could be, “I’m awkward” when experiencing social anxiety or “I need to be perfect” when anxious about one’s performance. These belief systems did not form overnight and we can usually feel it so strongly in our guts. Utilizing EMDR therapy, we are able to process through specific memories that are attached to these belief systems in order to change how we interpret that memory and ultimately ourselves. Through reprocessing, we will be able to shift our belief systems from, “I need to be perfect” to “I am doing the best I can” or “I’m allowed to make mistakes”. EMDR Therapy for Depression Similar to anxiety, we experience certain thought patterns and belief systems that can exacerbate our depression. These belief systems can be regarding how we view ourselves or even how we view our healing process. A few examples of common thought patterns associated with depression are, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m a failure”, or “Things will never get better”. Through EMDR therapy, we can shift these belief systems to more helpful and encouraging ones, resulting in a decrease in depression. If you or a loved one are struggling with anxiety and depression and resonated with any part of this article, EMDR therapy may be for you. If you are in South Florida and would like a free 15-minute consultation call, please call me at 954-391-5305. I offer traditional talk therapy and EMDR counseling in Fort Lauderdale and across the state of Florida via a secure telehealth platform. For more information about my approach and services, visit my bio here. I look forward to helping you break through negative thought patterns to experience greater happiness and fulfillment in life and your relationships.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR Therapy) is a therapeutic technique that was originally developed to help reduce PTSD symptoms. The purpose of EMDR therapy is to reprocess past traumatic experiences, in order to change how both our body and brain respond now, in response to triggers. This is done by changing the belief system we hold onto due to past experiences. For example, a belief system can be reprocessed from, “I’m not safe” to “I am safe and can take measures to protect myself if needed.” However, through my practice of EMDR therapy, I have found this approach to be helpful for a variety of concerns that my clients have. EMDR for Social Anxiety: Social anxiety is a common response when individuals are put in a situation where they are either around a lot of people or are needing to have a conversation with someone. Oftentimes, social anxiety is tied to a specific memory where the anxiety began to develop. This memory can vary from a time they had to present in front of the class and were made fun of to a memory of them feeling dismissed by a family member when talking about their feelings. Through EMDR therapy, we can identify the belief system fueling your social anxiety and work on reprocessing memories that are attached to that belief system. EMDR for Low Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem is another concern that EMDR therapy can address. We focus on identifying the belief systems that often exacerbate low self-esteem such as, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unlovable.” We spend time mapping out memories where we felt “not good enough” or “unlovable”. For example, there may be a memory of you bringing a school project to your mother and her ignoring you. Memories such as that one can plant the idea of, “I’m not good enough.” However, through reprocessing, we are able to think back to that memory and attach the belief of, “My mother was constantly busy with work, it had nothing to do with me being good enough.” EMDR for Chronic Pain: Long-term chronic pain can begin to have lasting effects on the nervous system. As a result, the pain persists. In EMDR therapy, we explore what kind of belief systems are attached to the pain by asking, “If the pain were speaking to you, what would it be saying?” We then answer the question, “What would you like to be able to say about yourself when you think of the pain?” Through reprocessing, we change how the chronic pain is stored in your nervous system, in order to decrease the pain. EMDR for Drug and Alcohol Addiction Cravings: When someone in recovery is experiencing high cravings for a substance, EMDR therapy can be used to reduce the intensity of the cravings. EMDR for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: EMDR therapy has been found helpful for those experiencing OCD symptoms. At times, OCD symptoms can be a result of a traumatic experience. If so, we reprocess the specific memories attached to the OCD tendencies. If it is not necessarily attached to a traumatic experience, we can still use reprocessing and desensitization as a way to reduce the symptoms. There are a variety of ways EMDR therapy can be helpful for you. If you resonate with any of these concerns or are wondering if EMDR therapy can be a good fit for you, please contact me (Heather Deecken, LCSW) for your complimentary consultation. I provide counseling and EMDR in Fort Lauderdale and online in the state of Florida. I look forward to speaking with you and answering any questions you might have about how EMDR may be beneficial for you. Take the first step today and call me for a 15-minute complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. If you want to learn more about how to overcome traumatic experiences and PTSD symptoms click here.

What is Ruminating? When we find ourselves ruminating, our mind is preoccupied with repeating thoughts. Whether it is ruminating about the past or the future, it can feel overwhelming and exhausting. When we don’t address our rumination, it can begin to affect our daily functioning and living. Below are 5 tips on how to stop ruminating: Change “What if” to “What is” When it comes to ruminating thoughts, they tend to be either overthinking past experiences and how certain events played out or become preoccupied with what “might” happen in the future. Either way, our thoughts are far from the present. When we find ourselves consumed with “what if…” thoughts, a helpful technique is to reframe it to what is currently happening. For example, rather than thinking, “What if I fail this test?”, we can reframe that thought to, “Currently, I am taking the necessary time and effort to study and feel confident going into the test.” It is a simple technique, however, can make a huge difference in becoming less consumed by our ruminating thoughts. The 5-Senses Technique The 5-senses technique is quick, yet effective in becoming more present at the moment. When you feel consumed by your thoughts, take a moment to go through your 5 senses and identify one thing you can see, hear, smell, feel, and taste. Identify Your Next Step and Take Action Oftentimes when we feel overwhelmed with our ruminating thoughts, it is a result of not having clarity on what our next step is. We become so preoccupied with the big goal or the many steps that we lose sight of what we can control in the present moment. When feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself what is the first next step you can take. When following this method, you’d be surprised how much you accomplish! Practice Mindfulness The act of mindfulness is to partake in any activity that helps ground you to the present moment. Of course, being humans, our minds are going to wander. We can actually expect that! However, being mindful is the practice of becoming aware of when our mind wanders and redirecting it back to the present moment. Activities that create mindfulness can vary from person to person. Some examples could be playing your favorite instrument or sport, meditation, going for a walk, or journaling. Seek Therapy If you try these techniques but still find it difficult in managing these ruminating thoughts, reach out for help! Having support and guidance in navigating these thoughts can make a world of a difference. Call me (Heather Deecken, LCSW) today at (954) 391-5305 for a free consultation to explore if therapy may be a good fit for you. I would be happy to help you overcome anxiety, worry, or ruminating thoughts so you can live a happier, more peaceful life. For more tips to help manage your ruminating click here.

Do you ever find yourself repeating the same behaviors over and over again and just feeling stuck? Whether it is finding yourself in toxic relationships or engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors, such as substance abuse, you just can’t seem to understand what continues to lead you back. If you are finding yourself in this vicious cycle of trying to change these behaviors but are having trouble maintaining those changes, you may have underlying “secondary gains.” What is a Secondary Gain? Secondary gains are the underlying benefits that we receive from remaining in self-sabotaging behaviors. Oftentimes, we may not even be aware of these benefits. Rationally, we tell ourselves, “How could this benefit me? It only brings me consequences.” However, these behaviors serve a purpose and can be meeting a need for you. If you desire a change; however, feeling stuck in making and maintaining the change, it may be helpful to explore your secondary gains. How Do I Begin Identifying and Working Through My Secondary Gains? To begin exploring secondary gains, you first have to recognize the repeated unhealthy behavior or pattern. Once you identify that pattern, ask yourself, “What needs are being met in this pattern of behavior?” As humans, we have certain needs: shelter, food, support, love, and validation. Once we recognize that these are basic human needs, we can eliminate the shame that is often associated with repeated unhealthy patterns. Getting these specific needs met are necessary as humans; however, how we go about doing so, can be healthy or unhealthy. Once you identify the specific need, start exploring how you can satisfy that need in a more healthy manner. For example, if you find yourself repeatedly in codependent relationships, you may be seeking the validation that comes with feeling needed in a relationship.  The benefit of feeling needed in these relationships can also bring about consequences such as increased conflict with your partner or even loss of friendships. Once you recognize that validation is what you are receiving, you can explore healthier ways to receive validation. The same can apply for those struggling with ongoing substance abuse. Exploring your secondary gain can reveal that you have been abusing substances to mask the effects of childhood trauma. Once you have that awareness, you can explore healthier ways to process these past childhood traumas by going to counseling and/or participating in EMDR therapy Identifying secondary gains is a process, especially when trying to do it alone. If you continue to find yourself repeating the same patterns but wanting to change, it may be helpful to reach out to a therapist for guidance and support. For a free 15-minute consultation call, please call Heather Deecken, LCSW at 954-391-5305. #anxiety #trauma #EMDR

Most people have experienced anxiety at some point in their life. However, the level of anxiety can vary from person to person. Sometimes we can feel anxious about upcoming challenges and events such as going on a date or planning for a big move. For other people, anxiety can be an overwhelming feeling for the majority of their day. Although many people use the two words interchangeably, knowing the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack is important for knowing how to manage the symptoms. While panic attacks are often sudden and intense, anxiety attacks are gradual and tend to build over time. Below are common symptoms of an anxiety attack to give you a better awareness of when you may be experiencing one. Difficulty Concentrating Have you ever tried to complete a task but instead find yourself getting distracted or not being able to focus on the task at hand? Maybe you find yourself having to read a single page over and over again in your new book because you can’t remember what you had just read. Whether it’s at work, with the kids, or at school, difficulty concentrating can pose a challenge on most of our day-to-day experiences. Irritability Anxiety attacks can also manifest as irritability. We can feel short-tempered and easily annoyed at things that we wouldn’t have thought twice about before. This can also be described as having a constant pit in your stomach and possibly feeling “on edge” in social settings. Restlessness Restlessness is a common symptom of an anxiety attack. This can feel like a constant need to be doing something. We have a difficult time sitting still because our mind is too preoccupied with what needs to be done. Feeling restless can take a toll on not only our mental mind but also our physical body. When we are constantly “on the go”, we are unable to take the time to relax and rest our minds and body. Disturbed Sleep Similar to the prior symptom of feeling restless, disturbed or interrupted sleep can also be experienced. This is often a result of our endless stream of thoughts flowing through our minds and difficulty calming or controlling them. For extreme cases, this can eventually turn into insomnia. Fatigue Our bodies living in a constant state of anxiety and worry can be draining, exhausting, and even depressing. Fatigue is a word used for lack of energy or tiredness. When we find ourselves in a state of fatigue, we feel we are never rested no matter how many hours of sleep we get. You Don’t Have To Go Through This Alone While panic attacks may come on suddenly, anxiety attacks usually build gradually due to prolonged feelings of anxiety and not dealing with it properly or effectively. Whether it’s developing a self-care routine or various mindfulness skills, there are ways to prevent an anxiety attack from occurring. If you experience any of these symptoms, you don’t have to manage them alone! Reach out today at 954.391.5305 to schedule your complimentary consultation. For more information about my approach, read my bio.

Hi! My name is Heather Deecken and I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker located within the beautiful offices of Bayview Therapy. Today, I am going to be going over what EMDR therapy is and how it can be effective for those struggling with trauma and PTSD. Before we get into EMDR therapy, I think it is important to discuss what trauma is. Trauma is any event or experience in your life that has had a continued or long-standing impact. These experiences can range from physical, emotional, sexual abuse, serving in the war, history of being bullied, or unresolved grief. These are just a few of many experiences that can be traumatic for a person. Going through these experiences can pose many challenges for you including nightmares, flashbacks, or feeling like you are reliving the trauma. You may be feeling numb or disconnected from others and even yourself. Disconnected from your emotions, body, or even the reality of what is in front of you. When it comes to our brain, it can be physically and chemically altered after going through a traumatic experience.  Since our brain directs how we feel, how we think, and how we behave these impacts can be very overwhelming for a person. I want you to think of our brain as a filing cabinet. When we go through normal day to day experiences, our brain is able to take that information and store it away appropriately, or in the right folder. The reason behind this is so that when we need to access that information at a later time, it is easily accessible. When we go through something traumatic, our brain goes into fight or flight mode and gets stored with all the heightened emotions, thoughts, and body sensations. In terms of the analogy, the information gets stored and stuck in the wrong folder. Since the information is not properly stored, we can very easily get triggered, resulting in our body and brain remaining in an overwhelmed position and constantly in fight or flight. In overcoming these symptoms and challenges, EMDR therapy has been found to be effective for those struggling with trauma and PTSD. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This is a treatment technique that facilitates the reprocessing of traumatic memory. While this treatment technique was initially developed for those struggling with PTSD or trauma, it can also benefit those who struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, addiction, and much more. Unlike other approaches, EMDR therapy focuses on one specific memory at a time. This allows us to desensitize, or decrease the disturbance level of memory, and then reprocess the memory. Reprocessing allows us to adopt healthier and more rational beliefs about memory. It allows us to alter the way the memory is stored in the brain and, as a result, can allow us to put the information in the right folder in the filing cabinet. EMDR therapy is facilitated one to two times a week and can range in terms of how many sessions are needed. This will all depend on the trauma history of an individual. There are various phases of EMDR including preparation work, so providing you with different tools and resources you can use to manage any emotions that come up for you during this process. We then move through the assessment phase where we will develop a treatment plan based on your personal needs and trauma history. From there, we begin the desensitization and reprocessing phase. Following an EMDR session, the events are still remembered. However, the painful thoughts, emotions, and body sensations that were associated with that memory are no longer re-lived.  Through this process, you will be able to shift your negative beliefs about the trauma into more positive or rational thoughts. For example, if your initial negative thought was, “This is my fault”, we are able to shift this belief into a more rational one, such as “I didn’t deserve this” . These shifts in belief have been found effective in decreasing PTSD symptoms for an individual. If you are in south Florida and have experienced any of these symptoms, please reach out to me at 954-391-5305 and we can discuss if EMDR therapy is the right fit for you. Most importantly, please remember you are not alone. Things can and will get better for you.