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  • Writer's pictureJackie Schwartz, LMFT

How to Earn Your Partner’s Trust After An Affair

How to Earn Your Partner’s Trust After An Affair

Working with couples over the years has taught me that trust is of paramount importance in maintaining healthy relationships. Trust can take years to build and moments to destroy. Trust can be fragile and can be violated through various behaviors. However, some of the most impactful damage to trust is INFIDELITY. When an affair is discovered, a relationship can be decimated.

Now it’s time to get to work and rebuild; this can take time and patience. Both partners need to show up ready and willing to approach the situation in ways that are productive. The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy that focuses on building trust and strengthening communication in relationships. Using the Gottman method, I take my couples therapy clients through stages of healing: Atone, Attune and Attach.

Below is a summary of what goes into those stages of healing, to help earn a partner's trust after having an affair:

1. Acknowledge your partner's feelings - It is important to acknowledge your partner's feelings and emotions surrounding the affair. This means listening actively and empathetically to their side of the story, without being defensive or dismissive.

2. Take responsibility for your actions - In the Gottman Method, taking responsibility for your actions means acknowledging how your behavior has affected your partner and expressing genuine remorse for the pain you have caused.

3. Be transparent - Transparency is key to rebuilding trust. This means being honest and open about your actions, intentions, and feelings. It also means being willing to answer your partner's questions and discuss any concerns they may have.

4. Rebuild emotional connection - Emotional connection is the foundation of any healthy relationship. In the Gottman Method, rebuilding emotional connection means making time for regular check-ins, expressing appreciation for your partner, and finding ways to show love and affection.

5. Practice active listening - Active listening is a crucial component of effective communication. In the Gottman Method, active listening means focusing on your partner's words and emotions, without interrupting or getting defensive. It also means reflecting back what your partner has said to ensure you understand their perspective.

6. Make a plan for the future - Finally, in the Gottman Method, it is important to create a plan for moving forward. This means setting goals and creating a plan of action to rebuild trust, strengthen communication, and create a happier, healthier relationship.

Couples counseling can help you rebuild your relationship after an affair.

In conclusion, earning your partner's trust after having an affair requires a commitment to open and honest communication, emotional connection, and rebuilding trust. By using the Gottman Method to acknowledge your partner's feelings, take responsibility for your actions, be transparent, rebuild emotional connection, practice active listening, and make a plan for the future, you can work towards rebuilding trust and strengthening your relationship.

If you’re struggling with trust issues, infidelity, communication, or intimacy in your relationship, contact us for your complimentary consultation at 954-391-5305. We offer counseling for couples and affair recovery counseling at our Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs, and Plantation offices.

Jackie Schwartz, LMFT provides counseling for adults and couples at our and Coral Springs offices and through online counseling via our secure telehealth platform.

For more information about her therapy services, click here.

We look forward to speaking with you to discuss how we can help you and your relationship.


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